7 ~ This Green

I ran because standing still felt like surrender.

Unknown point of view:

     I felt as if I were falling. Plunging into an endless darkness that had no end. Nothing surrounded me - only darkness.     My hands were heavy. I wanted to lift my arms and catch myself, yet nothing happened. I kept drifting further. Or was it falling?     It felt more like floating. Like drifting in a vast lake without borders. Far wider than the lake beside the forest, much farther. Above me there should have been sky, yet my eyes would not open.     In the darkness it was warm. Pleasantly warm, like an embrace, like a bed with a soft blanket. But that could not be, because it was so dark. And I was floating in the air.     I did not know what had happened, could not think clearly.

Where am I?

     Of course no answers formed in my mind. My memory held great gaps. So large that I did not even know who I was. I knew nothing anymore. Only that life existed, a world with nature. Yet what was my place in this story?     I tried to remember, but it was useless. My memories were trapped within a dense fog.     I felt nothing, yet I knew that I was not asleep. I was awake, however this heaviness forbade me from opening my eyes. An unnatural heaviness - someone forced me to float here.     But I did not mind, because it was so warm. For the first time in a long while I felt safe, because here everything was black. Here I could not see the lurking shadows. Here they could not reach me, because they did not exist.     Only my body knew what had happened, and it frightened it.     The purpose of the heaviness was to take that fear from it, yet I did not know that.          I knew nothing.

     When next I found my consciousness, I felt freer. No weight hindered my breathing anymore, the darkness was less dense. And I sensed that I was not floating, but lying on a soft surface.     Behind my eyelids it was bright, and I managed to open my eyes, only to close them again at once. The light blinded me and hurt my eyes. A pounding formed behind my forehead and for a moment I nearly drifted away again.     Yet I did not give up, attempted once more and this time succeeded. My vision was blurred at first, but as it cleared, my eyes perceived a vaulted ceiling. I realised that I lay in a bed. The sheets were white and I wore clean clothing, consisting of grey fabric trousers and a light blue, long-sleeved top.     Everything felt so foreign that it almost hurt. The fabric was soft, smelled of soap, and every breath burned in my chest, as if the room were too clean, too bright, too pure for me. It had been long since I had lain in a bed, longer still since someone had given me fresh clothes. I could not say why I was here at all. And where this here even was.     Large windows to my left revealed that it was daytime. Sunlight danced upon the stone slabs of the floor, and specks of dust drifted within it like tiny living things.     The room was vast and appeared ancient. Rows of beds stood side by side, neatly made. Iron fittings gleamed upon the bedframes, beside each stood a small table holding bottles and bowls. The scent of herbs lingered in the air, mixed with something bitter that reminded me of before.

Before...

     My heart pounded against the bones of my chest as if it wished to break free. In my stomach that old, familiar fear spread. The feeling of helplessness when the shadows caught up with you.          "Oh Merlin, my dear, you are awake!"     The voice made me flinch. My heart skipped a beat, my breath halted. Before I understood where it came from, I felt my muscles tense, ready to flee.      My eyes darted sideways, and a woman in a simple yet clean robe, her arms full of small bottles filled with strange shimmering liquids. She had been hidden behind a screen, now she hurried towards me.     Her eyes were wide and round, full of surprise, perhaps even joy.     Mine only widened further as I froze.

People.Pain.No escape.

     I tore my eyes open and recoiled. Every nerve within me screamed to jump up, to run, back to my family, yet my throbbing head would not allow it. I sank back into the pillows, grabbed my aching skull with trembling fingers, which felt as though it might burst.     "Easy, easy," the woman said in a gentle voice. "My name is Pomfrey. Child, you are injured and weak. You must rest, must allow your body to heal."     Her words reached me muffled. Distorted, yet I understood them, and they broke through. They released memories I did not want.          "For a week, since full moon, you have slept," she continued and leaned slightly over me, as if she could read the pain in my face. "Are you in pain, my dear?"     For too long I had heard the language of humans only within my head, like a faint echo of my own thoughts. Now that it was spoken aloud, it sounded almost foreign, yet familiar enough that I understood every word. And with understanding came remembering.

