Chapter 5

I've never felt so alone

I've never felt so alive

I've never been so sure I could learn to fly

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sunday, April 3, 2019

It actually turned out that my trailer was worth paying attention to. It was definitely a lot more luxurious than the trailer I'd had while filming that indie movie. And with a lot, I mean a lot. It had a decently big bed, a sofa, a kitchenette, and a small dining table. Everything in it, from the bed to the kitchen appliances, seemed brand new and state of the art. The walls were covered with a warm wood paneling and the floor was covered in a soft cream carpet. I opened the only other door in the trailer and found a bathroom. Even that was more luxurious, if smaller, than the one back in my own home.

Deciding I might as well after my long flight, I took a quick shower, washing all evidence I'd been traveling off me. When I got out and was all dried off, I decided to dress in something cuter, too, remembering my earlier embarrassment at my comfortable, but not so glamorous, traveling outfit.

But deciding what kind of cute to go with was an entirely different matter. I didn't know what all the other actors would be wearing. Would they go dressy? Casual? Seemed like it was already time to get out the helpline.

Still wearing my towel, I sat down on the bed (which was really comfortable). I grabbed my phone and dialed Hanna's number. She picked up almost immediately.

"Oh my God, I already miss you so much!" she gushed by way of answering.

"I miss you, too," I told her. And despite not really having had the time to miss her all that much yet, I realized that it was true. I did miss her. We'd practically been inseparable since kindergarten.

"Tell me everything," she demanded. "Are you in Miami yet? How's your trailer? Have you even seen it yet? And have you already met the other actors? More importantly, have you seen Henry yet?"

Knowing I was short on time, I told her everything as quickly as I could, from telling her about sitting next to Henry the entire flight, to describing my trailer for her, to confessing to her that I was only liking Henry more and more. She went into full on fangirl-mode by the end of it.

"Oh my God!" she screeched, and I had to hold the phone a few inches away from me to save myself from severe ear damage. "You two are perfect for each other. And he was so sweet, telling you about how amazing you are after the insecurity thing—and right, by the way. Isn't that just what every girl dreams of? If you two aren't dating by the end of this movie, I'll eat every left shoe I own. And you know more than anyone that I own a lot of pairs of shoes."

I snorted. "Yeah, I know. I'm always tripping over them because you leave them all around the house. I swear, one day I'm going to break my fucking neck or something. And even though half of those shoes missing would definitely help me a lot, don't swear that just yet. Henry might not even be into me."

This time, she was the one who snorted. "You're kidding me, right?"

I sighed. "Never mind that. I called you for a reason."

"You telling me about all the deliciousness that is Henry Cavill and the way you two are totally mushy gushy isn't reason enough?"

I ignored her. "In about..." I looked at the clock hanging from the wall, "fifteen minutes, I'm going to dinner with the other actors and probably the director and maybe some producers, and I have no idea what to wear. Do I go casual or dressy?"

"Drasual," she said matter-of-factly. "Not quite dressy, not quite casual, just something in-between. Please hold as I try to visualize everything you've packed."

I tried not to laugh as I said, "I'll hold."

After a few moments, she said, "Okay, I've got it. Simple white V-neck. You know, the one with the deep V? Gotta make it sexy for Henry, right? Royal blue pleated skirt. And then your matching royal blue Mary Janes. Done. Well, some jewelry, of course, and then you'll be done."

I smiled. "Hanna, you're a lifesaver."

I could tell she was smiling too on the other end of the line as she said, "I know."

"Hey, look, I'm sorry, but I really have to go now. The P.A. can be here any minute, and I'm still sitting here in a towel. I'll probably call you after dinner, though, all right?"

"All right. I love you, babe, and don't forget to have fun."

"I won't. And I love you, too."

"Not as much as you love Henry Cavill," she sang teasingly, hanging up before I could deny it.

I glared at the phone and then shook my head as a laugh bubbled up in my throat. I set the iPhone aside and quickly assembled the outfit Hanna had described. Just five minutes later, I was wearing the high-waisted, pleated skirt, my white V-neck tucked into it, and my feet were clad in royal blue high heels. I put on some makeup and sprayed on some of the Bonbon perfume I'd bought at LAX. Then I found some last minute matching jewelry.

Just as I was sliding a pair of dark blue tassel earrings into my pierced ears, there was a knock on my door. I quickly clasped a necklace with a royal blue puzzle piece pendant around my neck and opened the door. A female P.A. about my age stood there, looking a little nervous. I gave her an encouraging smile.

