CHAPTER 16

"Chan..." He heard Jihye's soft voice as he sat on the edge of their bed, his back to her. He turned to find her standing in the doorway.

"I'm sorry about last night," she sighed and he nodded his head, thinking back to the fight they had.

"I know... I know I've said this so many times... I know it doesn't mean much to you anymore, but as soon as this workload lightens, I'll be here," she said, walking over to him quickly to sit with him on the bed.

"I need you here now," Chan said, his voice cracking. His emotions were heightened so much in the past twenty-four hours.

"I know, baby. I know," she said, wrapping her arms around him. He didn't move. He didn't acknowledge her feeble attempt of comforting.

"Chan," she breathed, placing her hand on his far cheek, aligning their vision. He looked into her eyes with a blank stare and waited.

"I know I've created this gap between us..." She started. It was less of a gap and more of a canyon.

"But I want to make it right and for that to happen, I need you to forgive me and give me a chance to try to make it right," she told him.

A part of him wanted to scream in her face that he'd given her chance after chance to make it right. But the more dominant part of him completely folded with her words. Words he needed to hear for so long – she was willing to put in an effort to make their marriage work.

Chan nodded as the emotions he felt wedged a lump in his throat, threatening to really cause him to break down. He let her kiss his lips and fully pull him into her arms in a tight hug that felt so good after a year's worth of denial from her.

"I love you, Chan," she breathed in his ear.

"I love you too, Jihye," he said, his words muffled against her collarbone.

"Daddy..." Chan heard Areum's tiny little voice, breaking his attention away from his wife. He pulled away from Jihye, immediately focusing on his daughter.

"Yeah, baby," he said, pushing back his emotion.

"I can't find Mr. Snuffles," she said with a little pout on her lips.

"Oh, no," he said dramatically to show Areum it was just as important to him as it was to her.

Even though that damn stuff dog always went missing. Chan didn't know how she lost it so much. But they always seemed to find it, so he was never too entirely worried. Although he knew Areum would absolutely lose her mind if they really couldn't find it.

"When's the last time you saw it, baby?" Jihye asked her as Areum walked deeper in the room toward her parents.

"I don't know," she said, looking up at her mother.

"That's okay. We'll... we'll find him. Won't we, daddy?" Jihye told her, looking at Chan hopefully.

"Of course we will, baby angel," Chan said, looking over at Areum.

It caught him off guard when he used Aera's nickname for Areum. He felt his cheeks blush because of it, almost feeling like Jihye might notice his slip-up, even though he knew deep down she wouldn't.

"Come on. Mommy and Daddy will help you. Maybe we can even get Jaehyun to help," Jihye offered, standing up from the bed holding out her hand for Areum.

"And Uncle Felix," Chan chimed in as he too got up from the bed.

"And Aera and Minhee?" Areum asked as the three of them walked out of the bedroom.

"Even Aera and Minhee if they're around," Jihye assured her with a nod.

It was an odd thing to hear Aera's name slide so easily off of Jihye's tongue. If she knew what was really going on, things would be completely different.

They headed down to Areum's room first and Chan stopped at Jaehyun's bedroom door.

"Hey, buddy. Can you help us look for Mr. Snuffles?" He asked him as he sat on his bedroom floor playing with toys.

"Again?" Jaehyun scoffed, looking up at his dad with his big green eyes.

"Yes, again. Come on, buddy," Chan said, waving his hand through the air.

"She always loses him. Can we get a tracking device?" Jaehyun asked as he got up and walked out his bedroom door. Chan laughed out loud at his suggestion.

"That's not a bad idea," he said as he ruffled Jaehyun's hair.

Mr. Snuffles was nowhere to be found in Areum's room, so they ended up moving downstairs where Felix and Minhee both joined in on the search. But Aera was nowhere to be seen.

"Daddy!" Chan heard Areum's shrill voice.

"Yeah, baby," he said, moving quickly toward her.

"Berry stole him," she said, standing in front of his dog bed.

Berry lay there with his front leg plopped right down on top of Mr. Snuffles, looking up at them like he had no idea why they were standing there.

