We Need to Talk

Then, after so much insistence and looks of abandoned puppy, James convinced Natasha to go to Central park, along with his father and sister Sarah to learn to ride a bike. Steve took his and Natasha's bike, though she had never used it.

J: Wait! Mom is not wearing a helmet and gloves, why do I have to wear it?

N: Because if you fall and get hurt, you will cry.

J: And you won't?

Natasha just stared at him, waiting for him to realize by himself the answer alone and he understood her point.

S: Okay, are you ready?

Steve was holding James's bike on the handlebars and bench.

S: You're going to start pedaling and I'll be holding you here.

J: Okay, but don't let go, dad.

S: All right. Let's ride to where your mother and Sarah are, okay? It's a short way.

J: Okay! Let's do this!

Steve laughed and started to push James's bike, while he pedaled normally, Steve didn't really let go of the bike, they got to where Natasha was and made a turn to go back where they were before.

S: You did great, James! Let's go one more time, but let's go further, to have more space for you to pedal.

James agreed and Steve helped James to go more far this time and this time Steve held his bike just halfway, then he let go and James was doing well, but he noticed that his father was behind him.

J: DAD!

James got worried, so he was looking back and he ended up falling from the bike.

N: You were so close, James. You can't allow yourself to be distracted. Keep focus. Come on.

J: Dad, hold me!

N: You rode all this alone. You can do it.

J: Did I?

N: Yes! Come on. Go!

James lifted and removed the dirt from his clothes and rode the bike again, it took some time for him to keep his balance on the bike by himself, but he managed to pedal.

J: I did it! I DID IT! DAD! ARE YOU SEEING?

S: YES, JAMES! GOOD JOB!

N: That's it, now turn back and go back to your father.

James made the turn and rode to Steve.

J: Dad, I got it, I'm riding a bike!

S: I see, champ! I knew you could do it.

James didn't want to stop riding, he kept riding in circles for a long time.

Steve went to Sarah and Natasha.

S: Your turn.

Natasha frowned at him.

N: Better leave for another day, look how happy he is.

S: You said you were going to learn too.

Sarah: Go, Mamma.

S: It's okay to be scared...

Natasha got offended.

N: I'm not scared! Alright, let's do this.

S: Sarah, you sit here and do not talk to strangers. We'll be right there.

Sarah nodded.

Natasha took the bike and took it to the track, Steve was holding the bike to her on the other side.

N: I can climb alone.

Steve took his hands off the bike and raised his hands in the air, in surrender.

James realized that his mother was going to try it as well and rode to the bench where Sarah was sitting to watch. Natasha got on the bike and looked at Steve.

N: I don't know how to do this.

S: Just put your feet on the pedals and move them.

N: Ok, but hold it.

S: You said you could climb alone.

N: Go up, but not ride. Hold it already!

Steve laughed and grabbed the bike.

Natasha took a deep breath and looked into Steve's eyes.

N: Don't let go of me.

S: Never.

There was a tone of love in the way Steve answered, he was with a sweet smile on his face, while looking at Natasha.

N: If you fool me, you're a dead man.

S: Okay...

Steve was still laughing, Natasha started to pedal, with the support of her children in the background.

Sarah: Go Mamma!

J: You can do it, Mom!

Natasha couldn't help but laugh at all this. She was feeling so stupid, but at the same time she was having so much fun.

Natasha decided to get her feet off the pedals, because Steve was carrying the bike anyway.

S: You have to pedal, Natasha.

N: But that's more fun.

S: That's not how it works.

N: Okayyyy.

Natasha pedaled again and she decided to test Steve, she started to pedal faster and make Steve run with her, when she noticed that he could follow, she pedaled faster.

S: Natasha! I'll let you go.

N: No, you promised.

S: Go slower then.

N: I'm just testing the bike...

S: Or testing me?

Natasha smirked.

While the two of them talked, they didn't notice the way they were doing, they ended up going against a pole, Natasha screamed as she hit the pole, the two of them went to the floor along with the bike. Natasha ended up falling over Steve. She rested her hands on his chest, and Steve hugged her to protect her during the fall.

