Ch. 82 - Railway Reunion

The physical beauty of the day that Mason died was almost physically sickeningly taunting as I was pulled back and away from him as he died, and I was blinded by it when I was brought outside and away from him.

The waves carried that same beautiful breeze I was used to. The sounds of the waves crashing on the rocks and sand were something akin to music, if I could find it in myself to listen.

Birdsong and the voices of those in the portside town mingled into an unfollowable melody. The sunlight danced on the water in a pretty way, and I watched as seabirds dipped close to the water, some landing to bob on the waves while others dove for fish.

I had no idea how I even reacted in the moment, honestly. I might have been silent. I might have been so wrecked with grief that I could do nothing but watch on. But more than likely, I was probably pried away by the doctors as I wailed and screamed and kicked to get to him, to reach him, to pull him back from death's clutches.

But it seemed death had a tight hold on him. I was powerless.

I stood there, still as a statue, for that entire day, or maybe longer, in that spot I'd been escorted to - so I'd be out of the way, I supposed.

I watched the sun rise and the sun set. Then it was followed by the moon. His journal was in my hand, but I couldn't bring myself to open and read it.

At some point, Hange came up next to me, begging me to eat something. I did, and I listened to her talk about recent progress with Azumabito. The details for our future plans were to be finalized soon, and information would be sent our way once they were, and no later than that. It was obvious that she was excited, and she had every reason to be.

Honestly, I wasn't sure if I was or not. I just felt numb.

But that night, after the meal, I bid Hange a goodnight, then set off to the stables. She rushed after me, begging me to take the night to rest, but I refused. She made me promise to get home safely and send her a letter once I was. I promised.

Then I tacked my horse, prepared him for the long ride back home, and set off into the night.

—

Year 853:

Another summer, another fall, another winter, and now back to late spring. We'd all grown one year older, another class of cadets was welcomed to the Survey Corps, and work with the volunteers over on the coast was going swimmingly.

Emi was two now, and by the end of fall would be turning three. Where this past year had gone was beyond me, but the days were simply flying by. There were slow days, sure, but looking back now, I just couldn't comprehend where the time had gone.

Today was Sunday, our lone day during the week we had to ourselves at home. We'd gone to the market this morning, did the cleaning, took a nap as a family, and now were outside because the heat of the day had come and gone.

Emi was hard at work running through the yard, either chasing after something or perhaps running away... I couldn't tell. All I could really tell was that she was having fun. I was tending to our garden, while Levi was doing some light repair work on the horse pasture's fence.

A recent storm had downed a tree, and it'd landed on the fence. That portion had been completely destroyed, and Levi was busy fixing it so that the horses could head back in. They'd gotten exercise with our ride to Trost today, but they really enjoyed their grazing time in the pasture, so for now, they were hitched to a tree towards the back of our property until Levi finished.

I looked up and watched Emi for a moment as I sat back on my heels, wiping the sweat from my forehead. The sounds of Levi hammering away echoed against the house, and from here I could see that he was almost done. He only had a few more planks to secure, and then the horses could be led in.

There were a few more weeds to pull, clever ones hidden under the leaves of our blossomed flowers. Only a few more, and I'd be done, and I could go help Levi or play with Emi. Or relax. Maybe take a dunk in some ice water. Goodness, that'd be nice.

Though our springs were usually nice, this one was uncharacteristically hot. It would certainly make for a long summer. It was scalding today. There were only a few clouds in the sky, all of them skillfully avoiding the sun. And-

Focus, dumbass. I have weeds to pull.

Just as I returned to my work, my attention was yanked away immediately by a pained yelp from Emi. Not even a full second later, she began to bawl. I was at her side by the next second, cooing gentle words to her and taking her into my arms.

Because he had a longer distance to run, it took Levi a few seconds longer to jog to us, but it wasn't as if he missed much. The poor girl had been running along, and she scraped her knee. Aside from shock and the pain of her knee, nothing else was wrong. So, I cooed to her, bouncing her slightly.

"Shh, love, shh," I said, then turned to my husband. "Could you run and grab some bandages?" I asked Levi, who nodded and jogged inside. I walked a lap of the garden, doing my best to distract her, but she seemed to be getting tired from playing and so was extra frustrated. "Oh, sweetheart, it'll be alright," I said. "You've got Ackerman blood, a little scrape won't hurt you, right?"

A whimper escaped her, and I settled onto a bench we'd set in the garden with her in my lap. Her tiny hands fisted into my shirt as she whined, her cheeks red and streaked with tears. I bounced her on my knees and continued to speak to her, hoping to entice her into calming down.

