Chapter Twenty

20•••

It seems as if your heart is in your head. Pounding and thudding in rapid beats to send the rush of hot blood coursing in your veins as a reminder that you are unbending in anger.

"Chip, calm down"

You slam your dresser shut and toss Lisa a coat, then shuffle to your drawers to grab a scarf. You wrap it around her.

"Rosie, wait a second" she says, trying to stop your haste in the midst of your flight for fight, but you will not spare another second not knowing where Jisoo is.

Your royal guard is still stagnant- meddled in disbelief and distress and rightfully so.

But "Come on, Suho" you take the telephone dangling from his hand and slam it on its dial— you need to find Jisoo.

Pulling his arm is of not much use to get his feet moving. "Suho, please" you tug his arm harder, and harder but Lisa wrings your hand off of him and she grips you by the shoulders—

"Stop it, Rosie." she says, firm in her own unyielding decision to keep you from leaving. Her eyes are saddened as if she is left with no choice.

"Where is she, Lisa?" you don't understand, on the verge of more tears because for every second she stops you from being angry, the desolation is what rises in your chest.

"I don't know" she exhales.

"Then move" you attempt to shove her away but she remains strong.

"All Jisoo told me before she left this morning was that she is to be with her parents for now— I don't know where, and I am truly sorry, Rosie, but she said not to go and find her."

Her words spike you in prickling insubordination, because all you are ever told is to do this, don't do that- keep your mouth shut and your head low- all in the matters that are held by the hands of the King. All in silencing obedience to remind you that you are just the Princess.

Lisa loosens her grasp as your breathing evens and thoughts evade your scattered mind, but as the reminders of every moment you have been degraded, looked down upon by your father and his counsel in the depths of your riddled patience, you stride past Lisa.

"Their estate must be close to town," you will not let Jisoo fall suit to your father's exile. "The school, perhaps- the academe, her parents must still be working there" it will be your first stop to bring her—

Lisa bangs the door closed and the wind knocks out of you when she shoves your back against it.

"She doesn't want to be found, Rosie" she says, loud and booming to get it through your head. "She's not coming back" that Jisoo does not want to. And Lisa hangs her head low, stammering over words as you try to wrap your head around the absurdity of your mentor's decisions. You are pinned to the door in growing helplessness because you just don't understand any of this. "Listen to me, Rosie" Lisa says, gutted and sad in the way she looks at you, "have you manage to bring Jisoo back, stand up against your father and change his god-forsaken judgements against her and Suho, are you serious to make her endure the pain that they still cannot be together?"

You rebuke through gritted teeth, "It is better they are within arm's reach, is it not" 

"Though is it not factual that your father will only pardon her banishment and not the law"

You fall short on the heated debate. Your voice dies in the back of your throat, "She's our best friend, Lisa" you want her here with the both of you, where she belongs. "I'll be Queen in two months" you promise you will fix it. You will break the barriers for them and you will put one up, strong and unbreakable to keep them from any pain that comes with this kingdom. 

Lisa drops her arms and releases you from the hampered hold, "Then wait" she says, wiping her eyes of tears before they fall, "abolish the law, then bring her back home." she tells you. She steps back and drops the scarf & coat on the bed, and you will apologize for thinking you still have a chance at running and looking for Jisoo.

But before you could do just that, a knock is heard from the other side. You open it and Yeri stands with her head down, "King Mason requests for Suho's presence, Your Highness." she says timidly. You wonder if your walls were able to keep the controversies from echoing the palace. "He is in his office."

Suho strides past you.

"W-Wait" you run up to him down the hall, stopping him in his tracks, "Don't provoke him, Suho" you say, worried of what disputes might come out of his clenched jaw when he faces your father, "Let me be the one to handle this- just take the orders for now." because anything he will do or say will be held against him. You won't risk him digging a deeper grave.

Suho looks at you with narrow eyes and strong features. He swallows hard and lifts his chin, and you have always been apprehensive of how quick your royal guard is to fall behind his honor and masculinity when facing hardships, but the way he stands back straight and feet in line, it makes you worry that he will always choose to conform and surrender in battle when you wish for him to fight.

"Yes, Your Highness" he says, but in great affliction to hold back his rile.

You nod your head and you step aside for him to join your father.

Yeri, too, leaves and you join Lisa in your bedroom.

"Why won't Jisoo let us go after her, Lis?" you ask, and please just tell me, you think because you want to understand.