"Berryy!" Chan playfully scolded him.

At the sound of his name, he stood up and started wagging his butt.

"This is mine, Berryy!" Areum yelled at him, ripping her stuffed dog up from the dog bed.

"Areum, you need to be nice to him," Chan told her.

"He stole Mr. Snuffles," she huffed.

"He's just a dog, love. He doesn't know any better," Chan said, crouching down to her level.

"But he stole him," she whined.

"Areum Rose, how much do you love Berry?" Chan asked her.

"I love him, but..." She started to protest.

"No buts. How much do you love Berry?" He asked again.

"A lot," she grumbled.

"And I happen to know he loves you a lot too. And I don't think he took Mr. Snuffles to make you angry. I'm sure he can see how happy Mr. Snuffles makes you and he wanted to have a turn playing with him too," Chan explained. She looked down at Berry who was now sitting on his butt staring up at them constantly.

"Sorry, Berry," she said finally, apologizing to the dog.

"Good girl," Chan said with a smile.

"You can play with him if you want," she said, setting Mr. Snuffles down on the dog bed.

"I think Berry had a good long turn. Why don't you go ahead and take Mr. Snuffles with you, love," Chan chuckled.

"Okay," she said happily, grabbing him up again.

"Thank you for being a big girl," Chan told her.

"You're welcome, daddy," she said with a big smile.

"And I'm sure Berry is thankful to you for sharing with him," he told her.

Areum looked over at Berry again and dropped to her knees onto the dog bed.

"You're welcome, Berryy," she said, petting his head before Berry licked her face and she let out a howl of a laugh.

"Why don't you go play, sweet girl," Chan said with a smile.

"Okay," she said, getting up again, quickly running off.

"You're such a good dad," Chan heard Jihye's voice behind him. He turned quickly, seeing her standing in the doorway.

"They're lucky to have you," she continued.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"I was thinking about making dinner tonight," she told him.

"Alright," he said with a small nod.

"Anything in particular you would like?" She asked.

"No. Whatever," he told her with a passive shrug.

"Okay," she said, looking at him for a few moments before she turned and walked out of the room toward the kitchen.

Chan took in a deep breath and let it out, feeling like he was living in the twilight zone all of a sudden.

"Areum just told me the good news," Felix said, walking into the room from the opposite doorway Jihye just left from. Chan spun to look at him.

"Oh, yeah. It was in Berry' dog bed," Chan chuckled lightly.

"So, Jihye..." Felix said cautiously, looking impressed that she was helping them in the case of the missing stuffed animal.

"She, uh... she just apologized for our fight last night and told me she's going to start being a part of the family again," Chan told him.

"Wow," Felix said, looking surprised.

"Yeah," Chan breathed.

"And how do you feel about that?" Felix asked carefully.

"I mean, if she's willing to put in the effort..." Chan started to say.

"How do you feel, though?" Felix pressed.

"Relieved," Chan told him honestly.

"And what about... your situation?" Felix asked, referring to Aera.

"I don't know," Chan said, running his hands through his hair.

"Which one is the lesser of two evils? The wife... or the mistress?" Felix asked in a hushed tone, cocking his eyebrow at him. The lesser of two evils?

Chan's mind immediately thought of Aera. Nothing about her was evil. The only reason she was even considered an evil was because of him – because he was married and he decided to be unfaithful. Aera was as close to perfect in his mind as a girl could get. But he knew he needed to be an adult and make things work with Jihye. Although, he wasn't entirely sure how that logic was going to hold out when he was in Aera's presence again.

...

Chan was certain Aera was avoiding him. The only time he saw her in two days was when it was her time with the kids. Other than that, she was like a ghost. It really bothered him a lot. As much as he wanted to work things out with his wife, he couldn't just drop Aera. Not after everything they'd been through together that summer. He didn't want to lose her – not just yet.

"Have you seen Aera?" Chan asked Felix as he came into the kitchen.

Felix stuck around here with Chan because his wife, Liz was out of town and just having him around was incredible – almost like old times. His support meant everything to Chan and he was so grateful he was around.

"No. Have you?" Felix asked, quivering an eyebrow at him.

"No. Actually I haven't," Chan told him with a sigh.

"It's a big house," Felix said, shrugging it off.

"I mean, like I haven't seen her. Like at all since you got here. We... we haven't even talked. I think she's avoiding me," Chan explained.

"Oh. Well, do you think it's maybe because she wants to give you some space to hang out with me?" Felix suggested optimistically.

"I don't know. I don't think she would blatantly avoid me though. I think it's something else," Chan told him.

"Like what?"

"I think she might be freaked out that you... you know... caught us," Chan told him in a hushed voice.

"Oh," Felix breathed.

"It's making me crazy. I just want to talk to her, but she's just... gone," Chan sighed.

"Maybe just give her some space," Felix suggested with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I want to let her know everything is okay – that she shouldn't be fearful of you... you know... outing us," he explained.

"Aren't you trying to work things out with Jihye?" Felix asked, cocking an eyebrow at his mate.

"I'll try to work things out with Jihye when she starts putting forth the effort. It's been two days since we talked about it and she has yet to show any improvement. Helping our daughter find her stuffed animal and cooking dinner is not going to reverse a year's worth of neglect," Chan scoffed, feeling excessively annoyed.

"Hmm," Felix hummed ominously.

"What?" Chan snapped at him.

"Nothing. I just... I'm kind of glad you're not going to make it easy for her," Felix told him.

"You get what you put into something. Jihye's going to learn that lesson the hard way," Chan said bitterly.

"Good for you," Felix said, smiling at him.

...

Aera was a bit startled when she looked up from her lounge chair by the pool and saw Felix standing over her. She avoided Chan and Felix for nearly two days. Why was Felix coming to talk to her now? She sat up in the chair to be polite, even though he made her nervous. He knew her and Chan's deepest secret and she did not have the same trust as Chan that it wouldn't somehow get out.

"We didn't get properly introduced. I'm Felix, Chan's hyung best mate," he said, holding out his hand to shake hers.

"I know who you are," she said quickly. And then back-tracked because of how rude it sounded when it came out.

"I mean... like, everyone knows who you are... and... I'm Lee Aera... but you can call me Aera," she told him as she shook his hand briefly.

She felt really awkward being around Felix because of what he knew. But in the back of her head, she couldn't help but remind herself he was the quirky band-boy her sister Jieun was in love with all those years ago. The fun, the one with big heart – the sunshine member of Stray Kids. She could see the kindness in his eyes and his beautiful  freckles and it put her at ease a little.

"It's nice to meet you," he said, smirking at her.

"Likewise," Aera said softly, dodging his glances. He was looking constantly at her and it was making her a little uncomfortable.

"You really are gorgeous, aren't you?" He commented and it was hard not to send him a sharp glare.

Was he hitting on her? Aera looked at him confused, almost shocked. He caught her with his best friend not even two days before and now he was hitting on her?

"Sorry, I couldn't get a good look at you before – with you on top of Chan hyung  and all. But you are rather pretty," he said, smiling slyly. A moment later she was certain he registered her discomfort because he quickly apologized.

"Oh, God. Sorry. That sounded creepy. I just meant, I see what Chan sees in you," he said, trying to rectify his inappropriate comment. Aera nodded, looking away from him.

"Please. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," Felix added.

"I'm fine. This would be uncomfortable with or without your inappropriate comments," she said, eyeing him again. He nodded sheepishly as he let out a strained laugh.

There was a brief silence that enveloped them and Aera was hoping he would just get up and leave her to her thoughts, but she was not so lucky.

"Things with Chan and Jihye have been strained for a long time..." Felix began. Aera's heart jumped into her throat. Why was he telling her that?

"She kind of disconnected from everything once Areum was born – which pretty much coincided with her promotion at her job," Felix explained and Aera found herself listening contently to his words that were bringing her insight into the complicated relationship that Chan and Jihye shared.

