𝟔

Ellie's POV I tossed and turned for hours until eventually giving up. I scrolled through my phone to pass time, but that stopped working too. I didn't know how to feel or what I should be feeling. I know she was grateful in the moment last night, but will she change her mind when she's sober? Will she be scared? Maybe she'll think I'm some sick fuck with a obsession . Fuck, I don't know. I'm tired of thinking about it.

At this point it's 7 am and I'm praying Dina is awake by now. I texted her, not really knowing a excuse to give to come over this early. "Yeah I'm up. You can come by, but be warned I'm looking rough lol." She almost instantly texted back. It's like she knows. Dina had known me since we were younger. She's seen more sides of me than most, even the ugly ones.

I quietly get dressed and grab my phone, making sure not to forget the key this time. I look back before leaving. She was facing away from the door. Her shoulders rising and slowly falling with each breath.

Before going to Dina's room I quickly cleaned up in the communal showers. I always went to Dina's room since she didn't have a roommate and it helps that she never judges me for my wrongs. Dina opens the door and gave me a sympathetic smile before hugging me.

"You okay? I heard about last night. Is she okay?" I nodded. I was looking for some words of wisdom or maybe she'll finally tell me how fucked up I am. "You didn't do anything wrong Ellie neither did Skyler." She placed her hand on my shoulder and tapped it with her thumb. "That guy was in the wrong, there was nothing either you could have done to prevent it." My face once looking towards the ground now looking up at her. I gave her a weak smile.

"I have given her more trouble than good every since we've met.""Oh Ellie, I know you have a tough exterior, but once you get through that you're worth it." She gave me a warm smile. God, where would I be without her and Jesse. "I'm glad you think that." I chuckled lightly. "You should talk to her about it. I know you tend to shy away about these things, buts she's going to need someone." She was right I knew that, but every ounce in my body told me to run. I was scared of hurting her, losing her. I was scared of how'd I react in certain situations. "Yeah." I dismissed her advice. "Can I stay here for a bit?" I didn't want to go back. Not yet. I didn't want to face any consequences. "Ellie..-""Please." I wasn't asking permission anymore. "Fine, but not all day ya hear? You need to talk to her." "Yes ma'am."

Skylers POV The pounding in my head grew too loud to ignore it. I squint my eyes open and look at my phone. "2:54 pm. Fuck." I cross my arms over my eyes for a second trying to muster the energy to get up. I glance over and see the water bottle. I desperately unscrew the lid and chug it. That's when I noticed her bed is empty. I mean, I guess that makes sense it's almost 3 in the afternoon, but I can't say I'm not slightly disappointed. We exchanged numbers in case of her getting locked out again. She could've at least texted me.

I very weakly made my way to the showers. Slowly. Too scared that any sudden movements will make me vomit. The warm water felt good rushing down my face. My head felt like it was clearing and my sore muscles relaxed a bit.

I made my way back to the room and I just sat. I was lost in thought. I wish I was so fucked up to the point I didn't remember, but no of course not. Is there something about me that screams 'I want a dirty ass man to hit on me and over step their boundaries?' I mean I know that's definitely not the case it's just hard to process. My mind shifted. Ellie. She quite literally could've saved my life last night. Any friend would've stepped in to help in that situation but, to that extent? That part I wasn't sure of. She was so calm compared to her actions. Not even her face seem to matched the violence she displayed. It was cold and distant.

4:15, 5:57, 8:35. I keep looking at my phone waiting for a text from her, but it never came. Does she not have classes tomorrow? I was fucking hurt. I was hoping she'd be here for me after that. I mean clearly she saw how distressed I was. I finally give up and lay down, hoping sleep will come over me sooner rather than later.

Ellie's POVDina kicked me out after a few hours, but I wasn't ready to go back. I found myself texting the girl I went to the bonfire with asking if she was busy. She knew as much as I did, what that meant. I met up with her and we smoked a blunt in her car. We didn't talk about feelings or what was right or wrong. We just talked about useless shit, stuff that really didn't fucking matter and that's what I needed. "You're quiet today, well more than usual." She turned and looked at me while hitting the blunt then handing it back. "Don't start." I took it from her fingers and held it between mine. I wasn't in the mood to reciprocate any sort of feelings with her. "Wow and you're in a shitty mood. Got it." She seemed fed up, fed up with me and fed up with this 'relationship' that we have going. I don't blame her. We fucked, smoked and that was it. She was just a stress reliever.

I take a hit and hand it back. "Can we do what we came to do?" I was growing impatient by the second. A part of me felt guilty and I wanted to get rid of that feeling. "You're always so straight to the point."she put the blunt out and tossed it in her front seat. She leaned it and started to kiss me, licking my bottom lip, asking permission for entry. I let her in. I had nothing in common with her, other than we both liked weed and sex and that was enough apparently. She started to get on top of me, her legs straddled my hips. I gripped them tightly and harshly. My hand moved up her side, while the other gripped the side of her face. Feeling her body through her clothes before tugging at the sides of shirt and slipping it off. I cupped her chest while still maintaining our make out session. "Ah" my harsh touches caused her to moan. God, just shut the fuck up. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want this guilt anymore. I could stop , but it just made me more aggressive. I unclasped her bra and began sucking and biting, while my hand tugged at her thighs and ass. I lifted her by her leg and laid her down across the back seat. She looked at me in a way that made me feel even worse. She trusted me. She was so vulnerable in this moment and she's trusting me. Fuck. I mentally shake my head of these thoughts. I unbuttoned her shorts and she lifted her hips. I toss them aside as I began to kiss her down her stomach and stopping just above her underwear. I gently rubbed her clit through the thin piece of fabric. I was on my knees looking down at her face, waiting for a reaction, and there it was. Her brows furrowed, her mouth slightly agape. Her wines and whimpers made this feel worth it.

