Chapter 18 | Another Chapter We'll Wish Kuroo Was Real

——————————CHAPTER 18Another Chapter We'll Wish Kuroo Was Real——————————

Even when you had trouble sleeping that night, you were still able to wake up early since Kiyoko woke you up. It was awkward at first, coming back to the managers' designated classroom last night and seeing her after the confrontation. You weren't sure how to approach her then, or if things between you two were really okay now, but she smiled at you as soon as you entered, and you apologized to her again. She also introduced you to her junior, Hitoka Yachi, a petite young girl with short blonde hair. She seemed so aloof, but you figured it was just her personality. You easily got along when you learned she's into design and art.

During breakfast at the cafeteria, you bumped into Kuroo, whom you purposely ignored and he only assumed why, but it wasn't because you were mad at him for staging you into that confrontation, you knew he did it for you, but there was another reason. Still, he felt anxious if you decided to get back together with Kōshi.

You planned on eating alone, but Noya and Tanaka suddenly sat on either sides of you and started filling your barely full plate with more food.

"Eat more, sis! You've gotten really thinner!" Tanaka munched on his food as he spoke, and you only stared at them with surprised eyes, before stifling a laugh.

"Take this one too!" Nishinoya placed another meat on your plate.

"You guys... I won't be able to finish all this!"

Kuroo could only watch in annoyance. He wanted to eat with you and be the one filling your plate with more food, he was jealous, and his team could obviously see that as they all turned to where their captain was looking.

"They're really close, huh..."

"Tanaka! You're my friend, how could you steal our manager?!" Taketora dramatically cried, clenching his fists towards his chest.

"She's originally their manager, Yamamoto. And she's only our temporary manager." Kuroo replied through gritted teeth. Despite what he said, he was also irritated. He was glad you were able to make up with them, and seeing you so close to them isn't what irritates him, it's just that you ignored him but you're acting cheerful with someone else.

You felt shivers down your spine while chatting with the two second years, making you turn to the side where you saw a few pair of eyes glaring at your direction, all of them coming from Nekoma's team.

Catching Kuroo's frowning gaze, you playfully flipped your middle finger on him while sticking your tongue out in a childish manner before turning your attention back to the two. It was to show you weren't mad at him or anything, but he had interpret it negatively.

Kuroo died that day. Figuratively.

Later that afternoon, the managers from Fukurodani and Ubugawa handed out watermelons during break after a series of practice matches — and a series of Karasuno's penalties. You also helped out and handed some for your team, it was Kuroo's chance to approach you.

"Are you really angry?" He asked worriedly as he took a slice of watermelon. "I'm so—"

"That's not it." You cut him off. "I'm not mad at you. In fact, I wanted to thank you."

"Then why are you ignoring me? Did you two..." His voice sounded a little lonely, making you feel guilty about it.

Sighing, you lowered the now empty plate as you looked away. "I wanted to be considerate... of Kōshi's feelings. I know it's too late for me to feel this way, but it's the least I can do."

As soon as Kuroo understood what you meant, his eyes widened in realization and he quietly turned to the direction of the grey-haired setter. Suga was looking at you two, but quickly looked away when their gazes met.

Turning around, you muttered. "I'm sorry, Kuroo. Please understand."

His heart broke, believing you were avoiding him so you wouldn't make Suga jealous. He started to think that you two got back together, and it pained him.

You walked back towards the other managers, smiling back at Kiyoko when she greeted you. You handed the plate back to Ubugawa's manager, uttering a quick thanks.

The practice matches continued, and you noticed how much Karasuno's team has grown. Even when they kept on losing the sets, you can't help but root for them, even against Nekoma's team. There were two courts in the gym, and their matches would be in rotation for each set, so while the two teams would play, the other one is given the chance to rest.

From time to time when their team weren't playing, Nishinoya and Tanaka would appear around you to chat. They even had a new recruit, a first year member with wild orange hair, noticeably shorter than the other players around you but was around the same height as Noya, and had a similarly cheerful demeanor to the other two.

"Can he call you 'sis' too?" The libero enthusiastically asked, Hinata nodding in anticipation beside him.

"Eh... Sure?" You smiled at the first year, surprising the Nekoma team that were also on a break. Seeing your smile was unexpected, since you were usually either blank-faced or cranky towards them. Kenma's female version, is what they've described you.

"Alright! Sis!" Hinata cheered, jumping high with Nishinoya. It wasn't even that much of a big deal, but they all looked excited about it, making you giggle at their cuteness. Hinata was even more enthusiastic when he learned you were Kenma's relative, and you were surprised that they were close.

Until the end of the practice matches, those three won't stop goofing around you when they had rest, and would only stop when their coach scolds them. But aside from them, Kiyoko would also chat with you at times. Even Asahi exchanged small talk with you once, and slowly, you could feel yourself relaxing around them again, though there's still the awkwardness when Suga was around.