Lisa shakes her head with regret, "I'm sorry, Chip" she says, "She just told me what I've told you now, and all I know is that she is not here anymore."

You suck in a breath that ripples a cold shudder in you. You sit on your bed, tired and drained.

"You should call Jennie" Lisa tells you, holding on to the doorknob before she goes, "She should know." she says and leaves you to the silence of your room.

Call her, you should and this you know, but what you would say- if you could even get the words out, you are not sure of it. You sit by your desk, by the telephone. The photograph you had taken of Jennie at the beach rests to your side. You take it between your fingers and wish you were beside her at this very moment, as you are dazed and worn out in your circling thoughts that eventually quiet down to the room's dense air. You sit there for hours. Pick up the phone countless of times, but your fingers can never turn its dial. You think to just wait until it rings. For Jennie to call and force you to tell her what's happened.

You wait just in case it could be Jisoo.

•••

When you wake, your back is first to shoot pain up your body. As you stretch on your desk chair, heavy lids still begging to stay closed, your arms and your legs cramp in the release from the uncomfortable position you had fallen asleep in.

Jennie didn't call last night, nor did your expectations for Jisoo to ring fail you.

You palm your face to bring yourself out of exhaustion, but you're so worn out that you can't even keep your head up for long. You groan in discomfort and you rest your throbbing forehead on the desk for a moment longer.

Today holds much of anticipation. You are to speak with your father once again, but only after you hear of his meeting with Suho, then you will do whatever convincing you can. And for what it's worth you will meet your new mentor, digest what she has to teach you that Jisoo hasn't already, though you doubt anyone would be of a greater beholder of knowledge than your best friend. And god you need to tell Lisa about Sehun. You don't even know where the begin.

As foreshadows of daunting anxiety and heated arguments whirl in your restless mind, you drag yourself in the shower. You delay what time you have of the morning to get yourself together. You clean up the mess in your head and put on your imperial front, shove your apprehensions so far down your throat that only the uproars of your tenacities will come out of your mouth when you face your father.

But before you lock your boxed in anxieties, the telephone's ring shakes you to the core.

You rush to pick it up.

"Chu?" her name is the first off your lips.

"It's Lisa" your friend says, exhaustion, too, in her voice. She tells you that she is to spend the day in the Grand Stables, as Rufus and Chanyeol are in need for an extra hand for the training pools.

"See me when you get back?" you ask, and the question itself raises fret, because you asked of the same thing from Jisoo, yet you came home to a missing presence.

Lisa puts your sided worries to rest, "I'll run to you once I do, Chipmunk." and you rely on the fact that you will always have Lisa.

When the conversation ends, you think to call Jennie. You turn the dial, listen to it ring.

And it rings and rings and rings until there is no one to stop it. You glance at the clock and its hands are on quarter to eight in the morning. Jennie must still be sound asleep, understandably so after the adventures of yesterday.

A grumble in your stomach reminds you that you haven't eaten anything since lunch at the beach with Jennie. But everything going on feels so wrong that even hunger doesn't feel right.

Nevertheless, you button up your polo and head down to the dining for a bite or two, thinking that any source of energy would do you good for the long, onerous events today has in store.

You can't even enjoy the delectable meal prepared for you. Not while you're waiting in dire for your father to push through the doors, or wondering if you could even stomach facing him first thing in the morning. You still need to speak with Suho first.

It's not long before you lose your appetite all together.

"Good morning, Your Highness" Yeri greets as she enters the dining, "Ms. Choi has arrived." she tells you.

"And what do you expect me to do about it?" your spite slips off your tongue before you could bite it.

Yeri lowers her head and gaze, "Y-Your father requests for you to see her in the library." she says, and now you really can't enjoy the half-eaten meal.

In flaming irritation, you shoot up from you seat, nearly knocking it off balance and make your way to the library. The sooner you establish this mentor's incompetency, the easier it will be to convince father no one can do better than Jisoo. You are already so heated at the thought of having a new mentor that you pay no regard to throwing the library doors open and banging them on the marbled walls.

But she looks in the least surprised of your sudden drop in.

"Princess," Ms. Choi faces you, hands together at her front, and posture upright. She looks to be only a few years older than Jisoo. Stiff as a board in an unfashionable, monotoned sweater, skirt as long as her ankles, and shoes fair enough- ugly enough- to compare to a rock, "how lovely to finally meet you." she says, not moving an inch off her posture- not bowing in the slightest.

