I Feel So Safe

*"I love the way you look at me, stare into my eyes, what do they say to you boy don't be shyyyy..Tonight's the night your fantasies will all come true, I am your woman I belong to yoooou ooohh..There is nothing, I won't do for you..I know my soul connected me to you, I feel so safe when I'm alone with ohh.."_Beyonce- Be With You'*

Let's rewind back to May 18th, 2019A day before Marina's birthday party the actual day of Kai's birthday...

Eyes of Kai:

I rolled over feeling a beam of sun caressing my face instantly.I could remember this feeling so vividly because the AC was blasted amongst the ceiling fan being on and the beam of Harlem summer sun rays felt good to my melanin awakening the morning day.Joshua wasn't snuggled under me for once so it was peaceful.Or so I thought it was.

"ANDELÉ ANDELÉ, MAMÍ,E.I. E.I.!UH-OOOOOOOOOH!WHAT'S POPPIN' TONIGHT?ANDELÉ ANDELÉ, MAMÍ,E.I. E.I.UH-OOOOOOOOOH!IF THE PUSSY TIGHT JOSH IN IT ERY NIGHT!"That's all I heard coming around the corner before I seen Josh in a red puma sweat suit, Timbs, a du-rag, no shirt underneath, looking REAL SIMPLE!

I couldn't help but laugh, nobody would ever get to really know this side of Joshua. So carefree and funny as hell!No matter what he could be so goofy towards me just to see me laugh.One of the things I cherished between he & I."JOSH REALLY!?"He shrugged."It's Saturday and it's 7 AM!You're gonna wake up Marina and Charice."

"YA KNOW WHEN I WAS YO AGE I WAS UP BEFORE THE GOATS!GOATS WOKE UP AT 4 AM, SO I HADA WAKE UP A WEEK AHEAD!I HADA WALK A MILE JUST TO GO GET CLEAN AND USE THE BATHROOM, AND MY SHOES WAS MADE OUTTA STICKS."I was just cracking up something terrible.

"Sticks for shoes Joshua?"I said sitting up against the headboard.

"Hell yeah! And DOOO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY ISSS?"He said rocking side to side.

I rolled my eyes, I knew it was my birthday but I didn't want Josh or anybody for that matter to make a big deal about it.I wanted this weekend to be about Marina, I've had my fun under the sun.Sort of."Nope!"I said rolling my eyes and looking away.

He laughed scooting me over and getting all under me tickling me.."JOSH-AH STOP-AH!"

He laughed pulling back and kissing all over my cheeks"I know, that YOU KNOW..That I know, that you know, that I know it's ya birthday!The day you were BORN BY THE RIVER, RIVER, RI, RI!"I was cracking up something terrible I stopped him before he started being born by the river and shaking that ass..He smiled sideways looking down at me.."MADE SPECIAL GIRL TO BE MY LADY!Just like Jodeci when they said, FOREVER MY LADY.."I couldn't help the kool-aid smile that crept across my face."That's right it's all about Kai today, I sent them squares out.They having a grans an Rina day.It's all about you and me catering to you."

He said walking out the bedroom door."JOSH!"I screeched in an adolescent way..

"Damn you know I love when you screaming a niggas name girl!"I just turned my nose up.."Ight then be dat way shorty..AND LET ME CATER TO YOU, CAUSE BABY THIS IS YOUR DAY..HANG TIGHT MY LADY, I GOT CHA!"He called from the hallway becoming more and more distant.I shook my head picking up my book on the night stand Disappearing Acts, didn't matter how many times I read it each time I found something I never caught before. Each time I read this book it brought a new type of feeling, smile and laughter.I can't say that about too many books I read.Some stories are just one and done, you know what I mean..

I could smell something so good coming from downstairs."SMELLS GOOD DOWN THERE!"

A second later I heard."AYO, WHAT HAPPENED!?"

"I SAID IT SMELLS GOOD DOWN THERE!"

"OH, IT ALWAYS SMELL GOOD WHENEVER JOSH STEPS INNA ROOM BABY!"

"WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME WHEN JONESY WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND.."

"UH BU BU! WE DON'T MENTION THAT..DON'T COME DOWN JUST STAY YA FINE ASS INNA BED, COMPRENDÉ? "

"COMPRENDÉ BUT WHAT IF I HAVE TO PEE?"

