40. Maybe

"And maybe we tried a little hard to cover up our own mistakes. And maybe it was simply too much love and too much pain. But I know springtime will come again."- Maybe by Lily Williams

•••

"Then," Win concluded. "You will take care of things in the office. It means, you will talk to P'Day."

Bright agreed.

They had been discussing the wedding party matters in the dining room until they reached the point of dividing tasks.

"I'll consult you when I meet with the organizer. Keep your phone in check tomorrow."

"Umm," Bright nodded at Win. "I will go to P'Day when the date and venue has settled."

Win stared at Bright for a moment before smiling. He clicked on his phone and open a picture, that was Bright's schedule for next month. "We can hold the reception between these dates, right? We've talked about it earlier."

"We've talked about it, but you haven't talked to the organizer." Bright said. "We can't invite or talk to outsiders before everything decided."

Win was still on his seat while Bright gave a hint that he had done speaking by leaving the dining room.

Bright knew that Win was excited for this event. Bright chose to follow Win's plan than arguing with him since the younger man was an overthinker.

"Win," Bright called his husband. The time Win turned his head to Bright, Bright gave him a slight smile. "It's time to sleep."

Win got his ass off the seat and got ready to sleep. He lay on his side, beside Bright who had dimmed the light for him. Tonight, Win did not leave any space between them. His hand clung on to Bright's arm.

"Don't think too much." Bright reminded him, knowing how cramped it was inside Win's head.

"Can't help it."

Bright giggled. He wrapped Win with his two arms and let the younger man fall asleep in his gentle caress.

•

On the next day, Bright entered the elevator alone. His manager was waiting on the practice room since Bright needed to buy a cup of Americano in Starbucks on the ground floor. At the same time, Mix joined him.

"Sawasdee khrab," Mix hurriedly wai at Bright.

"Alone?"

"Umm," Mix nodded. "I'm late."

The two were silent. Mix was one of Win's closest friends in GTV, Bright knew that perfectly. It was the same with Mix knowing Bright was his friend's husband. Still, they had almost never privately talked about anything.

"Win said, you are finally gonna hold a wedding reception," Mix started a conversation. "Congratulation."

"Thank you."

Mix sighed. This was one of the reason why he also did not initiate communication with Bright before. He knew that this senior was not easy to befriend with. For a second, Mix regretted his decision to talk to Bright.

"I will talk to P'Day if everything has settled, like the date and the venue. And considering I have to go filming tomorrow, I might have a chance to meet P'Day next week. Don't talk to anyone yet about the wedding, Mix." Bright said.

Mix was still busy with his mind because he did not expect Bright to continue chatting with him. "I see. Ok khrab, my lips are sealed."

"Thank you," Bright smiled at Mix. "And for everything you do to support Win all this years, thank you so much."

Mix chuckled. "You startle me, Phi. Why do you suddenly bring it up?"

"I haven't thanked you yet."

Mix laughed. "Relax, P'Bright. If you need some tea, ask me. I'm more than willing to spill everything." Mix tried to be more easy going. "Only if you ask na."

"Umm," Bright shrugged his eyebrows. "Just wait."

They got off the elevator on the same floor but went to different room. Before parting, Mix dared himself to pat on Bright's shoulder and said the words he wanted to say for a long time. From the deepest of his heart...

"Many people got a lot of trouble to get you and Win to this level. So, this marriage have to last forever na, Phi." Mix waved his hands while walking away, leaving Bright stunned in front of the door of practice room. "See you later!"

•

Being left by one another for days or weeks was normal now for both Bright and Win. Many years they had spent together as boyfriends in entertainment industry taught them to be patient, enduring their longing when it was about work. So, three days without Bright was not a problem for Win. The younger man was happily helping Bright to pack up that night.

"Before I forget," Win said as he zipped Bright's travel bag. "Have you told P'Day about the wedding reception?"

"I told you that we had to settle everything first before telling others," Bright replied right away. "If you have had the confirmation about the date we submitted from the organizer, inform me. I'll talk to P'Day after that."