The burn within you is menacing. A force to ruin the lady that stands before you until she runs out in tears and it has stepped closer to the line of your patience because she still hasn't bowed.

"Your father says we can get started today."

You bite your tongue until it bleeds to drown out the crass words crawling its way out of your mouth- as a reminder that you are here to find reason for her dismissal and not to insult her lack for proper etiquette or hideous dressings. You dig your nails in the palm of your hands and you remind yourself that you are royalty. You treat others with grace and kindness no matter how small they make you feel, "Yes, Ms. Choi," you will find reason to dismiss her of this palace, "Let's begin."

      Your hands are close to bleeding raw at this point.

"Again"

You take in a deep breath, one that fills every inch of space in your lungs with air because you're steaming inside, and losing focus on keeping your cool. You're getting tired of being nice— you were already fed up after the first hour and the nth time she told you to repeat the walk, and she dares to tell you to do it again for the third hour.

"Get this right and we can move on, but know that I do not mind being here all day, Your Highness."

"Is that a threat?" you retort. You're not afraid of her.

Ms. Choi smiles at you. A thin lipped, toothless smile like a taunt to your brewing anger, "for mere motivation" she says and you almost scoff at the way she is playing innocent.

But instead, you pick up your book. You walk back to the door of the library and balance the hardbound on your head.

"Straighter"

You pull your shoulders back despite the ache on your blades.

"Chin"

Pain shoots down your spine as you tilt your head up. Your neck is as stiff as she stands.

"Taller"

You dig your nails deeper.

Ms. Choi brings her hands together, ready to clap the beats to keep you in pace. "Walk" you take your first step forward— "Straighter" but you've had enough.

"This is ridiculous!" you slam the book on the table and it's impact echoes off the walls. Ms. Choi looks at you in bewilderment as you have finally caught her by surprise. "This posture is utterly unnatural and an eye sore to everyone who will be watching the coronation. There is nothing wrong with the way I walk— and I apologize to say that we have both wasted our time doing this unnecessary- frankly, stupid exercise." you spit out, but the heaviness in your chest does not lighten. You wish to say it all— take your belongings and leave, don't waste any more of your time, because there is nothing you can teach me that Jisoo has not already.

You turn away and run your fingers through your hair to mask the way they shake. You have not gotten better at confrontation. Your palms are sweaty and so is the collar of your polo.

"I understand, Your Highness" Ms. Choi says, calm and collected.

"Good" you mutter, tying your hair up in a ponytail to give your perspiring neck some air.

"There is just one more thing," she states and you hear the loud, obnoxious sound of her shoes approach. You turn back to face her and she hands you papers of what looks like your coronation speech. "Ms. Kim mailed me a copy. Charming, to say the least." and it's marked and scratched with red ink, "King Mason has agreed to the revisions I have made."

You take the papers from her hands and skim through yours and Jisoo's hard work. She's x-ed, stroked out, and rearranged most if not all that you have written and already practiced. "You can't do this" you say, pinning your cold eyes at her audacity. "I wrote this- I know this speech by heart. Jisoo and I—"

"Your father requests for the final speech on his desk by Monday afternoon."

"Monday— it's Saturday today" Have you choose to follow his orders, you still wouldn't be able to make the deadline with all these changes. You don't want to say anything different- this speech is yours.

"If you like, we can sit down and go over what must be done to—"

You drop the papers on the table recklessly "We're finished here" you declare and you walk out of that library without giving Ms. Choi another say.

You can hardly compose yourself at this point. Your nail-dug hands are shaking and sweat still trickles down your collar. You're breathing heavier and you can't make up your mind of where to go. To your room to call Jennie or to the crafts room for peace of mind or to the east wing in search for Suho- you pace the common area at the bottom of the staircase, a step to one direction then one step back to the other.

It's a dilemma that lasts longer than it should, but you know that Jennie comes first regardless of the situation.

But when you reach the hall to your bedroom, you feel sorry for how quick your decision changes. Because you see Suho standing on duty by your door and you think to find the answers to your questions before relaying them to Jennie.

"Your Highness" Suho bows as you approach.

You ask of his meeting with your father- what did he say— what can you do to reverse things.

