31 ~ Letters as Unopened Truths

Unease did not arrive as panic, but as a slow tightening beneath the ribs.

Phil's POV:

     "Phil!"          A shake at my shoulder and a murmur from me.     "You have to get up, Phil!", another shake that did not stop. "Come on, come on, come on!"          My blanket left my body. At last I opened my eyes. I blinked against the brightness in the room, pulled my legs close to me.     "Why?", I complained, not wanting to get up.          "Letters from Hogwarts and your O.W.L. results are here."     "What!", I quickly sat upright. Lily laughed.     My eyes looked around Lily's room and indeed a large brown owl sat beside the window. Lily had already given her water and something small to eat. The redhead, meanwhile, crouched beside me and in her hands were three letters, one for her and two for me.     All the others who had taken the O.W.L.s before the summer holidays had already received their results. Of course Lily had passed all of her chosen subjects. Now my results were waiting for me.     I sat upright on the mattress and Lily dropped down beside me, then handed me my two letters, hers remained unopened. I held the letter with my results in my hands, hesitated.

Inside here the truth is written, an unopened one...

     "I can't open it, you do it," I urged the girl opposite me and held the letter out to Lily. The girl waited a few seconds, but since I truly did not want to open it myself, she took it from me and opened it.          Green eyes skimmed over the writing, I waited tensely. I chewed on my lower lip.     "Herbology with 'Outstanding' and Care of Magical Creatures with 'Exceeds Expectations'," I breathed out in relief, "Potions 'Acceptable' and Charms as well. You can be proud of yourself, I'm so happy for you."          After these words I was crushed in an embrace and I was just as happy.     Afterwards I looked at my report myself and wondered that I had passed Charms. In theory I had passed with 'Outstanding', but the practical had been a 'Poor'. Calculated together Professor Heffordson seemed to have given me an 'Acceptable', though only in consideration of the origin of my poor spellwork.     My N.E.W.T.s I would have to take in Seventh Year anyway, although I could of course fail there, with great probability, since the N.E.W.T.s were graded more strictly. I was however very happy about my marks in Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. In Potions I had expected that grade.

Slughorn did not like me, well, I was indifferent to him, and I learned everything from Lily and Remus.

     "Aaah!", Lily squealed. She had opened her letter and I leaned towards her.          "What is it?", I asked quickly, but Lily explained at once. She held a badge up and explained that she had become a Prefect. For that reason we celebrated our next round of joy, which this time did not go unheard. The bedroom door was opened. Mrs Evans stood in the doorway.     "May one be told the reason for your joy?", she asked with a smile and Lily jumped up. She proudly showed her mother her badge, who rejoiced with her daughter. Then Lily explained that I had also passed my exams and Mrs Evans said: "I'd be over the moon as well, and I am!", she laughed. "I'll make you two a wonderful breakfast right away, one worthy of this joy. Oh, we received lovely jams from Mrs Sanderson. No better moment than to open them now."     With these words Mrs Evans hugged her daughter once more, congratulated me and disappeared into the kitchen. Lily and I continued celebrating, after that we read through our list of school supplies. Afterwards we went to have breakfast and tomorrow we would go to Diagon Alley, since in four days the next school year would begin.

     "So, then we'll go to Flourish and Blotts first," said Lily, pulling her list from her pocket. We were in Diagon Alley, earlier we had been in Gringotts, since Lily had needed to exchange Muggle money. I too had taken out money and had taken Lily with me to my vault, for since she always only exchanged money, she naturally had never seen the vaults before. She had found them interesting.     However something strange had happened, because the bank employee had told me that three months ago money had been deposited into my vault, but anonymously. Because of this I wondered the whole time who would give me money. Unfortunately there was only a single answer to that question: my father.     Since childhood there had only been three people in my life. My mother was dead. My stepfather could not have been the one, since he had always tyrannised me as a child, although I was already certain that he had been a wizard, even if not of pure-blood descent. The fact that I was a werewolf had not driven him away, at least not at the beginning. Because of that only my father could have transferred money to me.

Why would he do that?

     I had told the goblin that I did not want the money, but he had explained to me that an anonymous transfer could not be reversed. Therefore I would have to live with the fact that my father had most likely learned of my existence in the wizarding world. I had to think of Dumbledore's words, that the Ministry of Magic, the few investigators, excluded his death. Here I had the proof for myself.          "Phil?" a voice pulled me from my thoughts.          I looked over at Lily. After our visit to the bank I had told her about my theory, and she too believed that it had been my father. She had not said it to me directly, but that I should tell Dumbledore, write him a letter, or tell him in Hogwarts, that was what she had meant.     "Sorry," I replied, noticing that we were at the bookshop. We went inside and a shop bell rang. "I know, I shouldn't be worrying about it now."          "Exactly and that's why I'm treating you to an ice cream after our shopping," Lily explained full of energy and in that moment I noticed again how kind she was. She always took care of her friends. I was glad to have her.     Now we had to shop and I even managed to forget my thoughts about my father for a short while.

