Chapter 42

Chapter 42:

-          Liam’s POV –

Day 56:

We were all sitting around the breakfast bar when Niall came downstairs to join us for dinner. He flinched for a second when he saw the empty seat next to me before walking cautiously over to it and sitting down beside me. He didn’t say hello.

My heart practically snapped in two.

Harry started serving dinner and I zoned out.

Niall doesn’t want to be around me anymore... that, or he’s given up trying... I’ve been a massive dick to him this week after all; it’s no wonder that he’s given up on me.

I felt my heart tighten almost as if someone was squeezing it inside my chest.

I really have been a selfish bastard... All I’ve been thinking about is myself; not even considering Niall’s feelings. He’s probably wondering why the hell his best friend is avoiding him... He probably thinks that it’s his fault...

I winced. I hated the idea of Niall thinking that I didn’t want to be around him. Although every time I saw him now made my heart ache, the idea of him thinking that I didn’t want him made me want to punch something.

I was stuck.

I couldn’t avoid him without hurting his feelings, and I couldn’t be around him without having my heart feel like it was being ripped out of my chest. I shot a quick sideways glance at Niall and noticed that he wasn’t smiling. My heart throbbed again.

He’s always smiling at dinner... no matter what’s going on...

I clenched a fist under the counter.

You really are selfish. He’s like this because of you. Fix it. Now!

I zoned back into the conversation; praying for an opportunity to get Niall to smile again:

“Umm... no?” Zayn answered; Louis laughed.

“Come on now Harry, you’re scaring the little guy!” Louis chimed in. I couldn’t help but laugh. Zayn hated being patronised.

“Sorry, sorry! I was just curious is all...” Harry defended then trailed off; turning to face Niall.

Maybe now’s my chance..?

“Wh-What..?” Niall choked out. He seemed kind of on edge. Harry laughed.

“Oh nothing... just thinking that you look particularly cute today.” Harry joked. “Don’t you agree... Liam?”

My eyes widened.

He had to emphasise my name, didn’t he?

I plastered a smile on my face and turned to face Niall; my eyes scanning him up and down. I was seriously trying to figure out why Harry had said that. Niall always looked adorable.

“He always looks cute.” I found myself saying aloud.

Shit, did I just say that?

I panicked and took a bite of pasta; trying to help my poker face. Niall stared back at me with a weird look on his face.

Crap.

“Oi, oi, you’re not planning on cheating on me, are you Harry?” Louis cut in; slightly pouting. Harry grinned back at Louis and reached a hand up to ruffle Louis’ hair:

“No one could ever replace you, Lou.” He murmured. Louis blushed.

“Awwww!” Niall, Zayn and I all cooed at once.

“Now stop worrying and eat my miracle food.” Harry added. Louis laughed.

I zoned out again, this time trying to figure out a way to get back at Harry. He was planning something, and I didn’t trust him not to screw Niall and I up even more. I was only brought back into the conversation by the sound of Zayn spitting out his drink. Niall and I both stifled a laugh and I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Niall was smiling again. I also couldn’t help but hear a little voice in the back of my head telling me that that was my doing. The next thing I knew Louis and Harry were making out over by the sink and I had to cough to try and get them to stop. They didn’t though. Harry just picked Louis up and carried him upstairs towards his bedroom. I clenched a fist again under the table.

Why couldn’t I do that with Niall? I’d pay thousands to be able to sweep him off his feet like that.

Eventually Zayn stood up and headed for the door:

“...I’m going out for a drink. You guys wanna join me?” He called out from the hallway.

Now’s my chance.

“Nah, we’re gonna stay in.” I called out.

“Suit yourselves!” Zayn called out before opening and shutting the door behind him. Niall didn’t say anything for a while and I started to get nervous. I couldn’t patch things up with him if he didn’t want to be around me.

“Since when do you get to say what I want?” Niall pouted. The fact that he was talking to me had me smiling like an idiot.

He hasn’t given up on me...

“You don’t want to stay with me then..?” I mused; getting up and taking my bowl over to the sink. I was trying to act like normal. I think it was working..?

“...I never said that.” Niall murmured. I smiled back at him and walked into the living room. I sat down on the couch in front of the TV; spreading my legs out across both seats and propping myself up against the armrest.

Here goes nothing.

