The Abduction

TW: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts.

This chapter takes place right before and during the meeting with the Mortal Queens in ACOWAR where one of the queens secretly gives them the Book of Breathings.

Azriel's PoV:

"Fine," Cal said, "but I need you to promise something."

"What?" he asked.

"If you do hate me, Az, you will tell me. No walking on eggshells, no sugarcoating, is that clear?"

"As you wish. Now, tell me. What is this thing that you have done?"

"When Amarantha had first caught me," she started, "I was fifteen. I had no idea what she planned on doing with me. I was- I was scared. Until the first session started. They were planning on waging a war with humans, as you know. And they had devised these unique torture methods which were supposed to work well with humans without causing death."

"Who are they?" Az couldn't help asking.

"Amarantha and a few other High Fae who had disappeared right after her fall. They may have been from Hybern, I am not sure. So, they had this elaborate torture scheme made. I had no idea. I just knew pain. Just pain and nothing else. Rhys wasn't my friend yet, so he couldn't do anything. I remember screaming. I think I screamed so loud that I started to cough up blood."

She shuddered and stopped talking, as if trying to rewire her brain.

And Az couldn't help holding her tighter to himself. He slipped his other arm under her to caress her head, still looking at her face.

It didn't matter how much it hurt him, he had to be strong. For her.

"Then," she started again, "after about seven or eight more sessions- I really don't know the exact number- I made a deal with her. I didn't want to, Az. I really didn't. I was in pain, she had asked me in the middle of the session and I just agreed. The deal was that if I participated in her games, which revolved around me escaping her court, and if I won, I could escape. It was a deal. I win, I could escape. Free. No strings attached. And also, I had to participate every time she asked me to. I couldn't say no. So, either participate in each of her sick games, or never participate and accept my lifelong servitude under her. I didn't want to stay there, I didn't want to go through what she was making me go through. So, I agreed. And that was the biggest mistake."

Her voice broke and she took a deep breath. Az kept tracing circles on the small of her back with his fingers while staring into her face. She was looking straight at his chest, as if making a conscious effort to avoid his eyes.

"The games, were difficult," continued Cal. "They were either riddles, or labyrinths, or even as obvious as hand-to-hand combat. The rules were simple. If I win, I escape. If I lose, I don't. And, if I lose, she would torture and murder whichever innocent faerie had made the unfortunate mistake of getting caught. As you know, a lot of faeries were kept in concentration camps all across Prythian. She would grab some of them who seemed to be disloyal to her, and use them for her entertainment. Including these sick games. Where I lost every single time. And I had to sit there and watch those innocent faeries scream and cry as she tortured them for a long long time. And then, Rhys was responsible for murdering them. He made that part painless, but I can't imagine what he was going through. And after it was over, Amarantha would put me back in my cell with a knife. She said that the shortest way to escape was to die. And I realised that that too was another game; and hence I had to participate. So, I tried to cut through the bars, which was obviously impossible. Then, I tried to nick my veins, my arteries, anything literally, that would kill me. But I couldn't. Either I didn't cut deep enough, or I didn't know where they were. But even if I didn't die, I knew I deserved the pain."

Az just realised that his breathing was coming harder than before. His grip tightened around Cal's waist, his hands folding into fists. How he wished he could bring Amarantha back to life and hurt her in the same way she had hurt his Cal! He looked down at her face again and saw that she had buried it in his chest, her eyes closed and wet.

"I caused it, Az," she said and the tears had begun to fall. "I made the deal, I sealed their fate. And then I lost every single game I participated in. I was so fucking selfish, Az. So, fucking selfish. I just wanted to leave, and look at what I did. I was never good enough to save anyone."

"No," said Az, his voice barely above a whisper. "No, Cal. You were just a child. And you were in pain. You didn't know what you were getting into. And yet you still tried. You never gave up."

"Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have cut deeper, or just stabbed myself. I caused so many of them to die such horrible deaths. It should have been me, Az. I should have been the one to die."

"No!" Az realised that his voice was hard and intense. "Don't you dare say that! You didn't have a choice, it was not your fault."

"But it was still me. I am so sorry."

She didn't look up at him but just pressed her face harder against his chest. He squeezed her tighter, feeling her shaking against him. He then grabbed her left wrist gently and turned it upwards, looking at the marks on her forearm.

They were all healed, thanks to Rhys. But there still remained an uncountable number of pale lines, some thin and some as thick as his fingers. The sight made him so angry that he wanted to crush each of Amaratha's bones with his bare hands. It had been bad enough that she had abused and exploited Rhys; but whatever she had done to his mate, who was nothing but an innocent human child, was beyond forgiveness. He hoped she was rotting painfully in hell.

