25 ~ Hogsmeade

Sometimes I suspected that mornings were invented by people who never truly appreciated sleep.

Phil's POV:

     Could one say that I had settled in? Settled in after more than a year at Hogwarts, in the human world?     I did not know, but how was I supposed to? Everything was different, yet I liked it in a strange kind of way.

     My gaze went to the sky. I watched the stars. The small white dots, so distant, yet their light still shone for me. I was on the Astronomy Tower and had sat down on the ground. My legs hung down, I had pushed them through the railing. A cool wind blew towards me, yet I turned away from the starry sky, denied my eyes that sight.     Next I looked into the deep abyss, which appeared almost black. It was like a black chasm and I lost myself in this image, my feet above a deep nothingness. My hair hung to the right and left beside my face, dangling over the abyss as well. My eyes followed the walls of the Astronomy Tower, as they jutted into this great emptiness.     I pulled my cloak tighter around myself, but not because it was cold, no, I felt the presence of the ruler of the night sky. Quickly I looked up and my eyes spotted the moon, which was revealed by the clouds. It was not full, since the full moon had been two days ago. Nevertheless I felt its call. I felt the power of the moon and my inner self felt it as well.     To know that I could always turn into a werewolf was strange, yet natural at the same time. In that moment I caught myself thinking of my father, and what kind of man he had been, truly had been.          Whether he was even still alive?     Those thoughts were not good, so I cast them aside, kept looking at the moon. I blinked, the light of the moon filled me, but it could not dominate me. I did not grant that to the curse, did not grant that to my father. Because I had promised them, promised myself.      I would remain strong and fight, fight for a life as a human.

Even if I am not one...

     "Wake up!", Lily's voice rang out and I stirred in my bed. I grumbled, but she did not let up.      I turned onto my stomach, now lying face-first on my mattress. I did not want to get up at all, since I had gone to sleep late yesterday. But Lily brutally pulled the blanket off me, because she knew that I would not be able to keep sleeping like that.     The cold of the morning crept over my body, disgusting. I opened my eyes. Annoyed, I rolled onto my back, ran my hands over my face. I closed my eyes again and with my hands on my face I remained like that.          Just as I was about to doze off, I heard the redhead's voice beside me again: "Oh, come on, Phil, it is such a beautiful day!"I startled; Lily had shouted into my ear. Now I was awake, my heart most of all.     I squeezed my eyes shut and afterwards sat, with folded arms, on the edge of my bed. The soles of my bare feet touched the old wooden floor and I yawned.      The other girls were excited as well, because we were going to Hogsmeade. Alice hopped into her trousers with her toothbrush in her mouth, Dorcas emptied a drawer of her dresser onto her bed and Mare seemed to be in the bathroom. Lily folded her clothes as well. I, on the other hand, wanted to close my eyes peacefully, never have to open them again.

Just sleep...

     "If you had not come into the dormitory so late yesterday, you would get out of bed more easily", Lily scolded like a mother.I stretched with a snort. My eyes watched her as she examined a pile of tops lying on her bed. Apparently she was considering which one she should wear today.     "Where were you anyway?"          "On the Astronomy Tower."     "Why that? And how do you even get through the castle unnoticed so late all the time? I mean, yes, there are secret passages that Dumbledore surely showed you, you know why. But otherwise?", she asked with interest and pulled a green, long-sleeved top over her head. I decided to get up and gathered my clothes from various corners, since I was a messy person, and answered her question about why I had been on the Astronomy Tower yesterday with a shrug.     "What a great answer", Lily joked.          I pulled on a pair of tights that were meant to cover my legs, which was why I pulled knee-high socks over them as well. Even though I had gained a bit of weight, I was still not satisfied with my appearance. Yes, living in the forest for years had left its marks, but if it were up to me, I would rather look like a healthy person immediately.          "I explored the castle in the summer", I said and pulled on a black jumper, "the boys also know many secret passages."     "Phil, they asch schill tsche idiotsch", Alice corrected. She could speak fabulously with a toothbrush in her mouth.

No.

     "That is true", Dorcas confirmed, "even if a few of them look good."          "Dorcas!", Lily sounded shocked and her hairband snapped.     "Objectively of course", Dorcas defended herself, who had flinched because of Lily's octave height, "recently I lent a boy from sixth year, David Fletscher, my old Quidditch gloves, since he has hands the same size as mine. When I wanted to get them back, I went to the boys in the changing room. I thought they would all have changed already, but no. I only saw Potter briefly, since he was putting on his shirt, but Black, wow! I am telling you, girls, in boxers he looks good."          And now Lily's jaw dropped down. She looked as if she would most like to scratch Dorcas' eyes out.     "Do not worry, I will not sleep with the enemy!", the brunette laughed and found a thin jumper that she wanted to wear. She pulled it over her curly head, then smiled innocently in Lily's direction.          "The concept of not sleeping with the enemy should rather be explained to Phil", a new voice sounded.     Mare stepped out of the bathroom. She was fully dressed and wore a nasty grin on her lips, as a result she continued speaking: "Phil gets along so well with the Marauders, especially she talks with Lupin. I am telling you, one or two years and your legs will spread faster before you remember again what idiots the three are. I already see the future", her hand moved melodramatically upwards, "Potter and Black will be unbearable, especially Black. Lupin is known not to wear a halo either. We can rule Peter out; he is not exactly hot in that way, maybe funny and loyal, though quiet. You can take him without problems if you are into that sort of thing. But yes, Phil, watch out."

I see...