"WOAH I LIKE IT WHEN YA TALK DIRTY MA! USE THE ONE UPSTAIRS NERD!"I laughed hearing him walk off as my phone rang.It was my mom..

"Good morning ma."I said shocked to be getting her call..I wasn't sure how I would feel to be hearing from her..

"Happy Birthday my one and only.."I rolled my eyes cracking a smile..

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL, DADDY LOVES YOU SO!"I heard my dad call from the back ground..I smiled..

"Thank you Mom and Dad!"

"Mmmhmm so what are you getting into today little lady?"My mom said as I laughed at her bougie tone..

"Joshua is making me breakfast right now, I'm not too sure about later.."

"Hmmm okay well I just wanted to send you our love..You have a gracious day Kai.."

"I will mommy, I love you.."

"Love you too sweetheart.."

"BUT WHO LOVES YOU THE MOST!"My father yelled from the background..

I laughed."You do daddy.."I looked up seeing Josh with a tray full of goodness leaning on the door.."Well I'll talk to you guys later my breakfast has arrived..Okay Dad you're embarrassing me.."I said looking up at Joshua as he smirked my way.."Okay I love y'all too, BYE!"I hung up the phone.."Sorry about that."I said looking up Joshua's way..

He just nodded coming my way.."Just get comfortable and relax, you good mamas.."I nodded as he adjusted the tray on my lap..It was looking and smelling so good.There was provolone filled omelette, butter cream filled french toast, turkey sausage, diced pineapples, hash brown and my absolute FAVORITE...Mimosas!I looked over his way as he sat in the chair across the room watching me.."Well.. what you waiting on nerd?"

"You not gonna eat with me?"I said looking over his way with the puppy face..

"Ayo, don't hit me wit that face ma..I got my meal on deck 24, don't worry about me I'ma eat REAAL good..You just eat and enjoy please.."

"Fine!"I said a quick prayer and dug in..He out did himself completely!It was so damn good to my taste buds..

"So you know I'ma have to beat up your dad right?"

I almost choked on my mimosa."Why, what happened?"

"WhO lOvEs YoU tHe MoSt?"He said eyeing me in jealousy..

I busted out laughing.."Are you JEALOUS Mr. Longpacker?"

He smacked his lips.."Nah man I'm cool an allat.."

"Because you know I love you the most right?"He looked over at me and his pout started to turn into a smirk.."I love you and Marina the most!"

"Nah Fam, leave that square outta this it's all about me..Now tell me how much you love me again.."

I chuckled shaking my head.."I love you TOO INFINITY AND BEYOND!"

"MMMM damn time for me to eat!"He said jumping up..

"Where's your plate?"I said looking around the room..But he had that eye of the tiger and slowly kept creeping towards me.."Ooooh no!"He nodded getting closer.."JOSHUA!"

"Kai."He said calmly..He picked up the tray put it on top of the dresser made his way back over to me.."Let me get me grub on.."

"Josh.."I said trying to fight him on this..

"So you gone let ya mans starve,I thought you loved me the most?"He said crossing his arms looking so pitiful..

I felt bad.."I do."

"Then open up.."He said calmly once more looking me up and down..There was no more fight left in me..I opened up slowly..He slid up my night gown and slid off my boy shorts..Both of his hand traced up my thighs as I sighed out into ecstasy and the wetness intensely built..He made his way so gently yet firm in my walls with his hands caressing my pearl while starring at me then kissing my lips so softly..He rubbed his face on the side of mine whispering"Can I eat now.."I sighed out in moans feeling his fingers go in and out of me.."Is that a yes?"I just nodded I had no words left to speak..And soon neither did he as he went down..Using me as his canvas he painted each part of my pussy and nothing went untouched or tasted..Focusing on my clit with his tongue and fingering me all in one I was a goner..Completely off this Earth..He kept going feeding himself as my body trembled and shook..Even after I came like no other he continued while pinning me down..Devouring my clit so passionately.."I'm not full yet.."He called to me..At this point I was shaking hysterically and he pulled away.Though he left me out on this limb I wanted more..I needed to feel his hands on my waist as I on top!I stud up weak at the knees..

"Ma where you goin'?"

