Chapter 23

Oliver had in fact been sick for awhile and I hadn't even noticed. He had a fatal feline disease that meant fluid was in his lungs causing trouble breathing. The vet advised we put him to sleep as soon as possible because he was in so much pain. I decided that day so I could get it over with. I had my goodbyes with him and didn't cry. I didn't want to, because Oliver had lived a long happy, very spoiled, life and he was old. He was suffering so I knew he would be in a better place for sure. James was the one who actually got teary eyed at the moment Oliver was put to sleep. We walked out of the vet cat less and holding an empty carrier.

James was overly sweet to me in case I broke down on him or something. I was actually fine. James however made me coffee, tea, and brought me food in the living room as if I was going to burst into tears and needed a pick me up.

"James, sweetheart, I'm fine." I told him. He sighed.

"I know you are, or at least you think you are." He said then he took a breath. "I think I'm going to give Oliver's tree to Alexa and Carlos for their cats." James told me leaning back on the couch. I smiled.

"That's okay, they can enjoy it." I told him. He gave me a look of confusion.

"Are you always this way in times of grief?" James asked. I shrugged.

"Mostly." I confirmed.

"Well, that makes a lot of sense. You're strong so I feel like you can't cry over Oliver." James said. I glared at him.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"Nothing, you don't want to be sad so you tell yourself, he's better off. That's right, he's pain free." James said looking at the ceiling. I rolled my eyes smiling. I crawled over to him and lied on his chest.

"You were really sweet buying him that thing." I told James. He rubbed my shoulder as I rested my chin on his chest.

"I just wanted to make him happy because I knew he made you happy." James said drawing hearts on my shoulder. I smiled and sighed.

"How did I get so lucky to stumble upon you?" I asked him. James chuckled.

"More like, I thank God every day for making me get stuck in traffic and making me late to Carlos's party and driving up that driveway behind you." James said tracing the bottom of my shoulder tattoo that peeked out from under my tshirts sleeve.

"What are your tattoos? Do they mean anything?" James asked lifting us both up and lifting up my right sleeve. I hid my face by looking at my shoulder. I didn't know how James felt about my tattoos so I was nervous.

"Well, this one is just a simple three piece rose tattoo. It has three roses because well, things look better in odd numbers. It's not really a sentimental piece, it just spoke to me and was really beautiful with the water droplets falling off their petals and thorns." I told him. James ran his hand across the tattoo and smirked.

"They are really beautiful. What about this one?"James asked me about the next one on my left shoulder.

"Uh, this one is a girl tattooed in black and white looking into a mirror to see her own reflection in color. She is wearing a yellow flower in her hair and I feel like I am her. I may be living in a black and white world with judgment and hate towards me, but as long as I see color, or beauty in myself, that's all that matters." I explained to James. He smiled mesmerized by touching my tattoo.

"This is my favorite so far." He said. I smiled and giggled. "How may do you have? You had three before those six long months." James said. I nodded and flipped my hair out of the way.

"Pull the back of my shirt down." I told him.

"Holy shit." James said as he did. I laughed. "You have like a complete scene tattooed on your back." James said touching my back making me shiver. He laughed.

"Sorry, but oh my God this is amazing. It wasn't like this before? When we met?" James asked. I shook my head as he let my shirt go. I then turned towards him and rolled up my pant leg to show him another piece.

"My back piece originally was simple just a pocket watch for 'time heals, but can also create' at the bottom in grass with daisies growing around it. But within those six months without you, I went on a personal discovery journey. I added the trees in the background, three for each of my family members I have. They are behind me, because I feel like they will always be a part of me even if we don't talk." I told James as he listened intently.

"Then the one on my calf is for me. It's a blue butterfly, which is one of the most graceful creatures on earth. It reminds me to present myself with beauty and grace and to not let anyone get the better of me without my consent." I told James still unsure how he felt about my tattoos and if he was just saying he liked them to be nice. James smiled.

"I still really love the one on your left shoulder. It's beautiful, almost as much as you." James whispered leaning into me and kissed my lips. I let him kiss me. This was odd to me, he was so passionate and laid me down with him above me. His breath heavy and mine as well. He was so passionate in the moment that I allowed him to kiss me for however long he wanted. Being the sweetheart he was, he took my hand and held it above my head, interlocking our fingers. This small gesture proved everything to me. We were close, so close that we were able to feel innocent while also a tad rebellious.