My family.Driven away.Because of me.

     "No," I forced out, yet it did not sound like an answer. It sounded only like air pushed through my teeth. It was almost as though I had to force the following thoughts out of my mind. I had lost everything.     And now I was here.

No, that cannot be.

     Pain shot through my head, burned behind my eyes, and I felt myself slipping away, back into the darkness. My vision flickered and I sank into the pillows once more. Too many images surfaced. All cruel: shadows, screams.          I fell back into an uneasy sleep.     When I came to again, it was quieter. My head hurt less, only a dull pulling remained. Above me was the same vaulted ceiling. It was made of stone, seemed ancient beyond measure.     I blinked until I slowly sat up. The sky was still bright and blue. At the far end of the room I heard voices speaking in hushed tones.     I slid forward, peered around the screen. At the end of the room stood a large door, and to the right of it seemed to be a chamber where the woman spoke with another person.     I felt my heart begin to race. The most important thing I had ever learned:

be cautious.Always.

     I remained seated in silence, breathed more shallowly and strained until I understood the voices.          "She is still weak," said a gentle voice.     "But her will appears strong, Poppy. I would like to speak with her," replied a deep, calm voice.          "You must not overstrain her, Albus. She is frightened, sleeps restlessly. Again and again she tears at the bandages, claws at the sheets. I have rarely seen a child with such unrest. She sleeps only with draughts."     A child.           They called me child.     "We do not know her story," this Albus said.          I did not listen further, knew that this was my chance. They were distracted, speaking to one another.               The exit stood unguarded.     I threw back the blanket. My legs felt weak, yet I forced them to carry me. Dark spots danced before my eyes, then faded again. I stumbled, grabbed the edge of the bed, held myself upright.      Beneath my clothes I felt tight bandages. My left thigh burned, my neck stung. But it did not matter.

Just away.

     Light-footed, as silently as I could, I crept towards the door. Each step was a command against my own body, yet fear granted me strength. The large double door was old, heavy. I placed my hand against the cool wood and pushed. It creaked. Loud in my ears, too loud, yet the voices continued speaking as normal.     I held my breath, waited, yet nothing happened. My hands pushed the door further open, just a little more. Just wide enough to slip through. Then I ran.          And I ran.     My bare feet touched the cold stone floor. Every step echoed unbearably loud, yet the corridors were endless and swallowed every sound. Ancient walls rose on either side, lit by torches. The light flickered, casting shadows upon the ceilings that hovered above me like threatening figures. My breath came in sharp bursts.     Somewhere deep within me I knew that I did not belong here. The walls whispered it to me. I felt the gaze of the stones, as if they recognised me.     I turned a corner and stopped abruptly.          Stairs.     Yet they moved. Not all of them, but some slid and shifted. As if life had been breathed into them. For a single breath I merely stood there, staring in disbelief at the sight, and the pounding in my skull seemed to move in rhythm with the grinding stone.

This is not real...

     As suddenly one of the paintings beside me rustled, I flinched. It was an old man who seemed trapped upon the canvas. He moved, raised his brows and looked directly at me. His lips moved. Words, directed at me.     A broken cry escaped me and I stumbled a step backwards. Pictures that spoke. Stones that lived. This was no place, this was madness.     I tore myself free, forced my legs to keep running and turned into the next corridor. The air was colder here, yet I knew I was closer to an exit. Instinct drove me onward, the old instinct: always towards where the sky lay open.     I kept running until I opened another great door. It was cold beneath my fingers and I stepped into the open. Suddenly I stood outside in the biting cold.     Before me stretched a wide bridge, connecting two wings of the vast castle. The stones beneath my feet were coated with frost, the wind lashed against my face. My hair whipped into my eyes. Tears welled up - whether from the cold or from panic, I did not know.     I recognised the place. I had often seen this castle from the forest’s edge, and now I was here. Against my will, because someone had taken me. Or had they?