"Sit up on the bed right here!"I demanded..Close even where he was by the edge but far enough so we had enough room to go at it..

"Oh Damn!"He said hurrying up getting undressedHe sat where I told him looking up my way like a lost puppy..I was dripping wet but oh so tight..I slid off my night gown and climbed on top of him crying out from him as I slid down feeling him stretching out my insides..No matter how many times we made love I would always growl at how he felt first would insert himself inside of me..Each and every time and I could always feel my cream tickle down on top of him.One of his hands gripping as much of my waist as he could the other gripping a hand full of ass.I was sliding up and down as he had the leverage to penetrate back at the angle of the bed I had him sit.."Fuck you so tight."He called in my ear.I loved it oh so much when he talked to me and told me how good it was to him!How much he wanted and needed to be in and around me.I just loved to be talked to..Quiet sex is so wack to me since he's been in my world.And since I've been hit with it I simply could just never seem to get quite enough!That made me wind my waist more sensually as I continued to glide up and down..He sucked and licked all on my nipples and areola and that shit there made my SOUL buckle..How does this feel better and BETTER every single time!"Happy birthday ma."He called to me..

"Thank you baby.."I managed to say before he told me to hold on..I grabbed his back tightly as he started to penetrate up inside of me with all of the forces..Yeah he was beating it up but it was more than that..He did it with a romance full force behind it..Felt so damn good to me he had me quivering left & right..I wasn't sure where was up and down but I was so sure that I was his woman, I was so sure that I belonged to him..I was so sure that there was nothing I wouldn't do for him!It felt so good to me tears were falling by themselves..He pulled back..

"You okay man, am I doing too much?Am I hurting you?"

I smiled continuing to let the tears fall where they may..The attention he paid to me was so heavenly undivided..I pulled him back near me.."No you could never hurt me..I feel so safe with you, keep making love to me.."

He breathing down my neck; I doing the same..The way he touched me, the way he loved me, the way he said my name..I wished the world to feel the way I felt alone with this man..

Present Day:Beep. Beep. Beep."It's aaaa sunny, sunny blazin' day here in El Paso Texas..The time now is 11 AM on the hour..Stay hydrated today folks and enjoy your day!"

I hopped up in a cold sweat as the radio alarm woke me..Being away from Joshua, being away from home was killing me..But I couldn't show any signs weakness simply for the sake of Taylor and Marina..Every night I would dream of that day back on my birthday where me and Joshua made love..It burned in the back of my mind so heavy..We've been staying in El Paso, Texas for about 3 weeks now since everything has happened..And the deal was until this all blows over we couldn't have contact with anyone from the outside world!Not our parents, home skillets, cousins..Nobody!And for that reason being I had to close the shop until further notice..I mean, don't get me wrong we were well taken care of!I home schooled Marina..Richie made sure we didn't want for anything and placed us in a beautiful safe house away from everything..Me and Taylor tried to make the most of this but we both had the same thoughts of defeat and being worried.I know Mr. Richie Lawson said everything was being handled but this no communication thing was taking a toll on all of us as the days grew on..I wish I could have heard Joshua's voice yet once more telling me "Ma we gone be straight."Before I could tend to myself, wash my ass do anything at all!I always made it my business to go check on Marina across the hall and make her smile for the day..She usually slept with me but last night she wanted to be a "big girl" and how could I say no to her..Though her sleeping next to me was much more of a comfort to me than she thought I was to her, I let her go last night..But I couldn't stop myself from watching her at the door as she drifted off to sleep.When I went in the room she wasn't in the room because on Saturdays I would let her sleep in and she usually didn't get up until sometime after 12:30..I could feel something wrong in the pit of my stomach..But I said to myself maybe she was with Taylor in her room or the living room..The more time we all spent together the closer and closer Taylor and Marina grew to each other.I opened the bedroom door to where Taylor slept nothing!I made my way around the long hall passing through the balcony to make my way down the steps towards the living room where I could hear multiple sounds of laughter..On top of Marina and Taylor's laughter I heard extra!That inflicted my dad's cop instincts he gave me instantly..No one was supposed to be here expect for us three and they knew that.We had this discussion like EVERYDAY and night!It was agreed upon not to let anyone in and not to trust ANYBODY, simply because no one was to no where we were..Not even Joshua's grandmother Charice..I made my way down to the living room to see Marina sitting on what looked like Nisha's lap and Taylor sitting opposite..