"Uh, hey, I'm Natascha. I'm supposed to take you to the dinner."

"Right, yeah, of course." I stepped out of my trailer, careful not to trip in my five inch heels.

As she started leading me to wherever the dinner was held, Natascha asked nervously, "So... You're pretty new to this whole being an actress thing, huh?"

"Yeah. I've only ever been in one movie before, and that was a low budget indie, so this is all really strange for me. But who knows, maybe I'll get used to it someday. And what about you? I get the feeling you're pretty new to being a P.A."

"Is it that obvious?" she asked, her gray eyes wide.

"No, you just seem nervous, that's all. I recognize a fellow nervous person when I see one."

Her eyes seemed even wider as she asked, "You're nervous? Why?"

"Hell yeah, I'm nervous. I'm basically a nobody who's just landed her first big part and I'm afraid all those other actors will think I'm a joke; that I'm out of my league. But at least I'll know Henry, so I'm pretty sure everything will be fine. So will everything with you, by the way. No need for you to be nervous."

I might as well have said nothing after I mentioned Henry, because she didn't seem to hear it anyway. "You know Henry?" she asked breathlessly.

"Not well," I said quickly. "We just bumped into each other a few times before. And he's been really nice to me, so... But he's just a really nice guy, so, you know."

"And hot," she said, then clasped her hand over her mouth as if realizing she should not have said that.

I just smiled. "And hot," I agreed.

We reached a building that looked entirely industrial on the outside, but was a lot cozier on the inside. Natascha led me to a room that was already buzzing with multiple people, some of whom I'd seen previously in movies or on TV, some of whom I didn't recognize at all. Each of them were all dressed half casually, half dressy, like me, so that made me feel a lot better already. There was a round table in the middle of the room and a buffet by the wall, all the food still covered up.

Natascha gave me a small smile. "Well, there you go. I—I'll be leaving now."

I smiled back at her. "All right. And thank you for bringing me here, Natascha."

She nodded, gave me one more nervous smile, and scurried off. That poor girl. She was a nervous wreck, but the worst thing was that I knew I wasn't much different.

There was a bar set up in the corner of the room, and Henry was standing by it. I took a deep breath and headed there, realizing there wasn't really anywhere else to go; he was the only person in this room I knew.

He was just ordering a beer when I tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and smiled when he saw me. "Wow, Juliette, you look amazing. You make even a simple T-shirt look elegant." He turned to the bartender and said, "A vodka soda for the lady, please."

"Oh, I'm not sure—"

"You deserve it after traveling all day," Henry interrupted me with a smile. Then he leaned toward me and whispered in my ear, "Besides, I always feel a little alcohol helps heaps in situations like this."

I smiled, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach at his proximity and how his hot breath on my cheek made my insides turn to mush. I accepted the vodka soda the bartender had whipped up for me and said, "All right then. But if I trip in these heels and break something, or worse, make a total fool of myself, I'm blaming you."

"And I'll accept the blame graciously. And don't worry; if you fall, I'll catch you." He winked and rested his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to a small group of people standing a few feet away from us. "Juliette, I'm sure you remember Ryan, my friend and the director of this movie."

"Of course," I said, smiling at Ryan. "Again, thank you so much for giving me the part."

Ryan smiled back at me. "I stand by what I told you on the phone. Anyway, this is my beautiful wife, Fiona."

I smiled at her and shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Fiona. I'm Juliette."

"It's nice to meet you, too," Fiona said, smiling warmly. "Ever since your screen test, Henry hasn't been able to shut up about how good your performance was. It's nice to finally put a face to the legend."

I couldn't help but blush. "Oh, God... Has he really done that?"

Henry shrugged shamelessly. "Hey, what can I say? You really were good. And you'll be the one that will make this movie perfect, I'm sure of it. But on another note, let me be polite and introduce you to Scott Tayler. He'll be playing Ambrose."

I smiled and shook Scott's hand, trying not to think about how I would be kissing him, too, somewhere in the next two and a half months. He was handsome, I supposed, with his messy blond hair and dark blue eyes, but he wasn't my type. I tended to fall for guys with hair a little darker. I also knew that I'd seen Scott in something, a TV show or a movie or something, but I couldn't exactly recall what. "It's nice to meet you, Scott."

"And it's an absolute honor to meet you, Juliette. They were not lying about your beauty."

I refrained myself from asking who they were, and just smiled. "Thank you."