Eventually, James and I separated and I went into the bedroom before him that evening. I got changed and cleaned off my face and put my hair up. I sighed and jumped on the bed where I laid my head on my arms. I lied where the night before I had held Oliver for hours on end. I felt sad suddenly, like an overwhelming amount of sadness. I got off the bed and walked back into the living room where James was in his laptop again with his glasses on.

"I'll be in there in a minute." James said without looking my way. I sniffed and that's when slowly a tear escaped my eyes and I cried silently. James looked at me and didn't speak a word. He stood up and walked over to me. He grasped my shoulders with one arm and then tangled his hand in my hair while pressing my head to his chest.

"I didn't feel it till now." I cried as James shushed me understandingly.

"I know, I know." James told me.

"Everything is changing, everything, just so fast." I said taking deep breaths as tears flooded my face.

"I know. Change is hard, but it's sometimes necessary for someone to grow to their full potential." James said softly. I calmed down and headed back to the bedroom. I lied down in the bed and stared at the ceiling. Change was hard for me, I just realized. I didn't know if it was because this all was coming on so fast or if it was just a lot at once to handle, but I passed out before James even came to bed.

The next few days James and I had given Oliver's things to Carlos for his two kittens, we had bought paint and things to start working on my house, and I even convinced James that if he ever wanted a tattoo that I'd go with him.

"I don't know. Being an actor is hard when you have tattoos." James said. I scoffed.

"Carlos has tattoos. Kendall has tattoos. 50 Cent has tattoos. Chris Evans has tattoos. The Rock, Johnny Depp, Justin Timberlake, they all have tattoos. You can't tell me they don't get roles because they have tattoos." I told James. I wasn't pressuring him, I had simply asked if he ever thought of getting a tattoo and he had said he had, but was too chicken to go through with it. James shrugged lying bed one night.

"I don't even know what I'd get." James said. I shrugged.

"Well, what's something that means a lot to you?" I asked him. He smirked and leaned over.

"You." He smiled. I giggled.

"Okay, other than me?" I asked. He thought a moment.

"My family." He said. I smiled.

"There we go, okay. Now, what do you like when you see a tattoo. Picture a tattoo in your head right now." I told him. He nodded and stared blankly at my pillow instead of my face.

"I like how they stand out against the skin, how they are meaningful or just beautiful to the person wearing it. I like how they flow." James said. I nodded watching him continue. "I like how the shading is done on black and grey pieces. But when I look at yours I like your colors and how vibrant they are." James said. I giggled. "What?" He asked.

"James, sweetheart, you are describing every well done tattoo about family." I told him. He shook his head.

"I don't know what I'd want, I just know I think I want one. I mean, I'm just not able to put into words what I want, but I have ideas of what I want it to mean." James said. I nodded and then thought of an idea.

"Tomorrow, we can hook up your tv to my laptop and then we can look at tattoos and see which ones you like." I smiled putting my hand through James's hair. He smiled sweetly as he leaned into my touch.

"Alright." James said coming closer to give me a kiss. "Goodnight." He whispered lying back down for me to cuddle up next to him.

"I love you James Maslow."

"I love you Elizabeth Allen."

Two weeks passed quickly. I woke up before James that morning. I rolled over to see his shirtless back facing the ceiling and his arms under his pillow. I got out of bed and sneakily walked over to where his face was facing me. I got down on my knees and then leaned close to his face.

"James." I whispered enough to stir him but not awaken fully.

"Liz?" He asked in response. I giggled trying to stay as quiet as possible. I then leaned down and put my awakened lips to his drowsy ones. He seemed to be awakened by this and stirred more. He raised up without breaking contact. I giggled as I rolled him over and straddled his hips from above the covers.

"Hell of a wake to wake up." James said groggily as he widened his eyes to look up at me. I giggled and stayed where I was, my hands resting on his bare chest as his hands had my thighs in his grip.

"I might just sleep over here when I move into my house." I offered teasing James. He raised his eyebrows with a smirk.

