Chapter 12

"Good morning, beautiful," he smiled at her. His fingers stroked her face tenderly as her eyes fluttered open. "How do you feel?"

"Great," she exhaled. Spencer felt on cloud nine. Though she had barely slept after three more rounds, she felt well and rested from the few hours she had gotten. "What about you?"

"Well, it's the first time in a long time where everything feels right," he responded. "So, I'll say that I feel great as well."

With a beaming smile, Spencer closed the distance between them and peppered his face with kisses. Both of them broke into a fit of laughter enveloped in each other's arms. They rolled around on the disheveled bed, trying to best the other with soft kisses, giggling like children. They were happy, truly and unequivocally happy.

"I love you, Carlisle," she said in between deep breaths, falling onto her side and staring deeply into the golden embers of his eyes. "I can't wait for forever with you, darling."

"As do I, my love," he beamed. "But now, you should be heading home, and I should be going to work soon."

"Throwing me out so soon?" Spencer laughed.

"As much as I would love to stay holed up in this room," he chuckled. "Life awaits. And I certainly would not like your mother to kill me for keeping you away another day."

"Alright, you make a fair point," she conceded.

They promptly got dressed and made their way out of the house, all smiles and holding hands. Carlisle walked her to her car, being the perfect gentleman he always was.

"Drive safe," said before leaning into her car easily to place a gentle kiss on her lips. "Let me know when you get there, yeah?"

"I will," she smiled. "Have a good day at work. I love you."

"Love you more, my dear."

She was content and in love and believed nothing or no one would be able to take that from her.

Or so she thought.

After she had gone home, Carlisle had become distant. For the next two days, Carlisle barely responded to her calls, he'd call off work, and he didn't want her to come over to his house. The only thing she could think of was that he regretted sleeping with her. But surely, he would have said something, right?

That coming Wednesday, as she got ready for her shift at the hospital, Spencer couldn't help the sense of dread that washed over her. Something about the air didn't feel right and she wanted to avoid the day altogether. If her relationship could remain as perfect as it was in her head, everything would be okay.

Alas, reality trampled on dreams the majority of the time. And Spencer Uley was no different.

When she arrived at the hospital, everyone looked at her with pitying stares – they knew something she didn't. Spencer always headed to Carlisle's office first thing in the morning on the days she did not spend with him. Everyone had noticed the gravitational pull she had to the young doctor. But where they always gave her teasing wink and knowing grins, today they replaced them with sad stares and apologetic smiles.

Before she could enter the room, she stopped Nurse Dalen in her step.

"Nancy, is something going on?" Spencer inquired and she was met with another sad look. "Why does everyone keep looking at me like that?"

"Oh, honey," she sighed. "It's doctor Cullen. He's taken a job in California. He's packed up everything in his office and he left."

"What're you talking about? Wouldn't we be told in advance if our doctor was leaving?"

"It seems it was a last-minute offer that he couldn't pass up. He really didn't have much time to make the decision," she explained. "I'm so sorry, honey. I know you two were close."

"It's okay, Nance," she forced a smile. "I'll be fine. Is it okay if I take a look around his office for a sec? Wanna make sure I didn't leave anything there."

"Sure thing, honey. I'll make sure to stall the janitors, so you're not disturbed."

"Thanks, Nance."

Spencer's head was spinning as she pushed the unnamed door open. Just like Nancy had said, the office was bare. There was no sign that Carlisle had ever been inside the room, and it made no sense. She knew the family still had a few more years to go before they had to move, and she was almost sure that he would have told her if they were planning to abandon Forks. Still, the room remained empty and cold seldom for an expertly wrapped package on the desk with her name written on it.

With trembling hands, she pulled at the glittering silver bow and peeled the silver wrapping paper back. Inside, was a pristine first edition of Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice – her favorite book – and an envelope.

Meet me at the bridge after work.

-Carlisle

That was all. Nothing more, nothing less. She was at least expecting a pet name, a longer explanation of what was happening, something... anything. But this felt cold, distant, unattached.

They had found the bridge whilst mindlessly strolling through the woods. The expanse of the border line still surprised them, even Spencer that had grown up in the area. It was a magical spot – the sound of the babbling brook beneath, the chirping of the birds, the whistling of the wind, the lack of the tumultuous input of the population. It was beautiful and isolated, and it was special.

For the duration of her shift, Spencer could not concentrate. The curiosity of what Carlisle could possibly need to discuss ate away at her thoughts the whole of the eight hours she spent inside the walls of the hospital. And she couldn't stand her coworkers' stares. It made her feel weak and insignificant – like she was not herself without Carlisle.

