Ch. 21 - Winter Snow

Levi was still perched against a tree which I might have inadvertently flung him towards with my movements when the time I reached the ground, rolling easily through my feet and then my knees, assuring that with the additional expelling of gas, I had an easy landing, one I was as practiced in as breathing, one that was as instinctual as smiling when one was happy. 

I looked up at Levi with a smile, and it seemed only to grow when I caught sight of his sneer. Still, I was far too used to this behavior from him by now, so I just sheathed my blades and set my hands on my hips, meeting his gaze evenly all the while. "How's that? I've killed more than you, now!"

Whatever anger had bubbled up in his chest died as he dropped to the ground before me and when he spoke, he sounded disappointed more than anything. "Why the hell did you do that, Amaya?"

"Why?" I repeated rather incredulously. "I can't leave all the fighting to you, can I?"

"We're both still new to this," he forced himself to say through a barely-concealed sigh.

"Right," I agreed surely with a nod, "but we'll never get better if we don't just... go for it."

"Just going for it is what gets half these soldiers killed," Levi spat out. "The other half die trying to save the idiots that just go for it."

"It's not that I'm not thinking," I argued gently, not wanting this to turn into a shouting match - not that I thought it would rise to that level, anyway. "I just want to make sure I wasn't brought into this group for nothing. I can't very well be labeled an elite without having the skill to back it up, can I?"

"We were asked to be here because of the skills we already have," he told me. "The rest will come with time." He whistled calling our horses back to us, who obediently trudged to us through the snow. I didn't even have it in me within that moment to remind him that he hadn't been asked to join the Vanguard. He had demanded it. Still, when he came, I took Strider's reins in hand as I mounted and just as Levi did the same. 

"For the record," he spoke, and I was half expecting him to say that at some point when I wasn't looking that he managed to kill several more Titans, meaning that I hadn't killed more than him, "what you did, it was impressive."

Huh.

Wait... Wow!

Before I could exclaim anything aloud, Levi continued and gestured with a movement of his head towards the direction we'd been heading before the bout with the Titans. "Let's get moving."

I didn't even have time to respond before he kicked into his mare's sides and brought her to a trot. I followed suit, a wider smile on my face than I'd had in a long, long time. I'd impressed him. I had. I had.

Wow.

For a while, we rode through the snowy forest. The thundering of our horses' hooves echoed back to us, bouncing between the trees and making it sound as though the entire regiment had caught up to us, but that was never the case. We were alone. 

With our cloaks wrapped tight around us, the horses trotting through the snow, and the wind shifting the branches just so, letting down slight flurries of snow that got caught in the wind and swirled to the ground, it was a rather calm, beautiful sort of atmosphere that we settled into.

It was only us, still working and remaining diligent, but relaxing and regathering our strength for the next encounter with a Titan. It was only us in this forest, content within the silence, soothed by the company we kept, and well-equipped to face any danger we came across - together.

I found myself looking around, not just for Titans but at the scenery. It was our first winter on the surface after all, and time and time again Elwin would tell me about the beauty of winter. He'd tell me stories of playing in it, in compressing it into balls to throw, even rolling them up to build... What did he call them, snowmen?

I hadn't gotten to experience a childhood blessed with such things, but I wanted to make up for it. Maybe not exactly now, for we were still on a mission that could turn deadly at any moment, but later, maybe once we got the castle secure, or even when we got back within the walls...

"Focus," Levi said, and that was all he needed to say for me to do so. I refocused, restoring my previous vigilance.

We searched the forest thoroughly, and when we cleared it of Titans - only finding two more, which Levi promptly took care of, giving me no time to, perhaps to make up for the last pair - I took out my smoke rounds. I inserted a blue round, one assigned for us to use if we found a fortified place and secured it, and fired it off from a branch that reached above the rest of the canopy.

"There we go," I said, dropping down into the snow beside Levi only once I got an answering round of smoke, one of green that assuredly came from the commanding unit. "They'll be here soon. We can head out."

And we did. As sure as the sun was to set, the Scouts moved into the forest just as we left. We hadn't reached the castle we were heading for yet, and so this forest was as good as any place to set up a secure resting point for a few hours, maybe even for the night.

Still, we pushed on.

Further south we rode.

And eventually, the castle loomed over the horizon, the golden light of the setting sun behind it sparkling across the snow and obscuring it in dark shadow. The drifts of snow stretched far in each direction around us, completely undisturbed if not for wind. It remained smooth yet windswept, perfectly smooth and only our horses' hoofprints disturbed it now. Even closer to the castle, we rode along a road marked by fences to each side, yet still covered in snow - completely undisturbed by footprints, horses or otherwise.

