Chapter 15

{AN: YOU FREAKING GUYS 400 READS OMG IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!keep reading please omg:)) xx-erin}..HARRY'S POV.I haven't slept very much since Louis' death. I'm still attempting to accredit he's veritably gone. I knew he was sad... but I never did anything about it. He told me of his depression, and I knocked it out of the way. I thought it was no big deal. Wrong again, Mr. Styles, wrong again. I never would have thought up he'd kill himself. ."Babe, you thinking still?" Abby hugs my waist.."I just... I can't accept it. I keep feeling like it's my fault, Abs," my eyes haven't been dry in weeks.."You didn't do anything, Haz," she says.."Exactly. I did nothing. All the signs were screaming in my face 'Help! I'm dead inside! I'm utterly broken! I'm going to end it!' but I ignored it. I didn't do a thing. That's why it's my fault," I Turn my back to face the cabinets and slide to the tile. She sits beside me and strokes my hair.."You want to know why he did it?" "How would you know?" I ask.."I've walked through death, voluntarily," she affirmed.."Tell me why... please. I'm clueless," I beg.."He was upset about Macey. He loved her. It was a true love... I could tell from the very first day. Lou had always been a bit, wanting, so to say. He didn't know what to do when Macey wasn't in the city. He went to a party to get his mind off of her. El was there, along with so many other girls... they found Louis attractive, so they made their move. Lou didn't stop them because he was so wanting. Eleanor tweeted a picture of them at the party when she was drunk, and refused to delete it. Macey broke it off with him due to that. He was lost without her. She was him, in a sense. He lost himself that day. He didn't know who he was from that day to the day he died. He told himself he was worthless and stupid. He told himself Macey would never love him again. He told himself he should die. So he carried through with his emotion's orders." she spoke.."He was so wonderful..." I assert,"he wasn't someone who would be depressed."."The one's who are depressed are quite frequently the least likely people to be down in the dumps," she hugs me,"It's going to be okay. I'm here.".I cry into her shoulder. I can't imagine how silly the sight of us was... such a long broad man being comforted by such a meek girl. She was helping me, and I loved her, so I didn't honestly care.."Haz, I've been there. I've walked through the world he went through. Things happen baby... people can shove you to your breaking point. You couldn't have done one thing to change his decision. I know it isn't okay now, but it will be. I promise," she consoles..I eventually slow my tears and fall to sleep. I wonder if falling asleep is like dying. You know it's happening soon... then all at one time, you are oblivious to all around you..I'm walking to his grave. His name is scripted on his tombstone the exact way he signed the suicide note. I'm not even really sure who it is... yes, his name is there, and it looks familiar, but I can't tell who it is. The sky is dark grey with wind spraying my curls eastward. The scene itself seems partially suspicious, but I don't leave; I cant, really. I tried picking my feet off the ground, negative results. Suddenly, the crust of earth begins to crack. It's not shaking, just simply breaking away. it nears the grave and I... my feet are still glued to the ground.."I swear feet, if you don't move!" I scream..I realize then I haven't a place to go. Even if my feet could move, blackness is all around, stopping at the line of the grave and my feet..A hand crawls from the dirt. The being is still living. I'm stuck watching this ligament dig it's way out of the grave.."Harry! Harry! Are you alright?!" Abby awakes me.."What?" I ask.."You were screaming: Why him, Why Lou?! It should have been me! Louis come back! Let me take your place!" she holds my cheeks to face her.."Bad dream I guess." I brush off the matter.."Harry, I think you need some therapy. It might help you loads." she glues her eyes on mine..I don't talk. I can't talk. She holds me tight, she says it's all going to be okay, but this pain is never ending.."Abs... What's wrong with me?" I hummed painfully.."You're human."