     Towards the end their eyebrows twitched in my direction and I knew that the girls were teasing me because of the boys. The fact that many girls and boys from our year were slowly starting to date did not make this teasing any better. For that very reason I sighed deeply.     "True words", Dorcas replied, however, and while Alice went into the bathroom, Lily still could not make sense of the world. Before she could get a twitching eye, Mare and Dorcas began talking about Hogsmeade.     I turned my attention to my hair, combed it, while Lily considered which trousers she should put on. I put on a dark blue skirt and glanced over at Lily.     "I would take the black ones", I commented, put on my shoes. The redhead nodded firmly and reached for the black trousers. After I had put on my shoes, I packed money into my small bag. I looked closely at the glittering coins in my hand, because it was still strange for me to possess money.     However, I shook off my thoughts, looked back over at Lily, who examined herself in the mirror one last time and nodded in satisfaction. Dorcas finished as well and after Alice I went into the bathroom. After that we could set off.

     Later a crowd of witches and wizards left the castle. We made our way to the carriages. Today was a cloudy day, yet my attention was, as always, on the animals pulling the carriages.      I had already seen them when I had been in Hogsmeade with the girls the last few times. I had also already found them in the Forbidden Forest.     Last summer I had read up on Thestrals; to me they were fascinating animals. They looked like horses, but very thin, bony and had wings. Even more absurd was that they could only be seen by the people who had seen another person die.     In my case I found that curious, because the only person I knew who had died had been my mother. As a werewolf I had killed her, but I could not remember it. Whether my mind could remember that night was answered by the fact that I could see the Thestrals.

I seem always to have had the potential to keep my consciousness during a transformation.

     I did not want to think about my mother's death, because before that night she had no longer been a mother. Generally I had only few good memories of my childhood, so it would have darkened my mood too much if I had thought about it any longer. I also could not think about it any longer, because a hand waved in front of my face.     Dorcas stood beside me, Lily was in front of me. Mare and Alice were already sitting in the carriage and all of them looked at me expectantly.          "Yes? I was only lost in thought...", I gave a quiet answer, but Lily had already followed my gaze. For that reason I said, while climbing into the carriage: "I was watching the Thestrals."     After those words I climbed into the carriage and Alice furrowed her brow.     "Thestrals?", she asked, but Lily answered her: "Did you think that the carriages drove by themselves?", she countered. Alice's face was answer enough.     "Thestrals look similar to horses and pull the carriages", Lily explained, "there are surely books in the library about them."Alice nodded, then came the next question: "And why are they invisible then?"          "They can only be seen by the people who have seen another person die", I raised my voice and sat beside Dorcas in the carriage. Alice sat opposite me on the right and in the same moment the carriage set off. Mare was by now looking at the Thestrals as though she could see them, but she failed.     "Oh...", came from Alice, but the others did not know how to deal with the situation either. They did not want to ask why I could see the Thestrals. I also did not know whether I would have given them an answer.          That was why I decided to break the silence: "I found them last summer in the Forbidden Forest. They live there", I explained and was myself surprised that I was speaking. Normally I was not talkative and only answered questions.          "Unlike horses they eat meat and they are not the image of pretty. Their skin looks bony and leathery, and they also have wings", I examined the Thestrals, once again I became aware that I liked animals, "Lily is right; there are good books about Thestrals in the library. I have some under my bed as well."     After those words I looked at the Thestrals the whole time. The last few times on the way to Hogsmeade I had not paid them much attention, because I had not wanted the girls to know that I had seen, had killed a person. They were already worried enough, so I had not wanted to force anything more on them.

     After the ride in the carriages we had walked around Hogsmeade. Walked, although with Mare's shopping habits it had been a hike. At least she had found two summer dresses and new shoes. Dorcas had bought herself two pairs of trousers and Alice and Lily only one top each. I had not bought myself any clothes, because I was of the opinion that I still owned enough. At least I had bought myself lots of sweets and after this exhausting day we were sitting in the Three Broomsticks.     Dorcas and Mare had each brought a mug of butterbeer. In the inn I saw Madame Rosmerta, who was taking the next order. Appropriate to the season, the butterbeer was cold.     While I sipped from my mug, Dorcas whispered: "Ah yes, Mare and I saw our dear Marauders sitting at the back. When we go out, duck."          "Did you have to tell me that?", Lily asked. "Now I am in a bad mood."     "You would have been in an even worse mood if they had spotted us on the way out", Dorcas replied. Lily nodded slowly.          "Yes, you are probably right."     "I am always right."          "Mhm", Lily made.     As a result the girls talked about a certain Frank Longbottom, but when Alice was sulky, they chatted about irrelevant things. First about school, then about a Muggle book Lily was currently reading and finally the topic came to the O.W.L.s. Alongside Lily, Mare also felt prepared, whereas Alice would still have to study and Dorcas had not started at all yet. Soon the entire fifth year would panic and the girls said that every year the fifth and seventh years filled the library.          I was not really listening.     I looked around the inn, which was full today. Everywhere there was the sound of voices and laughter. Orders left the bar, and then I did exactly what made Dorcas' warning from earlier unnecessary.     When I looked towards the entrance, I spotted four figures leaving the Three Broomsticks. Jam-, no, Potter and Pettigrew went through the door, afterwards Black followed. Behind the three walked Remus and because of his height he was easy to recognise. My gaze fixed itself on him, but as he left the pub, he seemed to notice my gaze.     Green eyes suddenly met blue. Before Remus disappeared completely, he gave me a smile. I, however, remained sitting in my seat and staring at the door. Strangely enough, Mare's words from this morning came to my mind, how she, but also Dorcas, had talked about the boys.     Not sleeping with the enemy, had been their words, and even though she had only said them in jest, they lurked in my head. I banished them at once, because it was absolutely not the right moment to think about such things. I also did not feel ready to think about boys.     That was why I turned back to the conversation. That was how the rest of the day in Hogsmeade passed.