Win nodded, but his lips pouted and his eyes staring blankly at the bag.

"You are anxious."

Win forced a smile on his face, did not deny Bright's statement.

"We're gonna have it," Bright's voice softened as he approaching Win and giving the younger man a pat on his shoulder. "The wedding."

"I know."

"Just get your part done. You know, the date and the venue."

"Umm," Win complied. "I'll let you know when I'm done. Here is your bag."

"Thank you."

While Bright walking out of the bedroom, Win took a deep breath. He started wanting the reception to be great. He was getting greedy. He wanted this moment to be special. He-

"Win," Bright called him with his arm extended. "Let's take a shower."

Win automatically smile. He'd better enjoy what was in front of him tonight.

•

Normally, after filming out of town, Bright would immediately go home without visiting the office. The only reason was Win. Bright wanted to see him even though he had to wait for hours until he could finally see Win's face. But today was an exception.

Bright was in the office. Tomorrow, he had an interview schedule and had to attend the briefing with the CEO, Boo, because the topic was political related, considered sensitive. It did not take long until the briefing finished and Bright could not wait to reach his condo, but...

"Khun Bright Vachirawit," a woman called him right before he entered the elevator. "Welcome to my office."

...time was not on his side today.

Bright got in to Day's room. The lady permitted him to sit on the chair across her. They were only separated by the working desk.

"Did the filming go well?"

"Khrab," Bright answered right away. There was no way that Day called him just to ask about his filming.

"Great," Day praised him. "It's been a long time that I don't check on you anymore."

"You don't need to," Bright replied. "The new ones need you more than me."

Day smirked. She knew someone behaved like Bright before. No matter how he disliked Day, in the end, her position helped her a lot to make him approach her by himself.

"Yesterday, your nong visited me."

"Ai First?"

Day was stunned for a second before she corrected her words, "Ah, sorry, I mean, your husband."

Bright's eyes twitched and narrowed. Something was not right.

"He said that you two finally are gonna have a wedding reception."

"Did he tell you the date and the venue?"

"That's what I want to ask," Day said. "He did not tell me the details. What am I supposed to do?"

Bright took a deep breath. He knew it. "Informing you about this matter is my task, actually. I've told Win that I would tell you when everything has settled, but it seems like he did not understand what I said," Bright sighed. "I apologize for my husband khrab."

"Sure," Day smiled.

"I understand my position clearly that there might be a press conference or announcement regarding this reception and press will be invited. The arrangement of timeline should be discussed with the company, too, since there will be journalists attending. That's why I told him-" Bright stopped. He looked at Day. The woman patiently listened to him. "I'm sorry, I talked too much khrab."

Day nodded. "So, you'll get back at me later when the details ready."

"Khrab."

"Well, then. You can go home now," Day shrugged her eyebrows to point at the door. Yes, she told Bright to leave soon. "Not forcing you to go, but you were in hurry when I called you earlier. I didn't mean to bother you."

Bright walked to the door. Before he opened and left the room, Bright turned nodded and turned his head to Day. "Thank you for telling me all of this khrab, P'Day. Talk to you later khrab."

•

A luxurious car was just parked on the parking basement of condominium building. Win just arrived. Today, he did not come back home late and also, he knew that he would see his husband tonight.

Win checked his LINE, no new message. He had texted Bright in the afternoon, asking if he was home, but Bright did not reply. Right after he entered the lobby, he called Bright's manager while waiting for the elevator.

"Halo khrab, P'Eed. Sawasdee khrab."

"Eh? Win? What's up, luk? Can I help you?"

"P'Eed, is P'Bright still with you now?"

"He is home, luk. Haven't you met him?"

"Oh, I just arrived khrab. I haven't reached my room yet," Win replied. "But he did not text me back, so I thought he was still busy."

"He is sleeping, don't you think?"

"Khrab, I think so." Win chuckled. Of course, if Bright could not be reached by phone or LINE, he must be dreaming.

