Chapter 26

{AN- I'm planning on about 6 or 7 more chapters then Confusion will be finished:( #mixedfeelingsanyone? I want to start writing a new fanfic very very soon. xx,erin}

MACEY'S POV

Niall is begging me to go home. He's screaming at me, like I haven't ever seen before. He was yelling and tearing the room apart. "Come home, baby! please I need you!"

He doesn't understand. My father will find me. I'm safe here.

"Niall...I want to.. but my dad..." I feel myself on the verge of tears.

"I'll protect you...just like i always will," he holds my shoulders.

"What if we run away? We could. I have my credit card. I have a car, I can get a new phone, we can just... run away." I blob my under eyes in attempt to stop myself from full-on crying.

The look in Niall's eyes tell me that it's a possibility, that he's considering it. I see his mouth open like he's trying to speak, but he only breathes and closes his mouth. He's doubting.

"Niall, we could. we could run away and never look back. Start over." I say starting to smile and feel my eyes widen. "We can be new people. Together."

Niall smiles and chuckles softly.

"What's so funny?" I ask furrowing my eyebrows.

"Nothing's funny, love. You're just so beautiful and amazing... you fascinate me, and I just love you more everyday. You're so imaginative and inspiring."

"How did I catch such a lovely fish in the vast sea?" I smile the smile that comes on my face when niall does anything.

"I love your smile. Especially when I'm the reason you're smiling. You know, I can always tell what your smiling and crying about. You're personality is so easy to read... it's adorable." he says.

If anyone else had told me I had an easy to read personality, I would be pissed beyond measures. But, something about him makes it okay. I look at niall, and I can tell something's wrong. I pull him close and say,"Tell me."

He breathes a little and I can see the tears welling in his eyes. I'm terrified of what I'm about to hear. What ifs run through my brain and I can't help but assume the worst. It's kind of my specialty.

"I-I um," he stutters,"God who knew this would be so hard to say..."

"You can tell me anything." at this point my mind is doing summer salts. The same with my stomach.

"I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to blurt it out," he says.

"Okay?" im about to find out. God am I scared.

"ivotpanacer" is what I hear.

"Slower. say it slower. calm. and say it slower."

"I'm dying, Macey. I'm dying. I have pancreas cancer. That's why I've peed about 30,000 times while being here. that's why I need you with me. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here, but I do know that I'm going to love you for the rest of my life." He, to my surprise, doesn't shed a tear at all. He looks like he has just been punched in the gut with extreme force. He looks like his dignity has been stolen from him. He looks so much unlike him. He looks... empty. Yeah, that's the word. empty. empty and hurt.

"Let's get some shut eye." I say. "you're going to live your life just as before. Because the only thing that's different is some dumb disease that you're obviously going to overcome. I still love you. You're still so freaking hot. and I still love your cuddles. So come on and cuddle me."

Niall looks a little madder now. "Macey. Look at me."

My eyes meet his.

"You can't lie to yourself anymore. Admit that I'm dying. stop running from that fact. Say it."

it's torture. I don't want to say it. I don't want to not a bit.

"Macey, you're so used to pushing things away. Admit it. Say that I am dying." he says.

"You don't know that you're dying..." I feel my eyes watering. I force myself to believe everything in life.

"Cancer is a bitch. Believe me, I know I'm dying baby." he sort of laughs.

"How the hell are you laughing?!" I cry out,"I love you! I love you more than anything in this whole goddamn screwed up world! You don't realize that YOU are the reason I learned that it was okay to love myself. You taught me that I was beautiful and it was okay to say that. You're my best friend Niall. You're the only damn person I have left besides zayn and God only knows what he's gonna do. I love zayn, but I can't live without you and to even think about you not sharing the same air as me or not looking at the same sky as me, it hurts more than you'll ever know. I can't say that you're dying, Niall. Because if you did die, I know I would as well."

"It's the inevitable truth; like the sun rising and setting. I'm dying, and I know that hurts... I'm sorry Macey. I love you. I hate that I'm leaving you here alone. I hate it, okay? I loathe my freaking body for developing this. I despise everything in the world except for you. You just don't get it." He screams extremely loud.

"I don't get it? I can't lose you Niall. not all of you. you're the only one I have left." I look up at him with wet eyes.

"What do you mean?" he hugs me.

"Mum died. Eleanor is fake. Louis died. Dad's mind is gone. I can't talk to zayn because he's in love with me. You're the only one I have left. The only one..."