CH 28: Help Me

**TRIGGER WARNING: PANIC ATTACK, BRIEF SH, VIOLENT THOUGHTS TOWARDS SELF**

**IF ANY OF THESE ARE A TRIGGER, PLEASE SKIP TO THE NEXT CHP**

~ Esme's POV ~

I can't feel any air in my lungs anymore. I feel like I'm slowly choking and the water is filling my throat. I just keep running, faster than I ever had before. I had never felt this feeling before. I felt numb, on autopilot, with a choir of haunting voices filling my head.

I won't forget you, I promise.

Maybe if I keep running, I can drown them out with the sound of my feet slamming against the pavement.

I am so completely smitten over you, it's unbearable.

My face is soaked in my own tears and I can feel them flying off my face and being pushed by the wind slamming into my skin.

I rather be dead than lose your trust.

No....no....NO...NO...

NONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!

I can't take it anymore and I collapse onto the floor, falling straight on my knees. I struggle to pick my head back up, but when I do I can see the castle in the distance. I'm almost there. The weight of my heart holds me down for a few moments as I wrap my hands firmly around my arms in a hopeless attempt to soothe myself. I feel a sharp inhale of air brush through my fangs as I feel a sharp sting on my arm. I'll check that out later.

I force myself to stand back up and without hesitation, my legs sprint me towards those gates. I slam against the metal, rattling the doors back and forth. I'm getting through one way or another. I'm not going one more second with this feeling.

Of absolute betrayal, horror, panic, and despair.

If what he was saying was true, and who could be certain it even was, then that meant he abandoned me. H-He killed me and then he abandoned me. He chucked my body into that water like it was nothing, continued to live his life, and never once came to find me once he entered here?!

That's why my soul recognizes him, isn't it? He's telling the truth, isn't he? He's the shadow in my dreams, the humming from the kitchen, the words I hear every time I close my eyes? He was my sun and the moon, the beat to my melody, my inspiration to keep on going.

And I was....disposable? Meaningless? An old memory tucked away somewhere?

My daughter.....our daughter. Did she mean nothing? Why can I still not remember her face?

I'm getting passed this fucking gate.

I growled and used my magic to forcibly push the metal doors open, quickly walking up to the door and frantically knocking.

Please....please....Just take this away.

Make the voices stop, freeze my mind.

Bash my head a thousand times over if you have to.

JUST MAKE IT STOP!

Finally, it opens, and two worried red eyes stare up at me.

"E-Esme?"

I don't say anything at first, I just stand there trembling with emotion before pushing myself inside the mansion and crying wildly. Before I can comprehend what is happening, there are several hands on me and spears pointed directly at my chest, 

"Wo-oah there, guys, she's okay." He dismisses his servants and they obey his order, retreating their weapons from me and excusing them at a sway of his hands. 

As soon as we are alone, he hurries over, "What on earth happened? Is Charlie okay?"

"Your  Daughter is fine, clearly I am not!" I shout in-between labored gasps and cries.

He walks up beside me and guides me towards another room that has a small table and chairs. The whole place seemed a bit quiet. The halls were vacant, there didn't appear to be anyone in residence other than him and his staff. I doubted he needed protection, he didn't come with any to the hotel. Other than them, this massive castle was just sitting here in it's pitiful glory. Not something I would have expected from the King Of Hell. 

It seemed pretty lonely.

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" He instructs in a nurturing tone of voice, while keeping his body facing a countertop that had a tall teapot with some saucers, "I - uh - well, I'm not much of a therapist, but I can pick your brain." 

"He...he is, m-" I feel my chest rising and falling and my hand finds my upper arm once again. That pain returns.

He turns around, jumping in response and dropping the cup, "Woah! Woah! Let's not do that.." He says, rushing over and grabbing my hands.

Huh?

I look down to see that I have ripped off several scales from my arm.....and I didn't even feel anything. Blood slowly trickling down my skin and the glittering leftovers still underneath my claws.

"Oh..."

He takes a sharp inhale and shakes his head. He lays a hand on my arm over the marks, and I instantly feel a warm sensation spreading across my skin. I wince slightly, but he places his other hand on my knee, as if to say 'It's going to be okay.'

When he removes his hand, my arm is as good as new, no scars or missing scales. I stare at it in awe, and my breathings begins to regulate.

Could all angels do that? What a remarkable power.

"Now..." He crouches down, making himself even shorter than he was before, "What is the problem, sweetheart?"

I sniffle softly, a few tears forming in my eyes, but I'm able to withstand the pain at this point. "He is my husband..." I mumble with shame laced in every word I speak. Never in my entire life did I ever feel so pitiful, so pathetic and needy. Here I was, a powerful demoness overlord, weeping before the King of Hell. Have I no self respect?

"Who?"

"The Radio Demon..."

His eyes go wide but soon narrow, "I knew he wasn't to be trusted..." He mumbles that bit under his breath, but I can still hear him, "He hurt you? He's the reason why you're here?" He stands up, looking down at me, "And, why do you come to me?"

"I - I can't take it anymore. I hear my memories every second of the day, and now that he's released something in me th-they won't stop!" I stand up and take his hands, "You said you can help me remember, right?"

"I alluded to that, yes."

I pause, looking down and squeezing my eyes, not believing what I'm about to say. I sigh and look back up at him.

"Could you make me forget?"

His eyes widen and he takes a step forward, leaning in as if to fully grasp the nonsense coming out of my mouth, "You want me to wipe your memory...again?"

I nod.

"You want to forget all about your life, again?"

"N-No...just tonight. Forget I ever heard a single word that came out of his mouth." My breathing starts to pick back up, "I rather still believe that my husband is out there, with a pure heart for only me, than to truly be a wolf in sheep's clothing...watching me suffer for all these years alone."

I squeeze his hand, "Please..."

This man doesn't know me from, well from Adam, and yet he is willing to hear me out and meet my hardships with such compassion, "Why erase everything when I could fix you? You could go back to how you were in your real life. Think about your daugh-"

"No, not like this. Please, do you know what it's like to look back on memories with nothing but a grey cloud looming above them?" 

He's silent, perhaps I am getting through. 

"I'll know when it's time for me to remember them, but it's not like this. Just-just let me start all over again." 

His gaze softens, "You deserve a lot better than the cards you're currently being dealt.."

"I wish I could believe that..." I pull away, walking to the window, looking out to the quiet city night. "I feel like I'm being punished for something I did wrong, but I can only remember the good I gave him, I-" I pause, "I don't know why he doesn't want me."

He sighs and approaches me. He doesn't say anything at first, just stands next to me offering his company.

Until...

"I know what it's like to be waiting for someone who isn't coming..."

I turn to him in silence,

"The love you have for this man is admirable, but you must understand..." He turns to face me, "The person is gone and the demon is here. There is no love there."

I turn away, looking back outside,

"You're beautiful..." I jump at his words, "W-Well, I, uh, what I mean is you're a beautiful soul..." He laughs nervously, "You're naturally kindhearted and giving. Yes, you're...this." He motions to me up and down, "But inside..." He points to my chest, "You're definitely angel material..."

My breath is stolen and my face slowly feels feverish, "So, you'll help me?"

He smiles sadly, "If it's what you truly desire, then why not. It is your choice." I close my eyes, squeezing out a few more tears, and nod.

When I open my eyes, our gazes lock on one another. I don't dare move an inch. 

The King of all Hell, is looking at me.

And.......He called me an angel....

"W-Will it hurt?" I stutter in a whisper.

"Not at all.." He smiles, "You'll simply fall asleep. I'll bring you back to the hotel, and replace your memories with kinder thoughts so you forget this ever happened."

I must look nervous, because he rubs the back of his neck and puts his hands out to calm me, "It'll feel quite peaceful, honest! You'll just lull right to sleep."

I nod.

I must admit, I'm brokenhearted. If I was being honest, there was a piece of my heart that wanted to escape my body, fly to that hotel, and connect with his. My soul knew it, but my mind...my troubled, traumatized mind, could no longer bare it. Suddenly, I'm reminded of something an old friend told me a long time ago.

You will remember...in due time.

It wasn't my time, not like this. If I was to remember him one day, I knew it would feel joyous and loving, not terrifying and cold. It wasn't supposed to be this way, but for a second I wish we were back on that couch listening to the fire and reading our book.

I'll remember you again, just not now...

I bow my head to him to allow him to do whatever he needed, but just before his hand makes connection with my skin, I look back up into his eyes.

He hesitates.

There's a beat of silence and we both freeze.

"Before you..."

"Yes?"

"Could I?"

"Could you?"

I take a step forward and gingerly reach for his jaw, pulling him closely to me and kissing him softly.

I needed to feel something - anything.

And him calling me an angel, him being willing to do this for me for no exchange....no deal...no soul contract, just pure compassion, was the closest thing I've felt to love in a very long time.

We stay connected for a few moments, before I slowly pull away, and look into his eyes.

"...Thank you." I whisper.

 I back up, lean forward and bow my head.

And suddenly....

I'm at peace. 

~ Author's Note ~

I'm sorry... 🥺

But, hey, in the meantime I got a stylus and decided to trace Esme from the cover. Hopefully I can do some more sketches of her as I learn how to draw. This is my first time doing it. I was especially proud of the eyelashes since they were completely by hand and not traced.

I'm hoping to add him to the picture, but he's so difficult (both in this story and on paper).

(ignore the really bad scales on her arm - LOL!) 

Also, what are we thinking about Esme asking for her memory to be wiped again? Our little siren just can't bare the torment of her own mind. 🥺💔

I wish I could say it gets happier, but you can imagine a certain someone won't take this well...

🖤Words: 2006🖤

~ Artemis 💗🦌