Chapter 4-Newt and You

"Emmy? Is that you up there? Are you okay? What the bloody hell happened back there, and what are you doing in another tree? Me and Minho have been looking for you for a while now, do you mind coming down?" Newt was standing under the tree looking up at me. He looked confused, with one hand on his waist, the other shielding his eyes from the setting sun. I took a deep breath and called down to him.

"I'm sorry Newt. Ill explain later. I just needed to get out of there." He raised one eyebrow.

"Emmy, are you okay? You looked like you were having a bloody heart attack. You scared the klunk out of Minho, Alby and I."

Oops...

I didn't mean to cause trouble, I just couldn't stand being in that small room with the noise and that many people near me.

"I need to leave, Newt. I cant stand being trapped here." He nodded,

"Yeah, I know the feeling. You spend 2 years in the bloody maze and you learn to hate it, but its not so bad anymore."

Oh. I should have thought about that. He's been here a lot longer than I have. Maybe he has advice.

"Newt, how do you stand it? How do you not feel suffocated by the walls?" He moved his hand down away from his face and into his pocket.

"What do you mean? They're far enough away, and they're not going anywhere." He sounded so fine with it, I almost forgot about my fear for a moment. I nodded. I opened my mouth to talk when he called up again,

"Emmy, come on down here please. We've all been looking for you, we want to make sure you're okay." I nodded, turned and looked up at the wall one last time, and started to climb down a bit. Newt didn't quite get it, did he? That I couldn't stand being down there. Maybe he just needs me to explain it to him. I stopped, and sat on a thick branch.

"Hey Newt, why don't you come up here instead?"

"Come up there? Why would I want to bloody do that?"

I shrugged, "I want to show you something" I shouted down. He hesitated, looking up at the tree.

"Come down a bit more and yeah, ill come sit with you." I climbed down towards the lower branches, so we were only about 10 feet off the ground. Newt, being careful with his leg, pulled himself up into the tree, until he was on the same branch I was, and sat down. He turned to me, still with a concerned look on his face.

"Emmy are you sure you're okay? You acted like... I don't even know what that was back there." I looked away. He seems really concerned for me, and I left without telling him where I went.

I nodded, "yeah, I'm fine now. I just had to get out of there." He looked at me, his warm brown eyes asking for answers, but not wanting to push me too far.

"Why are we here exactly? What did you want to show me?"he asked gently. I sighed and pointed out at the maze.

"That's why I want to run. I cant stand it in these walls. When I was in the box I felt like I was being crushed, and I couldn't breath. It was just, darkness, and the metal walls. I felt them closing in on me, and I couldn't breathe, or move, or do anything. I was terrified. l feel like that surrounded by the maze. I need to get out of here." Newt looked at me, confused. I think he realized what I meant after a minute and his expression changed to sympathy.

"Emmy? Wait...you're...You're bloody claustrophobic? Why didn't you tell me? If I had known that I would have let you go out today for a bit. I just don't want you out there everyday." I nodded. I should have told him and alby, but I didn't know how to bring it up. I decided to tell him how I felt.

"When I was coming up in the box I panicked. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, like I was being crushed. I felt like I was dying, and I couldn't remember the life I had that I would be losing. I came out here and I met you and Minho and I felt better, but I still feel trapped. I feel like those walls are going to crush me." I looked back at him. His expression seemed to be understanding, but still concerned. He looked down at the ground.

"I didn't know you felt like that." He looked sad. Like he realized what I had been thinking.

"Yeah... I didn't know the walls had moved until you talked about it at dinner. All I could picture was the glade shrinking as the walls came closer and crushed all of us. When you guys were talking I pictured everyone I saw getting crushed, and I couldn't handle it. I just...I panicked."