"That's right," I cooed. "You're my daughter, aren't you? You've got at least a little bit of me in you. Keep your chin up, little one."

Levi returned with the bandages and a handful of items to clean her wound. He knelt in front of us, looking up into her eyes as he prepared what he'd brought. It was honestly a little scrape, and didn't need half of what he'd brought, but he had a habit of overdoing it with regards to her.

If I got hurt, well, so long as it wasn't life-threatening, he trusted me to take care of it myself. It could be a long cut, or a burn, or a scrape as small as Emi's, but it didn't matter. I was a soldier; I knew how to clean and dress my own wounds, and it wasn't a problem for me to have to do it.

But when Emi got hurt? It could be a tiny cut, a bruise, or... well, that was really the worst of what she'd gotten so far in life, but I could imagine that any wound would elicit the same reaction from him. And that reaction was a result of his overprotective and doting nature that he only showed her. He'd dress even the smallest wounds as though something had sliced her open – though the thought of that was scary enough – and it was terribly endearing to see.

Still, would it kill him to not call me a dumbass when I got hurt, and assist me in the same way?

Regardless, when he knelt and looked up at her with those warm eyes and kind words, I didn't blame her when she sniffled and stopped crying. I wrapped my arms around her torso as Levi tended to her wounds, smiling at the warm way that he spoke to her, as though she was his patient.

Here she was, turning three this fall, and yet I still wasn't used to seeing him like this. I loved it very much, but it was just so strange to see him like this, even now. As he worked, he explained what he was doing, as if she'd understand any of the terminology he was using. When he was done, he patted her leg and she slid from my lap, giggling as she crawled into his lap as he remained on his knees.

"Oh, look at that," I cooed, leaning forward to run a hand through her hair. "Isn't daddy such a good doctor? What do you say?"

"Thank you!"

"You're welcome, baby girl," he replied, patting her back in exchange for the way she threw her arms around his neck for a hug.

And as if nothing happened, a butterfly distracted her, and she was off again, chasing it around the garden. Levi sighed at the quick way that she abandoned him. He stood, then turned to sit on the bench next to me, letting out a huff once more.

"Levi," I said, calling his attention to me.

"Hm?"

"So, Emi's our child."

"...Yes."

"Meaning she's got Ackerman blood."

"You're good at this."

"I... Um. You've got your... weird Ackerman ability, right? How do you... Well, do you choose when to use it?"

"No," he answered after taking a moment to think. "It's more like instinct. It just happens when it happens. And I don't really remember how it feels to use it, just that I'm... faster and stronger, and I know exactly what I need to do."

"I see," I said, watching Emi crawl closer to the butterfly that had landed on one of the bushes.

"Sorry," he said, looking at her as well. "I don't really know a lot about it."

"That's alright," I said. I laughed as Emi leapt up, spooking the butterfly into flying again. I leaned over, resting my cheek on Levi's shoulder. He was warm, incredibly so, from working in this weather. With the way he tugged uncomfortably at his collar, I could tell he felt disgustingly sweaty and wanted to change, but he wouldn't, not until he was done.

"I didn't exactly have a manual to read, or anyone to ask," he said. "Just... it's not like when Eren used his Titan to pick up a spoon. So long as Emi never gets into real danger, she'll never have to use it, even by accident."

"Good, then," I said. "I just, well, I was worried. It's scary when you use it, you know."

A quiet moment passed. "It scares you?"

When he said it, I realized how bad it really sounded. "No, no," I said, "not you, love. I just mean because of how quickly you move. I wish you could see it."

A chuckle escaped him. "I thought you liked watching me work. Now it scares you?"

"Oh, shush," I said, patting his leg. "You know I love you to pieces, Levi. You could never scare me."

"Good, then," he said. "Because you still have weeds to pull." Before I could stop it, a groan escaped me. "Go finish. Once we're done, we're taking a nap."

"Another one?"

"Yes."

"You'll never get to sleep tonight if you take another nap."

"Like I sleep much anyways," he grumbled. "We'll just have to find other ways to occupy our time."

"You can do whatever you want," I said. "I will not be taking an afternoon nap and will be going to bed on time. We've got work tomorrow."

"Like that's ever stopped us before," he murmured.

"I suppose you're right," I relented. "You're lucky I love you so damn much."

—

"Levi?"

"What, brat?"

"You're going to hate me."

"I'm already on my way there. But why?"