"Really, eh? I could get used to that." He said flirtatiously. I leaned down again and kissed him a little longer. He then flipped us over where he was dominate. His mouth tasted like what dreams were made of. His hands caressed my sides as he felt me through my pajama shirt. I wrapped my legs around his waist, begging to be physically closer to him as the doorbell rang. I pulled way breathless, but James continued his kisses down my neck.

"James, the door." I told him not wanting for him to leave, but I knew he had to.

"They can wait." James said suckling on my collar bone.

"No, James." I said lying limp and lifeless, my limbs dropping from him. James pouted a moment looking down at me and then rolled off the bed.

"Not fun!" James shouted walking out only in pajama pants. I giggled and grabbed my hoodie. I was still always very cold. I ran after James and leapt to tackle his waist as he was just mere feet away from the door. He steadied himself as I gripped onto him by his waist and we walked like penguins the rest of the way to the door. We were laughing until we opened the door to a mail man.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt you this morning, sir. I was told you were housing Miss Elizabeth Allen here? I have a few things for her that's been stacking up and her landlord is pretty upset." The mail man explained pulling out a stack of mail tied together by rubber band. I stepped in front of James.

"I'm Elizabeth." I smiled taking the stack of mail. He nodded politely and then handed James two pieces of mail.

"Since I'm up here, pointless to make you go to your mail box." He smiled then turning away.

"Thanks!" James said closing the door. I immediately untied the mail and read through them. Most was junk mail wanting me to go try to win a new car or get fuel miles at gas stations. But one piece of mail was off in more ways than one. I stared at the piece of mail. Hand written address with a hand written return address as well.

"James?" I asked as he was in the kitchen now making coffee.

"Yeah?" He asked. I walked in there and handed him the envelope.

"Will you open this? I-I can't." I told James. He furrowed his brow, looking at me strangely, but then opened what I assumed was a letter. James then cleared his throat still confused as to why I couldn't open the letter myself.

"Dear Liz,

How have you been? We haven't spoken in so long, I'm shaking writing this letter to you. Well, I'm sorry to say that there is something you must come back for. As your mother I'm sorry to say I have lost your phone number and have only your address, so that is why I am writing to you now. Your father has been in the hospital for some time now...." James stopped reading and glanced up at me. I groaned.

"Why is everyone dying around me?" I questioned upset. I closed my eyes and felt sadness seeping over me again.

"Babe, your dad is still alive." James said skimming the rest of the letter.

"But, there's always a but." I told him.

"He has cancer, in his lungs. Your family wants you to come home soon." He said folding the letter back up. I heaved a sigh and covered my face with my hands stressed out.

"James, I can't go back. I have to do the commercial shoot, and then I have to move into my new house." I told him shaking my head and also not wanting to leave him. James sighed leaning against the counter.

"Well, you can go before the commercial shoot and the big move in... I can handle painting a few rooms just put what paint you want in each room, Carlos and I can go pick up your bed from your old apartment and return the key and get your deposit back, you can lay out where you want things hung up, and the PenaVega's and myself can help you with anything else since it in fact is half their business." James persuaded me. I hadn't seen my family in so long, almost five years and my dad was in the hospital now. Crazy. James and I discussed it further and came to a decision.

I would have to leave in three days. I would stay there for five and then fly back three days before Alexa and I took off around the country to find our real life people. James helped me get my tickets round trip, we went with the PenaVegas to my house and told everyone where everything was suppose to go. The day before I left, Alexa and I worked together on the bottom floor deciding where things should go or what colors to be painted. The guys just followed us. We decided on a light turquoise for the new dining room area/office where we would hang our sign on the wall. We told the guys we wanted our desks to be at angles with one another so we both could chat with people in the two sitting chairs in front of our desks.

Then the kitchen a light yellow almost beige. It would be stocked with my food on the first three shelves and then be stocked always with water and soda for the foundation's meetings. The living room was to be a taupe color and we would buy new furniture for it through the phone. Alexa would FaceTime me while I was at home with my family and the three of them shopped. We set out the paint downstairs and where the stuff needed to go and where to hang things. Alexa kept a list of what she needed to still buy which includes vases for flowers.

"What type of flowers?" Alexa asked. James was listening and then popped his opinion in there.

