Chapter 13

Snow's P.O.V.

I woke up and blinked my eyes a few times to adjust to the light. 

Wow, it was already morning.

Morning?

God dang it, that meant Jason let me sleep the whole night.

"Jason?" I called out softly.

He appeared at the entrance of the cave. "How do you feel?"

"Sore, but better." I admitted. "Why'd you let me sleep all night?"

"Because you saved my life and got attacked by a pack of wolves, I thought that was the normal human response." 

I rolled my eyes. "You know I hate it when you do that."

"Now you know how I feel. Every. Day."

"We've been in the Games for less than a week." I said grinning. "Speaking of the Games, who was the tribute who got killed yesterday?"

"Winnow." Jason murmured. "I didn't want to wake you so I didn't."

"So, what're we doing today?"

"I'm going to cook some food. You are going to rest." 

"Just because you got your way yesterday, does not mean I will do everything you say." 

"You're arm-"

"I have two of them for a reason. I don't like feeling helpless." I said.

"You're not helpless. You just need to take a break, okay?"

I sighed.

"Please Snow? Come on." Jason begged.

"Fine." I grumbled sitting down on a stump. "I'll just play with my knives."

"That's the sentence every parent wants to hear!" 

I laughed and adjusted my ponytail. He began to cook something and I started to get used to my knives.

Plenty of poisoned blades (poison activated with a button), a double bladed knife which I could use as a sufficient boomerang, a blade that was serrated for sawing, there were endless selections. Which was good since I lost a lot of knives to the wolves.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Jason. Noting every move he made, everything he did, which sounded really stalkerish, but in reality it was just something I did in general. Carefully watching someone, and "classifying" them. Like whether or not they could be a dangerous enemy. 

"You analyzing me again?" Jason said interrupting my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked standing up. "Did you just suggest that I'm 'checking you out?'"

Jason turned red. "No! I was just asking if you were analyzing me again! You do that a lot, I mean, you like, I mean...uh, nevermind."

I raised an eyebrow. "No seriously, what do you mean?"

"You like...I don't know, concentrate on someone or something out of the corner of your eye a lot. It's like your analyzing them or something. I see you doing it a lot so...yeah. I just thought that's what you were doing to me." he said awkwardly.

"Wow, you notice a lot." 

"Not really, just about you." he admitted. He turned even redder. "I mean-"

I laughed. "Jason, it's fine. I get what you mean."

"I wanted to tell you something." he murmured.

"Sure, shoot." I said smiling at him.

He shifted nervously. "Well, basically, what I wanted to say-"

He was cut off by the loud sound of a twig snapping.

I picked up my knife and motioned for him to be quiet.

With strength I threw it at a tree that was in the direction of the sound. 

It hit the tree with a thud and a small rabbit popped out of the clearing.

"Okay, I think we're good."

"Why'd you do that?" Jason asked.

"If it was a tribute they would try to run away when I threw the knife, alerting me that it was a tribute and not just an animal." I explained.

"Oh." 

"You okay?" I asked. "You look shaken up, what did you want to tell me?" 

"It can...wait." he murmured.

I nodded slightly. "Are you okay though? You look...nervous." 

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Jason said.

"You couldn't find your way out of a paper bag without me." I said laughing. 

"Hey! Just because it's true doesn't mean you can rub it in my face!" Jason protested.

I laughed. 

"Is your arm getting better?" he asked kindly.

"You asked me that this morning." I said grinning. "But yes."

"Good, you can call me Nurse Jason."

I rolled my eyes.

"Wow, I must've slept along time, it's already midday." I said adjusting my ponytail again.

"Yeah, I thought you might want some sleep. You've been taking all the shifts lately." Jason said handing me some rabbit.

"I'd rather have switched with you during the night." 

"Let me correct myself." Jason said grinning. "I thought you might need some sleep."

"Yeah, sure." I said sarcastically. "What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know. The Games have gotten really boring apart from yesterday, there's no doubt that the Gamemakers are going to try to spice things up a bit." Jason said shrugging. "We should enjoy the peace while we can."

"So...tell me about yourself. I don't know much about you." I said as we sat down in the cave. I pulled my ponytail out and combed my hair with my fingers.

"I'm not interesting." he stated. "Definitely not compared to you."

"Everyone has a story. Mine's just shared a lot more. Truth is most people don't know much about me, even my closest so called friends."

He glanced at me. "I have three brothers and two sisters." he started.

"It must be nice having siblings." I murmured.

He nodded and continued. "My dad died when I was fifteen. My mom was pregnant with my youngest sister. There was this horrible factory explosion, caused by a faulty wire and some leaking oil. There wasn't even anything of him to bury."

I didn't say anything.

"From then on, I took the fatherly position. I worked from sunrise until midnight. My mom worked for us all day too. We had to feed our family, and it was really difficult managing work and school." Jason said quietly.

Neither of us said a word.

