Chapter 37

It's been a year since Abigail passed away.

The days still feel dark and empty without her presence in the house.

I moved in with Louis and Harry a few months after because I was unable to be alone.

Also, I wasn't in the right state of mind to take care of a newborn.

Storm is a little over a year now and she looks just like Abigail.

It hurts to look at her but there's also a sort of comfort in seeing her. Almost like Abby is still here with us. Living out through her baby.

"Niall? Ready?" Harry asked, Storm in his arms all bundled up in her coat. I nodded and got up fixing my dress shirt. We were going to visit Abigail's grave today for the first time since she was buried.

The funeral was beautiful. It was small, very small. But it was beautiful. Ed sung the most amazing song that had everyone in tears the entire time but it truly captured everything about Abigail.

I think the thing I miss the most about her is her attitude. She was never afraid to talk back to me. I feel like everyone is always so scared to say anything to me now a days. They look at me like i'm about to break. I miss her pushing my buttons. Something I once hated.

I sat in the back of the car with Storm as she watched the small tv playing Bambi. It was her favorite movie at the moment which is extremely unsettling to me. Especially because you know... Bambi's mum dies. 

Storm looked over at me, her big eyes staring at me as a gummy smile made it's way onto her face. Storm called me daddy. She always will and I will never tell her otherwise. She doesn't need to live with the fact that she has neither a mother or a father in her life. The boys and I were all very strong father figures in her life but at the end of the day it was me and her sleeping in the same room.

After Abigail died I barely left Storm out of my sight. She sleeps in my room with me and comes everywhere me and the boys go. I don't know what I would do if I lost her too. I have legal guardianship over her along with Harry as of just a few months ago. It was an extremely long process and I'm glad it's over.

I knew we were approaching the cemetery at the buildings began to disappear from the sides of the roads and large amounts of rolling hills took their place.

"You okay?" Harry asked, turning around from the front seat. I nodded my head and stared back over at storm as she chewed on one of her teething toys. Liam and Zayn were probably already there no doubt. It took me exceptionally long to get ready. Subconsciously dreading this day. Wishing it would have never happened.

But here we are a year later. Without Abigail.

I still have my apartment and I still have Abigail's room perfectly preserved. I still can't bring myself to dismantle it. I don't think I'll ever be able too.

"We're here. Let's go mate." Louis turned the car off and we all got out, Harry grabbing Storm as we made our way past the gates. I could see Zayn and Liam waiting for us at the beginning of the walk way.

My feet felt like heavy cement was all around them. It was so hard to keep going.

As soon as we walked up to them Liam encased me in a hug and kept his arm around me as we followed the path down to where she was buried.

Every step closer felt like I was knocking the wind out of myself. I could barely look at the grave during the funeral.

Zayn held a beautiful arrangement of flowers in his hand and I looked over at them closely. I could see something skinny and white sticking out between two of the roses.

"Is that.. is that a cigarette?" I questioned looking over at Zayn.

"Yeah." He gave me a soft smile and a light chuckle. I felt a sense of warmness inside me before I laughed. And I mean actually laughed. The boys stopped to look at me. Their faces beginning to soften as I continued laughing. This was the first time in nearly a year that something has made me genuinely laugh.

He put a cigarette in a bouquet of flowers that probably cost well over a hundred dollars. All because Abigail was always such a stickler for smoking cigarettes.

After I got over my laughing fit we continued toward her grave, my body feeling a little lighter.

I could see it now. The beautiful white marble tomb stone that was surrounded by small flowers. The heavy feeling set back in as we all came to stand in front of it.

I crouched down in front of her grave just staring at it. I could see my slight reflection in the shiny marble.

This was heart wrenching.

She'd be 18 now if she was here. I bet she'd be acting so mature and elegant. She'd probably have a job and her and Storm would be the best mother daughter duo. Maybe even I'd be in the picture.

"Momma?" Storm asked pointing down to the grave. There was a small picture frame that had a carved place in the marble. It was a picture of Abigail and us. It was the only good picture we had of all of us together. The only picture we had at all actually. She wasn't big on pictures and I regret not taking more of her. It's hard to remember what she looks like some days.

I wish I just had a reminder of her features in every detail there could be.

Harry placed Storm down and she totted over to the grave. I felt my heart beating fast in my chest as I watched her get closer. Gosh, this was worst than I could have ever imagined.

She stopped and turned back to look at me. I could feel tears welling in my eyes as she stared so intensely at me. She broke her eyes away from mine and leaned into the tombstone, wrapping her arms around it as far as she could get, her small rosy red cheek pressed up against the cold marble. "Momma." She mumbled, a small faint smile on her face.

I felt the tears coming out from the corners of my eyes. My throat was burning and my chest felt like it was caving in.

I would do anything to have her back here right now. Anything to be able to see her again. All I want is for her to see how beautifully her daughter is growing up and how strong she is going to be.

I felt a warm hand on my back as I sat there crying, staring at Storm as she hugged the cold marble. Gosh, she was so much like Abigail.

"Daddy." She looked over at me, her arm still wrapped around the tombstone. Her eyes were beckoning me to come closer to her. I slowly crawled over to her placing my much bigger arms around her.

Her body pressed between mine and Abigail's.

I felt all of my sadness wash away the minute my hand touched the cold marble. It was almost as if all my grieving was finally put to rest. As if Abigail was letting me know she was okay and I could be okay as well. 

After a little while longer we decided to head back home. I felt so much more at peace as I carried Storm away from the grave, both of us sending a small wave back to Abigail.

I placed Storm in her car seat, placing a small kiss on her forehead as Bambi began to play again.

I'd like to think Abigail allowed Storm to let me finally ease my suffering. As if Storm knew all I needed to do was really say goodbye to Abigail. Something I had never done before today.

Something that I had to do no matter how hard it was going to be.

Abigail was always the center of attention, always the light in the room regardless of how dark she may have felt her life was. And that it was. She had the roughest life up until she was finally killed. Her horrible past catching her.

She had tried to turn her life around, and she did once Storm was here. She would've been the greatest mum in the world. She would've given her all to make sure Storm didn't have the life she did.

So that's what I believe I'm meant to do.

Storm will never know pain like Abigail did. I'll make sure of that.

Abigail was a little lady with a big attitude and an even bigger heart.

And I'm sure her halo is even bigger that all of that.

So that's the end. I literally cried while writing this chapter at one point. I've been working on this book for so long and it's finally come to an end.

This will be the final chapter and I hope it offered some closure to those of you who were sad about Abigail dying. But, hopefully I can offer a little more. I was thinking of doing a bit of an epilogue of when Storm is older so you can see the parallels of her and Abigail at the same age.

Also if enough people are interested i can do an alternate ending where Abigail survives and raises Storm. So comment and vote and let me know. But do it fairly quickly! I want to have the epilogue/ alternate ending out by the end of this week so that this book can be completely finished.

Thank you all for reading and supporting this book. I love you all and hope you enjoyed my writing. 

If you're interested in reading more by me feel free to check out my page. I have quite a few books on their! Also a couple new ones such as Serial Killers Fall In Love Too and Speak!