"Strange," I spoke to Levi. "They're not here yet."

"Maybe they found another way in," Levi said back. "Don't assume the worst yet."

"We should still be prepared for it," I countered. "What should we do if they aren't here? How long should we... Should we even wait? But-"

"We can prepare for it," Levi argued firmly. "Just don't panic."

"Alright," I relented unsurely. 

Something people never mentioned about riding into the sunset - as we were - was that soon, night would come. There was the romanticized premise of riding off with your love towards some unreachable horizon and hoping your love might stretch just as far if not farther than that.

But the night was always pitch black.

The night, while not always terrifying, held within it terrors unseen, though perhaps heard; horrors untold, yet seemed to slink always into our thoughts, our dreams, the corners of our eyes.

I hoped that as this night approached, our regiment would reach the forest we cleared safely, and that the fortress we were nearing with each passing second would in fact be populated by the rest of the Vanguard.

They were waiting for us. They had to be.

In this night, they were there, waiting for us, guiding our way with torches whose light would pierce through the darkness... they had to.

At long last, and in what should have been a companionable silence but was actually a tense, stifling one, we passed through the gates, reaching an open courtyard. The castle walls stood tall and proud around the courtyard, and old towers and the like stretched upwards, imposing and dark against the sky streaked with oranges, purples, and pinks now that the clouds had gone away.

While it was unlikely that any Titans would have climbed in here, it was still a possibility, and we couldn't just ignore the chances of smaller Titans having slunk their way through the halls. So, we checked the insides, finding only dust, then got to work on the perimeter.

Our movements and our noise - subtle though they were - had gotten the attention of a few Titans slumbering around the back of the castle, who were just starting to wake up when we rode out there. They were tall, ten-meters or more each, and there were three of them. Now outside the castle we had only the Titans and the castle's outer walls to hook to, which would make this tricky... if we allowed the Titans to get the upper hand, of course. 

I wasn't going to let them, so as we rode towards them and they began to move, clearly with the intent to get to their feet, I steadied Strider with a few reassuring words before moving myself. I withdrew one foot from the stirrup, tucking it beneath me and pressing it to the saddle. 

"Amaya," Levi called, looking over at me briefly as he prepared himself for a fight. "The hell are you doing now?"

"Just watch," I said. "I'm going to try something."

I secured my footing then removed my other foot from the stirrups. Strider, who was rather confused and rightfully so, snorted in protest but I hushed him softly. "Easy there," I said to my buckskin charge. "Just keep going, bud." With my hands holding the reins and placed gently against his neck, I brought my other leg to the saddle. Now crouched in the leather seat, I took in a deep, steadying breath and looked up and out towards the Titans. Levi prepared his blades and the Titans were just now getting to their feet.

But at the same time, so was I.

I stood in the saddle, balancing myself with my arms to each side. With a smile, I looked over at Levi, who was watching me sidelong as we drew ever nearer to the Titans. The closest beast took one lumbering step towards us, the earth shuddering beneath its weight and putting me off balance slightly as Strider neighed and readjusted.

"Easy, Strider," I said. "Easy."

Bravely, courageously, Strider pressed on. Just as the Titan began reaching for me with a clumsy, ham-fisted swipe, I leapt from Strider and drew my blades, aided by a quick gust of gas. I laughed jubilantly as I landed atop the Titan's arm. I ran up its forearm, leaping off by the bend of its arm as it drew its arm upwards, now reaching its other hand towards me.

"You're not gonna catch me that easily," I said to it, catching a glimpse of Levi rushing by to engage with another Titan.

"Try not to get your stupid ass killed," he called as he went by.

"I won't," I assured him, hooking to its shoulder. Using its size to my advantage, I swung around it, letting my winches pull me in and - when it twisted its body to try to reach me - sent out another hook and swept right by its nape. With movements in this moment even easier than breathing, I sliced through its nape. With a well-placed hook, I arced towards the ground and with a slight burst of gas, I landed gently in the snow.

"Perfect," I said, watching as the Titan collapsed into the snow and began to evaporate away.

I watched as Levi took care of the other titan, and we took care of the third and fourth together, our movements strangely disjointed yet coordinated. When I ducked low to slice through the Titan's ankle, he shot upwards to stab a particularly dull blade through its eye. Just as our skill in killing Titans was getting better, it was made all the better because it was built upon mutual trust in each other. I knew the way Levi flew, and he knew the way I flew. We only needed now to apply it to fighting Titans, and that would, as Levi said, come with time.

