// C H A P T E R N I N E T E E N //

With only the company of my dad and I for the past few weeks was just fine with me. Unlike I predicted, I didn't see an over excessive amount of Grace during those weeks either. I spent a lot of time drawing, and a lot of time thinking, and even more time crying.

I didn't know what it was about Matty that just made me feel so hurt. What was it about this person who I'd only known for such a short span of time. Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? Why couldn't I find a single detail on this man that I didn't like...both appearance wise, and personality wise. Okay well maybe there's something I could say I didn't like...the way he laughed at serious moments...other people's serious moments at least.

Or the way he carrys around a cancer stick, or a dozen...and smokes half of them in the course of the day. Maybe more than that if I'd been around to see him doing it.

He figured me out, faster than anyone I have ever met, and sadly faster than anyone else I think I'll ever meet...besides Elaine...but I stopped seeing her... Maybe Matty was right that maybe we were meant to know each other due to meeting one another in psychology...some days, if I were depressed enough, I'd think that I finally realized it. Other days when I'm pissed, I don't.

He called me everyday, sometimes twice a day...but, he recently gave up...not one call, not one text. I knew it had to happen sometime soon...but when it did, even that hurt as much as it did to ignore every call---

"Welcome, class. My name is Mr. William and I will be your instructor this semester,"

I shut my journal as the voice of a man reign through the large room. I looked up where it came from, he was tall and middle-aged, with a very joyous grin. He looked quite interesting.

"Tell me, do any of you have any prior experience in the art of figure drawing?" He stepped up to the figure model's stage and took a seat on a brown wooden chair, nicely padded with a red pillow which gave me this olden day King's chair type of vibe...

I slowly stuck my journal into my backpack, then looked around to see if anyone could possibly be more advanced than I. No one lifted a finger. I didn't know if he'd ask me a really hard question about it if I'd raise my hand, so I kept it down. It was for my own good.

"No one? Well, today we will be jumping straight into it, to test the waters a bit. Now you're all artists," He said, "if not, you're in the wrong room and probably wrong school too..." everyone laughed. I smiled, it wasn't funny to me, but it was a cool thing to say I guess. I always wondered why people felt the need to make such a fuss when people said the lamest jokes. Not that the instructor's joke was lame or anything...

"Our model will be out in just one minute." He assured us. I noticed the clip to my drawer's board was hanging. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed it. I didn't buy a brand new one, like the ones everyone around me appeared to have. They were shiny and clean, no scratches, dints, stickers, or charcoal in sight.

Mine was an old one from home, I didn't see the need to buy a new one if I was happy with what I had. As I fixed it with a hurry I could hear the model's footsteps from the stage and women behind me whispering. I quickly finished tussling with the clip and looked up.

He was a pretty handsome guy, forgetting that the students around me all looked much older than I, he looked a bit too old for my liking...just with that thought, the door opened and in came a young girl with a loud pink bob hairstyle. A hoop stuck out of her nose, and her floral Doc Marten boots squeaked with every step. I quickly looked back at the model as she came closer.

She dropped her bag on the floor and swung her large carrier over her head, "sorry I'm late--" her voice echoed across the room to the Mr. William held his finger up to his lips to quiet her. She nodded, quickly, then struggled with the zipper to release her clipboard. All of her charcoal came falling out and snapping in two all over the floor, and a few beside me. I didn't want to help her, knowing that we were being timed...but with my instincts I turned around to pick up the broken sticks next to my shoe.

She hurried over to me, taking them as I dropped them into her cupped hands before me, "thank you so much." she whispered. I smiled and nodded, afraid of my whisper echoing like her's. Her accent was nothing like Matty's or the guys. She sounded much more proper, and fancy...posh as the called it. Another surprise, because it didn't match her grungey choice of appearance at all.

"Damnit." She sighed, realizing that almost half her case of charcoal had snapped, all besides the thick ones.

I looked into my box as she finished setting her area up, then handed her a stick of mine.

She smiled and took it, "thank you." She said.

"No problem," I mouthed, returning to my drawing.

"I'm Zoe."

"Katie." I whispered so lowly that it almost had no sound at all.