Despite my large stomach and general lack of mobility these days, I struggled to sit up. I set my back against the headboard, picking at the blanket gently. I wasn't sure if it was the unfortunate result of my hormones, or if I, as his wife, expected him to say that he'd never ever hate me. Maybe it was a mix of the two. Regardless, tears brimmed in my eyes quickly and my bottom lip quivered.

"W-What?" I hiccupped. "Do y-you really... hate me?"

Levi groaned from his spot on the bed. "No, Maya."

He let out a drawn-out sigh and rolled over to face me. Even though he admitted to not hating me, my exhausted mind and equally tired body refused to accept it and a tear rolled down my cheek. When he finally opened his eyes, I could see his own exhaustion plainly in them and that somehow made me feel worse. It was the middle of the night, and I was stealing him from his sleep all because I was craving pickles. I felt like such an asshole.

"Levi, b-baby, I'm sorry," I said as best I could through my cries. I was Amaya Ackerman, a badass at her core, and here I was, whimpering and whining because I was bothering my husband. "I-I just-"

"Your hormonal ass is just more sensitive than normal," he mumbled. "It's fine." He shifted closer, curling himself around me and setting his cheek on my thigh. "What's wrong?"

"I'm kinda craving pickles and... and eggs."

"Pickles? Maya, you had the last of the jar this morning."

"I know. But the baby wants what he wants, and he really wants pickles."

"She. And anyway, you can't just settle for eggs?"

"... No." He tried to conceal his sigh, but it escaped anyway. "Levi, honey, do you... hate me?"

"No, dummy. Of course not." A quiet moment passed. "How do you want your eggs?"

"Um..." I hadn't thought about that. I just wanted eggs. "Can I get them scrambled and over-easy, please?"

"Both?"

"Mm-hm."

"Alright. I'll have to run and get pickles, though."

"Y-You don't need to," I murmured.

"I know that trick," he said. "You say that now, but I'll never hear the end of it if I don't."

"But I'll miss you," I said, my emotions still playing with me. "Can't I go with you?"

"No," he said quickly. "Your fat ass is not getting on a horse right now. And I can't exactly get a wagon for us right now. It's the middle of the night."

"Oh," I said. I glanced down at my stomach. "I... I'm fat?"

"Oh, fuck," Levi said under his breath. He inhaled deeply through his nose. "No, baby, you're not," he forced out. It was clear in his tone that he was tired and getting increasingly frustrated.

"I'm sorry I'm annoying," I said to him.

"It's alright, sweetheart," he breathed out. He sat up with a grunt then sat next to me, setting his arms around my shoulders to pull me to lean against him. "Listen, brat. You're not fat, but extremely hormonal. You're not being any more annoying than you usually would be, but it's forgivable because you're carrying our child." He pressed a kiss to my temple. "I love you. Got that?"

"Mm-hm," I hummed happily.

"I'll be quick," he said, pulling away. He got out of bed, stepping into his slippers, and then making his way to the bedroom door.

"Wait, wait, wait," I called. He turned, concerned, but when I smiled and reached towards him, he rolled his eyes and indulgently made his way back over to me. I gave him a gentle hug goodbye, then a sweet kiss, before I finally allowed him to go and fix up my odd late-night cravings.

—

Quiet nights at home were my favorite kind of nights. And Sunday nights especially, when all was calm, but a long work week was brewing just ahead. I loved my work, but I loved the time when the Ackermans could just relax together.

Levi and I had just returned to our bedroom after setting Emi to bed. She'd coerced us into reading her two stories tonight, claiming that the first one didn't count because we'd read it together only a few days ago. She was a picky one, certainly; she was just like her father.

I'd changed first, into some old shorts and a shirt, because it was warm in the house. Levi stepped out of the bathroom in only sweatpants, and like always, my eyes were drawn to him immediately because he was as beautiful as a sculpture and somehow I'd managed to steal him away from the world to keep as my own.

With a grunt he sat back on the bed then flopped onto his back, his legs hanging over the edge and his arms above his head on the bed. In that position, his body looked long and lean and terribly inviting.

His pants had also been tugged down slightly from how he was laying back, offering me a wonderful view of the deep lines leading downwards. He was laying perpendicular to me as I sat back against the headboard, but his eyes were closed, meaning he had no idea that my eyes were wandering.

I set the book I had started reading aside and got out from under the covers. I knew he could feel and hear my movements on the bed, but he didn't seem to care much about it. I got to my knees, sidled over, then eased myself onto his hips. At that, his eyes fluttered open, gazing up at me evenly.

"What are you doing?"