"He will have an interview in the early morning tomorrow. Don't let him sleep late na."

Win agreed to P'Eed and ended the call before he got out of the elevator.

So, Bright was home and he was probably sleeping. Win unlocked the condo door, expecting the room would be bright, but unexpectedly, it was dark. The lamp was off. Win hurriedly pushed the switch.

The view in front of his eyes was another unexpected thing. He almost jumped back when he saw Bright sitting on the dining chair, staring at him emotionlessly.

"P'Bright...?!"

Bright did not answer.

"You look listless. Were you sleeping earlier? I sent you LINE message, but you did not reply." Win said. "How was the filming?"

"It went well," Bright finally answered.

"Have you had din-"

"Is there something you have not told me yet?"

Win was silent for a moment. He stared back at his husband whose eyes did not leave him even for a second since Win found him did it. Win narrowed his eyes. He did not get what Bright wanted.

"Are you troubled, Ai Win?"

Win's eyes focused on Bright. He looked back and forth, from Bright's left eye to the right one.

"You divided our tasks thoroughly to manage our wedding reception. We have an agreement that I will do all the coordination regarding people in the company. Then, why did you visit P'Day yesterday?"

Win was stupefied. Not because of the content of what Bright just said, but also the cold tone he used for speaking. Those alone could make Win freeze on his standing position.

"I know that you know her, too, but now she is my boss, not yours. You should have known the boundaries. I have never wanted to talk about this because I thought you understand perfectly."

Win gulped. His lips parted as he listened to Bright. He wanted to defend himself. Yet, the more Bright talked, the more Win felt that he had no right to validate his action.

"I told you I will talk to her when everything settled. I thought, you had agreed. What did you just do? What is your problem, seriously, Ai Win?" Bright sounded frustrated. "Don't you trust me? Am I too reckless to be trusted? Do you want to take care of this wedding by yourself? You can tell me from the sta-"

"P'Bright." Win stopped his husband because he already got it. He got that Bright was real mad at him. "I can explain it."

"Do I still deserve your explanation?"

Win took a deep breath. His forehead knitted. "I know that you dislike P'Day. I just wanted to make it easier for you."

"No, Win," Bright rejected the reason. "You made it easier for you. Not for me."

"Phi," Win's eyes dilated. He thought, Bright would understand but no, Bright did not want his clarification. "I-"

"You want this wedding reception, don't you? We want it, but you want it so much, more than I do. You think about how this event will go well, and then you forget to think about my position."

Win's eyes drooped. "It's not like that..." His voice softened. He was desperate. 

"I'm tired. I'm gonna sleep."

The bambi eyes widened while looking at Bright walking away, entering the bed room.

"P'Bright," Win slowly followed Bright. He stopped at the door. "Phi..."

Bright ignored him. He lay on his back, dimmed the light, and closed his eyes tightly.

Win exhaled heavily. "Are we still gonna have the wedding reception?" He mumbled.

"Don't ask a stupid question."

Being replied, Win was relieved. He thought Bright would give him a cold shoulder, but his husband was still paying attention at his words. Win decided to leave Bright alone for now and took a shower.

While listening to the sound of water pouring down, Bright opened his eyes again, breathed deeply. "How negligent am I in your eyes, Ai Win? Haaaaah..." As long as he exhaled, he closed his eyes once again.

•

Arguing from time to time could be good for a relationship. Couples who argue often, but still keeping an adaptive manner, would likely to stay together longer. Despite all the small instance of having the wrong idea, they knew that their love was sincere. They could endure the differences at the end of the day.

Was that true?

Trying to stay calm was the first thing Win did this morning. He was ignored by Bright all night. Well, not that he tried to talk to Bright first. Also, when Win woke up, Bright was already gone. Win knew that his husband had to leave early. Still, after arguing and Bright did not say goodbye before going, Win's head was full of hesitation.

Win was not able to focus on his work, but he managed to get things done in the long run. He sent Bright messages and he had to wait for more than an hour to get a reply.