The instructor walked over, hurriedly. I jumped as he stood between us, "I must please ask you two to be silent. Some people prefer silence as they work, although you are welcome to have earphones."

I nodded, feeling embarrassed for being part of the only younger students in the room and getting told a rule on the first day.

And that's how I met Zoe. She was twenty years old, and richer than any friend I'd ever had in my past. She could do anything she wanted, and have anything she wanted...but she didn't act like it. In fact, you wouldn't even know she came from a wealthy family until she opened her mouth. She never talked about her money, or shopped excessively.

In fact, she hated the way her family behaved. As if money was the root of everything that held them together...she would sometimes go into huge rants about it, and then ask me if I'm awake a few hours later when she finished. I wasn't.

Over time it was like she was all I ever saw. Sort of the way it was when I had met Matty and the guys. She came over every other day to 'practice drawing,' but really we'd just end up laughing, eating, and talking about people we've met from different classes we didn't have each other in.

"So there's this party tomorrow night--"

"Zoe, you know I don't go to parties." I laughed, she always made an effort to invite me to school parties or house parties the guys she met in school clubs and other classes would throw. I didn't understand why she hadn't given up yet, knowing that my answer would always be no.

"Come on, this one everyone is raving about." She shook her head, "you can't always just say no and stay in this..." she looked around, "cave all your life."

"It's not a cave." I threw my pillow at her head, her reflexes were ten times better than mine, but maybe my effort had the same explanation as her's...I hoped for a sudden change.

My bedroom was dark. I rarely ever opened the shades, it was always pretty dark, and I liked it that way.

"Is it because of that one guy you told me about?" She asked.

"What?" I heard her perfectly well.

She rolled her eyes, pushing her hair back tiredly, "the one who fucked your psychologist--"

"Shhh!" I sat up, I didn't want to replay the moment in my visual mind.

"Katie," she fixed her legs more comfortably on the bed, then looked at me. "Did you sleep with this guy?" She asked.

"I told you, I'm a virgin." I said, lowering my voice even though we were the only two home. My reaction to the topics of sex were very youthful. I would whisper, sometimes giggle, or get very shy about it. I couldn't help that.

"Seriously, you can tell me." She said, "who am I gonna tell? No one in our school knows him."

She was right...but I didn't sleep with him. "No."

"I'm just asking..because usually when a girl can't stop thinking about a guy like this...it's because they slept together and the sex was good or she's just emotionally attached because of it."

I looked around my bedroom, feeling stupid. "I'm done thinking about him, I told you I haven't thought about him in weeks!"

"That's the problem, weeks Katie...its been months!" She threw her hand up, "I'm going with or without you because Jesse's gonna be there but I'm really hoping you'll just stop thinking the party is gonna be as bad as that one and come have fun with me." She said.

Jesse was quote, 'the hottest guy in the world' to her.

"Whatever." I shrugged, shaking my head.

"Did you guys do anything?" She asked.

I shook my head, no. "We kissed, a lot of times. But that's it."

"And you expected him not to be sleeping with someone else?"

She made sense. If he wasn't getting any from me, he as getting it from someone else for sure.

"I didn't know him long enough to just put out like that, Zoe."

"Did you like him?"

"Yes."

"So then why not?"

"Are you insisting I be slut?

"That word is thrown around just too much these days, Katie." She looked almost hurt just by me saying it. "A girl is not a slut for having feelings and doing what makes her happy, a girl is a slut for doing what makes her happy to people she doesn't even have feelings for just because it feels good." She rolled her eyes, getting up and grabbing her bag.

"Where are you going?" I asked, standing up.

"Home. I'm bored, okay. I mean I love, spending time with you. I love hanging out here and watching TV and talking but sometimes I just want to go out...and you don't like to do that--"

"Okay fine, I'll go to the party. You're right, all I do is stay inside." I finished her line. She smiled, "YES!"

"But don't expect me to drink, or smoke, or anything." I shook my head in disgust.

"I heard there are gonna be some cute guys there," she winked, "older ones too."

"I don't like older guys." I sighed, she always thought I did after I told her about Matty.