But it also made him incredibly sad.

"I am sorry I couldn't save them," she said. "I am sorry I wasn't good enough."

"I am sorry," said Az, his voice surprisingly calm. "I am sorry I couldn't save you. I am sorry I couldn't be there for you."

"You don't have to feel sorry. You didn't even know me back then."

"I didn't. But I wish I did."

Even if he didn't know her, he knew she had been his mate. Mates are decided at birth, specially human mates. She had been his to protect.

And he had royally failed her.

He wrapped both his arms around her in a bone crushing hug. But he knew she wanted it.

She needed it.

She had been needing it for a while.

"Cal," Az said after she had stopped trembling, "you are one of the bravest people I have met. And you have been through so much. And I am so proud of you that you have kept going. Thank you for sharing this with me."

"So," she started, "do you hate me yet?"

"No." Az couldn't help the wet chuckle that resounded in his chest. "I don't hate you at all."

"That's very kind of you, Az. Thank you."

"Now, go to sleep, Snowflake. Tomorrow, I will need you to show me some of the moves that you have learnt, alright?"

"Okay."

He held her against his chest, rubbing circles on her back until he felt her relax. Then, her breathing became slow and rhythmic and he knew she was sleeping.

That's when he let the tears fall.

He didn't move, but his heart broke.

She had wanted to kill herself. And she had tried.

His mate.

His Cal.

Cal's PoV:

Maybe Cassian hadn't really been sugarcoating. She was actually good.

Cal braced herself on her feet and held her sword up in a defensive position as Azriel jabbed at her with his. She dodged the attack and swung back, but Azriel defended himself too. She feigned to the side and he seemed to take the bait.

She tapped his wrist with her elbow, disarming him and then turned around, raised her sword and tapped his neck.

She won.

Fair and square.

"You are actually good," he said, "I'm impressed. I mean, we are faster, but you hit hard, even before we have had the time to use our speed."

"Thanks," Cal said, feeling proud. "Rhys taught me that trick."

"But you do have one disadvantage. Stamina. We don't tire as easily as you do. So, you have to finish the fight faster, okay? Your advantage will be the strength and precision of your hits. But your disadvantages, will be speed, number and energy. You have to depend on your strength and precision, alright?"

"Yes. I am really working on them."

Good.

Az put the sword down on the ground and sat down, tying his shoes as they had come undone.

The sun was starting to set and Cal saw the light reflecting through his delicate membranous wings, making a pink and blue hue.

She then saw his hair, messy and dishevelled from the training. The strands stuck to the sweat on his forehead and the back of his neck. His chest and back were dirty from all the times they had rolled on the ground while training.

He looked beautiful.

She sat down beside him, staring unabashedly at his face which was flushed from the training.

"Are you just going to stare," asked Az, not looking at her but a slight smile tugging the corners of his lips, "or are you going to do something about it?"

"I am not staring," said Cal much too fast, looking away as she felt her face heat up.

"You can stare. You are allowed to stare."

"That's good to know. But it doesn't matter, I was not staring anyways."

"Well, I would like you to stare."

"That's good to know too."

She kept looking away at the sky, worried that one look at him would make her melt. That's when she realised that she had never been able to watch the sunset so freely ever since she had been taken by Amarantha. Yes, she had seen beautiful sights in Velaris, but the mortal realm was beautiful too. She didn't remember when was the last time she had sat in peace watching the sunset with someone she loved.

That pleasure, felt oddly human.

And she had missed all the human things so much.

She gently put her head on Az's shoulder, staring out into the sunset, relishing in whatever semblance of peace was left in her world.

"What are you thinking about?" said Az, pulling her out of her train of thought.

"Nothing, really."

"You've got a little something," said Az looking into her eyes while his hands went to her hair, "on your hair." He pulled out a leaf and showed it to her.

"Oh," said Cal, chuckling.

"You look beautiful," said Az suddenly with a smile. Cal felt her face heat up as she realised that he could hear her racing heartbeat.

He leant forwards then and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

It was so soft that she melted into it.

It wasn't lustful or heated or anything of that sort.

It was just sweet and so so tender that she wanted to cry at the contact.

"I have to go," said Az, drawing his lips away.

"I thought you had today off."

"I do. But I also have some responsibilities. I promise I will be back tomorrow, alright? I have to bring the others for the meeting with the Mortal Queens."

"Okay."

Azriel left then after dropping her to her house.

The meeting hadn't gone very well. But after the meeting, they found the Book of Breathings on the chair.

Cal couldn't help but notice the closeness between Cass and Nesta, and she knew she had to ask her later about it.