He looked at me, urging me to continue, then he put his hand down on top of mine and held it. I kept going

"Ive only been here a little while, but if I could see what's out there, see that the walls don't mean I'm trapped necessarily, and that I can keep running, id feel safer. I just...I cant stay like this," my eyes started to water, and my voice cracked, "I know it's stupid, but i can't live with the fear of the others and you getting hurt." The tears started falling and Newt wrapped his arms around me, comforting me, protecting me. I let out a sob and Newt stroked my hair. I bride my face in his shoulder, crying into his tan sweater. He kept his arms wrapped around me.

"Emmy, Ive only known you for two days, but I think I knew you before all this. I just...I feel the same way with Minho, but it's different. He's like a brother to me, but you"...he stopped, "I cant let you get hurt, and i don't want to see you like this. If you need to leave, you should leave for a while. I don't know what you're feeling right now but I know how bloody terrifying it is being the greenie. Then throw in the fact that you're the only girl and you're claustrophobic and....Emmy..Im so sorry."

I sobbed again. Newt kept consoling me,

"You've been so tough lately. When I got here I cried like a shucking baby for a while. You didn't. If you need to cry now, that's okay." He wrapped his arms tighter around me as if letting me know it was okay to cry, and I did. The sobs came and Newt held me the whole time. I cried for the other gladers. I cried for my old life. I cried for the memories I can't remember, and the family I forgot. I cried for everybody else's family. I cried for Minho and newt, and I cried for me. My chest rattled and my tears fell onto newts shirt, soaking it. The tears didn't seem to stop. I cried for Minho having to run through the maze. I cried for Alby having to run this place. I cried for newt going through all this. The tears didn't stop. I started to hiccup but newt held me the whole time. I pictured the parents I don't remember, the siblings I may have had. The friends ill never see again. I wondered about what my life was like before this, and what I was supposed to be doing here. I cried for everyone I've met and everyone I've forgotten. When the tears eventually stopped I didn't move. I didn't want to go back to the others, and I didn't want to leave Newt. I felt safe. Up here in the tree surrounded by leaves with him. I could feel his heart beating through his chest, and I didn't move yet, not wanting the moment to end. I matched my breathing to his heartbeat, trying to calm myself down. After a while of just sitting I sat up, wiped my eyes, and put my head on his shoulder.

"Thanks Newt. I really needed that. " He nodded and gave me a sad smile. I pulled away and wiped my eyes again, not wanting to return to the others and letting them see I cried.

"Maybe I don't need to leave. What if I just want to run around the glade a bit, to feel like I'm not trapped, like there's nothing holding me back. Or even if I just climb the tallest tree and look out at the maze. I can probably find a way out." Newt nodded, watching my expression change. When I finished he sighed.

"Climbing a tree could work for you. I mean, it seems like something you enjoy doing, and if it helps, then yeah, do it as often as you'd like. Id rather you not be running through the maze or be sitting in a tree fifty feet off the ground," He paused and turned to me. "But I get why you feel that way. If I was claustrophobic id probably be running through the bloody maze and climbing trees too." I smiled faintly, sniffled, and put my head on his shoulder again.

"You're not upset, Newt? You seemed pretty concerned about me being a runner yesterday."I asked him. He looked away from me and out at the glade.

"I'm not particularly happy about your choice Emmy, but I get it." He looked up at me. A small smile on his face, "just remember what I said, got it? Be safe out in the bloody maze." I smiled.

"Thanks Newt,"He didn't say anything for a moment, we just looked out through the trees. I didn't want to move, to leave his comforting arms and return to the glade, but eventually he cleared his throat.

"Well, Emmy. Now that that's settled, Alby and Minho were also looking for you. We should go let them know you're okay." I wiped my eyes one last time and smoothed my hair down, trying to erase all evidence of tears.

"You good?" He asked. I nodded and he started to climb down. I followed him, and as we dropped to the ground Minho came running up through the trees. When he saw us, a look of relief flashed across his face.