Despite the gravity of the situation, I had to say... this was fun.

Flying was fun anyway, but doing so with Levi, and doing it in a way that helped not only us, and not only our comrades, but indirectly all of humanity...

I smiled when at long last we perched on the side of one of the castle's towers after clearing it of Titans. The sun was growing closer to the horizon as Levi fired off a blue smoke signal, getting from both the direction of the forest and far off to the east, responding pillars of smoke. The main forces and whatever part of the Vanguard had seen it... they would be on their way.

I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride as I looked over at Levi, hooked only a few feet from me and setting the gun back into its holster. We, in our first bout with the Vanguard, reached our destination. We had cleared the way for the main forces to pass through safely. We had found a secondary safe location and cleared it. We had done all this without getting injured, without running out of our gas, without losing our blades, our courage, or our wit, nor letting our trust in each other dip.

We had done this. We had.

After such an awful expedition last time, to one in which we performed nearly flawlessly...

I smiled. I couldn't help it, I was just so proud of what we had done here.

"What are you smiling about, brat?"

I shrugged a little instead of answering. I figured he knew the answer, anyway. The pride, sure as anything, was glittering in my eyes. But if he did need me to spell it out for him... I could do so later, if we happened to find a moment to ourselves later. 

—

"Based on the results of this past expedition," Commander Shadis started to say, reading off a ledger and pacing back and forth in front of us with slow, practiced strides that were rhythmic in nature. My eyes remained forward, dutifully staying focused on the far wall instead of on his movements. Levi was to one side of me, Moses to the other, and the rest of our comrades in line to his far side. Shadis had summoned all the Vanguard here, for an announcement for us and us alone. "It is clear that the Vanguard needs some reworking."

He was right. The other pairs all worked well together, but together. They had met up early on to assist each other with some Titans, and from there had fought on as a unit. They'd worked well, apparently, even if it wasn't the plan we had worked on.

Still, they hadn't reached the castle until well after we had, and I think that was why Shadis was saying this.

"Clearly, the system of pairs did not work as anticipated for the majority. Tell me. Was it fear of having only one partner?"

At this, he stopped pacing, looking directly at one of the other soldiers in the unit. She shifted uncomfortably, but cleared her throat and did not falter. "No, sir. It was not fear."

"What was it, then?"

"We found that we were less likely to get overwhelmed that way," she answered. "We did not lose anyone or get injured when we fought together."

Shadis considered this for a moment, then let his eyes trail towards us, settling on Levi. "And yet it seemed two of you were able to secure not only our target destination, but a supplementary one while in only their pair. Isn't that right?"

Levi did not answer, so I did in his place. "Yes, sir. We did."

"And they successfully killed several Titans," he went on to say. "It worked... but only for them. It's obvious that you eight are incredibly skilled." Shadis' coppery eyes settled now on me. "Ikeda. You and Levi will remain in the Vanguard."

"Yes, sir."

"The rest of you will become a new Squad, separate from the others but not in the commanding unit nor Vanguard, either." He cleared his throat. "You will become the Special Operations Squad under Moses' direction. Moses, stay behind so we can discuss this further. The rest of you are dismissed. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," we replied, save for Levi. When we left the office, starting to head downstairs towards the barracks, I pulled Levi aside with the intent to lead him up to the roof, where we usually spent our evenings anyway. All of a sudden, we had a lot to talk about.

—

Three expeditions later, we were still in the Vanguard. It was still winter, with as uncharacteristically early as it had started this year. It seemingly replaced fall, and whatever expeditions Shadis had planned for it - because of the fair weather, far better than the bitter snows of winter and the blistering heat of summer - ended up being ruined by deep snow anyway.

And yet we still went, and as the winter months arrived, we only continued to leave the walls, Levi and I remaining the sole members of the Vanguard for each one, clearing the way for the rest of the forces to follow, gradually securing more land as we went and killing all the Titans we could, growing ever stronger and ever better at killing them.

Time went on, and we became a duo that was as deadly as it was fast, trusting as it was independent. We depended on each other surely, but we were also more than capable - as had been proven time and time again - of taking care of ourselves.

We very quickly were making a name for ourselves here, and as it happened, people began to trust us more, like us more, and come to us more, to talk or to ask for advice. I grew closer to Hange and Moblit, and Levi made it all to clear that Hange annoyed the ever-loving shit out of him. But in their own weird way, they were friends. This was obvious.