He straightens himself back to position. He avoids your gaze and you know what he's doing. This is what you were afraid of- the way he falls back in line to his duties and how easy it is for him to do so, "I reside with your father's decisions."

"No" you don't want him to act tough- not when it's about Jisoo, the only one that should be worth fighting for if anything, "Suho I— I know I told you to take orders for now but you— you can't side with him in the end"

"His judgements are for the betterment, Your Highness"

"What did he say to you? Did he threaten you?" you step forward, hoping he would look at you with softer eyes.

But he's just so stubborn, "No, Your Highness" 

"What did he say?"

"His decisions are for the best."

"Horseshit— you can't seriously believe that"

"I'm afraid I do, Your Highness. I must remain as your royal guard and Ms. Kim—"

"You're wrong!" you stress, shout it out, "Both of you should be here. What did father say to make you think otherwise— tell me Suho"

His gaze finally meets yours, colorless to the eyes and impassive to his features- cold. And this time it is you who can't look at him directly. Your eyes falter and they land on his hand- bandaged and bleeding right through.

You take his wrist, "W-What—" his palm has been slashed to open skin like a warning that couldn't be any more blatant- a brazen foretell to what the King will do next have the felons object.

Suho pulls back and lifts his chin, "With utmost respect, Your Highness, I solicit this case be put to rest." he says, and you can't tell if it is surrender or treaty you see before you.

But this you know, "I'm not giving up so easily." you will be the one to face your father.

      The wooden doors strike the walls of the threshold when you force them open. Your father is appalled at your discourtesy, standing up from his desk with reprimands armed at the ready.

"You whipped him" you stand before his desk, looking right up at his almighty.

"I beg your pardon" he chides, but you see right through your father.

"You've already done your punishment with Jisoo's exile" you know he will exert power on anyone and anything to fall in line with his sovereignty but this infuses your anger in wild flames because violence- you never thought he would use it for settlement "You whipped Suho and you did it to keep him quiet"

"It was a single penance"

"That wasn't part of the rules!" you pound your fist on the desk— you're fired up "You have gone too far with this, father and you know it" you state, because the infliction uncalled for was too much and out of character for even someone as callous as your father.

His scowl is forbidding, and he inhales deep.

You continue and force him to breathe in your words, "Ms. Choi is unfit to be my mentor- she knows nothing of what it means to be royalty. Jisoo knew everything and she is the only one I can learn from. She's the daughter of the best scholars- Jisoo must come back, father, please"

"Only one can stay" your father sits on his chair, glancing down at his papers because he's finished looking at you.

"If it is trouble you are worried they will cause, I assure you Jisoo and Suho will not step out of line"

"Only one can stay and your royal guard's dismissal is out of the question" he picks up his pen to continue on with his work because he is having the final say. "Both him and Ms. Kim have agreed with these terms."

"Because you have forced them into it! You threatened them and scared them—"

"I will not listen to you accuse me of what I did not do, Rosé" he booms, looking at you when the name sounds off his lips.

You hate that name off his tongue. It is not his to say and even this he could never understand.

He drops his gaze back to the papers in front of him.

You stand in quiet disbelief. You think of what else you could say to grant his pardon on your best friend, but you're running out of words. Your mind can't keep up with the boiling emotions- can't keep up with your father's supremacy. You thought you were stronger than this, and braver than this, but you stand here with no backbone- letting him step all over you- treat you like dirt like always.

The fire in you is burning out like the melted wax is at the brim of its wick. Your tears threaten to fall and you turn away, blink them away because you don't want to accept defeat. You just need a little more time. More time and reasons and you need help to burn your father's bridges.

"It is for the best, Roseanne" he says.

You shake your head, walking out of his threshold "You and I see very different of what is for the best" and you retreat to your haven for heartsease.

•••

You take one more good look at your new and accomplished painting. A small rose of the same colors mother used to paint Queen Ara's old gift. You sign it with pink, 'Forever yours. Rosé.' .

You miss mother badly.

You wonder what she would say have she be here with you. You think she would take your side. Help you- be proud of you for fighting for the right to love. You know it is what she would do if she were in your shoes.

Mother was one with everyone. She was kindhearted, generous, and devoted. She loved our people with all that she was and our people loved her just as great. You can remember just how much they adored her when she walked the streets.

And that was the kind of Queen she was. She crossed the streets like any other, shook hands with those who reached out, and conversed with people who had something to say.