"Hey Newt! You found her!" He turned and smiled at me, but saw my puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks and frowned, "what happened? You okay greenie? Why'd you run off like that?" He looked concerned and confused, but I just pointed at the tree and sighed.

"Minho, I had to get out of that building. The noise and the thought of being trapped in those walls made me feel sick. Its why I want to run." Minho scrunched up his face in confusion. Newt walked over and whispered something in his ear. Minho looked at me the whole time, nodding. Newt said something and his eyebrows lifted in surprise and a smirk spread across his face.

"You're claustrophobic greenie?" He started laughing, and bent over, shaking his head. He kept laughing louder, as if what newt told him was the funniest joke he'd ever heard. Newt shot him a look and elbowed Minho in the side. Minho stopped, cleared his throat and said quietly, "this must be difficult for you then." He was holding in his laughter, and trying not to smile. He took a deep breath and calmed down.

I nodded. Minho walked over to me and slung an arm around my shoulder.

"Well tomorrow green bean we're running all day. I'm also not letting you out of my sight, got it?" I nodded. "Good that." Minho said. Then he took his arm off my shoulder.

"Newt, greenie, lets go find Alby, he's probably just as worried as we were."

I nod and look at the ground. I didn't mean to cause any trouble. I study the laces of my boots, not wanting to look at the boys right now, and Minho put a hand on my back, pushing me gently forward.

"Come on greenie, let's get back to the others," he said, gently guiding me back through the deadheads. Newt put his hand on my other shoulder and i felt a small smile spread across my face at the simple gestures. When we get back to the homestead I'm greeted by Alby who claps a hand on my shoulder. A look of relief flashes across his face.

"Okay. Good. They found you. You okay greenie?" He asks, genuine concern written across his face. I nod, and he lets out a sigh, then smiles.

"Good that. Do you want to explain what happened back there?" He asked, his eyes suddenly seeming to want to know every detail. I look away, not wanting to meet that prying glance. I don't know if I even want Minho to know about what happened. I can't hide it from Newt, but I can hide it from Alby. I shake my head, and Minho comes up behind me, placing a hand on my upper back.

"Why don't we let the greenie get to bed. She's had a long night." Alby shakes his head and raises his eyebrows but doesn't say anything. Minho raises one eyebrow and nods towards me. Alby nods, and I have no idea what they're motioning about. Minho nods as he somehow understands what Alby is trying to say. Minho nods again at Alby, and he takes his arm off my shoulder to walk over to the dark skinned boy. Alby cups his hand around Minho's ear and whispers something. I turn to Newt, not tearing my gaze from the two.

"Um, Newt. What's going on exactly? I know they're talking about me, why are they being so secretive?" Newt looks over at them then leans over towards me.

"It's nothing. We have a tradition with the greenies. They meant to do it last night but Nick was sick. He's the guy that usually introduces the greenies to the glade, but he was unable to get out of bed the past week. He wanted us to wait for him to feel better so they're doing it tonight." I raised an eyebrow at Newt, but still kept my gaze on Minho, who glances in my direction.

"What's the tradition...thing?" I asked quietly. Newt puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You'll find out tonight love. Ive gotta go talk to Alby about...something. You stay here, and Ill see you tonight." He smiled at me and walked over to Alby and Minho, whispering something in both of their ears. I turn back to Minho, who turns to me, "Can I explain what happened to Alby, or..." he asks. I appreciate him asking first and nod. He nods back. Anther voice chimes in.

"Alright, well then Emmy, you can head to bed, and we'll tell good ol' Alby what happened, sound good?" Newt asks. I smile and nod. "Alright, well off ya go. We'll see you tonight Emmy."

"See ya tonight greenie," Minho calls after after me. I start to walk away, suddenly exhausted at the nights events. I'm startled when I hear a shout.

"Hey! Greenie! Don't forget, you're running tomorrow!" Minho calls, smiles and runs off after Newt and Alby. I get back to my room, close the door, and I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow.