24

Flashback

Haeun's POV

Nothing felt like it was worth it anymore. Nothing felt like it should be able to take up all of my energy and leave me to rot, feeling unfulfilled. I lay awake in the middle of the night, these thoughts running through my head constantly. I sigh as I turn my head to look to the side and see my husband sleeping peacefully in our shared bed. I look away, turning back to look up at the ceiling. My hands rub my face in frustration as I let out a quiet, frustrated groan. I remove the covers from my body, the cold air from the room surprising me due to the lack of warmth that was once covering my body. I sit up and get out of bed, ultimately making my way to my daughter's room.

I open her door slowly, and see her sleeping peacefully as well. I smile a little, but it falls flat shortly after. I walk over to her and kneel down to be eye level with her. I brush some hair out of the way of her sleeping face. My thumb gently rubs her cheek. Her skin was soft. The smile returns to my face. I grab her blanket, covering her more. I stand up and walk out of her room, taking one last look at her before I close her door.

-

"Haeun... Haeun!"

I jolt, looking at an annoyed Jisoo. I rub my eyes and groan.

"Sorry, I didn't sleep much last night." I explain.

"You need to talk to someone about your post-partum." She says.

I shake my head.

"I don't want to bother my husband with all of that." I say.

"Well, you need to do something. You're not very fun anymore."

I chuckle.

"I'm a mom now, I have responsibilities." I state.

I take the warm coffee mug of the table and take a sip from it. I set it back down, making eye contact with Jisoo.

"What do you suggest I do?" I ask.

She smiles, as though she has been waiting to give me suggestions for the longest time.

"I'm glad you asked," she starts, "There is this new nightclub that just opened and maybe-"

"A club? Jisoo, what part of me being a parent do you not understand?"

"Oh come on! You deserve one night to yourself! You're the one who works all the time. You're the one paying the bills. You're the one who gave birth to a child. You're the one who deserves a break and to think for themselves more than anyone!" She defends.

I sit there, a moment of clarity striking me. I do deserve a break. I'm the one who is doing everything. I look back at Jisoo.

"You're right. I'm going."

I grab my phone, texting my husband that I have a late shift.

"There." I say, smiling in satisfaction.

Jisoo smiles the same way at me.

"Perfect."

-

It was loud. Too loud. I cringe as the sound of booming music seemed to be getting louder. Jisoo seemed completely unbothered. I glare at her. She notices and looks at me.

"Don't look at me like that!" She yells through the noise, "Just have fun!"

I look around, unsure of what to do. I give up and decide to go sit at the bar. Jisoo follows.

"Great idea! I was getting thirsty." She says.

"You do know that we have work tomorrow, right?"

"So? This is one of our only days off, I'm going to drink if I feel like it." She says before turning to the bartender.

Multiple songs later along with multiple shots, I was drunk out of my mind. I turn to Jisoo, feeling a mixture of both giddy and nauseous. She laughs at me and I decide to laugh with her, not that I had any clue as to why we were laughing in the first place. I chug some of my water, at least I think it was water, and head to the dance floor. I turn back, but Jisoo was still at the bar. My legs felt like jelly, but I managed to get where I wanted to go.

The music didn't seem so loud anymore, it felt as though it wasn't loud enough. But I danced none the less.

"Having fun?" Someone asks, I assumed Jisoo.

I turned to look at them, not seeing Jisoo at all, but a man who seemed to be a little younger than me. I nod my head vigorously. He laughs.

"That sure was an enthusiastic response." He comments.

I stop dancing and try to catch my breath.

"Sorry," I say as I breath in heavily, "I meant to answer yes." I say.

He smiles. I smile back. I would be lying if I were to say his smile wasn't attractive.

"Are you here alone?" He asks loudly.

I shake my head, starting to dance again.

"No," I point over at the bar, "That's my friend, Jisoo." I say.

He turns is head, nodding when he sees her. He turns back to me.

"I'm Jinyoung, you are?"

"Haeun."

"Nice to meet you Haeun."

He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. I laugh.

"What are you, a romanticist?"

He shrugs his shoulders.

"I guess you could say I'm a sucker for happy endings." He smiles.

That damn smile. I stop dancing and walk closer to him.

"Start by making me happy first." I say, trying to be seductive.

I kiss him. Since I was still very much drunk, it was sloppy, but he fixed it. He grabbed my waist, pulling me closer, one hand there and the other on the back of my neck. I liked it. I liked it a lot. My husband has never kissed me like this. In this moment, I felt happy again. I didn't feel like I had the pressure to raise everyone by myself. That's how this guy made me feel. It's exactly the way I've been longing to feel. We kiss passionately, the music becoming distant. He moves from my lips to kissing my jaw, down to my neck, sucking sweetly on it. This is what I deserve.

-

"Have you checked it yet?" Jisoo asks through the door.

"No, obviously not." I snap back.

My hands were shaking, this couldn't be happening.

"It's been two minutes." She says.

I nod my head, taking a deep breath in and looking down at the sink's counter. I smile. I cover my mouth in excitement.

"Jisoo! Guess what!"

-

"And what am I supposed to do? Huh? I can't do this on my own." My husband complains, throwing the divorce papers to the side.

I look at him, feeling guilty, but also feeling right. I zip up my suitcase and head for the bedroom door.

"And what about Yusoi? You're just going to leave her behind, without saying goodbye?"

I walk out of the room. He grabs my wrist to stop me.

"What happened to you?" He asks, tears in his eyes.

"I deserve this." Is all I say, snatching my wrist away from him and leaving the house.

-

10 years later

"Yes, I know, I'm leaving right now. Tell Hyun-woo and Mi-rae I'll be home soon, okay? Love you too, bye." I hang up the phone and press the elevator button.

