CH 8: I Wanna Go Back

As soon as Esme stepped out of the hotel, she felt something inside her chest snap. It was like her body knew that she was leaving a part of her behind, a painful sensation that encouraged her to turn back and run. She turns around and looks up at the building, taking in the different colors and the loud, almost obnoxious, decor on the exterior. For a building that looks so hideous, there's something calling her there, something that feels so odd. She winces and places a hand near the pain, taking a moment before she continues to walk. Why did walking away from there make her feel so....empty? 

She gets back to the tower and takes the elevator up to her floor where she sees Velvette waiting for her, "Oh, hey Vel!" The doll didn't look too pleased with her, sitting across her couch with her legs crossed bouncing in anticipation. Her emotions were always high, living in a constant state of high stung annoyance. Sometimes Esme worried that she was going to crack one day, spiraling into oblivion if she didn't slow her pace. 

"Where were you, E? Vox was pissed that you weren't at the meeting." She huffs, looking up from her phone. "You know how he gets when you disappear like that." 

It's true, Vox did become a little obsessed when it came to her. After all, she was his first recruit and the two of them had grown very fond of one another throughout the years. She couldn't see him the way he did for her, but the two of them clicked and understood one another in a different dynamic. 

"Oh, he'll be fine, trust me. I was just running some errands around town, is all." Esme walks up to her vanity and picks up a hairbrush, beginning to run it through her dark curls.

Her room was magnificent, with several microphones and instruments scattered. Her walls were a beautiful icy blue and her furniture a seafoam green. In the back, there was a small tank-like bathtub for her to soak or swim as she pleased. Her bed was wide and luxurious, with warm light green plush over her mattress. On her ceiling, there lay several runes. The same runes that hung by her often.

She had learned one thing about them. If she laid runes in her space, only she could use her magic...no one else. Only magic used from the source of the runes could be used.

She takes off her jacket and lays it over the couch as she continues to brush her hair. Velvette rolls her eyes at the sight. How could she be so cocky about the entire thing, did she not understand how much stress she brought to all of them with her little traveling tour? It was inconsiderate at best, 

"You of all people should not be pushing him."

Esme stops brushing at her words, taking a moment to let them register, before returning to her actions, "I can hold my own." She responds calmly.

Always one step ahead. Something she must've learned in her past life. 

As the years turned into decades, memories of Esme's life slowly came back to her. The tall buildings of the city she once knew,  the laughter of the entire neighborhood, and the warmth of her mother's embrace. The shining blue eyes of the children that she once cared for, playing jacks with her little angel, life before her journey down south. Just her, her family, and Mulberry Street. Her memories of her life after that train ride were still a bit scattered.

That's when everything morphed into a cloud of smoke and fogged up her mind, preventing her from going much further. 

Just words, phrases, and a figure she couldn't place. She knew she had a husband, remembering him as best as she could. He never had a face, or a name, just a feeling.

This overwhelming feeling of desire, need, and yet....fear. 

She waited patiently for the day where he would come find her. She was certain it would come.

After all, no husband would keep their wife away for that long...right? If she wed him, surely there was love within the two of them that would bond them beyond their years. 

Esme is lost in thought as Velvette rambles on about what she missed at the meeting. She can't hear anything that is coming out of her mouth, just muffled complaints as she is lost in the vision of the shadow that still lurks in her memory. She's brought back to reality by Velvette snapping in front her face, "Hello??? Anyone home?"

Esme shakes her head, her eyes returning to their regular shade, "I'm sorry...what was that?"

Velvette sighs, "Whatever, Vox just wants to keep an eye on Alastor as usual." She rolls her eyes and stands up, "There's an overlord meeting tomorrow, you and I are going to represent. You in?"

"Do I have a choice?" Esme smirks teasingly, giving her a playful wink.

"Oh fuck you~" Velvette snickers with a smile as she walks towards the exit. "See you tomorrow!" She waves as she leaves the room.

~ Esme's POV ~

I sigh and lean back into my couch, looking around my room. Everything here is perfect, lavish, and just my style. It almost makes everything worth it, doesn't it? The missing pieces, the missing notes in my music. It's worth it. 

It's worth it. 

I begin to roam about the room, and I lean against the window, looking back at that hotel. My chest lingers with that same sensation and my claws trace the patch of skin right over my breasts. Near my heart. 

Why do I have the feeling that I'm missing something here?

Whatever.

I walk up my small staircase to my bed where I climb in, nuzzled within the plush, and close my eyes.