We grew closer to Erwin, too. He became quite a trusted companion of ours and even aside from his time catching us up on what we had missed during general training with the Cadet Corps, we just... would talk. I could safely say that he was a good friend of mine, now, and I'm sure that Levi would - perhaps begrudgingly - say the same, but not so that any ears other than my own might hear them.

The Scouts continued to leave the walls. We continued to see more and more of the world we'd been born to, seeing far more than I ever thought I would.

As a matter of fact, we had just gotten back this evening from an expedition and after all our debriefs, after setting our gear in the armory, and after a light dinner, we were all released to go about our own business.

My first order of business, so to speak, was to visit the infirmary. I was not hurt (save for a simple cut on my arm I'd gotten from a lone branch I'd grazed), nor was Levi, nor were the people I was close to, but I had made it a habit now to start visiting the people left here because from my own experience within its four white walls, despite having the frequent and near-constant company of Levi, it was incredibly boring. I hadn't been lonely in my weeks there (and I had Levi to thank for that), but that didn't mean these other soldiers wouldn't be.

I stepped inside the familiar room and made the rounds, chatting with everyone as I went. "Ikeda," an injured squad leader spoke, inviting me closer with a gesture of his arm.

"Yes, sir?"

"Why are you here? Are you not in the Vanguard?"

"I am," I answered, standing at his bedside. "But I spent a number of days in the infirmary and I know how boring it can be."

"You should be resting," he argued. "You're part of the reason we were able to get out alive, not least of all... myself."

I smiled, knowing what he meant. Oh, yes, I knew exactly what he was referring to. "It was my duty, sir."

"Your duty did not constitute going out of your way to pull me from the jaws of a Titan," he said sternly. "Not that I'm not grateful to you, I owe you my life. But your duty lied elsewhere."

"I'm a person before I'm a soldier," I said. "Luckily, being a soldier means I have the skill to save someone if I can and whenever possible, and so I did."

"You're the most unorthodox soldier I've met," he said. "Even here, where everyone is of a weird sort..."

"Is being kind to my comrades strange?"

"Suppose I may just be old-fashioned," he said, smiling now, "but a lot of soldiers tend to be self-centered. Flying towards a Titan's mouth to save a soldier from certain doom, while it had both arms still attached? That's not something I expected to see here."

"This job is hard enough," I told him. "Being stuck in the infirmary isn't really what anyone would want. I do this because if I can at least provide a few minutes of distraction, that's better than nothing."

"Fair enough," he said, considering my words seriously.

"And what of your injuries? How are you feeling?"

"You saved me at just the right time," he said. "My leg is only fractured. It should heal and maybe with time, I'll be back within the ranks. At any rate, I have my life. Thank you for that."

"That's wonderful," I said, smiling truly. "There's no need to thank me, really."

His eyes pointedly looked over towards the door. "Perhaps you're taking too much time trying to cheer us up. Your partner over there is waiting for you."

I turned and, because I knew the only man that could be referred to as my partner, I was not surprised to see Levi leaning against the wall. I smiled and, with one more look towards the squad leader, saluted. He only waved me off and soon, I was at Levi's side.

Before I could greet him in any way, he had my arm - my uninjured one - in his hand and he was leading me away. "Levi?"

"Shut up and come on," he said without missing a beat. As it was, I quite enjoyed spending time with him, but not if I was going to be dragged around like this. I pulled my arm from his, making him turn and look back at me incredulously. "Amaya, come on."

"Where are you leading me?"

He clicked his tongue, looking almost offended. "Where else?"

"The roof," I answered for myself. "But why are you in such a hurry?"

"You must think I'm an idiot," he muttered, reaching out to take my wrist. It was better than being led by my forearm, so I fell into step alongside him, not that I was going to run from him or anything. Leading me was unnecessary. "You're injured."

"I'm not," I began to say, only for him to send me a glare.

"You are. Don't lie to avoid this."

"It's only a cut," I told him with a huff. "It's really not that bad. It's clotted and covered and it'll heal nicely."

"Not with how you bandaged it, I'm sure," he said, looking forward again. He did not speak, and neither did I, until we reached the roof. He dragged me to the center where he had several medical supplies, probably from one of the carts that hadn't been unloaded yet, spread out. Alcohol, bandages, a splint.

"Come on," I said, watching as he reached behind him to retrieve his knife from where he kept it, tucked into the waistband of his pants for now. "This isn't necessary. I already took care of it."

