Chapter 4

A/N: Please bear with me and this "bridge chapter" with its four hundred flashbacks. Hope you'll enjoy! <3

ELLE

The chairs her boss had insisted on for the lounge area are ridiculous. They look like giant green blobs and they're not even comfortable. She'd suggested to her boss to keep the old, perfectly fine sofas and invest in a really great coffee machine instead. But Mona was dead-set on making their lounge area a statement.

That's why Elle's sipping horrible coffee now, sitting in one of the blobs and staring at the brick wall outside.

Work is kind of a joke today. If it weren't for their monthly meeting, she would've taken the day off. She can't remember ever being this distracted and useless. It feels impossible jumping back into day-to-day things, as if the last 72 hours hadn't changed all the things.

She's pulled from her thoughts when her colleague pulls up a blob next to hers.

"Okay, spill," Daria says.

"Huh?"

"Oh please, don't even try. What's up with you today? This mixture of dramatically pensive and happy-smiley you have going today is very weird. You didn't even laugh when Harry dunked his tie in his smoothie."

"Oh."

"So? What's going on?"

Elle sighs. Sometimes she hates that she's an open book. And that Daria is so good at reading her. She might as well tell her.

"Remember Noah?" Daria is the only one at work who knows about him, kind of. After one too many cocktails at the launch party and a couple of pointed questions, Elle had started talking.

"The guy you dated in school and whom you never got over? That Noah?"

Elle nods. "I saw him on Friday. For the first time in six years. We ran into each other. And then I saw him again on Saturday and Sunday, on purpose," she adds. "That's what's up."

"Woah." Daria's eyes go wide. "And did something happen?"

"Well, yeah."

"Shut the fuck up!" Daria scream-whispers and pulls her blob-chair impossibly closer. "Are you telling me that you hooked up with your high-shool boyfriend?"

Elle takes a sip from her coffee, not sure how to answer that.

Daria leans back in her chair. "I can't decide whether that's very stupid or incredibly romantic."

Elle laughs. "Yeah."

"What happened exactly? Are you... getting back together with him?"

Elle turns to look out the window. "I'm not sure."

"Do you want to?"

"Not sure."

"Does he want to?"

"Seems so."

"So... you're not sure, but he seems sure? Did he like, say or do anything that would give you mixed messages or...?"

"No. No mixed messages." Elle stares into her coffee cup. Maybe she'll find what she's looking for somewhere in murky brown. "He's really good at that, actually."

He always has been, if she's honest with herself. It was all right there, in every action, every look, every touch – how he cared, how he wanted to be with her, how he loved her. Even way back, when they first got together, he never left her guessing. It was clear in how he'd always want to meet up during free period, most times just for a kiss and a couple of minutes of talking. How he'd wait in the parking lot after school and after a party until he was sure she had a ride home. How he'd touch her when they were alone. How he'd always be so gentle with her. Until she'd ask him not to be.

Elle feels her cheeks warming up.

"Oooh, do tell!"

Elle chuckles. "Nothing like that happened. What I mean is, he's good at showing what he wants and that he's in."

Yes, he's always been good at this. But that didn't stop him from breaking up with her for her own good.

"So, what's holding you back?" Daria wants to know. "If your drunk talk was anything to go by, it's not for lack of feelings for him?"

"I just don't know if it can work." And last.

"Wait, is he still in..."

"Boston, yes." For now.

"Of course he is!" Daria throws her hands in the air.

Elle laughs at her dramatics. Daria reminds her of Lees sometimes. "He says he's going to call. And make plans to come back for another visit soon," she says, looking away.

And that's really all she knows right now. It's also all she's been thinking of all day.

They're called into the meeting room just then. There's only enough time left for Daria to whisper, "Is he still that hot?" and for Elle to nod.

*

The meeting runs for pretty much the entire afternoon and by the time she gets home, she's exhausted. It's 8 p.m., 11 p.m. Boston time, and not a word from Noah all day.

She tries to reason with herself. He only got into Boston in the afternoon and very likely had a lot to do all day. Because unlike her, he probably manages to be productive, even after the weekend they had.

Elle decides to order Thai and go to bed early.

He calls at 10 p.m. and Elle drops her phone.

"Hi!" he says, and Elle can hear the smile in his voice.

"Hey!"

"Sorry to call so late, I only just got home from the office."

"No worries, it's not that late for me. But it is for you?"

"Yeah," he sighs.

"You could've called tomorrow?"

"And give you any extra reason to overthink things? No, thank you. Besides," he adds. "I've been looking forward to this all day."

Elle bites her lip. It's just like she told Daria.

"How was your day?" she asks. "Did you go straight to work from the airport?"

"Yeah, had to. I got there at like 4 p.m. and got home 10 minutes ago."

"That sucks." Elle hears him roaming through cabinets and thinks she hears the fridge door open and close.

"I don't know why I stayed so late anyway. It's not like I got much done today."

"Oh?" Elle loves that bit of information.

Noah chuckles. "My brain was somewhat preoccupied, if you can believe it. Now stop fishing." After some more rummaging, Noah announces, "I have nothing to eat. Great."