I smirked and shrugged. "Weren't you the one who said you'd need a way to pass the time, tonight?" I chuckled at the cute way his eyes widened. "Oh? What's that look for? Were you not expecting me to remember that?"

"No, I was," he said. "I was just expecting you to fight it a bit. You seem to enjoy giving me a hard time."

"You and I both know that I'm full of surprises," I teased. "Besides, those sweatpants are a little low on your hips there, love," I purred, "almost like you want me to take them off."

That got a chuckle out of him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I affirmed. I kissed just the tip of his nose, then each of his cheeks, then his forehead. My hair fell loose over my shoulder, dancing across his skin. He reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear, earning him a sweet kiss to the lips, which he did not hesitate to reciprocate.

A memory sprang up into my mind, and I smiled at him. "Why are you smiling, brat?"

"Ah," I murmured, lifting up slightly, "oops."

"You always do this shit," he muttered grumpily.

"Sorry," I said through a laugh. "I pick the worst times to smile, don't I?"

"Spill it," he said. "Why are you smiling?"

"How dare I smile while kissing my perfect husband?" I teased. The look he sent me assured me that he didn't believe even a bit of my shit. "Alright, you got me." I sat up, bracing my hands against his chest. "Do you remember the first time we made love?"

The groan that escaped his lips, accompanied by the roll of his eyes and grimace, told me several things. For starters, yes, he remembered. Secondly, he fucking hated that he remembered it. Thirdly, thinking back on the first time we made love brought back memories that weren't the greatest – for him, at least.

He had, originally, not wanted to have sex. If anything, he wanted to wait until we were married. But when he realized that he didn't really care for the idea of marriage, because of our rather precarious line of work, he decided to give it a go, and he took off running with it. But it was slow going, at first.

"You were so nervous," I reminded him, my voice soft. I didn't mean to tease or jest, but that whole night had been so gentle and so sweet. I looked back on it fondly, even if he cringed at even the thought.

"I know this is all so sudden," he'd said. "I love you, and I want to... to show you. I'm done waiting... Amaya, please... I need you."

It'd been less showing from his side, and more telling. Since I'd taken the lead, because he was so unsure of himself, he'd told me as I worked what felt good, what he liked, and so on, before he became confident enough to take the lead for himself.

"Shut the hell up," he said. I snickered at his snarky reply.

"Oh, please. I think it was cute."

"I don't like where this conversation is going," he mumbled.

"Alright, alright." I lowered myself to kiss him. As soon as his tongue slipped into my mouth, I set my hands on his shoulders and flipped us over, pulling him atop me. He had no complaints, not like I thought that he would. When we parted, only for him to reattach himself to my neck, I chuckled. "Remember, not too late, baby. It's a work night."

"Once again," he said, snaking a cold hand up my shirt. "I don't remember that ever stopping us before." He pressed a kiss to my breast over my shirt, sending a shudder down my spine. He chuckled at my reaction. "I haven't done anything yet, princess. That excited already?"

"Maybe," I sang. "So get your ass back down here." Another chuckle escaped his lips as I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him back down to me to catch him in another kiss. And then another, and another.

I ran one of my hands down his chest, loving that it was already bare for me. His hand that had been reaching up my shirt slid back down, his cool fingers sending shivers down my spine before he took a gentle hold of my hip. My fingers ran along the grooves of his muscles, trailing downwards until they hooked against the lining of his pants.

As his mouth worked on my neck, I was able to glance between us and slip my hand into his pants. Biting my lip to contain my smile, I reached around to grab a handful of his ass, squeezing tightly. With a grunt from him and laugh from me, I thought I had him beat until he ground his hips against mine, getting a gasp out of me. He chuckled darkly, nipping at my neck as he did.

"You didn't think it'd be that easy, did you?" He asked, grabbing my wrist to guide it out from his pants.

"No," I answered. "I just like your ass, that's all." With my legs around him it was easy to roll us over. When I landed atop him, straddling his hips, I used his momentary distraction to my advantage and pinned his hands above his head.

To keep him from complaining I kissed him, warm and sensual and deep. My tongue raked across his teeth, scraped along the roof of his mouth, and I reveled in the way that I could feel, more than hear, the sounds of pleasure he was making. I adjusted my hold on his wrists so that I was holding them down with one hand, the other snaking downwards to palm his crotch.

As we kissed I rolled my body against his, using my hand to work him up. I could feel him grow hard underneath my hand as I sucked on his tongue. His noises were delicious and I worked more and more out of him. But just when he bucked his hips up to create friction, I sat up, smiling at the way he sneered at me.

"The hell are you doing," he muttered. "You fucking tease."

