Writing

I sit in my room, Roman holding me in his arms. I strum my guitar, getting ready to sing a song I wrote. Roman insisted that I would do so, so I am. Gotta keep my boyfriend happy, right? So I am.

I start to sing, strumming my guitar as I do so.

"I close my doors and cry silently Rocking back and forth, waiting waiting For someone to come and save me Peering up at the ceiling, I have so many feelings Those cracks, they represent my tracks On this road of Hell

I'm breaking inside Nothing is okay Nothing is fine I don't want to stay This life isn't mine

You ask me if I'm okay I say that everything is alright You ask me if I'm fine I say that everything is fineI'm fine I'm doing alright I'm fine I don't cry at night I'm doing alright I'm fine Yeah, I promise I'm fine

I close my eyes and pray Kneeling near my bed, I wish for This beautiful happiness to stay Looking up at the stars, I have so many scars Those lights, they are my only escape from inner fights On this path of eternal frights

I'm breaking inside Nothing is okay Nothing is fine I don't want to stay This life isn't mine

You ask me if I'm okay I say that everything is alright You ask me if I'm fine I say that everything is fine I'm fine I'm doing alright I'm fine I don't cry at night I'm doing alright I'm fine Yeah, I promise I'm fine

Don't look at my arms You'll just see self harm Don't look into my eyes You'll only see sadness inside Don't look inside my stomach You'll only see bits and pieces of cyanide But please believe me, I'm doing fine This life is mine

I'm okay I'm okay now I'm fineI'm fine now Don't you believe me? Come on, trust me I'm telling you the truth I'm not drowning in these tears, this pool Please, believe me, don't be a fool

I'm not fine I'm not fine I'm not fine Nothing is mine Cut down this lifeline

I'm not fine I'm not fine I'm not fine Nothing is mine Cut down this lifeline

You ask me if I'm okay I say that everything is alright You ask me if I'm fine I say that everything is fine I'm fine I'm doing alright I'm fine I don't cry at night I'm doing alright I'm fine Yeah, I promise I'm fine

I'm not Alright But believe me I'm doing fine"

I set my guitar back down on the floor and Roman spins me around so I face him. He cups my face in his hands and says softly, "I know you're not fine and I know that you're not alright. I know you have scars and that your stomach is empty, but I'll always be here. When you cry, when you cut, when you throw up- whenever. I love you and I'll never leave you. Okay? I'll never fucking leave you."

I feel my eyes well up with tears and I choke out, "I love you too."

"That song was really good, by the way."

I look up at Roman and smile. "Thanks."

He kisses me on the lips and pulls back a little bit. "No problem." Then he kisses me a few times again, pulling me more on to his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and then we stop kissing because, ya know, we need air to breathe. I love him, so much.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck. Snuggling with him is the best thing in the world. It's warm and comforting and protecting and loving and such a beautiful place to be. It keeps me happy. He keeps me happy.

I look up at him and ask, "Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything, babe."

I blush at the nickname, but continue on. "If it wasn't for you, I don't think...I don't think I would be...right here right now." I would be dead, gone.

He frowns and kisses me. "As long as you're here, then I don't care what keeps you here."

I nod and kiss his cheek. Then I bury my face in his chest and drift off to sleep.