Broken

Cal's PoV:

A paralysing fear had gripped her. She couldn't move.

She heard people talking around her, but she didn't care.

Everything was still the same.

Faeries possessed supernatural strength and they could do to mortals whatever they wanted. They could do to her whatever they wanted.

And she felt weak.

She lost all sense of time and place.

Nobody had come to help her this time. There was no answer in her head as she had heard before.

Rhys had always reached her before things got out of hand, he had always talked to her in her mind before fear could grip her.

But this time, it was all quiet.

There was no answer even when she begged. And the guard continued assaulting her. The fear of what all could have happened every time if Rhys hadn't reached them on time set in.

And this time, it wouldn't just be fear. It would be real.

She just wanted it all to end.

"Cal," she heard as if she was very deep under the water. "Cal, please come back. Come back to me."

She knew that voice. That voice meant protection. And safety.

Her eyes focused then and she saw wings. They towered over her head. She then noticed the face looking at her.

His hazel eyes were filled with worry.

"Cal," Az said again and shook her gently, "Cal, look at me, please. Please, look at me."

"He got me," said Cal, unable to shake the disgusting feeling of his tongue on her neck. "He got me." She couldn't help it, she continued feeling his hands on her body.

"No," said Az, grasping her firmly by her arms, his face inches from her own. "No. He didn't. You fought back."

"But he is too strong."

"You still fought back."

"I got out?" asked Cal, looking around and seeing the familiar dining room of the House of the Wind. She saw that she was sitting on top of the table. She looked down at her dress and noticed bloody handprints on them. Then she saw the blood on her arms and Az's fingers as they curled firmly around her elbows.

"Yes," said Az, "you got out. I killed him. And I got you out."

She looked at Az then and noticed his warm eyes. It all came back to her then.

She had seen the murderous glint in Azriel's cold eyes as he had chopped off the hand of the guard. She had seen him ruthlessly killing the guard before rushing to see if she was alright.

He had been a little late, a sharp pain on her hand reminded her of that.

But he had been there.

He had saved her.

She wasn't alone anymore.

Somehow that made the tears brim over.

She cried loudly, her vision of him blurred by her tears.

"Hey," said Az gently, wiping at her tears with his thumb. "Hey, its alright. I got you. You're safe now."

"He got me," she cried again. "He got me and I couldn't do anything. I was so weak."

She felt a hand on the back of her head, guiding her forwards.

She didn't fight it.

She leant her head on Az's chest, broken tears falling freely down her face. She felt his grips loosening on her arms and they encircled her, one hand on her head and the other on her back.

She wrapped her arms around his waist as well, pulling him towards herself.

His hands tightened around her, and it felt good. It felt safe.

"I was so scared, Az," she said, unable to stop the words. "I was so scared."

"I know," said Az, "I know, my sweet Cal. But its okay. You're here now, and you're safe."

She couldn't stop the shaking and she felt Az's hands tightening even further. She didn't care that his fingers were bloody and they were probably staining her dress. The blood was a reminder that he had protected her. She saw his fingers covering her face, as if shielding her from seeing anything other than him.

And she let him. She closed her eyes as he covered her entire face with his palm. He felt his hand tenderly caressing her head, his fingertips gently rubbing her scalp. She felt his other hand stroking her back, all the way from her neck to her waist.

She didn't know how long that had gone on for, but she felt the shaking going away. Her cries had also stopped. She felt a sudden wave of exhaustion sweep over her. Az continued stroking her back and she drifted away comfortably.

Azriel's PoV:

I was so scared, Az. I was so scared.

The words would probably haunt him as long as he lived.

He had failed her. He had so disastrously failed her.

He saw abrasions along the side of her face when she had been dragged by the guard.

He couldn't help himself when he guided her head to his chest, putting his arms around her and calming her down.

She was shaking so much, he feared that she would break unless he held her together as tight as he could.

He stroked her back and head, covering her face so she could close her eyes and concentrate on his touch.

And she let him.

He couldn't help the tears that brimmed over his own eyes as he held her to himself, trying to stop the shaking. He kissed her head as he continued to stroke her back.

He felt a presence behind him then.

Rhys.

Rhys put a hand on his shoulder and then looked at Cal. As he looked, her shaking went away slightly and her body became heavier. Az continued to stroke her back as he felt her fall into a deep sleep.

"You were not supposed to leave her alone," said Rhys when they heard Cal's steady breathing.

"What happened?" asked Az. "We left the Hewn City in a hurry, leaving Mor and Cassian to take care of the chaos."

