Chapter 12

Lucas came back so fast as  he said and I Sat inside the car.. Our ride back home was quiet because I turned my face towards the window . I don't wanted to talk.. I can't close my eyes .. Those horrible memories.. I badly want to  forget kept coming back...and my body defaultly become cold...

Lucas was staring at me for every now and then.. I can see his reflection in the window.. I finally turned back to him and our eyes met..

"lucas... Can we stop by the beach on our way home..?"

I asked and he stared at me with a 'what the fuck..?' face but He stopped the car by the beach  where we can see few people walking here and there.. I  removed my high heels and stepped down.. The chillness  of the sand made my  shiverings  raised  a few degrees .. But I kinda wanted  that  

"  hey.. Do you really want to stay here..? It's so cold.. And you are already freezing.."

lucas said rubbing my hands with his big warm ones...  With a worried face... No one knows other than me knows  that behind this expressionless  guy's cold gaze there is  this warm and caring  stare and a corner of my heart let out happy bubbles that he is giving his warmth only to me... For me...

" hmm.. I want to...no I need to.. Or else I will feel suffocated.." I said and he  stared at me with a blank face.

" haah...let's go.. "he said and we walked on  the chill sand..i felt some shells and stones pricking my foot. But my body was too numb to react ..

he didn't said anything and just walked  beside me silently.. The sound of waves were  calming  .. It's so calming like his presence..

"  If you want to feel better why not use your own technique..? I felt better after sharing my burden  with you... You can do the same you know ..?"

he said his eyes fixed on the dark sea.. It's dark and  scary... I can't see anything, I am not sure whether there is even a sea there.. But I felt safe since he was with me..  Nowadays  whenever I feel bad just his presence makes me feel better.. His presence near me is like a Warm hug.. When that strange feeling filled my insides  I suddenly felt the urge to  pour out  the things  I hate to talk about  the most with him.

"then .. Will you hear me...?"

I asked and he turned and looked  at me... I started talking as soon as I saw his eyes.. He have some magic in him which make me do things I usually don't..

" My  mom died two years ago.."I told him  and he looked calm... I stared at  him and  he turned his face away

"   OK.. I will tell you a  truth before that.. That day when you were drunk... I was looking for your charger but saw a photo in your drawer and  I got curious so I digged into your family.." he said I was so surprised that I stared at him dumbfounded.

" I know your dad is a director at NIS and your mom died in an accident two years ago and I guess you moved here after that..?  There is this red haired uncle and a brown haired aunty  .. But I  didn't  looked into them.."

he said and looked at me  with a sheepish  smile.

" hmm you are right.. Dad is working at NIS... That red haired guy is dad's best friend  and  assistant director at NIS felix uncle... And that brown haired   lady is lily.. Felix's wife and  mom's best friend...and.. Mom didn't died in accident.." I looked  up at him and his face was blank again.

" mom.. Was actually murdered.. "I said in a low voice and he was shocked. We came to a stop and stood on the beach as cold breeze passed through us

" dad had numerous  enemies and we often have to stay at home with protection. Since he always  receive   murder  threats... I hated always being stuck inside the  home...I always whine to them to let me out, I want to live like my other friends... It's just that day, I was sick and didn't went to school ..I fell  asleep   on mom's lap and mom suddenly.. Woke me up and locked me inside my room... I was so confused and knocked the door and told her to open... She  told me to stay quiet and don't make a noise..I don't know what's going on outside and when I looked out the  through the keyhole.. My whole body trembled .. There was a gunshot  and mom was.. Mom was lying on the floor covered in blood.."

I can't Speak after that cause I felt a lump in my throat and  my whole body is trembling... It's happening again... I didn't took the tablets for a while  since I thought I am fine.. Lucas hugged me tight which made me feel a bit better..

" it's ok.. It's ok.. Stop talking..." he said patting my back .  Surprisingly I calmed  down a bit..

"  I was too shocked to open the door so I just kept looking through the hole... The last thing I saw was  a gun in the hands of a masked man  .. Then I fainted I think.. When I opened my eyes again .. Dad was sitting beside me in hospital bed and he looked like a dead person.. Then he told me that mom died and.. I was so mad at dad.. That I ended up shouting at him.. And then I locked myself for weeks in my room... Lily is a psychologist.. she gave me treatment for my stress and trauma .. She told me to try living  in a new place.. So I moved to jeju from seoul..