I looked up at Niall and patted the space in front of me; gesturing for him to join me. Niall stared back at me with that same weird look from before then bit his lip. After a moment he got up and walked over to me and took a seat in front of my lap. I grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels; trying to find something that couldn’t possibly make this situation awkward. I ended up stopping it on Aladdin. Niall looked at me sceptically:

“Aladdin? Really?” He mused sarcastically. I laughed, more out of nerves than anything else.

Now.

“Shut up and come over here.” I said. I held my breath and reached forward and wrapped an arm around Niall; pulling him back so that he was lying against me. I grabbed his legs and pulled them up onto the couch as well then wrapped my arm back around his waist. I hugged him tight as I tangled my legs with his. I leant back and tried to breathe again but ended up holding my breath once more and praying that Niall wouldn’t push me away.

“Wha-Wh-Why are you hugging me..?” He choked out. I adjusted myself under his weight so that he wasn’t rubbing against anything specific. You know what I mean.

“I thought you said that I didn’t need a reason to hug you..?” I murmured.

“Y-You don’t...” He said softly. “It’s jus--“ I couldn’t wait another second.

“I’m sorry for being a dick to you this week.” I cut in. “It wasn’t intentional that I was avoiding you, it just kind of happened...”

Niall said nothing.

“I know that it’s not an excuse, but I had some stuff that I had to work through on my own... I hope that you can forgive me.” I murmured. I started playing with his hair in an attempt to distract myself from the nerves. Niall leant his head back against my chest and smiled as he closed his eyes. My heart started to race and I couldn’t help but hear that same little voice in the back of my head telling me that his was doing the same.

“It’s alright...” He murmured; taking my hand in his. He started playing with my fingers and I broke. He was too precious. I leant forward and pressed my lips to the top of his head; only realising what I was doing when it was too late. I had to say something. Anything.

“Are we okay then..?” I murmured into his hair. Niall squeezed my hand like he’d done that night at the club and my heart almost gave out.

“We’re always okay.” He answered softly. We’d lain there together like that for ages before I realised that he’d fallen asleep. I smiled to myself and sat up; pulling my shirt off and throwing it at my feet. Niall’s warm body had made me extremely hot. He moaned in his sleep and a smile crept across his face. I laid back down and pulled him on top of me and hugged him tight.

I never wanted to let go.

-          Niall’s POV -

 

Day 58/59:

I can’t sleep.

...how can I..?

My time had almost ran out. I still didn’t know what it was that Liam was planning on telling me, but I knew that it was big. I knew that it was something so big that it’d probably change our entire relationship.

...whatever our relationship is... I don’t even know anymore...

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to end.

I stared back at my phone screen, the bright light making me squint. It was now one thirty two am and I was wide awake. I’d thought that if I went on my phone it’d make me sleepy but it wasn’t working. If anything, it had only made me more awake. I’d started going through the texts Liam and I had sent each other and I couldn’t stop smiling at them. They weren’t even anything special either, just things like ‘what’s for dinner?’, ‘where are you?’, and ‘what time will you be home?’. I found myself laughing when I realised that we sounded like a married couple. I heard a sound come from down the hallway and had a sudden urge to text Liam. I opened up a new message.

-          Liam’s POV –

Day 58/59:

I have to tell him. I can’t stand it any longer. It’s literally tearing me up inside.

I glanced at the clock to see that it was one thirty four am.

Shit, I really need to get to sleep, I can’t tell hi-

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone suddenly vibrating on my bedside table. I frowned as I reached for it.

Who the hell could be texting me at this hour..?

I flipped it open to see a message from Niall. I practically jumped for joy.

            From: Niall            ‘Hey, I cant sleep... you awake?’

I was already smiling like an idiot.

           To: Niall           ‘Yeah, I cant sleep either... whats up?’

           From: Niall           ‘Well, the fact that I have no door is kind of annoying’

I actually giggled.

           To: Niall           ‘My bad'

           From: Niall           ‘Yes. Your bad.’

           To: Niall           ‘My shoulder still hurts actually’

           From: Niall           'You want me to kiss it better?’

I bit my lip and sent the next text without thinking.

           To: Niall           ‘Kind of...’

Shit, why did I say that? A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would have been normal. Way to make it awkward Lia-

Suddenly my door was creeping open, and when I looked up to see why, Niall was standing there in the darkness.

My heart started to beat harder. Something felt... different.

Why is he-

“Hey...” He murmured.

“H-Hey...” I managed to get out. He took a step forward.