Marina ran up to me.."Look, LOOK GIRLFRIEND!"She called to me tugging at my arm.."It's auntie Nisha, her came to check on us."My mind was racing with fury and I didn't even know why yet..

"What's up KAI?!"She said all happy, while I noticed Jordenn wasn't with her or anywhere to be found for that matter..

I bent over picking up Marina and kissed her cheek.."How'd you sleep love bug?"

She giggled buttoning my nose.."Goooood!"

I frowned."Without MEEEE?"

"Well, um.. well uh no, I just um I miss you too Ms. Kai!"She said burying her head on my shoulder..I braced her face as I whispered in her ear..

"Listen to me you remember the code I taught you to get into the safe room?"She nodded against my face discreetly..I squeezed her arm lightly twice and she knew what that signal meant..We've practiced this over and over.."Get there without making a fuss okay.. and don't come out, I will be up there shortly to come and get you okay."She just shook her head against my skin.I let her down as she ran off playfully like nothing ever happened.."AND DON'T FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH!"

"YES MA'AMS!"she called back to me as I waited for the door to close behind her..

I looked at Taylor like she was crazy.."Look who came to check on us Kai?"She said making her eyes go big tilting her head like she was confused by my confusion..

I turned Nisha's way.."Girl get over here and give me a hug why you looking like you seen a ghost?"

I squinted hard, I just knew something was all kinds of wrong..I could feel it and was beyond pissed that Taylor couldn't feel it.."Nisha what are you doing here girl?"

"Making sure ya good girl get over here actin' all strange.."She said holding out her arms for a hug..

I made my way out of the living towards the table by the door where I stashed a gun..I made sure I had a stash all over..Something just ain't feel right.."Nisha where's Jordenn, I would love to see him!?"I called from the Fourier..

"He at his grandma's..He hasn't seen her in a while and since I had some down time I thought I'd come check on y'all!"She called to me as I tucked the gun behind me and made my way back to the living room.

"How'd you uh, how'd you know we'd all three be here..This is, this is supposed to be a secret location Nisha not that I'm not happy to see you and all.."

"Girl you know Josh told me where y'all were."She said laughing brushing me off..

That's when I knew she was up to no good because not even Joshua knew where we were.My cell phone rang..I looked down and it was Charice.."Could you both excuse me right quick.."They nodded carrying on in conversation..I stepped of to the side.."Hello?"I tried to remain as normal as possible..

"Kai baby listen to me, they just found Richie Lawson dead."My eyes went buck and my heart started racing as I tried my best to keep my composure.."I've been holding this back but now you must know Nisha is the one behind all of this shit..Get Marina and.."

"Hang up the phone NOW BITCH!"Is all I heard as I dropped it and felt the pressure of the gun as she clicked back the trigger and the chamber filled with a bullet..

"Nisha! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?"Taylor said hopping up..

"Move again and I'll paint this whole muthafucka red!"Taylor sat back down in silence crying.."Now unless y'all wanna end up like Rich and the rest of um' do as I say.."

I nodded slowly with my hands up.."Okay whatever you need just tell me, just please don't shoot me.."

"Sit down across from Taylor and shut the fuck up hoe!"I did as I was told..By the time she had two guns in each hand a piece..One facing me one pointing towards Taylor.."I have no sympathy for any of ya!"

"Nisha talk to me, what happened?I want to help you!"I said through my fake tears.

"HELP ME!Bitch I single handedly orchestrated alla this shit dolo ma.."She said turning my way sizing me up.."No one else BUT ME!You should be so fuckin' lucky I don't shoot you for fuckin' my nigga!"

"Excuse ME?"I said looking confused..

"Josh was supposed to be mine!And just like they took my daughter, you took my man..Girl look at you, you not even up to his standards..TUH YOU A JOKE!Sitting up here tryna cop Jedi my mind!Everybody gone pay for what happened..Than I'm taking ova'.."

I started thinking about what she was saying but was so lost and confused, I couldn't come up with anything!"But how many people gotta die before you feel like you're satisfied Nisha, what about Jordenn?"