Win wanted to be an accepting husband for Bright, like he usually was, because Bright might be still busy. Their situation right now did not support it. Win kept overthinking their problem and that's why his car was driven to another place. He did not come back to condo right away.

Parking his car in front of someone's house without getting out, Win breathed heavily. He leaned in, put his head on the steering wheel. He was not sure if the owner of the house was back already. It had been a long time since the last time he visited the place, feeling all miserable like now.

Knock... Knock...

Knocks on the car window startled Win. When he saw the owner of the house was the one knocking, Win rolled the window down immediately.

"What are you doing here?"

Win smiled bitterly. "Sawasdee khrab, P'Mix."

"Oh," Mix got the clue. "It's been a long time I didn't see that troubled face. Not that I wish to see it again."

Win did not say anything, so Mix initiated to invite Win into his house. The guest refused to get a beer for drinking and only sat in silent for a moment, and Mix used to it. Win rested his chin on the mini bar, staring blankly ahead.

"If you don't want to talk, you have to tell me what you want me to do because I have movie that I want to watch na," Mix reminded Win. "I supposed to enjoy it tonight."

Win opened his mouth slightly, but uncertainty flew on his blood, holding him back to say anything.

"What is it?" Mix caught Win's suspicious behavior. "A fight with your husband? Did he kick you from condo or are you running away?"

Win clicked his tongue, "Both are wrong."

"Then, why are you here again?"

Win shook his head. He had no idea. Was he escaping? "We had an argument last night," Win started his story.

Mix listened to his friend's story until he finished. What a long story and only made Mix massaging his own forehead.

"... And then he said that I think more about the wedding to the point I forget about his position after accusing me for not trusting him."

Mix sighed. "You got so many issues, Ai Win."

"Huh?"

"I do understand," Mix said. "I mean, I understand P'Bright. A few days ago, I bumped into him on the elevator. He told me about his plan to tell P'Day and I agreed not to tell everyone about it yet. He got this plan inside his head to do the tasks you gave him."

Win's eyelids drooped. He started chewing his lower lips.

"He is the one working in the company na, Nong Win. If you are, considered an outsider, tell the company about you marrying him, what would the company think?" Mix asked. "They probably think that P'Bright has no intention to inform them."

"Ugh," Win groaned. "Now that you said it..." He knew now that he was wrong.

Mix smiled without Win noticing since he was busy with his own thought, looking on his phone, reading the last messages Bright sent to him an hour ago.

"Have you apologized yet?"

Win was silent.

"It is the most important thing to do right now, isn't it?" Mix asked rhetorically. "How about going home and do things that will make the situation better?"

Slowly, Win moved. His eyes reached the car keys. He walked away.

Mix watched him from the back until Win turned to another room and Mix could not see him anymore. He did not need to follow the younger man but his ears were all listening to the sound. When he heard the sound of Win's car leaving and eventually disappeared, Mix laughed softly and held up his glass in satisfaction.

"Yeah. You're welcome."

•

Pausing right in front of the condo door, Win realized the thing that made him alarmed the most.

The thought of Bright thinking that Win did not trust him was terrible. Reminiscing how many years Win had spent to ensure Bright that Bright was the only one who could make Win happy. What if the dispute last night ruined things that Win had built between him and Bright.

The wedding reception was about them. Bright and Win. Both's thought was important. Many people were helping them. Bright wanted the event go well, too. He had his way to do the task.

"I didn't mean to do harm for us," Win whispered to himself as he finally held the doorknob. He unlocked the door, put his shoes on the rack, and paused again.

Bright was there, standing while gulping a mineral water directly from one litre tumbler. The older man froze for a second at the same time Win paused his footsteps. Bright put his tumbler away when he got his sense back.

"You said you would be late," Bright commented. "I thought it would be at 9 or 10 PM."

Win was still confused with the things he wanted to convey. He did not respond to Bright.

Bright stared at Win. He shrugged his eyebrows. His eyes asking what was wrong without words, but Win's mouth was completely sealed.

