The First Time

"I know a cave this way," John said.

"Okay," I said, and we walked.

The cave wasn't just a cave. It was small, with rock walls you could lie against, the kind of place you could pretend was a room if you tried hard enough. Safe.

He built a little fire. I watched him in the flicker. It felt almost unreal to see him upright, moving, alive.

"Think she'll be okay?" I asked quietly. "Octavia?"

He didn't even hesitate. "No," he said. Then he smiled. "I know she'll be okay."

That made me smile too.

"Give me a second," he said, and disappeared into the trees.

When he came back, he was holding my hand. "Come with me."

We walked until we reached it — steam curling off a small pool, moonlight catching on the surface. A hot spring.

I couldn't help it. I smiled. He smiled back.

"Come on," he said, already pulling off his shirt, then the rest. He slipped into the water with barely a wince.

I waded in after him, still in my underwear at first... even though deep down I knew I didn't want anything between us anymore. The water was warm around my ribs, my shoulders, my throat. It felt like being held.

I swam to him. He gave me that look — the look that says "you're mine" and "I need you" and "don't you dare leave me" all at once.

My legs wrapped around his waist in the water, my arms around his neck, my fingers in his hair. We kissed. Slow at first. Then not slow at all.

We moved together until there was no Camp, no Bellamy, no Grounders, no Ark.

Just us.

He paused long enough to press his forehead to mine. His voice dropped to a whisper against my ear. "Are you sure?"

I was already shaking from how much I wanted him.

I nodded. "I've always known it would be you."

He let out a breath like he'd been holding it for months.

What happened next was ours.

I'll say this — it hurt at first. Of course it did. It was my first time. I'd never had that with anyone. I hadn't trusted anyone enough. I hadn't wanted anyone enough.

But I wanted him. I chose him.

And once the pain bled into heat, into closeness, into that dizzy, breath-stealing feeling of finally being wanted and safe at the exact same time — I didn't regret a second of it.

He kept me close, his hands steady on me like I could break and he refused to let me.

And when it was over and my heart was racing and everything felt new and a little unreal, he brushed his mouth against mine and said, quiet and honest:

"That was... amazing."

I blinked up at him, flushed, out of breath. "You've done this before."

He kissed me. "Never with someone I loved."

My whole body went hot again, in a different way.

"I love you too, John," I whispered.

We kissed again. No fear in it this time.

We walked back to the cave hand in hand, like idiots in love, and for once I didn't even hate it. I was happy. Actually happy. For the first time since the Ark