12

Mia

"Are you awake, Mia?" Cannon asks.

I hear the urgency in his voice after what happened tonight. It's late—one o'clock in the morning—but we're both wide-awake, staring at the walls.

I knew it'd be awkward after the first time, probably even the first few times, but nothing as tense as this. I'm afraid to breathe too deeply or think too long about anything. I can't give Cannon any reason to think I'm not right here with him even if my thoughts are full of Jordan—the way he touched me, the way that smile morphed into something so much more than our mornings at the beach.

Sex with Jordan was different than anything I've ever had with Cannon. It was raw, carnal, and I felt it deep in the pit of my stomach, all the way to the tips of my toes. And, when he came, he held on to me with the promise of more. More of us. More of everything.

Jordan might be controlling my thoughts, but Cannon is why I'm doing this. My husband's arms are still where I belong even if Evelyn was in them only hours ago.

Rolling over, I adjust my pillow, so I'm face-to-face with Cannon. I can't deny the fact that another man was inside me or that I don't regret it. Whether Cannon feels the same way or not, I already know I want to swing again.

"Don't, Cannon," I whisper.

"Don't what? We have to talk about it, Mia."

"I know." Still, that doesn't mean I want to tell Cannon what I was feeling, what I am feeling. "I'm okay if that's what you're worried about."

He sighs and then runs his hands over his face. "I want to believe that."

"Then, believe it. I've never lied to you."

"I don't know what to think, Mia. My head's a mess. And you're being so quiet. I'm worried you regret it. I can't undo what we did."

"I don't regret it, Cannon. Do you?"

"I don't know. I fucked someone else, and now, I'm lying in bed with my wife, pretending like it's normal."

"I never said it was normal. But you liked it, right?"

"It's just sex, Mia."

"You can say it. I won't get mad because you liked being with Evelyn."

That would make me a total hypocrite. Because I enjoyed being with Jordan, and if I'm going to be with him again, I need to know that my husband is having an equally good time with Evelyn. I want him to let go and hopefully come back to life—so I don't feel as guilty for this wild plan of ours.

He shakes his head and bites his lip. I can tell he's trying to carefully word what he wants to say, so he doesn't hurt me. But I won't be hurt.

"She's a little crazy," he finally says. "You give me sexy little moans when I make you feel good. Evelyn just yells, and I swear, the first time she did it, I thought I'd hurt her."

Laughter bubbles in my chest, and when Cannon sees me smile, he laughs along with me. It's been so long since we've had something to be happy about, that it feels amazing.

"She's definitely vocal."

"God, I was so scared she'd freak you out. I mean, I wasn't doing anything I haven't done to you, but she was still screaming."

"Because you're good at what you do," I tell him as I lean forward and press my lips to his.

He grabs the back of my head and massages my scalp with his fingertips. It's possessive for Cannon—a reminder of whom I belong to.

"What was it like?" I ask him. Call me curious, maybe a glutton for punishment, but I have to find out if they had anything close to what Jordan and I shared.

"You really want me to answer that?"

"Yes," I whisper. "I didn't get to see you with her."

He inches closer to me, pulling me into his arms. When I'm tucked against his chest, he takes a deep breath. I pull back because I need to see his face. I feel like I'll be able to read him better if I can look into his eyes. They never lie, even when the rest of him wants to.

Right now, he's trying his best to protect me from whatever he's feeling. I don't want him to. I want him to give it to me straight.

"Just say it, Cannon."

"Fine," he exhales. "It was different. It was good."

"Just good? You didn't like Evelyn?"

"She's not my type. Evelyn's nothing like you. Obviously, we've only been together once, but she's aggressive, freaky, and I think she'd be down for anything."

I breathe a sigh of relief. I'm not sure what I was expecting him to say, but I can live with this. I even understand it.

"I didn't want her to be like me. That's kind of the point—to explore someone completely different."

"So, Jordan isn't anything like me?"

"Not at all. I think that's kind of obvious though."

They don't share any of the same physical characteristics, and their personalities are like night and day. Where Cannon's vocal, Jordan internalizes and comes off crude. His wife is loud, but he was careful with me, respectful, even though he owed me nothing. He gained points with me when he chose to keep our conversation between the two of us. What he said was meant for me and only me.

"I don't know if I can watch you with him again," Cannon says, "I get that swinging is a group activity, but we might need separate rooms."

"It was kind of weird, knowing you saw the whole thing. Evelyn, too. I felt like I was being analyzed."

"I couldn't stop watching, Mia. I just kept my eyes on him, making sure he wasn't too rough with you or did something you didn't want. If he ever forced you, Mia, I'd rip his tongue out of his mouth and shove it down his throat."

I thought for sure Cannon was watching me, maybe even getting turned on as Jordan rode me from behind. But I was wrong. He's never going to let go enough to enjoy seeing me with another man. Maybe he's right. Maybe we do need separate rooms.

"Jordan wouldn't force me, Cannon. He was comforting and gentle with his words."

It was his actions that demanded my attention. No matter what he wanted to do to me, I know I would have let him because I wasn't capable of saying no. I wanted him too much.

"I don't care what he said; you're still practically strangers. And, if I put you in his arms and he hurt you, I'd never forgive myself."

"I feel the same way about Evelyn."

"You really think she could kick my ass?"

Laughing, I tell him, "No, she's not a physical threat. But she could mess with your head, and that would hurt just as much."

He likes my answer, and he kisses me. Even my lips are still swollen. God, his face felt so good between my legs. I didn't expect him to suck my clit so hard or to fuck me with his tongue. But, when he did, I couldn't hold back. I needed him, needed that mouth of his to do its worst.

"Mia?"

"Yeah? Sorry."

"Baby, promise me that, if this arrangement becomes too much for you to handle, you'll stop. If it's too messy or complicated, end it. Okay?"

"Even if you want to keep going?"

"I won't be into it if you're not, Mia. I'm doing this for us, not me."

"Okay, I promise. But I think we should talk to them about separate rooms. I didn't like being watched, especially when I didn't see anything you guys were doing."

Cannon thinks about it for a few minutes, and then he nods. "I don't want you far though. I need to be able to hear you if you need anything."

"We can leave doors open and stay close."

"Or we can invite them here. We have two guest bedrooms. But I don't want Jordan in our bed. And I don't want you in his."

"Okay," I tell him. "We can talk to Evelyn. Did she give you her number?"

"She offered it, but I wasn't sure you'd be okay with that. We never discussed phone calls or texting."

"I would have been okay with it, Cannon. But we'll talk about it the next time we see them. Okay?"

Nodding, he kisses the tip of my nose and then my forehead. He runs his hand down my side and cups my ass, a gentle squeeze—unlike the rough palming from Jordan—and then his fingers find the warmth between my legs. He brushes over my clit, and my hips buck. I'm so sensitive from Jordan, even a little turned on still.

Cannon moans as he sinks two fingers into me, and I wince.

"What's wrong?" he whispers.

"I'm just sore."

He pulls his fingers out and rolls onto his back. A few seconds later, he rips the blankets off himself and leaves the bedroom, wearing absolutely nothing. I want to go after him, but he needs some time. Time to get used to the idea of another man touching me.

Cannon isn't mad at me. He's mad at himself. Mad that he doesn't have control over Jordan.

But it'll get easier. We'll figure it out, and it won't always be this hard. The jealousy will fade, and we'll be comfortable with the arrangement. At least I hope so because I want more of Jordan.