🥀 14 🥀

⚠️TW: Scroll down to end for details.⚠️

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Lyla woke up with a fuzzy head the next morning, feeling cool skin beneath her cheek, her body moving with the breaths underneath her.

She squints her eyes as she looks up, realising that she's lying on Loki's bare chest. Feeling a smile creep onto her face at the memory of last night, she catches the breath she's subconsciously holding as she stares at the God before her.

His skin is pale in the morning sun, his tattoos splayed across his skin like art in the Cystine chapel. His eyebrows are for once, not crinkled in worry or anger, but relaxed and smooth. His long, dark hair is touching his shoulders as he breathes deeply.

Lyla can't help but sigh at the sight before her. She's never seen him look so...peaceful and normal. The fact she invited her to her apartment and he actually slept in the same bed as her, still here this morning is something so foreign to her. To an outsider, it might actually look like they were a couple...

Lyla becomes annoyed at her thoughts again as she's reminded that isn't what this is. Or is it? Did Loki offer to stay? Or did she ask him?

She can't remember that part of the night too well, but something is different if he's still here this morning.

Lyla slowly shuffles out of bed, rubbing her eyes as she puts on her silky robe, traipsing into the kitchen to start the coffee going.

She knows Loki will likely leave as soon as he's awake, so she wants to keep him here as long as she can, before his crazy life claims him again. Lyla watches dreamily as the steam comes from the pot, smelling the coffee roasting and pretending, just for one mad moment that this is their situation. Not the arrangement, but this Sunday morning right here.

Perfection.

Lyla grabs the two mugs, tiptoeing back into the bedroom to see Loki stirring, looking up at her smiling as she walks in, handing him the mug.

He takes it gratefully and clears his throat, eyeing Lyla up and down in the delicate fabric that dances across her skin.

Thoughts of fucking her last night come to the forefront of his mind as he takes a swig of the black liquid in front of him, letting the warmth wake him up. Loki quickly pushes away those thoughts, realising the gravity of his overnight stay. He frowns, sitting up more as Lyla joins him in bed, looking at him anxiously. It appears she might've been thinking the same thing.

"You never stay." She mutters quietly as she sips her own coffee, thick with milk, unlike Loki's.

Loki frowns at these simple words, understanding the implication. He was surprised himself to say the least. He was more surprised however, that it didn't feel wrong. And that's what worried him greatly.

"You asked me to." He replies with a thin-lipped smile, although Lyla notes it's more of a grimace.

She feels her cheeks flush as she tries to remember pleading with him not to leave. She feels foolish.

"I'm glad I did though." He adds on quickly as he brings himself to look deep into her wide and ashamed eyes.

He can't ignore the sickly warmth that spreads in his chest when he looks at her. How he wants to envelope her, protect her and keep her away from others.

He's absolutely fucked in other words.

Lyla's face lights up at this, as she bites her bottom lip.

"I'm really glad you did too." She says, moving a little closer and putting her coffee on the bedside table next to her.

She grabs Loki's jaw, turning his head so she can lightly kiss him. This was a different kiss from last night, it was gentle and passionate. It was....loving. Loki closes his eyes as she pulls away, afraid of what he might say that might ruin this moment. Afraid of any feelings that he's developing.

"Lyla, I-" He begins but Lyla grabs his coffee from him, placing it with hers and straddling his lap.

She traces a finger across his intricate tattoo designs over his chest, taking each one in like it's the last time she'll see him. She slowly circles the raised skin of scars littered underneath the ink, frowning slightly.

"Don't say what I know you're going to say." She murmurs as she kisses him again, he responds by grabbing her hips and grinding them into his growing erection, desperately trying to stop himself and his thoughts.

Everything he touches he breaks. Everywhere he goes there is blood and destruction. This is why life was easier alone.

How had he let himself get into this position?

He pulls away with all his might, seeing Lyla looking down at him with sad eyes. It physically hurts him, more than any blade or gunshot wound ever has.