"It's only teasing if I don't finish what I start," I said simply. I looked back towards his crotch, smiling when I saw that he was completely erect. I glanced down into his eyes. "Someone's little soldier is standing at attention, love."

His cheeks had already been flushed, but they darkened with embarrassment at my words. "Don't say shit like that," he said. "It's embarrassing."

"Fine, then," I purred. "Would you like to give the orders tonight? How does that sound, captain?

—

I woke up on that warm summer morning quite excited. It was the middle of the season, meaning that it had been about a year since we'd last seen the kids. Yes, we sent letters back and forth, and yes, Hange made sure to let us know all of what was going on by the coast that was ever developing and advancing, but I missed them. Reading letters was not the same as seeing them in person.

Since we'd met the kids, we hadn't ever gone this long without seeing them. At most, it'd be a few weeks, even a couple of months since Levi and I spent our winters at home, but never a whole year. It was odd to have gone so long without seeing them.

It felt off, somehow, as if they were my own kids and had moved on and left the home, and we had to get used to the house being emptier. It was like when mothers claimed they had empty nest syndrome, which I'd never believed in before. But I certainly knew how they felt now. And they weren't even my kids.

That thought was rather amusing. So much time without them, and yet I still loved them like my own children, as if they were Emiko's many older sisters and brothers.

The day started off warm, which meant that it was going to be absolutely scorching later in the day. And the occasion for us seeing the kids was almost as exciting as seeing the kids by itself. After a lot of planning and correspondence with the Azumabito, our little island was going to have a railroad system. Months of research, preparation, and deliberation had led to today, when construction would begin.

According to Onyankopon, the train would allow for fast and efficient travel. We could transport freight and people in a fraction of the time it would take to do by horseback or by foot. It was extremely exciting: our wagons could only hold so much. Having a train meant that we could transport more people and goods than ever before, and it was just one technological development planned for us of many.

So, early in the day we rode off, Reyes taking Emi for the day in case the kids and workers needed our help – because yes, the kids were helping build the railroad – and so she wouldn't get in the way or risk getting hurt.

I knew the kids would be disappointed by her absence, but Levi and I had a talk the other night, and we came to the conclusion that, because negotiations with other nations besides Hizuru were all but at a standstill (considering the Azumabito wanted Paradis' resources to herself and to make her nation a fortune, and not much more than that), war was likely inevitable and approaching quickly.

As such, we realized that with the enemy knowing about Levi's blood and the properties it bestowed on those with it, the knowledge of him having a child was likely to be used as leverage against him. And despite his best efforts lately, we realized that me getting pregnant again, though it would effectively keep me from the fighting, would put me in danger as well, as the vessel of another person of Ackerman blood.

I did not have special blood. But if I were to carry another child that did, the enemy would try to get us both, and the risk was all too great. Though the volunteers had done nothing directly to betray our trust so far, we had no idea what Zeke Jaeger's true intentions were. Levi was a high-priority target. Knowing that I was the one married to him put me at risk as well, and by extension, Emi.

If I got captured, especially if I were to get pregnant, my life could be used as a bribe to get to Levi. My body was merely a vessel. It wasn't me that they would care about, but the potential child, and the potential to get Levi in the process.

Because there was nothing for us to do about everyone knowing that I was Levi's wife, the next best way to protect our family was to keep Emi as far away from anyone who could potentially be an enemy, and that included our volunteers, who would be working alongside the kids. And that also meant that we were not to speak about her.

Many volunteers had met Emiko, especially with our time on the coast, but as hard as it was, we were not to speak of her. We'd spoken to Hange about it too, who had relayed it to the kids. Emi would remain as a ghost to outside forces. We could not run the risk of somebody hearing of an Ackerman child and come after her.

If anyone asked about her, we would speak in the past tense, and keep to the story that she was dead. It was tough. Very tough. And terrifying to think about to boot. But it was for the best. To protect her, no one could know that she was healthy and safe, except for the Scouts. Levi and I trusted our fellow scouts with our lives. We fight alongside them. I couldn't see them betraying us or putting our little girl at stake.

So, that was our plan. And Reyes was kind enough – his family, too – to agree to help. With his retirement from the military, no one would suspect him. How would they? None of the other scouts had ever met him, and if they did, it was brief. And he was only a Military Policeman, then, who we were notorious for avoiding, whatever the cost.

As hard as it was, that was what we agreed to, and I intended to follow it. Levi also quite forcefully made me agree to back off slightly from the negotiations, meetings, and working. He knew he couldn't make me pull away completely from training, and so he didn't even try that; but I made sure that I kept from saying that I wouldn't join the fight at all, because I was still intent on doing that, even if I had to stowaway.

