I'm sorry

A/N: This includes drug$, m3ntal illn3ss, and alc0h0l. You're Tom's little sister in this one. In no way is this true in anyway. Tom would never push someone away if he finds out they're on drugs, but for the sake of this story, he'll do that. Tom's 26 in this, and you're 20.

Y/N's POV: 

I've always been the hidden Holland sibling. No one knows about me, because I think my family is ashamed of me. Despite me being closest in age to Paddy, I've always been really close with Tom. He was always there for me whenever I had boy problems. I can't even count the amount of times he's beat up some guy for breaking my heart. All that changed after Tom got Morgan (Let's pretend that's his wife) pregnant. He pushed me away. At the time, he was 24 and I was 18. They were engaged back then. I wasn't allowed to come to the wedding, neither was I allowed to see my niece at the hospital, because I'm on drugs. I've tried getting clean, but I can't. I've tried every way. I've been to rehab, I got a therapist, I moved in with my friend, but nothing seems to work. 

(Flashback to when Morgan gave birth)

I got in my car when I heard Morgan had given birth. Tom promised me that I could be in the room when she gave birth, but I never got that call. I wasn't mad. I get it. 

I pulled into the closest parking spot I could find, excited to see my first niece. I got the present I got for them out of the passenger, and started walking to the entrance. I walked into the elevator, and pressed 3, the childbirth ward. I walked in front of the reception, about to ask what room they were in, but felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see harry standing there.  "Hey, Harry. I was just about to ask what room you guys were in." "1208" He said, emotionlessly. I started walking into the corridor to go to room 1208. "Y/N, wait." I hear Harry say from behind me. "Yeah?" I said. "Tom doesn't want you seeing the baby." He said, staring me in the eyes. "Oh. Yeah...umm...That's fine. I won't go in. Do you mind giving them this from me?" I said, handing him the present, trying to hold back the tears. He nodded, coldly (Idk if that's a word) and took the box from me. 

I ran to my car, and slammed the door. I sobbed my eyes out. I went back home, and called my dealer, and told him that I needed coke now. We met at some shady bar that night, and he handed me a clear baggie of white powder. I went home, and laid a clean line of that shit on the back of my hand. I sniffed across the line 3 times to pick it all up. I cleaned my nose, so no one saw anything. I cried and cried and cried, non stop for 3 weeks. I tried calling Tom, but he blocked me. 

(Present time) 

Tom and I haven't seen each other in almost 2 years. Mum and dad always invite me to family get-togethers, but I never end up staying longer than 15 minutes. I always get there early, trying to clear my reputation. While everyone is sat at the table, or walking around in the back ward and house, I always hear bickering at the front door between Morgan and Tom. It's always something along the lines of "I don't want to go inside if she's there" and "but babe, she's your baby sister." and the baby crying at her parents fighting. I cause so much chaos. I just end up leaving, and crying myself to sleep and waking up the next morning to Sam, Harry, Paddy, mum, and dad's instagram stories flooded with pictures and videos of the family laughing and smiling together. 

It's Christmas, and I'm sitting under the tree with paddy, hoping Tom will want to see me. I tune out all the voices of the family and focus on the bickering going on outside the front door. I sigh to myself, knowing I have to live with the fact that my big brother hates me and doesn't want me in his babies life. "I have to go. I need to work a shift at the diner." I lie as I get up from the floor. "But darling, it's Christmas" Mum says, disappointedly. "I know, mum. I'm sorry." I say. "I'll try to come back later tonight, but I can't make any promises." I say getting my coat from the closet. "Alright, darling. I love you." Dad says, holding his hands out for a hug. "Love you, too." I say as I leave the room. 

I sit in my car, and saw Tom, Morgan, and not so little Isla walk into the house and give everyone hugs. Before I knew, people were happy again, and forgot about me. I got home and smoked some weed and drank a whole bottle of straight vodka before I went to bed. 

I don't know if I'll ever see my big brother again. 

A/N: This one is hella sad.