"Your mom would be horrified. You could order take-out?"

"Nah, it's too late. I think I still have some of my airport snacks." Elle hears a zipper being opened and listens. She likes listening to what he's doing.

"Ah, shit, I just remembered: I completely forgot to book a flight. I'll do it tomorrow, okay? I just need to check a couple of things with my boss first and I didn't see her all day."

She decides to believe it. "Okay, sure."

"So, how was your day?"

She proceeds to tell him about her day, anyway, leaving out the fact that she didn't get much done either. She talks about their newest video game and some problems they're having with a couple of technical aspects. She stops when she realizes that she might've gone into too much detail.

"Sorry, I get carried away sometimes."

Noah chuckles. "Don't worry, I like listening to you. Actually, I—" He pauses. "You know this is the first time we've talked on the phone in six years?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, I'm glad we're doing it now."

"Me, too."

They hang up a little while later, at Elle's insistence. Noah is obviously exhausted and she wants him to get some sleep.

The way he says "Good night" makes her skin tingle.

Elle knows she's nowhere near sleep, but talking to a sleepy, already-in-bed Noah made her lie down and get under the blanket, as well.

Sleeping next to Noah had always been amazing. And not just because it was often preceded by sex with Noah. She remembers drifting off with his scent in her nose, his warmth beside her, his fingers in her hair or his chest pressed to her back.

She also remembers that one night close to Christmas during her senior year, when Noah had flown in three days early to surprise her. Elle had been spending most of the day curled up in bed, angry at her cramping uterus, when he showed up at her door. She was even more furious with her uterus then. She told Noah to go home and come pick her up the next day, when she'd be less grumpy, crampy and disgusting. Instead of doing that, he spent the whole night in her room, watching old episodes of The Office from bed. Every two or three episodes he got up to refill her hot-water bottle, but other than that, all 6.5 feet of him remained wrapped around her in her twin bed.

It was the only time dad had ever allowed Noah to stay the night.

***

NOAH

Noah isn't much more productive at work the next day, but at least he crosses a couple of things off his to-do list.

He doesn't even mind because all he cares about right now is three thousand miles across the country, probably arriving at work just about now. It should be surprising, scary even, how his entire focus has changed over the past couple of days. But it isn't. Because messing this up would be much scarier.

He'd planned to go to lunch with some colleagues today but opted to eat a sandwich on a park bench by himself. It gives him the time and space to look through the most recent couple of photos on his phone for the third time that day.

She didn't even notice that he took photos of her, too, and not just of the scenery at Griffith park. He zooms in and lets his finger trace her two-dimensional face.

Noah had learned early on, right when they started dating, how much he loved touching her in every way. He was already so in love with her then and so stupid for not realizing it earlier. But ever since the kissing booth, there was no doubt in his mind that he was a goner.

And after their night at the Hollywood sign, he thought that he may never want to touch anyone else ever again.

It wasn't just that kind of touching either, that he craved. It was also the little moments, quick and hidden. The ones that made her face light up and his day get ten times better. At home, when she was hanging out with his brother, he'd make sure to steal a kiss when Lee left the room. At school, he'd sometimes come up with a way to tease Lee, so he could stand next to them at the lockers without it being suspicious, just to try and catch a moment to brush his fingers against hers. One time he even went so far as to start a completely ridiculous discussion over their upcoming family trip with Lee, just so he could sit with them in the cafeteria and rest his hand on her thigh under the table. 

Those touches were easy.

Their first real date was harder, at first. He didn't really know how to touch her then, in this context. Or how to act, really, on a date that didn't have the sole goal of hooking up. But Elle ended up making that easy for him, too. At one point, she just took his hand while walking along the pier. And Noah just didn't let go for most of the day.

*

For a whole year after their break-up, Noah keeps pretending that he has a girlfriend. Chloe and his friends know, of course. But he doesn't bother updating anyone else, never corrects them, even actively says so a couple of times. 

In a way, it doesn't even feel like he's lying. In another way he is, of course. In a way that keeps him up at night, insides twisting.

At some point, he stops pretending but remains convinced that dating someone from the same college is a bad idea. And since he only ever hangs out at campus or with the same group of friends, he really doesn't meet anybody. Nor does he want to.

The first time he touches another woman is after Lee tells him that Elle has a boyfriend. It takes him four days to wrap his head around the news. On the fifth day, he asks a girl from philosophy, who's been trying to flirt with him all semester, for her number.

Julia is witty as hell, very hot and not looking for a relationship. They have sex a couple of times – in her dorm room, in the locker room, twice on spring break. Never in his room. When she asks him "What's wrong?" twice in one night, he tells her that she just doesn't feel right. He apologizes to her the next day and blames it on the liquor. 

Julia never talks to him again.

There's a few more women over the next years. It somehow gets easier, better even. But he still wakes up with a pounding headache and a nagging pain in his chest every morning after.

After a while, he stops trying to erase her. Stops trying to find something that comes close. Because by then he's firmly established that no one will ever feel as good as Elle does.

And that is just part of his life now.

***

ELLE

She's pouring her first cup of coffee at the office, when she gets the text.

