Chapter 8 - Aftermath of Zane's Birthday

WARNING, THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THAT TYPE OF STUFF.

13th February 2002:

"Ugh my head" I woke to a trashed but desolate house. Beer cans and bottles were everywhere and there was a strong smell of weed. I had a massive hangover and arose from my couch. I was by myself, not even the boys were there, they had gone home. Slowly, I walked up the stairs, my throbbing head was annoying me, luckily no one had gotten into my bedroom thanks to locks so my room was tidy. I threw myself on my bed. "That was a horrible way to celebrate Zane's birthday, he would've hated it.."

My phone lit up and it was from Mike, "Great night, I had so much fun. Come over some time to help me and Chester come up with the rhythm and instrumental to your song you wrote - M" I stopped laying in despair and went downstairs to clean up all the beer bottles and cans. "Jeez, this is a mess.." I collected all the cans in about 10 minutes and the bottles in 5 minutes. The garbage bin was filled to the brim and my neighbour looked over in disgust, "You and your parties need to stop!" She shouted. "Shut up, we don't do it all the time!" I argued back at her angrily, she took no shit from anyone. "I swear, one more party from you and the cops will get involved, don't think I haven't warned you!" She went inside and slammed the door, moody old bitch. 

I stepped back into my house and opened the windows to let out the smell of weed and alcohol and tidied things up a bit. "Ahh, looks a bit better now" I felt very nauseous and ran to the bathroom that was upstairs. Then, I threw up in the toilet but I heard someone coughing, I got scared. I flushed the toilet and stood up. I saw a redheaded guy with a stubble hardly conscious in my fucking bathtub. "Uh, what are you doing in there?" I asked him, I didn't even know his name. He tried his best to stand up but fell out the tub. After about a minute he stood, he was quite tall, about 6"2. "You.. You are so sexy" The drunk and half conscious piss head walked towards me, "Nope, you have had too much to drink, time to take you out of here." I put my arm around him and escorted him out the bathroom, I was still feeling nauseous. The mix of Body Odour and Beer on him made me feel worse. "Ugh, fine" He complained and I helped him downstairs.

We got to the bottom and I opened my door to let him out. "Where do you live?" I asked, to say he was drunk, I could hear him fine and he gave me his address, I drove him to his house because I felt bad kicking him out in the street to make his own way home. I guess I was stable enough to drive. He actually lived only 5 streets away from mine so it was only a 2 minute drive. "Here you go" I opened his door and helped him out. "You got your keys?" I asked. "Yep" He slowly pulled them out his cargo trousers pocket. The guy managed to get inside, he thanked me which made me feel good. I loved helping people, even if they were drunk af.

When I got back I checked the house for any more unexpected piss heads, none left in sight. "Phew, everyone's gone" After throwing up earlier I felt a lot better, it was most likely due to the alcohol, I consumed a lot the night earlier. More than I would usually. I walked upstairs and got out my notebook and began writing more lyrics for the boys. "Hmm, I should write a song about how my dad was blind to my depression back when I was in my teen years" My dad was a raging alcoholic and I didn't want anything to do with him, once I turned 18 I moved out as quickly as I could. Part of me felt bad though, alcohol was his way of dealing with my mothers death when I was 9. Back then he wasn't as bad, it was a once a week sort of thing but now it's daily drinking, I was surprised he didn't die from alcohol poisoning. All the time I tried to warn him of his drinking habits and also my depression, I was close to committing suicide on many occasions. This is what I wrote:

"Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me. (Told you everything loud and clear) But nobody's listening, called to you so clearly but you don't want to hear me. (Told you everything loud and clear) But nobody's listening. I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress, head full of anger held in my chest, and everything left's a waste of time, I hate my rhymes, but hate everyone else's more."

I kept singing it over and over again to find the right melody to it, until I found the prefect one. I really wanted to go over to Mike's house to tell him but my hangover was still killing me. "Ugh maybe tomorrow.. Wait..." Something came into mind, tomorrow was Valentine's day, it was my first year that I'd be celebrating it. "Oh jeez I gotta get Mike something!" I messaged him in a flash asking what he liked, but not telling him it's for Valentine's Day as a surprise, "I don't mind, I already have a lot of stuff. Coming over tomorrow will be a present if you know what I mean ;) - M" I blushed hard. Well, going over to Mike's house for 'reasons' wouldn't be so bad, and I could show him some lyrics in the process.

I enjoyed the rest of the day peacefully and was very excited for valentine's day tomorrow. ;)