"Yellow roses!" He said as he and Carlos tried installing the music player. Alexa smiled and wrote it down. They had the music on and working which really set the mood for the area giving an office feel to the room.

"Alright, now I need you strong men to follow me with paint buckets up stairs." I smiled holding Alexa's arm as we walked up stairs. The guest bedroom was going to be a tan color with a red accent wall. The bathroom was going to be a soft lavender color, and my room was going to be a bright yellow. Alexa helped me decide where things where going to go on the walls and I trusted if she was here to help, the guys wouldn't mess it up. By the end of the night, we had actually painted the dining area after putting all the furniture in the middle of rooms and covering them. Soon after we all went to our homes and then relaxed. James and I were so tired we passed out watching Netflix on the couch. We woke up at a quarter past four and crawled into bed. My flight was at eight and we were up at six. I had packed the night before and I had gotten the flying lessons from James of what not to do on a long flight for hours, which I was doing.

I hadn't flown anywhere, as when I first came out here I had driven across country. But James and I were dressed and ready by six fifty and loaded up my bags in the back of James's car. We got in and headed to breakfast. We were quiet, just enjoying each other's company. By the time seven thirty came around, we were at the airport's Starbucks waiting for our drinks. I leaned into James's touch as he was constantly kissing my head, cheek or temple and tracing little hearts on my hand. We sat quietly at a few chairs over looking the window where the loading of a plane was being held. We witnessed a man and woman kiss passionately as he boarded a plane and she was crying hysterically.

"I hope you don't expect me to do that." I whispered to James with a scrunched expression. He chuckled.

"Oh God, no." He widened his eyes to see her heaving her chest as if she was having a heart attack. He then turned his head away from the dramatic woman and smirked looking at me. "I just expect a call everyday, a goodnight text, and a big juicy kiss when I pick you up from the airport." James said kissing my cheek again. I sighed leaning into his arm.

"I don't want to leave, but I have to." I told him. He nodded pulling me into his side closely.

"I know." He said.

"I'm going to miss you. This is our first time apart from one another since the accident and getting together." I told him. He cleared his throat, as he suddenly looked to have let his mood fall slightly.

"I know." He told me. He then grabbed my Prada purse and opened it.

"May I help you find something?" I asked sarcastically as he started digging through it. He found a sharpie at the bottom of my bag and put my purse on the ground. "What are you doing?" I asked as he said nothing. "James, hello?" I asked. He smiled at me and grabbed my right wrist. He took the cap off the sharpie and started drawing on my wrist.

"If you're telling me you want to be a tattoo artist now, I think you should get some experience because sharpies are a little different than a needle." I joked. He finished and blew on my wrist to dry the ink. I didn't look yet until he held up my own wrist for me. He had drawn a perfectly straight heart on my wrist.

"What's this?" I asked him. He smiled.

"Redraw this everyday. It'll symbolize you still miss me when you're gone. Just look down at it and let me fill your mind and you won't miss me as much hopefully." James smiled. He was so cheesy yet so sweet. I grabbed the sharpie and took his wrist as well. I drew my own heart and then put the sharpie back in my purse.

"There, now you have to redraw that one every day and look at it if you miss me too." I told him. James smirked. The intercom told me that my flight was boarding and to leave James, well that's what it sounded like to me. I grabbed my coffee and carry on. James held my hand and walked me to the line.

"Be safe. Call me, text me, FaceTime, Skype, tweet me, anything... Everyday. Anytime." James said longing for me to stay. I smiled touching his cheek.

"I will." I told him running my thumb across his cheek bone. His eyelashes fluttered softly as he slowly closed his eyes and kissed me goodbye.

"I love you." James said. I smiled.

"I love you too." I told him as he kissed my forehead. That was when he watched me board my plane and we waved sadly goodbye through the glass between us. I boarded the plane and sat in my seat. I waited for my row to fill up with people but no one had bought the seats next to me. I sat alone the whole flight with nothing do to but look out my window. I had worn comfortable yet cute clothing today going for dark washed super flared jeans, black tshirt under my black hoodie, slip on shoes, and my hair in loose bouncy curls down my back with it out of my face with a headband, that James had done for me as I taught him how to curl hair at close to six in the morning. I was going to physically ache being away from him.