"She hasn't always been like this. She and Chan dated for quite a while before she got pregnant with Jaehyun. They were in love. But I don't know... like I said, she kind of disconnected," Felix told her.

"I don't know why you're telling me this," she said quietly, feeling as if she was intruding into Chan's life by suddenly being privy to things she should know nothing about.

"Because you're involved," he said matter-of-factly. Aera nodded lightly, biting her lip. She couldn't deny that.

"Chan isn't the type of person to go into things lightly. After the first time he slept with you, he came straight to me to tell me what he did..." Felix explained.

"He told you about us?" Aera asked, shocked. That explained his sudden trip to see Felix again after he already spent a whole week with him.

"Yeah, we talk about everything. I know all about his problems with Jihye, his concern for his children... you," he said.

"You don't know anything about me," Aera said, suddenly feeling incredibly vulnerable.

"I may not know about you personally, but I know about you and Chan," Felix countered.

"So, what? Are you here to tell me to stay away from him?" She asked, feeling as if she was going to burst into tears at any moment.

"Chan hasn't realized that staying in his marriage is doing more harm than good," Felix stated, shaking his head lightly. Aera stared at him blankly.

"He still feels like he can change Jihye. He can't seem to get it through his head that she made her choice and that choice isn't this family. He still loves her, no matter what – she is the mother of his children. He still wants her to be the mother he hopes she will someday become. But she won't. She never will," Felix explained. Aera's eyes were welling up with tears at his words – at Chan's naivety.

"He still has this notion in his head that he can't be without her – because of the fact that she is the mother of his children," Felix added.

"She's only hurting them – all of them," Aera said as a tear streaked down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She couldn't let him see her tears because then he would know how she truly felt about Chan.

"I can tell you care for them – both Chan and the kids," Felix said, watching her even though she was doing everything she could not to look at him.

"I do. I truly do," Aera said quietly.

"And I know Chan cares about you," Felix continued. Her head snapped to face him – her tears be damned.

"Does that surprise you?" He asked, looking at her skeptically. She didn't answer. She just looked away from him again.

"Like I said, Chan doesn't go into things lightly. He knows the way he's going about things is wrong, but somehow it didn't matter to him to be breaking the rules with you," Felix explained and Aera couldn't help but look over at him again.

"Why are you telling me this? It's not like any of it matters. He wants to be with his wife," Aera said bitterly, suddenly feeling incredibly angry. Felix stared into her enraged eyes, searching for something.

"You're in love with him," he said, coming to the realization on his own, causing her to scoff.

"Aera..." Felix said, placing his hand on her arm.

"You don't know anything about me," she shot at him, pulling her arm away.

"I can tell how you feel about Chan," he pointed out.

"He's married. He's not going to leave her. I'm just a kid anyway. This is... this is just so fucked up. I just..." Aera said, standing up from her chair.

"Aera... it's okay," he said, standing up too.

"It's not okay. Just leave me alone," she snapped before she stormed off toward the house.

"Aera!" Felix shouted after her, but she didn't respond

Aera did her best to stifle the tears until she was in the confines of her room. As soon as she collapsed on the bed, they flowed freely onto her pillow. She wished she couldn't feel. It would make the entire situation she was in more bearable.

...

As Chan was cooking dinner that night, Felix came to find him in the kitchen.

"I, uh... I talked to Aera," Felix told him, his voice hushed.

"What? You talked to her?" Chan asked wide-eyed, wondering what in the hell he talked to her about.

"Yeah," Felix nodded.

"What did you say?" Chan asked quickly.

"Obviously I talked to her about you," he told him.

"And?" Chan questioned impatiently.

"She's in love with you," Felix told him. Chan's heart squeezed tightly in his chest. She was in love with him?

"She said that?" Chan choked out.

"Not in so many words..." Felix said and Chan scoffed, dropping his vision away from Felix, going back to making dinner.

"You're in love with her too," Felix pointed out, coming to the realization. It was the one thing Chan never came clean about with him – his true feelings.

Chan bit the inside of his cheek as he stirred the food in the pan, keeping silent.

"Chan—" Felix pressed.