Nesta would probably shred her to bits once she asked, but it would be worth it.

But Cal was happy to know that Rhys and Feyre had finally mated.

About time she thought.

"Well," said Az as they all started to leave. "I think we got what we needed."

"Yeah," said Cal, looking at the relief on Feyre's face. "You can nullify the Cauldron now."

Az kissed her on her cheek, caressing her face.

"I will be back here in a few days," he said. "And there are things we need to discuss."

"I am not best with war strategies," said Cal sheepishly.

"Not war strategies. Just, things."

"Alright."

Azriel turned around to leave when an odd panic gripped Cal. She grabbed his wrist, gently. The force wasn't enough to pull him back, but he turned around.

"We will see each other again, right?" she asked, not sure why she was suddenly so nervous.

"Of course we will," Az said, taking a step towards her and lifting her hand to his lips to kiss her palm. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know. With the Book of Breathings, your work in the mortal realms is over. I mean, yes, guards will be here, but you technically have no work here. Maybe, you will forget me."

"I am not going to forget you, Cal." His gaze softened and he smiled a little, holding both of her hands in his. "We will meet again, I promise. And we will talk. A lot. Okay?"

"Okay."

He left then, and Cal sat down on the chair, an odd premonition sitting at the pit of her stomach.

Cal had dinner with Nesta and Elaine and they changed for the night.

Cal somehow, felt like she shouldn't.

So, she stayed in her shorts and a sleeveless blouse, lying down in the bed with an ashwood dagger under her pillow.

Cal woke up to yelling right outside the house and she rushed downstairs.

The warriors were fallen and someone was trying to break through the front doors.

Cal had to think right and think fast.

"Take these," she said, handing four ashwood daggers to Nesta. "Take Elaine with you into a room and lock the door. Don't open the door at any cost."

"What about you?" Nesta asked as the house seemed to shake. Cal's heart melted at Nesta's concern. Her eldest ice-pillar of a cousin had rarely shown concern about her.

"I stay and I fight," said Cal, lifting up her broadsword. "Now go!"

She saw her sisters run and she braced herself in front of the dining table. If she was going down, she was taking a few down with her. And she would save her sisters.

The door gave way and five faeries rushed in.

Cal started fighting them. She wasn't fast, but her hits were precise. Before a minute was over, five of them were down.

But more were pouring through the door.

Cal continued to fight, jabbing and dodging, but she felt her energy depleting. Her breathing was getting more difficult. Her hands bled, her skin was ripped at places, but she continued to fight.

An Attor walked in then, his skin impermeable to the sword.

Before Cal could dodge, he had grabbed her wrist and twisted mercilessly.

The sword fell from her hand and she screamed in pain, looking at her wrist which was bent in an unnatural angle. The wave of pain hit her like a tsunami and she tried to distract herself. She picked up the sword with her other hand but a sharp punch to her stomach made her double over in pain.

"I see Rhys taught you well," came a sickeningly familiar voice.

Ianthe.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" asked Cal, trying unsuccessfully to breathe through the pain.

"What do you mean, Calypso?" asked Ianthe, walking in and staring at her condescendingly. "I brought some of my friends into your lovely house. Your dear friend Tamlin told me exactly where to find you."

"Get out," Cal said through clenched teeth.

"I don't think so."

With inhuman speed, Ianthe was at Cal's neck, her fingers closing around her neck.

She squeezed then and Cal felt her air supply being cut out suddenly.

She coughed, her knees buckling.

That's when Ianthe released her as Cal fell to the floor on all fours, trying to breathe.

"That's where you belong, you filthy piece of shit," said Ianthe, looking down at her and then placing a foot on Cal's shoulder. The place where her boot contacted her skin felt hot, like someone was branding her. Cal didn't have the strength to fight. Her body ached.

"Please," begged Cal then, "don't hurt them." She had already seen other faeries walking into the house and she could hear Elaine's screams from one of the rooms.

"I love the sight of you begging," said Ianthe, kicking Cal in the stomach and she fell forwards. "Maybe you shouldn't have been such a condescending bitch when you had the chance." She placed her foot on her stomach and pressed her, making her cough out blood. The skin of her stomach ached and she tried to pull her foot off of her.

Ianthe didn't so much as move but she flicked her fingers.

A pressure erupted in Cal's neck and she couldn't breathe. Her vision faltered, the sounds around her becoming distorted.

Nesta, Elaine, she thought. I am so sorry I failed you.

Az, I am sorry. I don't think I will be able to see you again.

Cal couldn't form anymore coherent thoughts as her world ended in darkness.