"There was no chaos," said Rhys, lifting Cal's injured hand. He put his fingers over the wound and the cut closed, leaving behind only a thin scar. "We took care of it."

"I shouldn't have killed him, Rhys. He should have suffered more. What I saw- what he was trying to do-" Az shuddered.

"I don't care that you killed him. I would have too. But you weren't supposed to leave her alone. I was depending on that. Even if you were hiding in the shadows, you were supposed to be with her."

"Depending? What do you mean?"

"I knew there were spies at the Night Court, spies from Hybern. They are after the human maiden who survived Amarantha, after the Cursebreaker's cousin sister, the maiden who shared the same blood with her."

"You knew? So, Cal was bait?"

Cal's small body resting against his chest was all that stood between him and Rhys. He was furious.

"I just needed to know if I was right," said Rhys.

"So, you chose my mate as the bait?"

"She wasn't supposed to come to any harm. And I am sorry."

"Sorry? You think that covers it? You put my mate in danger, would you ever do that to your mate?"

"If that seemed to be the only way, then yes I would."

"Rhys, do you know what he tried to do to her? Look at her, Rhys!"

"I am sorry." His voice was broken and Az knew that he really was. "I should have told you something. I swear, Az, I didn't want to put her through this. I would rather die than put her through this."

"She needs sleep," said Az as he heard a soft snore. Rhys nodded.

Az picked Cal up again, surprised at how someone so small was able to affect him so much. He entered her bedroom and put her down on her bed. He looked at the blood on her clothes, wishing he could have at least changed them. But she was sleeping soundly. He checked her for other wounds he might have missed.

Her earlobe was better now, the blood clotted. Bruises still lined the area and another was forming on her neck. He noticed the bruise on her chest again, finger marks that continued under her dress. He wished he could have done something about them.

But she was human after all. There was a limit to how much mortals could be healed by magic.

He went back to the dining room and Rhys was sitting there.

"I need you to tell me the truth, Rhys," said Az, sitting down opposite to him. "What are you planning on doing with Cal?"

"I plan on catching all of Hybern's spies with her help," said Rhys. "They have infiltrated the Court of Nightmares, their target being me. They can't get to Feyre because she is too strong. But Cal, Cal can be used against Feyre and anyone else who cares. Nobody officially knows where Cal is at this point, but they are searching."

"What did they do to her Under the Mountain?"

"They just tortured her. Every single day. They only stopped for a few days when her body had reached its limits and hence couldn't be healed by magic anymore."

"Was she assaulted there?"

"Yes." The word broke Az more than he had thought it would. He had known the answer for a while but he needed to be sure. "There were some sick monsters who wanted to- hurt her."

"And you stopped them?"

"Yes. Everytime they started something, I would know. I would hear Cal scream, physically or mentally. And I would reach them. But before I did, I would infiltrate her mind, talking to her, telling her that I was on my way."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. I did it for my friend."

"She was scared, Rhys."

"I know. When we were Under the Mountain, she didn't react much to these situations. She would just thank me and never talk about them. I think she was just dissociating from them at the time. She knew there was no way to prevent them, and hence her mind, in order to save her from further distress, caused her dissociation. But now, with you, with us, I think she knows she is safe. That's why the reaction was so violent. She knows she is safe and that she is allowed to break."

"I just rescued her from the Spring Court. It hasn't even been two days, Rhys. Not even two days."

"I know. I am sorry."

They sat in silence for a while.

"Two days from now," Rhys said suddenly, "I will need the two of you back in Hewn City again."

"You have to be barking mad," said Az, "if you're asking me to put Cal through this again."

"She won't. I will not take this risk again. This time, we tell her what is to be expected. We tell her that you will be right there with her and that there is no reason to be scared. Get one guard with you, Az. And absolutely torture the shit out of him. Do whatever you need to do to get information about the other spies. Catch them all, Az. I don't want Hybern spies in my court."

"So, was asking her to learn healing methods just a hoax to get her to Hewn City?"

"No." Rhys sounded offended. "I actually do need her to learn healing techniques."

The High Lord and spymaster sat at the table till evening, discussing their plans. Getting the spies out were difficult, but parading Feyre's sister seemed to add an edge to them.

After they finished discussing, Az got up from the table just when dinner was served. He took a plate and loaded it with food.

"I am taking this to Cal," he said to Rhys. "She should be up soon."

"I will be up there in a while," said Rhys. "Mor and Amren are on their way. I will finish my dinner and join you two."