Not that I would tell Levi that, of course. We'd have that conversation when the war came.

We - Hange, Levi, and I - rode along the stretch of railway already built, following it until we neared the end that was still being worked on. I could see several figures hard at work, carting supplies and hammering beams down. "Hey!" Hange called when we were close enough, tugging back on the reins to slow our horses as we approached.

Jean and Connie were the first two figures we saw, the others a bit further down the track. All of them jogged over as we hitched our charges. Each of the kids were hot and sweaty from the work, and so Hange called for an official break for them while we spoke.

I wasted no time, ignoring the sweat and stench accumulated from hard work and hugged them all in turn, receiving tired, half-hearted ones in return - and Jean, not satisfied with that, pulled me in for a second one. I didn't protest against the hug, of course I didn't, but I did laugh and complain about how smelly he was. In turn, all he did was tug me closer, laugh, and press his cheek to my head.

"Sorry about the heat," Hange said.

"It's fine," Jean replied, pulling away from me at last. "We have to be here to watch over this moron."

"You all got so big," Levi mumbled, trying to avoid looking at the kids. I snickered quietly at his words; in almost a year without seeing them, it was clear to see changes in each of them, though some were more obvious than others. "How dare you."

Connie had let his hair grow out, as did Eren and Jean. The boys had all gotten noticeably taller, and in just a year the girls had all seemed to mature. They all looked to be keeping up with their training, too. "You all look like grown-ups now," I chirped. "Let's hope you all matured into young adults, too."

"Is it something urgent?" Eren asked, looking at Hange.

"We've just received a reply from the Azumabito," Hange responded.

The kids' shock was expressed clearly on their faces. "And...?"

"No good," Hange sighed out. "Looks like Hizuru came up empty-handed. I knew it. Hizuru was interested in keeping our resources all for themselves. They're not going to help us trade with other nations. Sure, there are organizations who want to protect the rights of Eldians, but they're considered freaks. No one will take them seriously. In fact, the world needs Paradis to be the root of all evil. They think that shared attitude brings them all together, protecting global stability."

"So," Eren began, "does that mean we just have to rely on the Earth-shaking and that we have no choice but to sacrifice Historia?"

"It does," Levi confirmed rather regretfully. "It's in our treaty with Hizuru that we'll enter into a military alliance backed by the Earth-shaking."

"That's... so..." Armin stammered, trying to get his words together. At that moment, he looked so nervous, all I wanted to do was give him another hug. "Does the world want us to repeat the same evil acts our ancestors committed a hundred years ago? They've decided for themselves that we're devils, regardless of what our own intentions are... Why can't we all think of a path toward peace together?"

"That would be too easy," I murmured, "and it would require other nations to admit that they might have been wrong about us."

"And probably," Mikasa piped up, "because they don't know. They don't know who we are, so they're scared of us."

"That's it," Hange said. "We could keep relying on the Azumabito to go around to other countries, but the outcome won't change. The world can't see our faces. Why would they ever trust us? So, let's meet them ourselves. If they don't understand who we are, we just have to teach them."

She grinned, and it was so infectious and so earnest that I couldn't help but smile back. Yes, I suppose it was about time we let the kids know that we were planning on heading abroad. And judging by their faces, well, I think it was safe to say that they were as excited as us.

"Besides, isn't that what the Survey Corps is about?"

It was about time we returned to our original directive as a regiment. It was long overdue.

—

"And how's this one look, hmm?" I fixed the blouse slightly, twisting this way and that in front of the mirror to see it from different angles. I pursed my lips. It accentuated my shoulders and neck, but I couldn't decide if I liked it or not.

Tonight, we didn't really have anything going on, so I decided we should have a quiet, makeshift date night. The weather was nice, so I thought that maybe we could set up a picnic outside, dress up for no reason, and have a good time. Right now, Emi was in her room playing, and Levi had been finishing up some things in the office.

The cat was watching me, and I'd occasionally ask for her opinion. She'd blink slowly, her bright blue eyes watching my every move. "I'm not too sure about this one, pretty girl. What do you think?"

Nothing.

"Yeah, me too," I muttered, putting it off over my head. I slipped into another shirt, this one a tad tighter than the last one because I'd bought it pre-pregnancy. "Yeesh. A bit tight, no?"