"Just booked a flight for Friday next week, it's getting in at 7 p.m. Think you can make some time for me that weekend? x"

"I'll see what I can do :)" she writes back while smiling into her coffee. She finds it to be tasting surprisingly decent today.

"You're too kind, Shelly."

Elle has a great day at work. She sends him a funny meme at lunch. He sends one back. Three colleagues comment on her good mood.

She's in a meeting later that day, when her phone lights up with another message and she reads the text under the table.

"Remember Cameron, the yearbook guy? Sent me a couple of pics from football on Facebook. There's one of you and Lee, too."

Ten seconds later, she's looking at Lee and herself, sitting in the school bleechers, waving.

She remembers that game.

*

It's the first time Noah asked her to come to a game and she's happy to go. Lee isn't all too hyped about it but tags along, anyway. She loves him for it.

"Who does he keep looking at?" Lee asks her some time into the game, mouth full of popcorn, gesturing at his brother.

"Flynn is so hot," they hear Mia say from two rows in front of them.

"Ah," Lee says knowingly, but really not knowing at all.

Elle wants to tell him. That Noah's looking at her, not at Mia. But she decides to keep her mouth shut and proceed to watch Noah instead. His hair is stuck to his forehead and his skin is flushed while he talks to his coach.

She can't believe she gets to kiss him.

After the game, she makes Lee wait around. There's only a couple of people left in the bleechers when Noah jogs their way. Elle watches as Mia readies herself, fluffing her hair, straightening her shirt.

He's probably going to talk to Mia for a bit, just for the sake of acting normal. Or just because she is ridiculously pretty and he's a guy, after all.

But Noah doesn't even slow down when he passes the OMGs, throwing a quick "Hi" their way without looking. He takes the remaining four stairs and Elle tries really hard to stop herself from grinning like an idiot.

"Hey," Noah says, smiling. "You guys going to Chris' party later?"

Lee looks surprised but starts talking to Noah about the party anyway. Elle smiles when she feels Noah's fingers curl around hers, hands hidden behind their backs.

When he pulls her into an empty room at the party later, lips moist against her neck and fingers hot on her thighs, Elle is convinced that no one's touch could ever be as good as Noah's.

*

The first time Elle has sex after Noah, she cries herself to sleep.

She meets the guy on Bumble and just wants to get it over with. To rip that band-aid off and start over. He is smart, good-looking and likes video games. Elle thinks she's into it, initiates it even. But when he leaves that night, confused and asking if she's okay, she feels like crawling into a hole and never coming out again.

She didn't know that the band-aid had covered a gashing wound.

The second and third time is with Nate. He is so nice to her. He's fun and so patient. When she finally sleeps with him, Elle almost feels like it's right. Like it could be, at some point in the future. Maybe. 

It's her fault alone that the whole thing falls apart soon after.

There is no fourth time. And for a while she wonders if there ever will be.

***

NOAH

Calling her quickly becomes the best part of Noah's day. She makes it easy. He tries to, as well.

He doesn't make a big deal out of it when after a week, it's finally Elle who calls first. Even though it is. Even though he can't stop smiling for hours after his phone rings and the photo of a 17 year-old Elle Evans lights up his screen.

His trip to LA is five days away when he decides to make some actual plans.

"What do you think about going to dinner on Friday after I get in?" he asks. "And then something outdoorsy on Saturday maybe? Beach?" he suggests. He stops himself from asking about Sunday, as well. He also really needs to get his motorcycle to a shop.

"That sounds good, yeah."

Elle tells him about a great new restaurant not far from her place and that she'll make reservations. 

For a moment, Noah wonders if there's any chance he's going to get invited in after dinner. Or if he's going to end up kissing her in the hallway again.

But it doesn't matter either way. Because making out with Elle in a dusty hallway was already way better than anything he's experienced in a long time.

He's adjusting his pants when he realizes he hasn't really been listening to her for the past minute.

"...and that's how Lee got a ticket," she chuckles.

"Shelly?"

"Yes?"

"I can't wait to see you."

"Same," she says and Noah smiles into his pillow.

"So, what are you up to the next couple of days?" he asks. Maybe the days will go by faster if he has an actual idea what she's doing instead of wondering all day.

"Well, there's this workshop we're preparing for another company, that's going to take up a lot of my time. I also made plans to hang out with Lee and maybe go see dad and Brad tomorrow night. You?"

"Not too much. Work, maybe gym, and I might have dinner with Chloe, if she has time."

"Oh my god. Chloe! How is she?"

"She's good. She lives in D.C. now, with her boyfriend. She's in town on business for a couple of days."

"Oh. I hope you can get together," she says. Noah knows that it's been years but he can't help but be a bit relieved at Elle's reaction.

"Yeah." 

The truth is that he and Chloe aren't that close anymore. He sometimes feels bad about not staying in touch more. She was such an integral part of his life during college, after all. They text and talk on the phone occasionally, try to meet up whenever she's in Boston. But it's not the same.

She's going to freak out when she hears about this, though. About him and Elle. He can't wait to tell her.

Can't wait to tell her that she's been right this entire time. That they're finally getting their second chance. That the timing might finally be right. That he might be packing up really soon.