     We bought the books which we needed this year. In contrast to Lily my purchase was small. I was however glad to be able to buy books at all, and while Lily had gathered all of her books, I had already been reading in the new Herbology book. Lily finished relatively quickly though and after our visit to the bookshop we went to Potage's Cauldron Shop. After that I still needed a new shirt for my Hogwarts uniform, and I had also found very nice brown leather shoes.     I could remember that right at the beginning, when I had first come to Hogwarts, it had felt strange to wear shoes every day again, but I had grown used to it, settled into the human world. I still felt different, would until the end of my life, but I was proud of myself. In a few days I would finally be able to take part in lessons at Hogwarts and I was looking forward to it. Yes, there were often dark moments in my life, but in the last year much had changed.     My life was even better now compared to when my mother had still been alive. Time had left its marks and it was far from over, yet the fighting mattered. Every step in a better direction mattered, was of importance.

And yet today is one of those days when I don't feel well...

     That was what I thought as we left the clothing shop. We walked through Diagon Alley. Lily bought food and treats for her owl. I however felt uneasy in that moment. As if a darkness dwelt beside me, rearing up.     While Lily spoke with the shopkeeper, who tried to sell her more than she wanted, I moved a little away. My feet moved across the cobblestones. A side alley caught my attention; the darkness came from there.     On my way I almost bumped into a witch. I did not pay attention to her tirade and peered into the alley. My surroundings grew quieter, I no longer noticed the sounds of people. My gaze stared rigidly into the alley and I imagined that I was being watched. In the shadow of the alley, according to my perception, stood a figure.     I knew that my mind was playing a nasty trick on me, since I had often imagined things in my life, had experienced how much one's own mind could mess with you. Yet this time it was different. I felt it so clearly, that someone was watching me.

Who or what are you...?

     I stepped a few paces closer, and just as I imagined a man in a dark robe and hood, a voice startled me: "I wouldn't go in there. Knockturn Alley is a shady district."          I flinched, letting out a small cry. My purchases fell to the ground.     "She really is easy to startle," said another voice.          I turned around, turned away from the strange figure.     To my dismay I stood facing Sirius Black and James Potter. Both seemed to be doing their shopping today as well. When they saw my face, they laughed. They were however kind enough to pick up my things.     Potter handed me the book for Care of Magical Creatures and said: "What good news, Phil. You passed Care of Magical Creatures, just like me. Brilliant, isn't it?"          "And how..." I muttered, since I did not know what to say. Black laughed again - he seemed to be in a good mood.     "And she passed Potions as well, like all of us, so Remus and Peter too. There's still a seat free at our table, Phil, if you want?" Black now asked as well. I had not often had to endure the two of them alone, so never.          And because I did not know what to say, I stayed silent. However, unlike the girls and Remus, they did not understand my silence.     "Brilliant, Sirius, weee!" Black called out in a far too high girlish voice and made a strange hand gesture. "That was the reaction I expected, dear Phil."          "Weee?" I echoed and my face must have looked extremely funny. Potter even burst out laughing.               It was becoming more and more peculiar.     "Tell me, Phil," Black spoke, "are you here alone? With Dumbledore?"          "With Lily. We-" I replied.     Potter interrupted me: "With Lily?" he repeated my words and his face brightened.           Yes, it was obvious that he liked Lily.

Poor Lily.

     "Yes, I was staying with her for the last two weeks."          Just as Potter wanted to reply, the fitting voice sounded: "Phil, what are you doing here?" Lily asked and came closer. In her hand she carried a strange little bag of special feed. She seemed to have bought it only to get rid of the shopkeeper.     "Evans!" Potter greeted.          Lily's eyes glanced briefly at the sky, as if she were saying a prayer.      "Potter, Black," she greeted coolly and stepped beside me.          Potter smiled at her. It was a broad smile, no, a creepy one.     "We found Phil as she was about to go into Knockturn Alley," Black tattled on me and Lily's eyes landed on me. I shrugged apologetically and said quietly: "I thought someone was watching me."     After these words the gazes of everyone present strangely turned back into the alley.          Sirius Black replied: "Quite possible. There are strange figures in there."     He made a grimace and his friend looked at him sympathetically. I knew that as a Black in Gryffindor he did not have a good relationship with his family. He knew how dark the wizarding world could be, however what Potter's look meant, I did not know. I could not know what had happened in the summer that was the reason why Black was together with James Potter in Diagon Alley.     And since I could not know, the expression on Potter's face quickly disappeared.          Lily however still peered into the alley, afterwards she said: "Come on, Phil, we need to keep going," she looked at the boys, "Alone."     "Why do you think we'd want to follow you?" Black asked. Potter grinned, nodding.          "If you don't want to, then that's better for me, so bye." She walked off and I followed.     We had only just taken a few steps when from behind us another voice sounded: "Oh yes, Evans!" Lily looked over her shoulder. "You look particularly pretty today!"     Potter's words made her left eye twitch. Lily seemed to be arguing with herself, for it had already become clear to her that James Potter liked her, that from sixth year onwards he would be open about it.          "Thanks!" she hissed back and turned away.     Behind us we could still hear Black's snickering and Lily looked as if she was dying a thousand deaths. I however was relieved about this distraction, even if it had happened to Lily's dismay.