“...can I sleep with you tonight..?” He asked softly. He took another step forward and I bit my lip again. Without saying anything I slid over and pulled back the covers to invite him closer.

“C’mere.” I murmured. Niall bit his lip too and stumbled over and slid in next to me; laying his head down on the same pillow I was using. He didn’t really say anything else. He just laid there for a while; staring softly back at me. I stared back. My heart was beating faster with every second. That same little voice in the back of my head was telling me once again that his heart was beating just as hard as mine. Eventually Niall broke the silence.

“Ahh... I forgot...” Niall mumbled; lifting his head up. I lifted mine as well.

“Forgot what..?” I asked.

Niall just smirked back at me then reached out and shoved me onto my back. He trailed his finger along my shoulder and I had to focus a stupid amount of my attention on not groaning. Then suddenly Niall was sliding closer and leaning against me, then leaning over me even further and pressing his lips softly to my shoulder. I felt him smile as he left his lips lingering on my skin, then he pulled back slightly and looked me dead in the eye.

“Better..?” He murmured.

Yes. Oh god yes.

“Wrong shoulder.” I murmured back.

It wasn’t.

He smiled my favourite smile back at me and dragged his fingers across my chest towards my other shoulder then leant in and kissed that one too. Once he was done he moved higher up to whisper in my ear instead:

“How about now..?” He murmured. I bit my lip and nodded.

I was on the edge.

Niall smiled even wider than he had been before and reached behind him and turned the light out. I couldn’t breathe. I felt the bed shift as he sat up, then a brief weight on my waist before he was flopping down on the other side of me instead. Then there were weird rustling sounds as he crawled under the covers next to me and pulled them over the both of us. The room fell silent for a bit.

“...Liam?” He mumbled.

“...mmm?” I answered.

More silence.

“...can we cuddle?”

Are you fucking kidding m-

I hesitantly slid closer and rolled over; draping an arm over Niall’s stomach and burying my face into the crook of his neck. I kind of tensed up when I realised he’d taken his shirt off. Niall chuckled.

“That’s leaning, not cuddling.” He mused.

Are you trying to seduce me here or?

I slid my other arm under him and around his waist to meet my other, then tightened my grip and forced him to roll into me. Straight away he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and nuzzled his head against mine.

I’m pretty sure you could now hear my heart pounding away from the next room over.

Now. Tell him now.

No! I can’t ruin thi-

It suddenly dawned on me that this could be it for us.

And by ‘it’ I mean the last moment that I’d be able to hold him in my arms like this, because if he rejected me tomorrow then everything was over.

I wouldn’t be able to sleep with him like this anymore, we wouldn’t be able to hang out like we do now, I wouldn’t be able to hear his laugh for probably weeks, we wouldn’t be able to text each other like we do now, I wouldn’t be able to get caught looking at him out of the corner of my eye without a huge awkwardness building between us, but most of all; I would have to live with the fact that he didn’t love me back.

And that was what terrified me the most.

Knowing that this may be the last time that I could touch him like this, I decided to make the most of it. I squeezed him tight and buried my face further into his neck and breathed him in.

I held onto him for dear life.

-          Niall’s POV –

Day 58/59:

Liam was holding me so tightly. I mean he’d been really nervous and hesitant like five seconds ago but now...

So cute...

I could feel his heart thrumming away inside his chest against mine. I stopped breathing.

Maybe he does love me..?

I wove my fingers into his hair and hugged him close as I smiled to myself. I never wanted to leave his arms again. I could feel his warm breath on my neck as he slowly breathed in and out. A shiver ran right through me.

Say it. Say it now.

“Liam..?” I murmured into his hair.

“Mmm?” He murmured.

“I...” I mouthed. Say it!

“I’m in...” I choked. Now!

“I mean...” I mumbled. The words weren’t coming out.

Just fucking say it!

I took a deep breath.

“I love you.” I said, before quickly burying my face into his shoulder. I just laid there; waiting.

It felt like a huge weight had just been lifted from my shoulders. I held my breath. Moments passed.

The room was silent.

...huh?

I slowly pulled my head out of his shoulder and tried to look down at him; my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. That didn’t help though, his face was nuzzled right into my skin. I couldn’t see it. Then I noticed that his heart beat had steadied.

You idiot.

I sighed and nuzzled back into his shoulder; closing my eyes and smiling to myself. Liam smelt good.

...I’ll tell him tomorrow when he’s awake...