I can feel myself slipping into a peaceful nothingness until the sound of clashing metal makes me open my eyes.

Where am I?

Ugh, I must be dreaming again. This keeps happening from time to time. Small memories of my once human life come back to torture me. They would creep into my mind every so often showing me bits and pieces. Sometimes I would see my parents, my sister, Angel, but never this place. 

But....this is different.

Where AM I?

I don't recognize the space. There's a library against the wall, a small fireplace, and several cars passing by in the window. The engines and the distant chatter call out to me, so I walk over to investigate. Looking outside of the home, I see that the people walking past appear in black and white, drained of all their color. Drained of all their life. There's a sound, so naturally I turn around.

There she is, standing in the kitchen with her back turned to me. I've seen her before, littering my dreams and haunting my memories. I've grown to understand that she is me, but someone I don't recognize anymore. She has long dark hair, almost black, that curls softly in different directions. She has honey skin and so much color to her.  I can hear a soft melody escaping her as she hums to herself.  

She has such a beautiful voice. 

As she's calmly making breakfast, flipping her eggs in the pan and turns around to open the fridge. That's when I noticed it. The small bump that stretches across her midriff.

No.

I never considered that I could have possibly carried such a blessing within me. I couldn't fathom possibly forgetting something like that. It was something I knew I wanted, something that I always felt was missing. My hand moves on autopilot, resting over my own stomach, I can't help it. A few small tears fall from my eyes and my voice takes control of me.

I Wanna Go Back; Ingrid Michaelson 🎵

(Bold is Esme, Italic is her human self, together is both)

I wanna go back,

I wanna go back to the good old days,

Counting up kids,

Counting the lines written on our faces ~

She steps forward and locks eyes with me, smiling softly. She has such bright green eyes, they look like two large emeralds staring back at me, almost as if she can see straight to my soul. Her smile is warm and she tilts her head to the side, appearing to welcome me into her space.

I wanna tell you your eyes are as clear,

As the day we met

I sigh. There's always going to be this missing part of me, isn't there? No matter what I do, I'm never going to get it back. 

These things we forget

I take a step forward to her, calling out begging for her to hear me. If she could see me, could she take me back? I just want someone. I want him, I want whoever put this ring on my finger to finally find me. Perhaps they could help.

That I.....

I am still in here....

I'm waiting for you....

To come let me out dear...

Is it time for dinner?

Is it time for forever?

My eyes glance to the landline phone on the wall and for some reason I cringe. My body doesn't like it, almost as if there's something dark that is lingering within my memory while looking at it. 

I didn't know that the last time I'd leave the house,

Was the last time I'd leave the house...

Her face lights up, looking behind me as she runs off.

And there it is, that figure that I always saw. A tall shadow, with no face, reaching out for her. She looks so happy as it passes his hand through her hair lovingly. She leans forward and a small giggle erupts from her throat. I can tell she is talking to him, but no sound comes out of her. They're something out of a silent picture show. 

Why is this happening?

Am I being punished for something inside of my past?

Life has a funny way of speeding up the older that we get....

I can feel a few more tears leaking from my eyes and falling onto the floor.

I'm in love with all the things that I forget....

I clench my chest as I watch the two of them sway happily. Why could I never have that? All my life, well afterlife, I've been lusted over. Never loved, never looked at like how she looks at him. Lusted over, never loved. 

Take me back....oh one day take me back....

Suddenly, the feeling in the room changes and she backs up from him with a worried look. She begins to shake her head frantically from side to side and her eyebrows twist in a frightened expression. 

I promise I'll be good.

My eyes widened at those words, remembering them somehow, my hands clenched to my chest and I stepped forward to the figure, struggling between cries at this point. 

I am still in here!

I'm waiting for you....

To come let me out, dear!

It's time for dinner!

It's time for forever!

She backs up from him, her hands out in a surrendering position, and she runs to the phone, reaching out for it. 

I didn't know that the last time I-

The shadow bolts to her, pulling her back to him by her hair, and I turn my face.

I didn't know....

Would be the last time I'd see my house ~

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

They both disappear and I'm left in that house with just my sobs to comfort myself.

What is this feeling?

~ Author's Note ~

(A/N:Soo I have to ask...are y'all rooting for them to get back together? My bf and I are in an ongoing debate where he is saying no, but I'm saying yes. His argument is the ending of book 1 and how Esme went to hell...and....valid, but like....wasn't it an accident? What are we thinking?) 

🖤Words: 1991🖤

~ Artemis 💗🦌