"If something didn't go well at work, let it be for a while. Tomorrow is Saturday and you are home now. Enjoy your weekend." Bright tried to put Win at ease.

...

"Well," Bright waived. "You can sit down first or take a shower to cool your head down. I'll be in the bedroom if you need me. Okay?"

"Not okay."

Bright smiled at the younger man who finally said something to him. "You can talk to me, Win."

"Can you give me your affection?"

Bright furrowed. He was still not sure. "Right now?"

Win, again, did not react to it. He was looking into his husband's eyes, trying not to show any emotion, even thought he felt his eyes twitched. He knew he should speak about his feeling but he was too anxious. He needed consolation.

Bright came closer to Win and gave him a peck on the lips. The younger man did not seem to feel better and was still staring at him in the same way. Bright laughed softly. He extended his arms and wrapped Win with a hug.

The tension on Win's body had gone in a second when Bright's warmth covered him. He instantly hug Bright back. "I'm sorry for my thoughtless action khrab."

Bright did not expect an apology from Win, yet he listened. The person whose body was weakened by his embrace must be feeling so much emotion from last night.

"I'm sorry for not talking to you before taking decision," Win continued. "I'm sorry for making you feel unreliable. I'm sorry for thinking that it must be hard for you to talk to P'Day. I have never, even once, questioned your attitude at work. I just have good intention but I missed to tell you about my concern. I'm sorry, P'Bright."

Bright took a deep breath before letting Win go. "Are you done talking?"

"Umm," Win nodded.

"Yesterday, I was hurt." Bright said. "I asked myself if, maybe, I have not shown enough effort in this relationship that made you think twice to depend on me. Then, I think again. It is just about P'Day, why should we make this problem bigger than it is."

"I was wrong. I'm so-"

"I'm sorry," Bright cut him off. "I just snapped yesterday."

"You made me scared that I would lose you."

"Really?" Bright chuckled. "Your face doesn't tell anything."

"Because I'm still scared right now."

Bright fell silent. His eyes became more gentle, watching Win trying to look tough. "I'm not leaving you," Bright stated. "Even if we are not married, I'm still not leaving you. If you don't trust me, I will build it from zero. That's okay. I love you, anyway."

Win sighed. This time, he hugged Bright tightly. So sudden that Bright stiffened in the beginning.

Bright accepted the hug when Win snuggled on his neck. Those two arms surrounded his body did not seem to release him anytime soon. "Hey," Bright patted Win's back. "Are you still scared?"

"Umm," Win admitted. "I'm scared because P'Bright blurted out your love for me without warning. I have to normalize this, right? But when I expect it, you've never said it."

Bright laughed over the way Win describing this matter. Win always sound beaten everytime he talked about it. He had never changed.

"The reception will be held as we planned. Just trust me more with my tasks. I have them in mind. You don't need to worry," Bright stroked Win's hair to make Win feel secure.

Bright anticipated Win to release him after he buck Win up. Otherwise, those arms tightened.

"Ai Win, come on," Bright started worrying. "You are so clingy, what's wrong? What do you need? Tell me."

"You'd gone for 3 days, but when you came back, we quibbled," Win whined. "Please understand how much I yearn for you."

"You haven't showered yet," Bright tried to set himself free by pushing away, but Win could not be shaken. "Win."

"Khrab."

"We are clear now. Let me go. Take a shower." Bright used his deep voice to Win, only to make the younger following his words.

Win finally released Bright with heavy heart. He put his bag on the dining table and turned to the shower room.

"Aw," Bright noticed something when Win closed the door. "Ai Win, you forget your towel and change clothes!" Bright shouted from the dining room.

"Get it for me!" Win answered with shouting back from inside the shower room.

Bright scratched his head which was not itching. He knew what Win wanted. He knew how this day would end. He knew this trick. But still...

The shower room was opened, "Ai Win, your towel and clothes are here." On the next second after the door closed once again, only the sound of water was heard from outside.

... Bright would always choose to fall into the trap over and over again.

•••

Until next chapter na kha~

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