"It's not something that could be helped," Chan told him quietly.

"You're in love with her?" He asked again.

"Yeah. I just... I... fucking hell," Chan said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"What the hell are you going to do?" Felix asked, looking at his best mate awestruck.

"I don't know," Chan grumbled.

"Wow. This is... this is huge," Felix said, sounding shocked.

"Obviously I'd feel something for her after what we've been doing," Chan added in and Felix nodded.

"What did she say?" Chan asked curiously, feeling like a gossiping teenager all of a sudden.

"She got really upset with me," Felix told him with a laugh.

"About what?" Chan asked, his head snapping in his direction.

"I called her out about being in love with you, just like I did to you," Felix told him.

"What the hell were you talking about?" Chan asked impatiently.

"You... and Jihye," Felix said sheepishly.

"Why would you talk to her about Jihye?" Chan asked wide-eyed, the anger rising in his chest.

"Because I think Aera is the only one who can set your mind straight about Jihye," Felix explained.

"What the hell does that mean?" Chan asked, raising his voice a bit.

"Aera is the only one who can make you understand that Jihye is a lost cause," Felix told him.

"That's not your fucking place, Felix," Chan growled.

"Whether it is or not, something needs to open your eyes," Felix said, shrugging casually.

"Oh my fucking god," Chan scoffed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Relax, mate," Felix told him.

"You probably scared the shit out of her, Felix. She's twenty-two years old. She doesn't need to be thrust into the middle of a failing marriage that began when she was just a kid," Chan said heatedly, keeping his voice down in case wandering ears were near.

"You thrust her in the middle of it, Chan. Not me," Felix pointed out.

"Oh my god. I just... this is fucked... fucking hell," Chan said, turning back to the stove, stirring the food so it wouldn't burn to the bottom of the pan.

...

At dinner, Aera wouldn't even look in Chan's direction and he couldn't blame her for the way things played out – his behaviour the last night they were together, Felix' intrusiveness. It was all overwhelming even for him. He couldn't imagine how she was feeling.

Jihye offered to help Chan with dishes but he told her he would do it. It didn't even cross his mind that she was in fact trying to make an effort. His mind was too focused on Aera. Felix got a phone call from Liz immediately after dinner and had to take it. Minhee and Jihye ended up taking the kids to the other room after they brought their plates into the kitchen as Chan began running water in the sink for the dishes. That left Aera to clear the rest of the table. When she came into the kitchen carrying a stack of plates, Chan watched out of the corner of his eye, totally engrossed in her. It was the closest they'd been in days. He watched her walk out of the kitchen, completely ignoring him and it stung his heart. But she was back a few moments later with more dishes.

"Aera..." Chan breathed.

Her brown eyes looked up into his. He could tell she was fighting herself to keep a neutral look on her face and it weighed his heart down even more.

"We..." He sighed, shaking his head.

"It's okay, Chan," she said, waving her hand through the air.

"No, it's not. I-I just want to talk to you," he told her.

"Oh," she said, her eyes looking timidly up into his.

"I want you to know the way I acted the other night..." He started to explain.

"Chan, god. Stop. No. The way you acted the other night—you don't have to apologize. Please," she said, letting her eyes show a little emotion.

"And... and Felix... he's not going to say anything about us," he reassured her. Chan watched her body grow rigid with the mention of Felix.

"I'm sorry about Felix... about him talking to you. He shouldn't have... he... he just shouldn't have done that," Chan told her.

"It's okay," she said quietly, looking anywhere but in his eyes.

"It's not, but I appreciate that anyway," he told her with a light smile.

"Yeah," she said, nodding her head slowly.

"Just... I'm sorry," he told her.

"Yeah," she said again.

They stood there for a few moments longer before she hesitated and walked out of the kitchen.

"Fuck ," Chan breathed, shaking his head as he gripped onto the countertop to steady himself.

Things were so messed up and he couldn't see a way of changing it. He wasn't sure how they could ever go back to the way things were. And a part of him knew it might be a good thing. But the rest of him was more than a little distressed about it.