S: Are you okay?

N: How did you let me fall?

S: I did?

N: You distracted me and made me fall.

S: You who didn't stop talking and riding like if you're the Flash.

N: It was for you to be protecting me from falls.

S: You didn't even hurt yourself.

N: You don't know that!

S: Who gets hurt does not keep arguing like that.

N: Well, I'm different.

S: So are you hurt?

N: No!

S: And why are you complaining???

N: Because you didn't hold me!

S: I'm holding you so far!

Natasha noticed at the position of theirs bodies and she held to not laugh.

S: Why do you have to be like this?

N: Like what?

Natasha shrugged and smiled, Steve was angry at the argument and looked at her seriously. Natasha continued to smile and she moved her body higher, making a point of brushing her body completely over Steve's body. She had her face at the same height as his, Steve knew what she was doing, trying to soften him with seduction.

N: Like this?

Steve looked away because he knew that if he looked her in the eyes, he wouldn't resist for long. Natasha noticed and let out a short laugh, she leaned her face against Steve's neck and kissed lightly on the middle of Steve's neck.

Natasha looked at his arm and she could see that he was shivering, but he still wasn't looking at her. Natasha decided then to spread more kisses down Steve's neck until reach his chin, where she stopped to bite and make him look into her eyes. And she got the attention she wanted, Steve was froze looking at her seriously, but she moved her face enough to reach his lips and start a kiss.

The way they kissed mixed up the anger that Steve was, the desire they both were, plus the teasing that Natasha likes to make. But they had to interrupt when a park guard began to cough near them. Natasha let go of Steve's mouth and looked up to stare at the guard.

- I'm sorry to interrupt, but this is a place with lots of kids.

N: What?

Steve shoved Natasha so he could stand up and face the guard.

S: I'm so sorry, it won't happen again.

N: We were just kissing. What's wrong with that?

- You were making out on the floor, kissing and about to...

S: I'm sorry, she had fallen on me, it wasn't intentional, we weren't going to do anything.

Steve lifted the bike and helped Natasha to stand.

Natasha was mad but the guard was right, he might even have arrested the two for this kind of stuff, they didn't notice the way they were kissing and stroking themselves on the ground, but anyone outside would be shocked.

- All right!

The guard left.

N: I want to try again.

Steve looked at her confused and shocked, he thought she was referring to the making out thing.

N: The bike...

S: Oh!

N: You pervert.

Steve laughed, a little flushed. Natasha rode on the bike and Steve held her, she rode up halfway with Steve's help.

N: Let go.

S: Sure?

N: LET GO!

Steve let go and Natasha continued to pedal, she went in the direction where the children were. Sarah got up on the bench and started jumping at the sight of her mother riding the bike alone, James pedaled to her and then followed her.

Sarah: Mamma take me.

Steve came running behind them.

S: You're coming with me, Sarah.

Steve grabbed his bike, which already had a little pushchair in front to carry children. He put the helmet on Sarah and set her on the seat. Steve pedaled fast to reach James and Natasha. They spent a lot of time cycling and then they went home.

...

After the New Year and another week, Natasha was living well with Steve and the kids, until Natasha was sent on a 5-day mission to London.

At the end of the mission, Hill and Natasha did the usual ritual, they went to the bar to drink to relieve the tensions of the mission. They were laughing, remembering missions and past situations.

Natasha leaned back in her chair and sighed.

H: What?

N: Nothing.

H: Natasha... I know you.

N: Is it too bad that in the last few days, I've felt free?

H: Free? Do you feel trapped when you're with Steve and the kids?

Natasha nodded.

N: I hadn't noticed until I went away. These days here on mission, sleeping alone, made me feel like myself again.

H: It's normal, because it's the life you remember having.

N: Steve is really a good person, you know? He is a great father...

H: But?

N: But... that's all. I feel like I have to please him all the time, just like the kids. I don't feel anything.

H: Anything? After all this weeks?

N: Besides my wet vagina, no, nothing.

Hill and Natasha started laughing.