"Haeun!"

I turn to see a coworker running over to me.

"Hm? What is it?" I ask, about to step into the elevator.

"I need to go now, can you cover for me?"

I was about to say no when she suddenly handed me a patient file.

"Thank you!" She says, running off.

"I was about to go home, you know!" I yell after her, but she's already gone.

I groan and open the patient file. I scan through.

"Room 325... heart condition... thirteen... normal to high risk... name: Jung Yusoi-" I freeze.

My hands begin to shake, my body felt like it went numb. All the oxygen escaped my lungs. My hand covers my mouth and my eyes begin to sting with tears. I close the file and speed-walk to room 325.My feet stop at the door as I hesitate to knock. My hand quietly knocks on the door and I open it nervously.

I see a young girl sitting on the bed, her hair in a ponytail and her school uniform next to her. She looks at me.

"My dad isn't going to be here until later, so when the doctor needs to come, tell him he can go see someone else first." She says.

I feel myself choke up. She's grown up so much.

"Hi, I'm filling in for another nurse right now, she had to leave unexpectedly." I manage to say.

She nods her head. I set down my things and look back at her file.

"A heart condition? At thirteen?" I ask worriedly.

She nods her head.

"Got diagnosed when I was three." She says.

I feel my heart drop.

"When?" I ask, a little too concerned.

She looks at me weirdly, but shakes it off.

"Um, I believe it was in April." She says, thinking about it.

I feel a lump form in my throat. That's the same month I left. I sigh, clearing my throat and trying to blink away my forming tears.

"I was about to leave to go home, so I don't have any equipment on me. I'll ask my friend to do your checks, okay?"

She nods her head and hums.

"Okay." She says.

I smile at her, grabbing my things again and leaving her room. I look around for Jisoo, panicked. I finally find her.

"Jisoo!" I call out to her. She looks at me. "I need to you go see this patient and do her checks." I say quickly.

I hand her the file. She looks at me, irritated.

"Really?" She asks flatly. "I'd rather not." She says.

"It's Yusoi."

Her eyes widen.

"What?" She asks, opening the file and scanning over it.

"Heart condition?" She asks.

I nod my head sadly. I begin to pace around.

"I'm a terrible person. I was so selfish. She got diagnosed the month I left. What if it was the day after? What if she kept asking herself if that's the reason why her mother left-"

"Haeun." Jisoo says, stopping me.

"If you feel that bad about it, then be her assigned nurse." She suggests.

"What?"

"Get to know her, see what she's like. See if you really missed out on anything."

I look at her, appalled by her statement.

"Are you serious right now? How can you say that."

"Haeun, I only took you to the club, you made the choice of finding someone else."

I look down, ashamed.

"Maybe this is fate. Maybe you were supposed to see her again, to be apart of her life this time."

I look back up at her, she has a point.

"Okay." I say, "I'll be her nurse."

-

3 years later

"Someone doesn't look too happy this morning." I say as I begin to check Yusoi's vitals.

She groans, turning away from me.

"Do I get to go home today?"

"Hm.." I say, checking the file I carry with me.

"Yeah, today's your last day. You'll see the doctor later for a new prescription." I say, going back to her vitals.

"What's the point?" She says suddenly.

I freeze. I turn to look at her.

"What do you mean?" I ask her, afraid of how she'll answer.

"I'm going to die anyways." She mumbles, still facing the other direction.

I gulp nervously.

"Don't say that, there's always hope. Maybe this new medication will work."

"This is the second to last medication they have available." She says, sounding as if all the life has drained from her body.

"Yusoi-"

She sighs, cutting me off and sitting back up.

"It's okay, I've come to accept my fate." She says dramatically.

I frown. I finish her checks and walk out of her room, saying nothing else. I felt frustrated. But I also felt guilty, like this was somehow all my fault. I stopped over at a vending machine and paid for a drink. I grab the can, about to open it. I stop. I see myself in the reflection of the vending machines glass. "What happened to you?"

"I don't deserve this." I say to myself.

I walk back to Yusoi's room, opening the door.

"What are you doing back?" She asks.

I walk over to her and hand her the drink.

"Oh! How did you know I like this flavor?" She asks, taking it from me.

"Yusoi, I want you to know that things will get better? Okay? Sitting around here, being upset, isn't going to help. Eventually, you will get better and you will become happy." I say.

She looks at me, taking a sip from the can.

"Is your heroic speech done?" She asks.

I roll my eyes and lightly tap my clip board on her head.

"Hey!" She says.

-

2 years later

"Yusoi!" I yell out, "Yusoi!"

Everything felt like it was moving in slow-motion. It felt like I couldn't reach her in time. I push past numerous people down the halls to the operating room. I see a girl, sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, crying. I run over to her and take her in my arms.

"Yusoi." I say, out of breath.

She wraps her arms around me, crying into my chest. I place my chin on the top of her head, stroking her hair with one of my hands.

"I heard. It's going to be okay. He's going to be okay."

She continues to sob into me. I kiss the top of her head, resting my chin on top of her head again.

"Yusoi- oh Haeun." Doctor Choi says.

Yusoi and I look at her. Yusoi lets go of me and stands up, I follow.

"Is he okay? Please tell me he is okay." She says through her tears.

Doctor Choi shakes her head. I notice Yusoi tense up, her tears stopped, but you can tell her heart broke.

"I'm so sorry Yusoi-"

She breathes heavily and falls to her knees. Her sobs become louder.

"It's not fair!" She cries, clenching her chest.

I kneel beside her, taking her back into my arms.

"It's not fair." She cries more weakly into my chest.