Granted, she had not thought of herself as an individual in a long time. When her name was spoken it was mostly spoken alongside Carlisle's. When she thought of her future plans, they included Carlisle. Her mere existence had been tied to the man without her noticing.

As the hours passed, the farther she fell into a thought spiral. It was clear that Carlisle would be informing her that his family would be moving on from Forks. What she did not know was the reason why and if he'd ask her to go with him.

Her body trembled as she walked to the meetup point. Many times she had walked this trail by herself to meet Carlisle. They'd sit as close as possible without crossing the lines and talk for hours and this was the first time she was dreading reaching the spot.

The shape of his body became clearer as she neared the wooden bridge. This time, the water was still, the wind was quiet, and the sun had stopped warming the day. It was an eerie feeling that overtook her. The land around her was giving her a warning, a physical red flag Spencer was choosing to ignore.

"Carlisle," she breathed as she reached him. She tried crossing the invisible line that separated her land from his, but Carlisle motioned her back. "What's going on?"

"I'm sure you have already deduced that we are leaving."

"And not to California, I assume," she wanted to ask but responded in fact. "I thought you had a few years to go."

"Not to California, correct." He was stoic. His face was devoid of any emotion. This was not the man she loved. "It's time for us to go. I am supposedly thirty-three and I can barely pass for thirty. We don't have much time until the questions start to sprout."

"When you say us..."

"My family and I are going."

"Safe to assume this is not an invitation to join you then."

"Where we're going is not the right place for you," Carlisle responded. Though his answers sounded rehearsed like he was reading them from a pre-established script. "I'm afraid this is the end of the road for us."

"And you just made that decision for the both of us? Without even considering my feelings or wishes in all of this?" Spencer couldn't help the tears that fell. This was it – the beginning of the end. "Shouldn't I at least be granted the decency of a choice? How can you know what is right for me better than I could?"

"It simply is not something that is up for discussion. And, frankly, dear, I have more than enough years of life experience."

"What is that supposed to mean?" She was sobbing uncontrollably now. But she couldn't tell if it was from anger or sadness.

"Let's be honest, Spencer, this would have never worked," he said matter-of-factly. "My life... I am too dangerous for you. Think about it. You would have really abandoned your family like this? Throw your mother aside without an explanation just like your brother did? Just like your father?"

Spencer had no idea who the man in front of her was. His words cut into her slowly, pushing upwards slightly to allow the blood to flow slower still, painfully. She felt her lungs burn, yearning for that gasp of waking up. But it never came. She was awake. And Carlisle was knowingly shattering the heart she had carefully placed in his hands.

In her silence, he continued.

"You're eighteen years old, Spencer. And I am over three centuries old, pretending to be thirty. In small towns like these, people talk," he spat. His face was unmoving, carefully etched into an unreadable stare. "Us – it's the kind of thing that ruins reputations. And when you're like me, reputation is all you have. I need to make sure my family is always safe."

"There was a time you considered me part of that family." Her lips quivered and her voice trembled. She wanted to be stronger than this. If Carlisle was this hellbent to break her heart, she did not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her break down. It was not working. "Why are you doing this, Carlisle?"

"I don't want you to come," he said. "I did – do – love you, but... I'm tired of pretending to be something I am not. I have spent too many years pretending to be human and it's time I give myself a break. I won't forget you, but time is only a luxury for mortals. There will come a point where it will heal your momentary pain. For me, it'll just become a spec of sand in my lifetime."

Every word he spoke was a deeper hit to Spencer and she did not know how much she could take. But she wanted – needed – answers. If he was looking to close the chapter on them, she would not allow it to be without a final period.

"Translation, you don't want me," she said through gritted teeth. For now, the tears had dried on her face. Her heart was overtaken with anger. "Once again, Carlisle, you promised me a life you simply never had the intention to give me. You made me fall in love with you, not once, but twice. You begged me to trust you, you begged me to give you one more chance. And I did. I allowed you to make your way into my heart.

I was ready to leave my whole life behind for you. I was ready to turn my back to my friends, my family, all for you. And this whole time you had no intention to have me join you in it," she laughed. The kind of laugh you let out when you feel like an empty shell of a human, trying to be strong. She would no longer give him the satisfaction of her pain. "You gave me hope, Carlisle. You told me that nothing or no one could ever keep us apart – guess you didn't include yourself in that statement."

"Sam and Paul warned me about this. That there would come a day where you would leave me behind. And I told them you weren't that kind of man. I would have put my life on the line claiming that was true. For YOU!" she screamed. Her voice was hoarse, crackled by the sobs that had escaped her. "You know what. I had no idea that forever would be so short-lived. And I do deserve happiness, Carlisle. And I sure as hell deserve way better than you. Thanks for giving me a decision I regret. Have a nice life, Carlisle, and don't ever again come looking for me."