"Well now, look at you," I heard suddenly. A quick glance in the mirror and I watched Levi approach from behind. He was not shy in setting his hands on my waist, squeezing slightly before running them forward to clasp over my stomach. He pulled me back into him, and I smiled as I set my hands over his. His chin came to rest on my shoulder, and he met my gaze in the mirror. "All of this, just for me?"

"Always only for you," I affirmed. He turned his head and closed his eyes to set a gentle kiss on my neck. He didn't move his head but directed his eyes to the mirror again. It was slight, but I could see his eyes trailing over my body in the mirror slowly. "I know you like this top, but don't you think it looks small on me now?"

"It'd feel better if you unbuttoned that top one," he advised.

I rolled my eyes. "You just want me to show more skin."

"Fine, then," he muttered. "Don't unbutton it. But I like it on you."

"Not to sound ungrateful or anything," I said, "but you say that about everything I wear."

"And I mean it, every single time," he muttered, only slightly hesitant to admit it. Like every time, the way he put his pride aside to say something like that warmed my heart and sent a flurry of butterflies alight in my stomach.

"You're so sweet," I cooed. "And if it means anything, I think you look good in everything you wear, too." Another kiss was pressed to my neck, almost as if to thank me, or maybe to shut me up. In the mirror, I could see it when his brow furrowed, and he nuzzled closer.

"Kiss me," he said, with the inclination of a question.

"I'd love to," I murmured, and at my words he lifted his head. With me still enveloped in his arms, I twisted slightly, meeting him for a kiss. It was gentle, reverent, treasuring.

I loved it when he kissed me like this, as if I were as delicate as glass. It was a far cry from the roughness of the world, and how rough we occasionally got at night. This kiss was soft, it was sweet, and served as an embodiment of our love for each other. The world had not been kind to us, but we could at the very least cherish each other. At the end of the day, this was what I needed, and he was all that I wanted.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of this," I said once we drew away. He bumped my forehead with his. I closed my eyes, as did he, as we took the serenity of the moment to just be. To just appreciate being held and holding. There were so many ways that things could go wrong for us. We could get called back into active duty at any minute, now.

Was it really too much to ask, to make sure that my two loves were safe?

I didn't think so. But I would fight, tooth and nail, to that end. I would give everything I had, just to ensure their safety.

"Kiss me again?"

"Of course," I replied. I didn't have to open my eyes to know where his lips were as we kissed again. And again, and again, and again.

There was a neediness to these kisses, as if we came to the same realization that we just could not get enough of each other. We belonged to each other – body, mind, and soul, and heart too – and we could have all of eternity before us but all that we could ever desire was right here, under this roof.

Our beautiful daughter, bright and bubbly and spirited. My Levi, strong and dedicated and my best friend. And me.

"You're excited to visit Marley, aren't you?" Well, of course I was, but I didn't answer yet, not until he specified what he was thinking about. "...Do you think there will be a time when we can live that carelessly? Like they do?"

"What do you mean?" I asked gently. He was letting down some of his walls; I didn't want to pressure him or push him to put them back up.

"They... They live without fear. Or that's what it seems like, anyway. As Onyankopon's told us, they go on silly, dumbass dates and live as they want. Why the hell can't we live like that?"

"We were dealt a bad hand," I said softly. "But I know what you mean. It's unfair that we're dealing with the repercussions of what our ancestors did, but... Well, honestly, I'm glad it's us dealing with it, and not, say, Emi's generation. But I also think that despite our shitty ancestors, we're doing a good job with making the most of what we have, right?"

"Right," he agreed, nuzzling his face back into my neck.

"I remember when you hated the idea of marriage," I said with a smile, "but look at you now."

"Can't you go without being a brat for ten minutes?"

"No," I replied. "Especially not since it gets such a reaction out of you." At the annoyed click of his tongue, I chuckled, but pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Get dressed into something nice, I'll start on dinner."

—

Dinner that evening was wonderful. Light conversation transitioned into comfortable silence and then back, and we played with Emiko until she was completely tuckered out. I took a bath once she was in bed and peacefully asleep, Levi finishing up with some chores before making his way to bed.

When I got out of the tub, clean and warm and delightfully drowsy, it was in one of Levi's shirts and my underwear. It was a warm evening anyway, so I didn't think I'd need more than that. Besides, I knew that someone would appreciate-

"Are you trying to tempt me, you damn woman?"

I'd only just stepped out from the bathroom, dropping my dirty clothes and towel into the hamper, when he called out to me, but I missed exactly what he'd said. "Huh?"

"What you're wearing, stupid," he muttered, as though that would make sense to me. He was sitting in bed, his back to the headboard, his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest. "You knew I'd find it sexy, idiot."