"How about you?" he finally asked.

"What about me? You already know everything about me from Capitol advertisements."

"You said it yourself. Most people don't really know much about you." Jason said.

I smiled slightly and looked down at the ground. "My mom was from District 1. They say she was one of the most beautiful people you could ever meet. She was flexible and nimble and extremely fast. One of the best runners in the Districts and the Capitol. My dad was from District 3. People tell me he was one of the smartest scientists and inventors they had in all of Panem. President Snow personally recruited both of them to become Peacekeepers. They left for battle as soon as I was born." I murmured.

The memories came back to me.

"I remember them talking to me once, my mom gave me something and my dad was already preparing for battle. I never saw them again after that. Capitol Attendants took care of me up until that point. I was three when I found out my parents were dead." 

I laughed sadly. "They never even knew me. The only part they had in raising me was naming me. And then they were just...gone."

"I remember being taken to the Capitol where President Snow cared for me for a while. A few months later I was shipped to District 2 to be trained. He saw it fitting that where I grew up should be the space directly in between where my parents were from. He wanted me to live up to my name. I trained from that day on. Learning to fight, learning military strategies, every day of my life, I rarely got any break. Except for the annual reaping." I whispered.

"They say President Snow took a special interest in me. He treated me like his own granddaughter. He visited me at least once every two months. Just to check up on me. I never fit in with the other kids because I was trained extensively. My home was literally the training center. The trainers and teachers took care of me there. It was a horrible life to live but it was my life. All during that time I would visit the Capitol every once in a while to be photographed and to meet Capitol people. I was supposed to be the one who rallied Panem to their feet." 

Jason remained silent.

"It couldn't have any more opposite. The Districts feared me, or they despised me. I even visited the Districts once in a while. The only Districts that somewhat accepted me were the other Career Districts. All the other Districts remained silent while I stood up there in their town square. I was hated so much. But what could I do about it? They would never know who I really was. My future was already set in stone, and it wasn't my decision." 

Tears slipped out of my eyes and I turned away from Jason.

"I lived in isolation. No family, no true friends, no one." 

Jason finally spoke. "There had to be someone who loved you. What about guys?"

I laughed bitterly. "I wasn't exactly a warm and kind sweetheart. Guys asked me out I guess, but I never said yes. They didn't like me for me, they liked me because of the privileges I had. I was just a prize."

By this time, I was full on crying.

Jason wrapped his hand around mine and embraced me. I cried into his chest.

"I'm sorry, this is stupid of me." I said as tears trickled down my cheeks.

"No it's not." he said softly. "You deserve a cry after everything that's happened to you." 

"I wanted to be more than what everyone knew me as. I volunteered because I wanted to protect someone. To save someone at all costs." I whispered. 

"Look at me Snow." Jason said quietly. I stared into kind blue eyes. 

"It doesn't matter if no one loved you before. You are perfect just the way you are. And if people don't like you that's because they don't know you. I know you. And I love you."

His lips were on mine before I could process anything he said.

Safe.

I felt safe.

Special. 

I felt special.

And Loved.

For once in my life I felt loved.

His hand touched my face gently, brushing a lock of hair out of my eyes. 

Wow, first time I've ever kissed a boy and it's in the Games.

Weird.

The Games.

Another thought flashed through my head.

The parachute.

The notes.

The Hunger Games is no place for love. Remember the last time?

The last time.

Katniss and Peeta.

Both of them ended up dead.

Dead.

Jason's words finally processed in my mind.

"I know you. And I love you."

But the Hunger Games is no place for love.

I felt myself pull away from Jason. 

His blue eyes searched mine for an answer. 

I love you.

That's all I wanted to say.

But I knew that if I did, the Capitol would have him dead.

And I loved him too much for that to happen. 

I broke free from his grip and turned away. "I-I'm sorry. I-I just can't." 

Tears started to slip out of my eyes again. 

He couldn't see me like this.

"I really am sorry. I-I just..."

I couldn't think of the words. And I couldn't bear to look at him.

The boy that I loved. The boy who could end up dead because I loved him.

"I'm...sorry." I whispered finally. My feet broke off into a run and I ran. Away from my fears. Away from my insecurities.

Away from the danger that I brought.

I finally stopped and sat down in the shade of the trees. It was already almost dark. All I could think about was Jason, the kiss, and the fact that he had said he loved me.

What was I supposed to do?

What was Jason thinking right now?

He probably hated me. I couldn't blame him.

I buried my face in my hands. 

I had to find somewhere to sleep. There was no doubt that I couldn't go back to the cave today. I would go back tomorrow after I figured out what to say and after I calmed down. 

Slowly, I began to climb a tall willow tree and made a temporary bed on one of the branches.

At least the Gamemakers finally got the action and drama they wanted. Maybe I could even sleep peacefully tonight. 

I sat in the tree and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Dreaming of any other place I could be and wishing to finally be free.