You have looked up to no one other than her and you will become the Queen that she once was. You promise this. You will take it to your grave that you will not reign this kingdom like your father.

He had his hesitations and precautions whenever mother strayed from protocol, and had he been the person he is today he would have shunned your mother for the charitable acts she served. But father was just as kind when he had her, his only love by his side. He let mother do what she wanted only until she couldn't.

God missing her hurts just as it did when she died. As you matured and caught a grasp of the idea of death, you thought the pain would go away eventually. If you repressed it long enough- paid it little to no mind then it would leave you alone. No more thinking of all the memories made, no more wishing to make up for the ones you missed, no more crying over the sound of her voice or crying over the piano piece louder than her own laugh in your head— no more crying at all.

You were awfully wrong about pain. It hasn't left you since. It hasn't even faded.

Sucking in a breath to suppress the tears, you stand from your stool and place the painting on the display table with the rest. These welling emotions have come in and out in waves and you wonder how many more until you have been drained.

You hear the three o'clock bell of the godfather clock in the vestibule. You hadn't realized how much time has passed as you were so engrossed with the thought of your mother as you painted.

Now, your thoughts fleet to your only love. She is certainly awake by now, and must be wondering why you haven't called.

You close the lids to your paint and tuck in your stool. You open the door and your heart jumps in surprise, "Ms. Choi—" you shut the door behind you immediately, standing inches away from her face as she tried to take a peek. "What are you doing?" you scowl, the irritations of earlier coming back to you at the sight of her. And her appearance as though snooping does not lighten the annoyance in you.

"You've been in there a long time" she says, stepping back and plastering her cheeky smile.

You don't even know why you try, but you force a curve to the lips for a second. For mere courtesy, perhaps. A lesson she ought to learn on your grounds. "There is never enough time for leisure." you state.

"And what sorts of recreation do you partake in, Roseanne?"

A scoff spits out of you, "Princess" you affirm, "if you will".

Ms. Choi purses her lips and nods her head, certainly displeased with knowing her place, "Very well, Princess." she takes a step and reaches for the knob behind you, "Care to enlighten me?"

You push her hand away, "No one is allowed to enter this room." you press your back to the door and you will stop at nothing to keep Ms. Choi from walking into your life's treasures. You will no longer let anyone subjected to you of these palace grounds step a foot in yours and mother's sanctuary, let alone lay a finger on this door. "If you will so kindly leave me be, that would be much appreciated." you say, showing the displeasure of your own to her overstep.

Ms. Choi is inches away from your face, piercing green eyes staring into your brown orbs like she knows you have something to hide. Your mouth runs dry and eyes begin to falter the longer you are under her wordless stares. You are extremely uncomfortable and just as you are about to push her back, she smiles and adjusts your polo, "Of course, Your Highness" she says, "Your privacy is to be respected at all costs." she turns around and makes her way down the hall.

You let out a breath and relax your tension.

"By the way," Ms. Choi looks at you over her shoulder. "Monday will come soon enough," She has a devilish smirk on her face as she walks away from you and a great wave is ready to tide in when she opens her mouth again, "I've left your speech on your bedroom desk."

Ice cold panic surges in you.

"I'm looking forward to meeting, the North Princess"

Because she has seen the photograph.

It is a mere photo of Jennie and just Jennie but it is dangerous regardless. There is no chance for leading evidence in this secret love affair- a sign to direct anything suspicious going on between you and Jennie because even the most friendly of photographs could risk the assumption of a bigger ordeal— you need to hide the photo.

From the inside of the crafts room, you lock the door and dash down the hall once Ms. Choi has disappeared.

You skip steps as you ascend the staircase in jumping anxiety and vexation and anger because privacy respected at all costs, she said— perhaps to provoke you because she has crossed your chambers without your presence- without your consent and you believe she's done it on purpose. Ms. Choi has been here for bare hours long and she has defied several accounts of subject decorum. If your father sees no fault in this, you have lost all faith in his morality.

You throw your door open and lock it closed. You stride to your desk and you see the papers in red- you see the photograph right next to them— Ms. Choi has placed it right there.

You snatch the papers and you rip them apart. You tear them piece by piece until every word is unreadable. Your hands tremble in grueling infuriation. You're just so crossed and upset because of how careless you were- you should have known better.

You pull your drawer open and bury Jennie's photograph inside it.