Az entered her bedroom and looked at her sleeping figure. He placed the plate on the table and noticed that his hands were still covered in blood. He hurriedly went to the washroom to wash the blood from his hands at least.

"Cal," said Az, tapping her lightly on her cheek.

She did open her eyes then. She looked around until her eyes met his and he saw the recognition in them.

"Az," she said sleepily, "what happened?"

"Well," he said, "I brought you some food."

Cal got up slowly and then noticed her ivory dress with bloodstains on them. The events of the day seemed to come back to her and her eyes widened.

"Oh God, Az," she said, giving him a worried look. "What have I done?"

"Nothing," Az was bewildered at her question. "You have done absolutely nothing. Everything is alright now."

"No. I was supposed to be quiet and yet he knew I was human. You had to kill him for that."

"I didn't kill him because he knew you were a human, Snowflake. I killed him because he hurt you."

The words came out unabashed and Cal's eyes widened more.

"I am sorry," she said. "I am so sorry for screwing this up. And I am so sorry I wasn't of much help. I just got a little- disturbed."

Her words seemed to squeeze something within Azriel and he cupped her cheek with his hand. He chuckled internally at how her entire face seemed to fit in his palm.

"You've been through hell, Cal," he said gently. "You are allowed to be scared sometimes."

"No! No, I am not. I promised you all that I will help you and now look at what I am doing. I am just a fucking liability!"

"You are not a liability. In fact, you did exactly what you needed to do."

"What? How?"

Az explained what Rhys had said to her as kindly as he could. There was no easy way to tell her that what she had gone through that day could be repeated exactly two days later.

Just when he finished explaining, there was a knock on the door. Rhys entered with a plate of food.

"Az took only one plate," clarified Rhys, setting down the plate on the table. "I figured he would need food too."

Rhys didn't look directly at Cal. Az could tell that he was guilty. And ashamed.

"Rhys," said Cal and that's when Rhys looked at her. "Its okay. I am not mad. You had told me Under the Mountain that when Amarantha captured you, you had to make some very hard choices very fast. And I know putting me up as bait was a hard choice and you wouldn't have done it if you had any other option. I am friends with a High Lord, I know I wont always have it easy."

"Thank you," said Rhys. "You are- you are too kind. I wouldn't have forgiven me."

"Well, I do. That's one of the perks of being human- you forgive easily."

Cal smiled at Rhys who smiled back.

"Just give me a heads up about what to expect two days later," said Cal casually. "I don't want to be backed up against the wall again without knowing if Az would be able to get to me on time."

"You know that you can say no, right?" said Rhys softly. "I am asking too much, and you are allowed to say no."

"I know that I can say no," said Cal. "But I choose not to. You didn't say you needed my help. I said I wanted to help you. If I am helping you, I might as well go the whole nine yards."

Rhys nodded and left the room. Az brought the plate of food to Cal. To Az's utmost relief, she started eating without a question.

"I have a request," said Cal as Az bit into his bread. "Tell me a story."

"In case you haven't noticed," said Az, "I am not exactly a talker."

"Please," said Cal, her lips pouting. "I could use a funny story."

"Fine."

And Az delved into a story about the three best Illyrian warriors when they were training to fight.

They had finished dinner and Cal had changed into fresh pajamas for the night. Az realised that he was still wearing his fighting leathers.

"Can you promise me something, Cal?" asked Az before leaving the room.

"Sure," said Cal.

"If you need something, anything, you will tell me. I don't care if you feel like you need blood or water or whatever, just tell me, okay?"

She tended to not voice her needs and he wanted to make sure she did.

Cal nodded woodenly; her lips set into a hard line.

"Az," said Cal right when he touched the door before opening it. He turned around. "I need something."

"What?"

"I need you to hold me." Her voice had broken and Az turned around.

Her face was crumpled up as if trying to hold back tears.

He reached her in two big strides and put his arms around her. Her head rested on his chest, her hands going around his waist.

She pressed her face harder into his chest and Az tightened his hold on her. He unfurled his wings and covered her with them as well, holding her as close as she wanted.

"I think," said Cal in a small voice. "I think I am broken."

"You are not," said Az, letting out a deep breath before kissing her head. "You just went through something bad."

"But I feel broken. I feel like I am never going to be good enough for anything."

"You are good enough for everything, Cal. And about being broken, just remember that every broken thing can be fixed, and therein lies its beauty."

Cal didn't say anything as she snuggled closer into his chest, taking a step towards him until their bodies were pressed tightly together.

"You are safe with me, Snowflake," said Az, gently removing the hair from her forehead before kissing her there. "And I will protect you."