I'm Sorry

TRIGGER WARNING!!: Pregnant loss, infertility, Medical trauma, grief, self-blame/harm, huge anger!!

Katerina Grey!"

I heard my name, hard and sharp.

I turned. John was standing there by the gate with his arms crossed like he was ready to physically block the door.

"You don't leave that gate," he said, "until we talk."

I flicked my eyes to Bellamy, then back to John. "So talk."

His jaw clenched. "Why are you shutting me out?"

I dropped my gaze for half a second, because that question hit too clean.

"There was a time you told me everything," he said, softer. "Remember the woods? Remember telling me about Clarke? You have to let me try to help us."

"What could you even do?" I shot back, fast and mean, because I was already half-broken and anger is easier than breaking.

He reached under his shirt and brought out the necklace — his father's rings. Our rings.

"I can do anything for true love," he said quietly. "I think we can fix it. Me and Abby. Science and... us. I think I can figure out how to clean our blood."

My hands were already up without me thinking about it, covering his, covering the necklace. A tear slipped out and I hated it.

"Kate," he whispered, "I would do anything to make you happy."

I actually smiled — small, cracked, honest. "You already do, John."

He let out a tiny laugh, and I leaned in and kissed him. He kissed me back like I was home.

"Watch them while I'm gone," I said, pulling back just enough to breathe. "I'll be back soon."

He nodded. His eyes shone, but he was steady. "May we meet again," he said.

I smiled the same way we always did. "May we meet again."

I kissed him one more time, then turned to Bellamy.

He was smirking. "You sure you don't want one more goodbye kiss?"

I arched a brow. "You sure you don't want your face rearranged?"

John actually laughed and clapped Bellamy on the shoulder. "Watch her back," he said.

Bellamy nodded. "Don't worry, Murphy. I'll bring her home in one piece."

Octavia came out of the dropship dragging Indra in chains. "Here," she said shortly, and handed her off to our guards. Her jaw was locked.

I sighed. "Give me a second," I told Bellamy, and jogged after her.

"O. Wait."

She spun. And then she punched me.

My head snapped sideways. A tooth hit the dirt.

She hit me again. And again. And again.

Bellamy and John rushed toward us and I threw up a hand. "No," I said through blood, forcing myself back to my feet. "Let her."

Octavia slammed one last kick into my ribs. I spit red onto the ground and forced myself standing, spine straight, chin up.

Bellamy watched all this and muttered under his breath to Murphy, "She can take a hit."

Murphy huffed. "Yeah. She's a badass."

He paused. "You good?"

Murphy's jaw worked. He glanced at Octavia and let out a bitter little laugh. "Yeah. Maybe it's actually good there won't be any psycho babies of ours running around."

Bellamy grabbed his arm. "You two do what you do to survive," he said low. "We all do."

Octavia was breathing hard. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked at her, vision buzzing.

"Octavia," I said quietly, "I'm sorry."

She blinked.

"It wasn't fair, the way I talked to you before," I said. "You're my best friend. I shouldn't have gone at you like that."

Murphy raised a hand from behind them. "Where was that speech when she yelled at me like that?"

Bellamy snorted. "Or me."

Octavia stared at me for another beat... then nodded once. "Apology accepted," she said, and walked away.

Murphy was at my side in two steps. "You okay, babe?"

I nodded. I hurt everywhere. I looked like hell. There was blood in my teeth and split skin on my cheek and I did not care.

"We need to go," I told Bellamy, walking past him.

"You sure Dr. Griffin shouldn't look at your face first?" he asked, wincing.

I shot him a sideways grin. "I've had worse. Your sister hits like a war hammer, though."

He laughed. "Yeah. She kind of does."

Kane jogged up, calm but coiled. "Are we ready?"

I rolled my shoulders, tasted iron, and nodded. "Let's end this."