Daichi chuckled after you told him about it, and he placed a hand on top of your head, ruffling your neatly brushed hair. You decided to brush it today and look at least presentable, though you wished Kuroo could've braided it for you. "Well, we really missed you. I guess they're just happy to be able to talk with you again."

Your heart fluttered in happiness, and a smile escaped your lips. Nodding, you bid him farewell to let him continue on their free practice. You left the gym, your smile slowly disappearing.

You were happy to be able to be friends with them again, but you could feel something missing, as if there was a hole in your heart. Avoiding talking to Kuroo wasn't easy too, it makes you feel guilty when he'd make a sad expression that you'd just badly want to hug him.

Sighing, you gazed up at the night sky as you walked. You wondered if you were doing the right thing at all. Even after reconciling with your old friends, you felt as if you needed to be punished, like you didn't deserve to be happy just like that.

After taking a bath, you took your drawing materials from your bag and headed out again, quietly climbing the stairs of the building. There weren't many people around as some of them were resting, bathing, or doing some free practice. The managers were working together to make dinner at the cafeteria, while the coaches were drinking out.

You grumbled when the door to the rooftop was locked, but that was expected, it was an off-limit area after all. You just sat down on the floor, leaning against the same door as you opened your phone's flashlight, then sliding your phone at the neck drop of your shirt, letting the light peak at your sketchbook.

You began to draw, picturing Kuroo's face in your mind as your pencil stroked against the paper, leaving lines of charcoal on your desired shapes. Before you realized it, tears dropped on your sketchbook from your eyes, and your hands stopped moving.

You felt lonely, and your mind was filled with negative thoughts. After all, you still couldn't let go of the negative feelings you've been keeping in. Even if they forgave you, even if things seemed to be okay now, you just can't help but hate yourself.

Not knowing what's right and wrong to do anymore, you felt lost. You didn't know where to go, or which direction to take. Is it really okay to be friends with Daichi and the others again after what you did? Do you really deserve their forgiveness? Was it the right choice rebelling against your parents? Is avoiding Kuroo for Kōshi's feelings the right thing? Are you really chasing the right passion? More and more questions raced in your mind, filling you with anxiety.

Taking deep breaths, you closed your sketchbook and phone's flashlight, dropping both to the side. You removed your glasses, placing it down as well as you covered your face with your hands, tears silently escaping.

Rapid footsteps echoed on the corners of the quiet hallway, alerting you of an incoming presence. Lowering your hands a bit just enough for your eyes to see, you looked at the man panting in front of you, breathless from running after just finishing practice.

"There you are." He mumbled, kneeling in front of you as he pulled you towards his chest. Your nose was filled with the scent of his clothes' fabric conditioner, and although mixed with sweat, it still made you feel relaxed knowing he was there.

"Hey, why are you crying?" He softly asked, caressing your back comfortingly. He didn't expect to see you crying when he went looking for you. He just wanted to talk, considering Sugawara won't be around anymore, and confirm what he's been thinking about.

"I don't know, really..." You chuckled bitterly, clenching his shirt as you leaned against his chest. "But... I feel better now."

"Yeah?" A smile broke through his lips. "Me too." Hugging you like that made him feel as if he regained his strength after that tiring day of practice.

There was a silent, un-communicated connection between you two; a mutual understanding of each other's feelings even without words. You liked him, and he shows you that he liked you too, and vice versa. Although Kuroo wasn't content of just that, he wanted to go along your pace. He understood how you still had a lot going on in your mind, and he didn't want to pressure you into anything. But now, he's confused. He was lost. He was unsure.

"Can I ask you something?" He quietly started, his heart rapidly beating out of nervousness and fear.

"Hmm?"

"Are you and Sugawara-san a couple again?" He held his breath, and you could feel how his hands were trembling lightly as you remained silent.

"No." You answered. "I couldn't... get back to him out of sympathy when I don't feel anything for him anymore."

He sighed, deciding not to ask about the kiss and just accept your answer. It may be mean, but he was just glad that you two didn't get back together. That he still had a chance.

While still holding you around your waist, the Nekoma captain leaned back and laid on the floor, pulling you down with him. "W-What are you doing?" You flushed as you laid on top of him before rolling to his side.

"Why? You don't like it?" Smirking, Kuroo pulled you close, letting you use his arm as a pillow as you two laid down on the floor, looking at the night sky from the small glass window at the door leading to the rooftop.

You didn't say anything and simply clicked your tongue, inching closer towards him as your heart fluttered. The negative thoughts that flooded your mind before had now all vanished. And it was the same for him. Being with each other, you both felt calm and at peace.

——————————To Be Continued——————————