N: It's not thaaat bad, but having to warn him where I am, what time I'm going to get home, explaining why I was late, not being able to talk what I want when I want to in my own house and I have to control myself all the time to not hurt him or the children is like driving me crazy. I don't know if I can keep this theater for long. It's not even a job, that I know it will end soon, this is for life.

H: Stop pretending, just be who you are. Steve is very understanding, he must have noticed that. Why don't you talk to him?

N: Yes, he's understanding and that's what makes me feel so fucking bad with myself. I feel like shit for not loving him back.

H: Why don't you get an apartment for you?

N: The doctor said to stay close.

H: Go back to work with the Avengers then, spend time with him and the kids, but don't force yourself to live with anyone. It won't do you any good.

N: I don't know... Maybe I will. I think I should try a little more.

Natasha tried indeed, when she returned from the mission, she was received by the children with the greatest joy, they were missing her very much, just like Steve.

As the days went on, Natasha's patience was also running out, she started to get irritated with the smallest things in the house and everything was reason for her to leave and stay the night away. And it was all right for Steve while the fight was aimed only at him, but she became impatient and aggressive with the kids too and that's something Steve does not tolerate.

Steve needed to have a serious conversation with Natasha, he left the kids at Sam's house and went home, as soon as he walked into the apartment, Natasha was ready to leave.

S: Are you leaving?

N: What do you think??

S: We need to talk.

N: I said I'm leaving.

S: We'll talk right now.

N: Steve, I don't want to fight.

S: Neither do I. That's why we need to talk.

Natasha sighed and scratched her forehead. She went to the couch and sat down, looking at Steve without patience.

S: I want to understand what's going on. You changed.

Natasha rolled her eyes.

S: See? We barely talk and you get impatient.

N: Because you don't give me a break! All the time you want something from me and when I don't want to do it, you get that look like I'm committing an atrocity.

S: That's not true.

N: It is!

S: That's how you feel, but it's not true, you barely have spent time with us. I don't understand, you were so willing to try and we were getting along, we were fine.

N: Who were fine?

Steve lost his voice.

N: You were fine and you're right, I've been avoiding be at home to not fight.

S: We end up fighting in the same way. And the children are watching all this. This doing harm to them.

N: Am I doing harm to them?

S: That's not what I said, I mean our fights are doing them harm.

N: What do you want me to do? I'm trying! But it doesn't seem to be enough.

Steve sat in the armchair facing Natasha, sighing and running a hand over his chin, not knowing exactly what to say.

N: I'm not the person you married, anymore. Steve, I'm not their mother. I'm sorry, but I can't fake something just to please you, that's what I do for work, and it's like I got home and I'm still working.

S: Is that how you feel?

Natasha took a deep breath and nodded.

S: I didn't know that, I thought when you said you were going to try, that we were fine, you seemed happy.

N: I'm a spy. I can put any face I want to make anyone believe something.

S: I know that, I think I noticed, but I didn't want it to end again. The last thing I want is for you to feel forced or bad in your house. I'll go back to sleep in the living room if you need space.

N: Steve, it's not just that. This is not going to work. I'm sorry.

S: Do you want to move from here?

Natasha was silent, thoughtful. She sighed.

N: I think it's the best. For the children and for you. You were fine without me here.

S: No, we weren't, Natasha. You have no idea how it was without you.

N: Do you want to keep fighting every day?

S: No.

N: So, it's better this way.

S: The children will miss you so much.

N: They can see me, this is not a problem. I'm still trying, Steve. Maybe a time away will help us improve with each other. I really need to go, I'm staying with Hill today and tomorrow I'll pick up my things. I'm really sorry.

Natasha got up and she was about to walk to the door, Steve hold her fingers in reflex, he was desperate, he does not want to let her go, he wanted to beg for her to stay, he loves her, but he can't do that.

Natasha stopped and looked at him. Steve didn't look her in the eye, but his thoughts were screaming for her to not leave them, but deep down he knew that her presence in the house was hurting their children too much and he doesn't want to see Natasha unhappy.

Natasha sighed and released Steve's hand, she laid her hand on his cheek and kissed his cheek gently.

N: Goodbye, Rogers.