I kept staring at Scott, though, certain I'd seen him somewhere, but frustrated with myself for not being able to place him.

"So, Henry made me watch that indie you starred in," Ryan said, his eyes sparkling.

"Oh, gosh... He shouldn't have."

"Yes, he should, because you were amazing in it," Henry said.

"Don't talk about yourself in the third person, Henry," Fiona said, laughing. "But he is right, though. You really carried that movie well. And even in parts of the movie where you didn't have a lot of dialogue, you portrayed the role so well. And that's a skill not many actors possess."

"Oh my, thank you. That really means a lot."

"She's right," Ryan said. "So far, you haven't given me any reason to doubt you, and I'm glad Henry told me to go for you. So far," he said again, just to put the emphasis on it. "But we'll see how you do with the big dogs tomorrow."

Henry elbowed his friend. "She's gonna do great, you'll see."

"We'll see indeed. But, for now, it's time for dinner first."

He sat down at the table. There were place cards on the plates, and Henry sat on Ryan's left while Fiona sat on his right. I apparently sat next to Henry, and I sat down in my assigned seat.

He leaned over to whisper something in my ear. "Scott was actually supposed to sit next to me, but I switched your place cards."

I looked at him in surprise. "You did? Why?"

Henry shrugged. "Figured you're better company than Scott."

"Do you even know him?"

"No," he said, and I laughed. "But you seem to recognize him, though."

I glanced at Scott. He was sitting almost opposite us, talking to the girl next to him. "I do recognize him from somewhere, but I can't exactly put my finger on it." I turned back to Henry and explained, "I have this thing where I recognize an actor in a TV show or a movie and I just know that I saw them play in something else, and then I can't let it go until I know what exactly I'd seen them in before."

"So, in other words, you're going to be distracted until you know where you've seen him before?"

I gave him an apologetic smile. "Basically, yeah. It drives Hanna nuts, so she usually just—" I gasped and clasped my hand over Henry's forearm. Amused, he raised a questioning eyebrow at me. "I know! He was in Supernatural."

Henry's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline in surprise. "You watch that show?"

"Yeah. I started watching it when they were in their fourth season, I believe. I caught up with all the episodes in record time—which really sucks because after you've caught up with them you have to wait a week every time for a new episode, you know?—and I've been hooked ever since. It's been a while and the show's still going strong, so..."

"So I've heard. I actually envy you for being able to keep up with a show that long. God knows I probably have about a hundred episodes to catch up with in total, even with the few shows I do watch. Sometimes, when I have time off, I'll binge a new show, though."

"Well, if you ever feel like binge watching a show that I like too, I'm totally game to help you through it."

He smiled. "I'll try to keep that in mind."

Ryan stood up, and the room gradually fell quiet. Once he was sure he had everyone's attention, he smiled. "I'm so glad to welcome all of you to this project. Together, I think we can make If You Love Someone a great movie. It might not get the recognition it deserves in the end, like most romantic comedies don't, but I at least hope we ourselves feel some gratification by the end of this entire process. But enough chit chat now. I know that most of you have traveled long and far to be here, so let's all just grab something to eat."

I stayed seated with Henry while the others gradually went and got their food. I thought a buffet was perhaps a little unusual, but then again, what did I know, right? Once it was a lot less crowded, Henry and I went to get some food. The food looked surprisingly good for a buffet, and I found plenty of things I actually liked. I still stayed far away from the seafood, though.

"You really don't like it, huh?" Henry asked. "The fish and all that, I mean."

"It's that obvious?"

"You do this cute thing where you pull up your nose every time you even glance in the general direction of the fish. It's kind of obvious, yes. To me, at least."

"Oh," I muttered.

"But don't worry. Like I said, it's cute." He smiled and moved to sit back down.

I stood there for a moment, not entirely sure what to make of his words. Deciding to just leave it for now so I could overanalyze everything with Hanna later, I scooped some mashed potatoes onto my plate and sat down next to Henry again.

As we ate, Ryan encouraged us all to make conversation with each other. A few seats over, I recognized someone from my screen test. "Hey, you're Michelle, right? We sort of met at the screen test."

She smiled at me, but instead of polite, it just seemed forced. "Yes, we did. Didn't get the part, though. Obviously. You did."

"Oh. Right. I'm sorry." Was she mad at me for stealing the part away from her? "But Ryan gave you a different part, right? Otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"Just a small one. I'm only in a scene where Amelia and Noah meet. I'm playing your friend." The way she said that made me suspect she was not happy with that. The way she abruptly turned away to talk to someone else only proved that suspicion further.