Another wave is crashing into you and you let it because you don't have enough to stop your eyes from welling and you're burning with self-deprecation because you are not supposed to be weak goddamn it!

"Ah—" a sharp pain cuts through your palm. You open your clenched fist and you watch the blood ooze from the nail marks imprinted on your right hand. You've dug too deep this time.

In the bathroom, you leave your hand under running water, letting the wound sting as it is being cleansed. Then as you press on a towel to stop the bleeding, the telephone rings— please be Jennie.

You shuffle to your desk and answer on the third ring— please—

"Rosie, I'm so sorry I didn't call last night"

The burdens of your heart alleviate when you hear the sound of her voice.

"The doctors had given me a drowsy medication for my side pains and it knocked me to sleep so early in the night- I've just woken up."

And it is the waves that rise up. Your conflicting emotions of last night and today's events- the fiery determination, the anger, the fears- they mix and juggle and overwhelm you to bring the tears- all of them- back to sit at the brim of your eyes. Only, now they are for the longing and the missing emotions you feel as you hear Jennie's breathing on the phone.

"Rosie?"

You wish she were here.

"Jennie" your voice breaks when you speak. The tears get to you and you let them fall because this is all too much without her.

"Rosie— Love, are you okay? Are you hurt— what's wrong?"

You just want Jennie.

"Rosie you're scaring me" she says, much concern etched in her tone, "Baby, talk to me" the way she calls you that makes it harder to utter a word.

But you try and you draw in a sharp breath. Try to gather your thoughts and everything you mean to say.

You tell her everything. From your phone call with Jisoo the morning of yesterday to what happened once you returned home. That she is the banished one in consequence to the law and your father has done it with no remorse. That he could care less for the years he has known her as your royal mentor and more so your friend. That he has just as easily replaced her with someone new— your fucking speech. You tell Jennie you have no idea where Jisoo might be and that she intends to keep it that way— that Suho has agreed with your father's decisions with blood on his hand and Lisa deems that you shouldn't bring Jisoo back until you have the power on your hands.

You choke on your tears, "Everything is just so wrong and messy and I don't know what to do Jennie" you say. You admit you don't know what to do— you need help.

"Rosie" Jennie says your name so softly like she's whispering right next to you "Rosie listen to me"

"Come back Jennie" you're begging "Please come back"

"Love I—"

You realize you have forgotten something "I haven't told Lisa" something awfully important, "oh god I haven't told Lisa" that Sehun isn't coming back. You should have just told her—

"Ah fuck—"

"Rosie?"

You drop the bloody towel on the floor. You're just so upset and lost and scared that it's controlling all of you to press tension on your entirety.

"Are you okay?" Jennie worries, it's shaking in her voice "Baby—"

"I-I'm just—"

Three knocks sound to your door.

"Love, what is it, please talk to me"

You wait for whoever it must be to make their presence known, "Chip, it's Lisa." she knocks louder.

"Is someone at the door?" Jennie asks.

"I-It's Lisa" you tell her. And when she comes in you're going to tell her about Sehun.

"Rosie wait"

"I have to—"

"Don't tell her just yet"

"It's been long enough- she has to know"

She's knocking on the door and she'll burst through if you don't answer in the next few seconds.

"Please just— Just wait for me, Rosie, please" Jennie stresses, "Can you do that for me, love? Please wait for me, let's do it together." she says. You wonder if it is for Lisa's own good that you are letting Jennie convince you so easily. "Just calm down and relax and we can talk about this again later okay?"

"Chip, I know you're in there, can I come in?"

"Baby?"

"Okay" you exhale, inching toward the door, "Okay"

Jennie speaks to you gently, "Don't tell Lisa, Rosie- Just talk about anything else, just don't tell her."

"I'll ring you back" you say, and you tell her you love her before putting down the telephone.

When you open the door, Lisa sighs in relief, as she thought something terrible had happened and she was about to kick the door down like you thought. "Why are you crying?" she asks in concern, wiping your tearstained face.

Though they continue to cascade in guilt.

"Hey," she pulls you in the tightest embrace, "Don't cry, Rosie" she says, but you know she would careless how you feel once she finds out what secret you're keeping from her. You never mean to hurt Lisa but it almost seems inevitable in the promises of your friendship.

"I'm sorry Lisa" you cry. You don't deserve how kind, and forgiving she is to you.

You promise you won't expect her to forgive you after this.

______________________________________________The angst has just begun.