"Bitch don't worry about MY SON, THAT'S MY SHIT!You know what don't even say my son's name PERIOD!5 long years I've been waiting to plot this moment..5 whole years I been patient and played the game like I was supposed to..Then you came along throwing inna curve ball fucking my whole shit up!I had Josh and alla them right where I wanted them!Now see you hurt my feelings, I wanted to be the one to kill Nutty my damn self but you an Josh did that from me.."She laughed hysterically and psychotically.."Less blood on my hands huh?"

"When is enough gonna be enough Nisha?"I said as Taylor looked down in shame crying remaining silent..

"NOTHING IS ENOUGH!DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOOSE A CHILD?HUH, DO YOU?"I shook my head no as she paced the floor..As soon as she turned her back I shot her in her back right knee as she collapsed the guns both fell and I kicked them towards Taylor..

"Take them both, you know where to go!"I called to her as she nodded picking up the guns and making her way to Marina..

Nisha laughed crawling towards the wall to sit up.."I should've known you were prepared for this..FUCK IT, I DON'T WANNA LIVE SHOOT ME NOW!"

I stared at her for a second and shook my head..I emptied the cilp in front of her tossed the bullet clip one way and the gun the other..I snatched off my night gown and threw it at her.."Apply pressure."I said sitting down on the couch comfortably..

"WHAT?"She said looking up at me confused..

"You heard me! You're not going anywhere atleast not today, now APPLY PRESSURE before you lose too much blood.."

She hesitated looking at me funny but slowly as she did so.."You must be the most ditsy bitch globally..Are you dumb!?Why would you try to help me, you a weak bitch!I just was boutta cap you and Tay Tay"

"So tell me what happened Nish?"I said looking over at her tiredly..

"I ain't tellin' you SHIT!SHOOT ME!"

I stud up grabbing the gun and putting it back together..I threw it at her.."FINE, YOU WANNA GO SO BAD HUH!?THE WORLD IS ONLY FUCKED UP TO YOU RIGHT?YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH STRUGGLES AND EVERYONE GOTTA SUFFER BECAUSE OF IT THEN FINE!YOU WANNA DIE, YOU DIE ON YOUR OWN!YOU PULL THE TRIGGER NISHA!"

I could feel her eyes burning on my skin.."I WANT MY FUCKIN' DAUGHTER BACK!!!!I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!I'M TIRED KAI!"

"No Nisha you're way more than tired, you're selfish!You brought another little human in this mess that didn't ask to be here..The world is bigger than what you think you're facing..So you don't wanna be here THAN DO IT!But how do you think your daughter would feel knowing you did all of this?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW HER!SHE DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE!"

I stud up sighing."Life Nisha, life isn't fair..It's just more fair then death but somehow we gotta hope something out there is BETTER..Better than this..Let me help you!"

"Make sure my son knows how much I love him.."

"Nisha you don't have to do this let me make all of this go away!"

"It will."But before I could reach to stop her within a blink of an eye she shot herself..

I had no time to think about anything..I ran upstairs to the safe room.."LET'S GO WE HAVE TO GET AWAY FROM HERE NOW!"

TOO.BE..CONTINUED....

A/N:What's goooooooooood FreeSpiritFam!!!!!I know y'all like BIIITCH IKYFL..🤣🤣😂You leave for 50 years and pop up ending the chapter LIKE THIIIIS!?Dang son, chill chill I did this for a reason..Hope you guys enjoyed, sorry for the wait!I really needed a brake so much sorrow took course in my world, I had to take care of my mental Y'ALL!But like Kai just mentioned the world is bigger than just your problems.So all my FreeSpirit Fam just know how much God loves you and it's only temporary!But I'm back and WE ON!LMAOOOO, I LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH!I MISS Y'ALL A ZILLION!

•Tell me about your new year, how are things going?

•What'd you think of this chapter?

•What do you think will happen next?

Might upload another one tonight or for sure tomorrow..Thank you for sticking by meee!😫😫😩😩Cause GIRL GIRL!BUT ANYWHO....More to come..

R.I.P to Kobe and GiGi, go hug your family, friends and kids..Love like it's your last..Make sure to be nice to each other..Be kind to the universe and the universe shall return it's deed..You know how ya girl does and until next time..

      Stay Blessed,    Remove Stress:                      -Kell's 😘🖤✌🏿