He hasn't felt this alive since Frigga was here. Lyla was like a campfire in the middle of the wilderness, providing warmth and survival in the darkest of times.

"How did you get these scars Loki?" Lyla asks, quickly changing the subject as she watches Loki's thoughts flicker across his face.

For once, he is not as steely as he thinks he is. Lyla is becoming better at reading him.

Loki grabs her hand that's against his chest, stilling it and bringing it to his mouth, kissing it lightly and delicately, like she was made of porcelain.

He so desperately wants to open his soul to her, if he even has one, he's not sure anymore. Everyone else looks at him with fear, but not his sweet Pet before him now. Only curiosity and adoration. It isn't right.

He sighs heavily, bringing her hand back down to the first of the scars, ignoring his instincts.

"This...This is from my first fight with Thor." He begins, chuckling a little and surprising himself.

Lyla looks horrified but Loki quickly reassures her.

"We were taught early on how to use weapons, unfortunately for us that meant when sibling fights occurred, things got rather messy." Loki states.

Lyla traces it gingerly, feeling like she was in a territory that no person had been before and feeling honoured.

"What about this one?" She says, moving her fingers over carefully to a raised bump underneath his family crest.

Loki looks down, following her gaze as he takes an inhale.

"My first gunshot wound." He says quietly.

"First?" Lyla asks, horrified.

Loki raises an eyebrow and nods.

"In my line of business, there's too many to count." Loki adds softly.

He watches Lyla's face contort. She knew little parts of his world but the full extent was beyond her nightmares. He didn't want her to think of him in that way.

"What happened to the other guy?" Lyla breathed with an uneasy laugh.

Loki strokes her thighs either side of him, trying to meet her gaze.

"Do you really want to know the answer to that Sweetheart?" He asks.

Lyla looks deep into his emeralds, feeling her heart race at the intimacy. She nods her head before she can think further.

"I killed him." Loki breathes, so quietly it's almost a figment of Lyla's imagination.

She stills her hand movements, her blood frozen as she reminds herself to exhale. Loki studies her expression, watching for signs of fear and horror, but finding none. Confusion and sadness he does find however.

"Loki..." She sighs and Loki sits up to grab her face between his large hands.

"I know what I am Lyla, I am a monster. The monster that parents tell their children about in stories at nightime. My father made sure of that." Loki uttered.

Lyla shook her head, feeling tears in her eyes. The alarm bell that had been ringing since she met Loki was loudly echoing through her head again, but she fought hard to suppress it. She knew, deep down, that Loki was capable of this from the moment she met him, but hearing him say the words was something else.

She knew she should run as far away as she could, that she wasn't safe, but her heart was telling her something else. She'd seen the kindness and generosity Loki had shown her, she'd seen how he had spoken about his mother, with such love and passion, she'd seen the way he protected Lyla, how he went out his way to help those he cared about.

He wasn't a bad person, she knew that deep down. She still felt bile rise in her throat and uneasiness settle into her bones.

"You're not a monster Loki. It's not your fault." Lyla breathed, trying to steady her thoughts again as she lightly placed a hand on Loki's cheekbone, him flinching slightly at the movement.

"How can you not see me for what I truly am Lyla? I've done terrible things. That isn't even the start of it. I've killed people, tortured people, paid off feds to look the other way, tracked down people who didn't want to be found, I've shipped in weapons and drugs and all the things that guarantee you a one-way ticket to Hell." He blurts out, unable to stop himself now.

He owes her it.

She shakes her head, pulling away slightly as she feels tears prickle behind her eyes. Hearing him say these things was something else. She blocks her ears.

"Stop , Loki, please." She whispers as she shakes her head.

He backs away as she rolls off him, the silence heavy between them. Eventually, Loki braves a glance at her. She looks at him, not with fear but with pity.

"I'll go-" Loki begins but Lyla reaches out and grabs his hand, their fingertips entwining around each other.

She can't figure out what she's doing, but she knows she can't let him leave.

"Tell me about the others." She whispers, pointing to the rest of the scars.

