~sixteen~

gerard had arrived way too early since he had nothing to do. he only woke up at four to get ready, then got coffee, and came to school. rarely anyone was there. teachers roamed the halls, most likely preparing for class.

he walked around to the other side of the school, reaching the library. he hadn't been here in a while, since he thought too much in here. but that didn't affect him now, so he decided to come down.

gerard chuckled to himself when he saw ryan sitting alone at a table, his head shoved into another book. the maze runner, another dumbass series. gerard saw the boy was too delved into the book to realize gerard was there. with this, he slid into a seat across from him and put his coffee down.

he didn't say anything for a while. he sat and stared at ryan as he read. his eyes shifting from side to side as he scanned the words, collecting all sorts of knowledge. of course, nothing he would need in the future.

"good morning, gerard." he greeted with no emotion, still reading.

"it really took you that long to notice me?" gerard rolled his eyes, taking another sip of coffee.

"no, i watched you sit down and watch me. anyways, you're not the person that people typically want to notice." he said in a wise manner.

"wow, you really say whatever you're thinking." gerard furrowed his brows, sighing.

"perhaps." he retorted, hiding back a slight smirk.

"i pictured you to be more considerate, as that's who brendon usually falls for." gerard questioned, tilting his head to the side.

"well don't follow along with stereotypes, they lead to nothing." ryan leered before turning the page.

"yea, no shit." he retaliated.

"i truly shouldn't question you but, why are you here at a time like this?" ryan asked, glancing up for only a split second.

"had nothing else to do." he answered simply, taking another sip of coffee.

ryan went back into his book while gerard sat there, still staring at him. another ten minutes passed before gerard spoke up.

"so, how's the thing with you and brendon?" he asked, taking another sip.

"nothing out of the ordinary, i suppose. it's brendon urie. there's not much to expect."

"you have a point there."

"i noticed, you became much more... open when frank came around."

"what makes you say that?"

"look now, you're maintaining a regular conversation. and think back to when you didn't converse with anyone for an entire school year."

"so, i've grown up and matured?"

"you've taken a liking to him, i can tell. i hate to be your therapist but with this, you've grown more... agitated. if you think about it, frank might've been the cause. you have too many emotions bottled up inside and you just snap, not realizing what you're doing. you aren't used to what he makes you feel like, gerard."

gerard sat there, taken aback from what ryan just said. it was odd to hear someone his age say something an actual doctor would. but he had more of a grip on things, he knew what it was like.

"ryan, you should really get into psychology."

"i'll take that into thought."

ryan let out a cheeky smile towards gerard before wiping it straight away. he shoved his head back into the book and began reading again. gerard threw his empty coffee cup away and walked out.

———

gerard sat back down at the table, leaning against the wall and propping his feet up. he hadn't stopped thinking about the conversation with ryan that morning. he usually didn't take advice from twinks like him, but he had a good point.

he looked over at frank sitting with everyone else. he really wish he had the ability to hear their conversations without actually approaching them because, who wants to do that?

frank immediately looked up at him, having a blank expression. brendon was sitting next to him, looking as if he was trying to explain something. brendon looked frustrated with both the topic and frank not acknowledging him. but frank sat there, staring at gerard dead on.

gerard pulled out his notebook and started drawing whatever. he had nothing better to do now, so why not?

"hey, gerard."

gerard looked to his side, seeing lindsey sitting next to him. he groaned before focusing back on his drawings.

"come on, pretty boy. you can't just ignore me." she laughed, scooting closer to him.

this was obviously just one of the other "tests." if kids dared, they would see how long it would take gerard to snap. lindsey, in this situation, was that sacrifice. she was willing to do anything anyway.

"so, whatcha drawing?" she asked.

"nothing." he said sternly, not looking up.

"you know, some birdie told me you were talking with ryan this morning." she smirked, knowing exactly what she was doing. gerard didn't say anything, continuing to draw.

"didn't you say he was just the book nerd? i didn't think you'd be that interested in him." she laughed.

"we barely even talked." he sighed, glancing over back at frank who was now talking to brendon.

"i think you were just trying to get him in bed." she giggled, winking.

"no, you know he's with brendon." gerard scoffed.

"why not take them both?" she laughed again, placing a hand onto his forearm.

"i'd rather not." he shot an eye down at her quickly before looking off.

"ah, you're still stuck up on your boyfriend, bert." she looked off to the side to her friends, holding back a smile.

"c-could you not bring him up? please?" he asked calmly, which she surely wasn't expecting.

"but he was such an important part of your life! i mean, he's the one who drove you to be like this."

he didn't answer, staring at the table.

"come on, you know you like yourself like this. you enjoy watching other people suffer."

"lindsey,"

"yes?"

she was still smiling, too happy for gerard to handle. she kept giggling with her black hair in pigtails, looking like she was an eight year old.

he bit on his bottom lip, trying to hold back from snapping. he knew he could do it. she was just ticking him off so much. this was the point of the game, to get gerard himself to snap out on you.

"please, just stop." he sighed out.

"oh come on, you're gonna give up that easy!"

"i know what you guys are trying to do. and it's not gonna work."

"of course, fucking faggot."

gerard couldn't hold it back anymore. he grabbed lindsey by her wrists, pinning them down. he almost went further but stopped, letting go.

"wow. you have absolutely no control." she sighed, walking away.

do i really have no control ?