"Compliment aside, you're calling me an awful lot of mean names," I pretended to whine. "Rather unbecoming of a man wholly devoted to his wife, if you ask me."

A mock pout sat on my face, with big doe eyes directed his way. Not that he fell for it, of course. He never had and honestly, I doubted that he ever would. It wouldn't keep me from trying, though. His gaze was even as he pointedly ignored my words, gesturing – no, commanding, more like – with one finger to me in a come-hither motion.

I certainly wasn't done being a brat, so if one thing was certain, it was that this would be a fun night.

—

When just about everyone had cleared out of the grand hall where Erwin's memorial service had been held, it was obvious that the event was not over. He was still yet to be buried, but his body was being escorted to the cemetery now for just that occasion. We were among the last few people to leave, the only ones trailing after us being those that were perhaps distantly related to him and wanted a few more moments to grieve their fallen family member.

Even Hange was walking with Nile, which was strange only if I considered personal stock in it. It was obvious Hange wasn't a big fan of him - hell, none of us were - but now, they were on even legal footing. They'd be working together, whether they liked it or not. So I suppose now was as good a time as any for them to start initial discussions regarding the future of the military before they would all have to report to Darius Zackley anyway.

For now, I let that thought fade away from my mind, because Hange was more than capable of handling herself. Right now, my focus was on my own grief. It was heavy as a stone in the place where my heart was supposed to be, and even as I absently held one hand to my stomach as we walked, I didn't quite feel the same warm, fluttery sensation in my heart that I usually did when I thought about the precious child I was rearing.

At this moment, the thought left a bitter taste in my mouth. If I wasn't pregnant, would I have helped turn the tide of the battle, even a little bit? If I had been there, might I have been a capable enough leader to take Erwin's place at the head of the charge and allow him to stay back and live? Farlan had called me an esteemed actress. Perhaps that would have been enough to lead in Erwin's place?

No. Don't think that way. Don't let what happened taint my vision of the future, of the life I wanted to live.

And yet...

I couldn't help but do so.

I must have unintentionally and unconsciously stepped closer to Levi or squeezed his hand, because he glanced over at me. Or perhaps he was just able to acutely sense my inner turmoil? I didn't know what the answer was, but I didn't care to know. It didn't matter right now.

What mattered was how kindly he regarded me, even as so much grief was evident within his own facial features and in his posture. It was slight, but as I met his gaze, I was suddenly very aware of how sullen he seemed, how crestfallen.

It was how he'd felt since returning, only amplified today, given the circumstances.

I wanted so badly to be able to help him, but who he needed to talk to in this moment was dead, and we were among the procession following after him to watch him be buried.

"I know," Levi spoke softly, and I was so surprised I nearly missed his words.

"What?"

"That look in your eyes," he clarified. "I know how you're feeling."

"I can't help it," I admitted, knowing he knew each and every individual thought I was feeling. I didn't realize I slowed to a stop until Levi spoke next.

"Amaya? Are you alright?"

"No more than you are," I said surely, because I knew for certain that he was suffering too. "I miss him, Levi."

"I know," he said once more. "And I... I do too."

"I know," I echoed, nodding. "I know."

Tears brimmed in my eyes now, and I fought not to cry - not here, where there were so many to watch. Not that I minded that, it was that I should be strong. I didn't care if these folks saw me cry about anything else on any other day. Just not now. Not when I was supposed to be so strong, a pillar - just as Erwin had been.

"Levi," I said softly, grateful that his gentle grip on my hand never faltered, nor did his concerned gaze looking into my own.

His eyes were glassy - I wondered for a moment if he might cry here, if he would allow himself to. I had my reason for hiding my own tears, but maybe he felt the same.

And yet... it was maybe better if we did, if we gave into our grief together, if only to prove that the pillars so strong and so stable were not always as such; that they could falter, and that we were having trouble readjusting without Erwin's support, so the world should be kind to us, at least for a little while.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"What do you want to do now?"

"Amaya...? What do you mean?"

"Will you still walk this path, the one you chose so long ago?"

"You mean with the scouts?"

I nodded. "Will you still walk this path?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"It was because of Erwin that we were brought here," I reminded him, "and it was because of him that we chose to stay. We now have a choice to make."

"And... what did you choose?"

"That doesn't matter. You don't need to choose now, but you have the freedom to walk away. Or you can stay."

"It does matter," he affirmed gently, first. "It wouldn't have affected my answer, Amaya. I'm staying."

"Alright," I breathed out. "Good, then. So am I."