Loki looks confused at Lyla as he feels his own throat get hard. She's too far in now, and she needs to know it all. He feels guilt stab at his heart.

He takes a sharp breath in whilst he points to another, a burn on his forearm.

"My father, whenever I failed at something after Mother died, he'd put his cigar out on me." Loki winces slightly as he touches it, tracing to another identical one higher up, as if he can still feel the pain like it was yesterday.

Lyla feels a tear slip down her cheek. Loki keeps his head down, moving onto his hip.

"This, this is when I got Steve out of the car....it rolled over, an enemy shot out our tyres. It all happened so fast, but the car was going to blow, I had to crawl over the glass..." He trails off, his mind accessing places it hadn't in so long.

He doesn't know why he's letting the floodgates open.

"And this one-" He begins again but Lyla leaps forward, grabbing Loki's face harshly to look at hers.

He's surprised when he sees the tear flowing down her cheek and it breaks his heart. He trails a thumb across to catch it before it can fall off her face, annoyed at himself that he has brought her so much pain.

"Do you hate me Lyla?" He asks lowly and Lyla sniffs, wiping the other side of her face with the back of her hand, steadying herself as she strokes the back of Loki's neck.

She knows this is wrong, but her heart doesn't lie.

"I don't hate you Lokes. You're not a bad person, you've been through so much, you didn't have a choice from when you were young it's all you've known..." She starts, trying to put into words how much she believes he has good within him.

Peggy is right. People are like books. Loki would be a hardback, with twists and turns, dark and scary but with an anti-hero that you can't help but adore.

"I can't hate you, because I love you." She breathes as she forces herself back onto him, taking him off guard as she slips her tongue into his mouth deeply and passionately.

Loki, still in shock, puts his arms around her back, holding her close to him. He flips them over so she is lying on her back, her robe spilt open revealing her body to him.

He pulls away as he sees more tears drip down the side of her face. He swallows hard, his heart skipping ten beats in a row. Hearing those words was like a dagger to the chest and sunshine after thunder at the same time.

"How...Lyla....I...?" He mumbles, utterly confused and convinced what he's just heard fall from her lips is nothing more than a figment of his imagination.

"I'm sorry Loki. I'm sorry. I know this wasn't part of the arrangement. I know it's soon. I shouldn't have said it, it's only been a few months. Oh God." Lyla says as she sits up feeling dizzy from both the breath-taking kiss she's just had and the confession she's just unwittingly let slip.

Even Lyla herself was surprised that the words came out of her. Loki looks at her full of awe and pain as he swallows hard.

"Can we just forget this happened? Go back to the contract, or not...we don't have to. I'm so sorry." Lyla continues but Loki grabs the side of her neck with one hand, the other lifting her chin to look at him so he can see if she's lying or not.

He sees no sign of falsity.

"Fuck Lyla." He breathes as he realises what's happening.

He can't let this happen. He's just told her all these things, just shown her what he truly is, not even the half of it. How does someone like her even fit into his world of violence and pain? He's fucked up. He knows it.

He pushes himself off the bed, putting on his clothes from the night before and facing away from her. He can feel Lyla's pain radiate off her at the rejection. Little does she know it's because he can't comprehend the intensity of the situation he's found himself in.

"Loki, please don't leave like this. It's ok if you hate me." Lyla begs as she sniffs again.

Loki whips around to see her curled into a ball upon herself protectively. He feels his chest tighten at the sight, remembering what he promised himself the night before, that he'd do anything to protect her. He takes a big breath in, stepping back towards the bed and grabbing Lyla's face in his palms.

"Lyla, I love you too. That's why this has to stop. I can't-" He stumbles as he watches her bite her lip, trying to stop more tears falling.

Her eyes however betray her, they light up at the admission. She grabs hold of his wrists, hard, so he can't let go. She sits upright onto her knees to try and bring herself to a similar height to him, looking him dead in the eyes.