And dad.. I know it's not his fault but I was so mad at him.. That I told him not to talk to me anymore and cutted  ties with him.. I know what I am doing is wrong I am hurting him more ,making him more guilty .. But.. I can't  bring  myself to see him or talk to him..I was so stressed at that time.. And he also stopped  contacting  me. Sometimes felix uncle  would talk with me and I ask   about dad to him . But I didn't talked to him  directly  since then..

He  was  also maintaining the distance and didn't talked to me after mom's death.. We met two times after that  at mom's memorial  but he would leave   as soon as he saw me ... Felix  told me he wasn't  mad  but I guess he was still mad at me.. I was also the reason  mom didn't left the house... I know she purposely stood in front of my room to protect me.. If I was fine.  We would have escaped.. I.. I   "

I started crying and lucas patted my back gently hugging me tight... I felt better because  he didn't said anything to comfort  me... Cause he also know guilt isn't an easy thing to forget and move on .. No Matter how much we tell ourselves it's not our fault.. We can't help but feel guilty.. That's why guilt is the biggest misery... Since he also know  that he didn't said anything..

" are you OK now...?"

he asked  in  a low worried tone .. It's my first  time hearing his voice that much worried.

" no... I have ptsd... After a year of lily's intense therapy sessions .. I got  better..before that I couldn't sleep for months ..I never left my room.. I sometimes don't even wanted to live.. All kind of thoughts would cross  my mind.. And I would go crazy..I would  Feel suffocated ..  " I said and he looked at me with  worried eyes.

" and  do you suddenly got reminded of that .? "

he asked in a soft tone.. Very soft.. that I almost looked up to confirm  the person hugging me is lucas

" hmm.. May be after seeing jennete and ijekeil..? I don't know..when I got  better.. I started living in jeju... Then I felt even more relieved... But one day Kiel started his business project in jeju and often  visit me.. Because of his constant whining about giving him a chance... I got a bit  stressed..

And dad suspected that his dad was involved in mom's murder so whenever I look at him he reminded me of that.. and I feared that I will collapse again if my stress keep getting  higher .. So I lied about my fake boyfriend and jennete also dragged him back to seoul..  I know they will pop out anytime.. But I didn't expected  it  to happen  today.. I tried so hard to escape from them  but when he talked about two years ago.. Memories started flashing  before me without control   "

i said and he stared down at me with a concern filled eyes.. Seriously.. It's not at all look like lucas...when he have this look on his face.

" haah.. You are right.. I feel better now..and  don't give me that look.. I am getting better.. At first I will  faint or my condition worsen whenever the memories reccured  .. I am having   therapy sessions for two years now.. And lily  helped me to  overcome  my trauma little by little and I want to get better even more.. If.. If mom see me like this, She will be so sad.. She sacrificed her life to save me... So I want  to live better than this. I am trying.. I am really trying but.. Sometimes.. Like this.. "

My voice cracked again and  I drenched his tomford black  shirt with my tears...

" you are doing great... You didn't faint now ... I thought your hands  were ice cubes back then, your hand Was that much cold and you freaked me out . I know something  was bothering you.. But I never thought it's  something this big... You are brave... So brave.. "

He said and I  parted from the hug and looked up at him... He stared  down at me.. who he is holding inside his arms like I am something  precious to him.. I felt warm  ...

" sia... in future.. If I saw that white doggy  near  you, I will  beat the shit  out of him and dispose him before you even see him.."

he said with a irritated face, pissed off  and  I laughed... What's with his nickname...? It's somehow suit him though.. Lucas was really my therapy.. He do something to me .. magically calming  my mind but it didn't helped me with the dizziness I am feeling..

"hmm.. Thank you.."

I said before I faint.. It's really an improvement I fainted much later than  before.. All I  could see was his worried red eyes before fainting.

- - - - - - - - - -Lucas P. O. V

She fainted.. I carried her back  to  my car and  we went back home... I laid  her down on the bed and covered her with thick blankets. I rubbed her feets with my hands to create friction heat... This idiot why did she walked around barefoot when she was already shivering..?   I turned on the heater and put hot packs on her foreheads and palms..what will she do in winter season..?