I lower myself back down, stopping just before I could connect our lips. I move to her ear, "do you know how wet you are already?" I'm met with another moan and her eyes go big. The guilt now turning to anger. I kiss her harshly, I wasn't in any mood to be a gentleman. "How do you want me?" "Please- I want t-to feel you inside.." her tone was so needy, but it worked on me. I yanked down her underwear, leaving her completely bare. I placed my fingers on her pussy, gently coating my fingers before entering one finger then two, three.. "Ahh-h mhmmm" I leaned down to kiss her to stop her from drawing any attention. I pounded into her. Her moans turned to screams. With every curve of my finger, her body jerked and hips moving the rhythm.She had tears falling down the side of her face. She desperately pulled me down by the neck for me to comfort her, but I couldn't.

The guilt just kept growing.

Skylers POVIt was now super late, like damn near 11 o'clock late. Ellie still hasn't returned to the room. I don't even have Dina or Jesse's number to ask them about her whereabouts. I was worried. Did she get hurt? Did she get caught up in something? I didn't know her well enough to even know where she hung out or who, besides those two. Was she avoiding me? If that's the case, why? Did she think I was upset about something?

I tried talking to liv about it. I explained how I didn't know why I was given the cold shoulder, leaving out the part about the close encounter I had. I knew Olivia already had a negative perception about Ellie. I didn't want to tell her about Ellie punching a guy and knocking him out cold.

I settle my mind by telling myself she was just busy with whatever and I should get some sleep. I shifted and turned, occasionally looking at my phone only to be met with no notifications. I sighed in defeat and just looked at the ceiling that was lightly illuminated by the light in the hallway, creeping under the door.

It must have only been around half an hour or so, I was started to drift off when a familiar creak of the door hinges made me snapped my head to the entry."Ellie?" My voice felt distorted. I squinted trying to make out the figure in the doorway. "Oh sorry- I was trying to me quiet." "Where- no it's okay, I wasn't sleeping." I wanted to question her, but I hesitated. It's none of my business where she's been. "Hm." Based off of that response, she didn't seem like she wanted to talk.

She began undressed I turn my body to be facing her side of the room. I silently watched her strip of her clothes before putting on more comfortable ones. She got in bed facing the wall away from me. That's it? Is she really not going to say anything to me? I laid there, watching her back as if I could read her expression some how. My stomach began to churn. The anxiety was beginning to build. I had to say something, I can't stand this silence anymore.

"I meant what I said last night, thank you El's." I spoke quietly, as to not disturb the silence that filled the room. Her head seem to perk up before laying it back down, never turning to look at me. Silence. I turned to face the opposite direction. I twirled my finger in a pattern against my sheets. I don't understand her, not even in the slightest. I thought we could be friends of some sort. I guess that's my fault for being to hopeful. I closed my eyes and prayed to the god I don't believe in to let me get some sleep before classes tomorrow.

Ellie's POVThe girl that was once naked before me had left. I stayed behind in the car and smoked last of the blunt. I still wasn't ready to face the fact that I fucked up. I fucked up everything. I could've made this whole situation disappear, but I didn't. I self-sabotage and it slowing fucking killing me. I glanced at my phone that read 12:24 a.m.

"Fuck." I couldn't go back to Dina's. I didn't want to see the disappointment on her face, I can't handle that right now.I knew Skyler had classes in the morning, all I can do is pray that she is already asleep.

I walk back slowly, very slowly. I had a pit in my stomach that I couldn't shake. I felt like I betrayed her somehow? The truth is I never wanted to be friends with her, we were too different. She was a good girl, innocent and played by the rules. I would just ruin her. She deserves to be loved and loved the right way. I can't do that.

I tried to calm my shaky hands as I insert the keys to the door and turn. "Ellie?" Fuck. "Oh sorry-I was trying to be quiet." Please let that be it. Please just forget you ever saw me. "Where- no it's okay I wasn't asleep." Was she worried about me? I didn't want to engage any further with her tonight, I can't. I hummed to her, hoping she would get the hint. I started to undress. I didn't dare look at her, but I felt her eyes on my back. I need to be somewhere else as somebody else. Not here, in this moment. I got in bed and faced the wall, like a coward. She will hate me forever. "I meant what I said about last night. Thank you El's." Nicknames? Fuck, that just made the guilt grow stronger. Her small voice made me flinch. I felt the pressure build behind my eyes. I can't say anything I'll loose it. She can't comfort me I should be comforting her.

I felt a single tear escape the corner of my eye and trickle down the side of my nose. I wiped it away and push it down. Pushed it all down. Maybe I should request to switch rooms.