Was that how it happened?I do not know...

     I ran on, crossing the bridge. The walls beside me rose high. It was a clear winter day. The sky was blue, cruelly blue, and my lungs burned with every breath.     Across, in the other wing, more corridors waited. I stumbled inside, nearly falling, caught myself against cold stone and forced myself onward.     Then suddenly I saw people. Young people. They wore black robes, uniform, as if they were part of a pack. Their voices filled the air, yet when I appeared, it fell silent. Some froze, staring at me as if I were an animal that had lost its way. Their eyes were wide, their mouths half open.     As I kept running, I bumped into some of them, yet it did not matter. I clenched my teeth and quickened my pace. No one stopped me.          Perhaps they did not dare.          Perhaps they truly thought me an animal.               I only knew that I had to get away from here.     I ran on and on, past a small courtyard with open sky. Yet the exit was nowhere to be seen. In panic I ran along a corridor beside the courtyard. I turned the next corner, then another and yet another.     My legs trembled, my heart hammered and crashed into something.     A cry escaped me before I fell, yet the ground was not hard. My head throbbed, yet I felt hands, shoulders and hair beneath me. I had landed on someone.          I forced my eyelids open.     Beneath me lay a boy. His hair was light brown, untidy. His chest rose and fell in sharp bursts, his lips parted as if he wished to say something, perhaps even shout. But he did not.     Instead he stared at me, with his green eyes.

That green.

     At once I remembered; I had seen those eyes before.          I had thought it only a dream, yet before I had awakened in that bed, I had been in a dark place. It had been cold and I had been in pain. The air had smelled of blood and he had been there.     Fear flooded my body. A suffocating feeling rose within me while I stared into the boy’s eyes. In the following heartbeats my gaze shifted to three other boys, all of whom looked startled. Two of them had dark hair and all of them wore those strange uniforms.          They had been there as well.     As I stared back at them, most of all at the boy with the grey eyes, I remembered how I had awakened in the snow. Only briefly, yet I had known that they were the reason. The reason why I had lost everything.          Because of them I was here.     They had brought me into this castle. A place I was meant to avoid, where there was no place for someone like me.

I should not be here.

     Fear drove me as I sprang up. I ignored the pain that shot through my leg and waited three heartbeats. The brown-haired boy apparently could not believe his eyes, for he still stared at me in shock.      With wide-open eyes he looked at me and his hair stood in every direction, which did not matter to me in that moment. Quickly I glanced left and right, yet found no escape.      I stood in a dead end that held only a passage at its far end. Beyond the passage was a round chamber and a staircase wound its way upward along the wall. I did not want to go up; I wanted to leave this place, not climb to the roof.     I stood in a corridor lit by beautiful, tall arched windows. Rays of light filled the hall, making the surroundings seem like a magical dream. Magical, if one ignored the staring people.     At once my muscles tensed again. Then I stepped back, my teeth pressed into my lip, the metallic taste of blood on my tongue.Step by step I retreated in panic, never taking my eyes off the people.

"You cannot trust anyone!"

     Slowly the boy on the ground emerged from his shock and shook his head. Before he could act, I turned and ran. I fled back the way I had come, yet this time I turned into another corridor. Again I shoved my way through. Some of the people even jumped aside.     As best I could, I kept running and fortunately I could move quickly. Without injuries I might have flown through these corridors, yet for that I would have needed to know where the cursed exit was.     I turned left around the next corner, the courtyard came into view on my left. Here as well young people walked everywhere and they were confused to see me.     I ran around the courtyard until the bridge appeared before me. I ran across it, returning to the other part of the castle. Soon I reached those strange stairs again and this time I ran upward. Not because I wanted to, for the exit had to be below, but because the stairs turned only upward.     When I placed my first foot upon a step, I heard a voice.           "Hey!"     With a glance over my shoulder I saw that those boys were running after me. There were four of them and they frightened me.     I ran up the stone steps. Luckily the stairs turned, so the boys could not catch me.

I just want to get away...