"I'm not letting you go. Please Lokes. I want to be with you. I know it's not what you wanted, but if you feel the same way, we can't ignore it." She pleads as she feels her head filling with too many thoughts.

Loki looks torn, he doesn't know what to do.

"I'm broken Ly. I cannot be with you. Our worlds don't mix. You are pure and kind and good. I've already fucked you up." He says, scrunching his eyes shut wishing that this hadn't happened.

Wishing he could take back that night at the club and his lustful urges. Wishing he could stop Thor from convincing him to make an arrangement, wishing he could stop his mother dying and his father hurting him.

"I'm broken too. We can be broken together." Lyla says softly and it breaks Loki's heart.

Fuck. He loves this girl. Why couldn't he see it before?

"You're not." He says firmly as he frowns deeply, shaking his head.

Lyla undoes her robe slightly, tracing her fingers over to her own scar. Loki looks confused.

"This is from where he broke me." Lyla stutters as she inhales through her nose, trying to muster the courage to continue.

Loki moves closer, grabbing her hand.

"You don't have to." He states firmly but Lyla shakes her head.

"I need to." She replies grimly as she looks back down at herself.

"He was my only long term boyfriend. I met him in college." Lyla begins again as she feels her hands shake.

It's been so long since she said any of this out loud, it feels foreign on her tongue.

Loki moves to sit next to her on the bed, his own breath bated as he feels anger pool into his blood at what's to come.

"I was naive. I think it was my own fault really. I didn't realise what love was meant to be." Lyla let another tear fall, as it landed onto the skin she was holding onto with her fingers.

"After we finished college he got more possessive. He didn't like how much time I spent with Nat. He told me what I could and couldn't wear going out. He began checking my phone, getting paranoid. He took down pictures of my Mom...told me I needed to get over it and he should be the most important person in my life now..." Lyla's sobs began to get heavier.

She didn't know why she was telling Loki this but something made her implicitly trust him. All the emotions from the last forty eight hours were piling on top of her. She couldn't bear to steal a glance at Loki because she needed to keep going, to get it all out. Like sucking poison out a snake bite.

"I tried to leave, things got bad. He threw a glass at me, amongst other things, but it shattered on my hip and got me. I went to the hospital, they convinced me to press charges. You should've seen Nat's face when they managed to persuade me to contact her. She was so distraught and I did that to her." Lyla says, so deep in her memories, Loki isn't even sure she's still in the room.

Hearing how his precious girl was treated makes him feel livid. He wants to tear this person limb from limb.

"Lyla, you did not do that. To Natasha or to yourself." Loki manages to utter between gritted teeth.

He's never seen her look more distraught. Lyla curls up into herself instinctively. She hears his words but he's far away. He can see her retreating further into the recess of her mind.

"Lyla, you're safe now. I promise. I won't let anyone hurt you." Loki says again as Lyla slowly looks at him, her eyes glazed over and red.

He suddenly clicks into gear.

"Was this... from him?" Loki mutters as he slowly moves to pick up the scrunched up note on the side.

Lyla's eyes drift towards it, furrowing in pain as she squeezes them shut, nodding.

"He's found me again Loki." She whispered, fear in her voice.

Lyla was such a headstrong woman, to see how just a memory had reduced her to this emblazoned Loki with fiery murderous rage.

"Did you go to the police?" Loki asks more gently this time as he sees Lyla try to collect herself.

She looks down as she closes the gown, shaking her head.

"I have a restraining order, but it won't stop him. Nothing can. I haven't even told Nat. I don't know how he found me." Lyla shakes as she talks.

Loki tentatively reaches out, slowly touching the sides of her arms trying to bring her back to reality.

"I can." He says finitely.

Loki had killed before. But this time, it was going to be extremely personal.

No one hurts someone he loves and gets away with it.

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⚠️tw: domestic violence and stalking themes.⚠️

A/N: a shorter chapter until the next as I decided to break it up. I've made myself a promise to apologise less in life so I won't say sorry for the delay but thank you instead for waiting and being supportive 🖤💯