When her  complexion got  better than before and  I left out a sigh. I took out her phone from her purse  and searched for that  lily aunt's contact..  I conveyed   everything to her when she attended the call.. She was surprised when I said I am her boyfriend... May be it's cause she know sia  better than anyone else ..? I don't know.. Then she  told me to bring sia to her clinic. Then she started talking about.. No started Interrogating me.. But I felt her concern for sia in her words .. She must love her so much.. She looked desperate to know  everything about me.. Like she is scared  of her future.. Then after a exhausting interrogation session  I flopped on  the bed and looked into her mobile ..

I opened her gallery.. I usually  won't do it even if they pay me millions.. I would never  open a girl's gallery.. But my curiosity is killing me..since I already know I have gone nuts I opened it shamelessly... She arranged the photos into different albums.. There was one which  had  every new desserts she tried.. With date and place... The other one had her selfies... She looked cute in every pic.. Then a separate one for  helly and her.. They gave the same pose  in every damn photos.. Why they took so many photos...?  Girls are hard  to understand..

..then I found a cute folder where she took pictures of sun, sky  flowers, puppies and everything she found cute even the folder name is cute..there was  another one  full of notes.. I came out of that as soon  as I opened.. she studies way too much...then there was  one from her childhood albums.. I saw the other pictures of that framed photo.. Her birthday party.. and many  other pics..

She was  so adorable when she was little... Her cheeks  are like chipmunks.. So fluffy... With stubby hands and legs And she was really a loved child... When I finished looking   through  the album .. I saw a  new mail and it's from grandpa.. I almost forgot about them.. They must  be flying back now... I opened the mail and it's full of photos..I checked the time .. His eyes were drowned  in  his camera on  our way to airport...it must because of this..

I downloaded everything and  Looked  through them and my eyes caught a particular pic.. I opened it and I felt something in my  heart... Some warm..fluttering feeling..when did they  took it..?

It's a candid of me and sia .. We... Looked like a real couple in that...i was amused at myself... She always pull a smile out of me every time ..when  I told her everything about me.. She never judged me... Or gave me the same advice like others.. It's turns out she was just like me... Living with guilt which won't fade away for  the rest of our life... I checked my phone and gramps sent  everything for me  too.. I  put that  candid as a  wallpaper on her mobile  a smirk dancing on my face...

Let's see how will  she react when she sees this tomorrow.. Its so  fun teasing her..

I have to take her to lily.. I really don't have  much  work  left.. If I dump them  on caby.. My mind was everywhere  as I went through the  pictures one more time.. Then I saw the video .. Geez..so cringe... I put my mobile down and stared at my hand... The ring she put on my finger shined even in the dark.  Just like her.. That time....a corner of my heart wanted it  to be real.. And it's.. Not real.. And when I saw her eyes... Those beautiful jewels which contain  a freaking  ocean inside them .. A small desire sneaked inside my heart.. I wanted to have her  only for me... Yeah..i got so drowned in that.. I ended up really kissing her.. I wanted to run away and bury myself  under ground  as soon as I  kissed her.. I literally freaked out...but.. When I saw her face.. Her doe eyes staring at me surprised holding  a indescribable emotion in it.. Her cheeks adorably flushed red... I know I don't have to run away... And it filled my insides with warmth...

I turned to my left and saw her sleeping peacefully... You really turned my world upside down aren't you..?  After I saw you in this dress.. I can't think of you as the  same cute baby girl sia ... And after hearing your story.. I feel like you are more mature than me... You are more than what you let others see you as.. You are so cool dummy.. I can't understand  why the fuck you think I am cool and want to be like me... All I am doing is running away from my problems..I wish I can face my problems like you atleast once..

- - - - - - - -

Jennete twisted  and turned around on her bed.

'tch.. I am so pissed  that I can't sleep..' she thought. Suddenly a bright bulb glowed  above  her head on her dark bedroom..

She took  her  phone and sent  the pictures of lucas  and athy  she took to Kiel and smirked.

"now he will really have a good night... Pfft.. Good night to you jennete" she told herself and closed  her eyes.

Ijekeil came out of the shower.. After letting  all his frustration out with a cold shower . He  was drying his silver threads.. A notification popped on his screen. It was from jennete

"tch.. What now..? her selfies with good night...? She was so annoying... "

He mumbled  as he opened the message.. It was written..

Good night asshole.. Here is a small good night present for you..

He downloaded the photos below.. And his blood boiled when he saw lucas kissing athy's hand. He throwed his mobile away and screamed in frustration meanwhile. Jennete, lucas and athy were  having a peaceful  sleep...