"Great," I muttered, looking down at my plate and starting to push the mash around.

"What's wrong?" Henry asked, turning to me. He'd been engrossed in a conversation with Ryan.

I shook my head, attempting a smile. "Nothing. I just have a feeling I made my first enemy in Hollywood. And I'm not even really in Hollywood right now."

He furrowed his brow. "Who?"

"Just... one of the other girls that screen tested with you. She's mad that I got the part instead of her."

Henry shrugged. "Let her be." He glanced over at Michelle, obviously recognizing her from his screen test with her. "She was too cocky for my tastes. Was probably sure she was going to get the part. But you were better."

"If you say so."

He gave me one more smile and turned back to Ryan.

After that, the dinner went by pretty much uneventfully. Lucky for me, the other actors were much nicer than Michelle. And if I still couldn't make any other friends, I'd always have Natascha, the P.A. At least she was nice.

Once the dinner was over, I returned to my trailer, saying a quick goodbye to Henry, Ryan, Fiona and Scott. When I got back, I called Hanna and relayed everything that had happened to her. She had quite a few choice words for Michelle (which cheered me up, like it always did), and she appeared to be in heaven once I told her about Henry calling my reaction to seeing fish 'cute.' Which, if you say it like that, sounded really weird, but I was too over-the-moon to care.

After Hanna basically forced me into promising I'd call her after my first day on set tomorrow, we hung up, and I made myself ready for bed.

I was more exhausted than I'd thought, and I was gone the minute my head touched the pillow.

*~*~*~*~*

Monday, April 4, 2019

The next morning I was woken up by a knock on my trailer's door. Groggily, I reached for my phone and checked the display for the time. My alarm would go off in about fifteen minutes. Groaning, I rolled out of bed and silently cursed whomever was on the other side of that door and had just robbed me of fifteen precious minutes of sleep. Remembering in the nick of time that I had severe bedhead, I hastily dragged a hand through my hair in attempt to tame it. There was no time to change my clothes; cotton shorts and a black tank top. I wasn't even wearing a bra.

I opened the door and was surprised to stand face to face with a brightly smiling Henry. I blinked a little against the glare of the bright sunlight streaming into my trailer. "What are you doing up so early? The call time hasn't changed, has it?"

"No, it hasn't, don't worry. I just thought you might like to meet Kal." He pointed next to him, and only then did I notice the Akita sitting patiently by his feet. Kal had brown eyes and his coat was mostly black, but his paws were white, as was the tip of his tail.

Immediately, I felt my brain wake up. "Oh my God, yes! Hi, buddy," I said, kneeling down to scratch his head. I looked up at Henry, now understanding his bright smile. "He's so cute. Is it okay if I freshen up real quick? I just woke up."

"Yeah, no, sure."

"Okay, cool. You can wait inside."

Henry and Kal entered my trailer and Henry sat down on the couch as Kal went to lie down by his feet. I hurriedly assembled an outfit and disappeared into my bathroom for a quick shower. When I returned twelve minutes later (honestly a record time for me), they were still where I'd left them.

I kneeled down by Kal so I could properly say hi to him. He regarded me curiously as I scratched him under his chin. "Hey, Kal," I crooned. "You're such a cutie! Yeah, you are." He started wagging his tail, constantly slamming into Henry's leg, but he just looked at his dog affectionately. "It's nice to meet you, cutie."

I gave him one more rub over his head and then hoisted myself up to sit next to Henry on the couch. Kal just stood up and followed my movements, demanding more attention.

Henry laughed. "He sure seems to like you."

"I have a knack for getting along with dogs. Really, it's my special talent. But I get the feeling Kal is usually very gentle around other people."

"He is, yes. He's a real sweetheart. Training him to be my guard dog would be pointless."

"Luna was like that, too. You know, my old dog. How's Kal around other dogs?"

"He basically just wants to play. Whether it's with a Chihuahua or with a Great Dane, he doesn't care, as long as he gets to play. Though he can come off a little too playful around the smaller dogs, if you know what I mean."

"I do," I said, laughing. I turned to Henry again, but still kept petting Kal to keep him satisfied. "So what do you do with him when we're filming?"

"He usually just stays in my trailer. He's fine with being alone for longer periods of time, but most of the time I tend to hurry back in-between takes to check on him. Anyway, shall I whip us up some breakfast before we have to head to the hair and makeup trailer?"