As she turned to leave, all Carlisle could do was watch as she disappeared from his view... and from his life. Long ago he had promised his family he would do everything in his power to keep them safe, no questions asked. But that was all before Spencer. Everything had been before Spencer.

But Edward had brought up a good point. Having Bella and Spencer in their lives for whatever timeframe was dangerous. When Jasper was any second away from snapping, when Edward was so adamant on preserving Bella's soul, when Carlisle couldn't help but want to forgo any sort of safety just for the chance to be with Spencer. Still, he decided the best thing would be to let her go. To carry the burden of the heartbreak himself and have her hate him. That way it would not hurt her to move on.

Carlisle did not dare move from where he stood until his ears could not pick up Spencer's cries anymore. He wanted nothing more than to forget about the treaty, cross that line, and tell her that he had not meant any of the things he'd said. That his own eyes burned from the tears he made her shed, that his heart, though still, shattered as he broke hers, that his body had not missed warmth until it felt hers. Alas, he could not do anything more than just stand there.

"You should have let her join you, Carlisle," Esme startled him. "What you did... she will never forgive you."

"That's exactly what she needs," he sighed. "I should have never brought her into this world."

"She lives in this world. Her brother is a wolf, even her best friend. Sooner or later, she was bound to find out," Esme retorted. "You made this decision for her."

"Many families have wolves amongst them and never get to know the truth."

"But Alice's vision said she was meant to be in your life."

"Her visions have changed many times before." He needed to detach himself. Bury his feelings as far down as he possibly could to live as the only thing he could be now — a vampire. "She deserves a good, long life. The type she had dreamed of. The type someone else could give her. At the end of the day, that's what love truly is. Wanting the absolute best for the other, even if it is with someone else."

"Carlisle," Esme quietly sobbed. Her heart broke for her friend. As much as he tried to hide it, she knew that he was in pain. "You also deserve that happiness. You know that, right?"

"That sort of happiness is a luxury I cannot afford, old friend."

"She loves you so much, Carlisle," Esme cried dry tears. "And I know you do too. All that you're saying is simply to protect yourself. You still have time to make this right. Call her, write to her, anything," she pleaded. "It's been so long since I've seen you joyous for the future. She gave that to you. Don't lose it for a danger that might never come."

"What's done is done now, Esme. There is nothing more for me here," he smiled. The kind of smile that was empty, a mere illusion. "Now, shall we go? New York awaits."

Carlisle looked once more to the land Spencer had disappeared into. He whispered a quiet goodbye with a promise to only ever give his heart to her. And I'm the blink of an eye, he was gone.

***

Spencer's head was spinning. Her legs ached under her as they ran on autopilot back into the rez. Her eyes were blurred once more with tears and her lungs ached as she breathed the zooming cold air around her. She had no idea where they were taking her until she was faced with Sam's front door.

Her hand raised to place two soft knocks on the wooden door. It was low enough that a human could not hear it, but she was sure if any supernatural was in there they would hear it.

News of the Cullens leaving had already made their way into the reservation. She could hear the cheers and smell the smoke from the bonfires. Everyone was happy they were gone. Except for her.

It only took a couple of seconds for the wooden door to creak open.

"Hey, Spence," Paul laughed as he stepped through the threshold. But how whole demeanor changed once he noticed the girl's face. "What happened, Spence?"

Her eyes were puffy and red, tears had stained her cheeks. She looked frail and weak, a complete contrast to the strong and sure person she always was. Nothing escaped her mouth but a heart-wrenching sob. Paul did not say anything else and pulled her into his arms where she let herself break apart.

"Tell me what to do, Spence," he told her, his voice muffled into her hair. "Tell me what I can do to fix this for you."

"Just hold me," she sobbed. "Please."

"Let's go inside, okay?"

Paul guided her inside the empty house. He had been there by chance. Stopping there for a shower after patrol before going to a bonfire. And as he smelled Spencer, it had not crossed through his mind that she'd be sad. Everyone else in the rez was overjoyed, it never occurred to him that she would not be.

Yet, here she was, recoiled into herself, drenching his t-shirt with her tears. He'd never seen her this way, and it broke his heart to do so. She was the truly confident one, unlike him. His assertiveness had always been a façade. A wall he put up between himself and anyone that knew him for self-preservation. But it came naturally to her, it always had.

"It all gonna be okay," Paul said, trying his best to sound like he believed his words. But as Spencer wrapped her arms tighter around his waist, he knew no combination of words would help her pain.

So, Paul stayed silent. He kissed the top of her head and let her cry it all out.