"You cook?" I asked, hoping the surprise in my voice wouldn't come off as offensive.

"Sometimes I tend to cook one of the few dishes I actually know how to cook," he joked, getting up from the couch. Kal looked at him curiously, but seemed content to stay with me as I petted him. "Besides, bacon and eggs really isn't all that hard to make."

I smiled. "True enough. Need any help?"

"No, I've got it. Besides, I don't think Kal's letting you go any time soon."

I looked down at the dog and laughed. His eyes were closed and his tongue hung out of his mouth as I scratched him behind his ears. "Yeah, I don't think so, either. You know, I might just steal him from you."

Henry pointed a spatula at me. "Don't you dare," he joked.

He cooked us up a quick breakfast and we ate it in peace—well, almost. Kal turned out to be a beggar, but I didn't really mind, and Henry didn't seem to, either. After we were done eating, Henry returned Kal to his trailer and the two of us went off to find the makeup trailer.

The two women inside were extremely kind, and they introduced themselves as Marie and Ella. Marie went to work on Henry as Ella started binding my hair back to keep it out of the makeup's way.

"You have gorgeous skin," she told me. "You can tell you moisturize properly, unlike some other actors and actresses I've worked on."

Not sure if that was really a compliment to me or a complaint about those actors she was talking about, I said, "Uh, thanks?"

"It certainly makes my job a lot easier. You only need a little bit of makeup. What's going to take up most of our time is getting all that hair under a wig," she joked laughingly.

We would be filming the scene where Amelia and Noah first meet, and so our appearance needed to be different from what it would be throughout the rest of the movie. That meant wigs. My hair was incredibly long—it fell just a little above my butt in straight locks—and I hadn't really thought about how challenging it might be to fit all of it under a wig until now.

Nevertheless, Ella went to work on me. As she worked, I couldn't help but stare at Henry in the mirror, just like I couldn't help but be jealous of Marie. She got to touch Henry's face and hair without it being weird.

Belatedly, I realized Henry was looking at me, too. I'd been so busy analyzing his every feature that I hadn't noticed he was doing the same to me. Catching his eye, I quickly looked away.

When we were done in makeup and hair, we went over to the costume department. My makeup had been done subtly but in such a way to make me appear younger, as was Henry's. My hair was tucked away under a wig that was the same color as my own hair, but much shorter. It felt weird to have hair that only fell down to my shoulders. Henry's hair, on the other hand, was just a tad bit longer.

In costume, I got assigned a pair of skinny jeans, a graphic T-shirt and purple Chuck Taylors. I quickly went to change and when I returned, Henry was waiting for me already, also in costume. He was wearing black skinny jeans, a simple white T-shirt and Nikes. He looked uncomfortable in the jeans, making me laugh.

"Something tells me you don't wear skinny jeans all that often."

"Try never," he said, a wry smile shaping his lips. "How do people even move in these things?"

Trying not to laugh, I said, "I would think it's not all that different from your Superman suit."

"Denim is a lot sturdier than whatever the suit's made of."

"Well, I think you look good in them. You should invest in a few pairs."

He raised an eyebrow. "You really think they look good?"

I nodded. "Yes, I do," I answered truthfully. "I've always liked skinny jeans on guys. Well, not when they have really long and skinny legs, because then it tends to get a little creepy-looking sometimes. But you have really muscular legs, so you can easily rock them."

"Huh," he said thoughtfully.

We reached the set, and to my horror, I saw Michelle standing among all the people already gathered. She noticed me immediately when I walked in together with Henry, and her first serene face turned stormy instantly. I sighed. "Great," I muttered under my breath. These were going to be a long few days.

Ryan smiled when he saw us. "Ah, there are my stars! Let's get ready to film, shall we?" He quickly explained the coming scene to us—the way he wanted it to feel and look, the way he wanted us to move, where he wanted us to move. I soaked up every bit of information he gave us. "All right, take your places."

Henry and I went to stand in position, right where Ryan wanted to have us. Michelle gave me a bright smile and said, "Break a leg." To anyone else, the statement might've been completely innocent, but I knew she meant it literally rather than figuratively.

I sighed, gave her the most genuine smile I could muster, and said, "Thanks."

"Marker, and... action!" Ryan said.

No longer was I Juliette Morrison, plagued by too many things to sum up.

I was Amelia Brenner, completely unaware that I was about to bump into the hottest guy on my campus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lyrics at the start of the chapter are Great Big World by Ron Pope.

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