"Like that matters," he mumbled, glancing into my eyes to silently ask if he could proceed. I met his gaze, turning my arm over and silently answering him. He took my wrist into his hand, drawing it closer to him before rolling my sleeve up with one hand. "Fieldwork is always shoddy at best, Amaya. You know that."

With slow, careful movements, he ran the knife along the messy line of bandages I had used, cutting it open. He peeled it away and I winced at the strange feeling, then nearly shivered at the feeling of the cold hitting my bare skin and more specifically, my injury. Once the bandages fell away, they revealed a cut, not very deep but thin and long. 

"You didn't even cover the entire cut," he tutted quietly before glancing up into my eyes once more. "Why are you so hesitant to let me do this?"

"I just didn't want to worry you," I answered. "It's not broken or anything, and it doesn't hurt anymore, so I can get right back into training."

"But it can get infected," he insisted. "You didn't clean the wound."

"That part always stings," I began to say, my tone rising into a whine - which died out and was replaced with a sheepish smile when Levi sent me a look. As he began to tenderly clean my wound, I did what I could to bite my tongue but I couldn't help but hiss quietly with the sudden sting of pain that popped up.

With all the care in the world, and a gentleness and ease that I hadn't known he could summon within that strong frame of his, he cleaned then bandaged my wound. When the clean bandage was wrapped snugly and was secured over my wound, he finally let my arm go, and I let it fall back to my side, opening and closing my fist a few times to test that it wasn't too tight.

I looked over up, well over Levi's shoulder then, taking in the sights of a clear, dark winter sky beyond him. I'd been distracted before, but now, the bitter chill of the air was all I could feel, and I shivered. I almost laughed; how silly was it that I hadn't felt it before, but now that he had let me go, the chill replaced whatever warmth he provided?

"Are you cold?"

"Maybe," I replied cheekily. "We are standing outside in only our uniforms during winter."

"Don't be a brat," he muttered, looking around. Deciding that we truly were alone, he took hold of my jacket by the shoulder and pulled me against his chest. I obliged with a smile, finding his bashfulness incredibly cute and terribly endearing.

It was clear what he was going for, so I took the lead and took him into my arms. I set my arms about his shoulders, propping my chin against his shoulder. His arms, slowly and somewhat awkwardly, wound around my back, lowering to set against my waist to sit comfortably there.

"I suppose taking care of the wound in the field myself was useless," I mused quietly, minding my volume because of our close proximity. "It seems you were worried about me anyway."

"You went off on your own, saved someone, then came back with bandages around your arm," he said as though his point was obvious. "Don't be stupid, of course I was worried." We stayed like that for a few minutes more, and he was the one who broke the silence gently. "When you're told to be careful, this is not what I meant."

"I know," I murmured in response. "I know." I smiled and somehow, his heightened senses must have realized this, because he drew away, only enough to see me clearly.

"What's with that smile?"

"I don't know," I said slowly, teasingly. I was emboldened by the feeling of his arms around me, motivated by the feelings we shared. "Maybe it's because I oh so enjoy being held by you. Or maybe it's because I got you to admit that you care about me, that you were worried about me."

At that, he drew away, an indignant pinch to his brow and a scowl on his face. I held back my laugh, simply withdrawing my arms from his frame and mirroring his body language. I crossed my arms over his chest, standing toe to toe with him and tipping my chin up defiantly.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"What you're doing. Copying me."

"I was told once by my father that people often subconsciously mirror the person they love," I said, my voice a lilting, teasing drawl.

"You're not doing it subconsciously," he muttered.

"Maybe not now," I agreed, "but I've found myself crossing my arms more and more. And you've noticed, haven't you? You know I'm right."

"You're not."

"I am."

"Amaya-"

"Levi."

"Damn it, woman-"

"Damn it, man," I followed right away, this enjoyable banter bouncing back and forth simply and incredibly easily.

He huffed impatiently, and I laughed.

"You're an ass," he muttered, clearly embarrassed.

"So are you," I shot right back. Levi clicked his tongue. "Ah," I said happily, "that's another point for me. Isn't it? You give up?"

"Shut it," he pressed.

It was a sudden burst of (perhaps unwarranted) confidence that made me say: "Make me."

The look in his eyes changed then, from irritated and embarrassed to now almost... interested, intrigued, but still somewhat shy. What surprised me more than anything was that he replied at all, though his voice was quiet, tentative, without its usual coolness. "How exactly would I do that, then?"

"I've a few ideas," I said, not daring to back away now. 

I'd waited a long time for a moment like this, one where everything felt right, one where finally, enough of our grief had lifted away from our shoulders and it felt more like it had when we were underground. Imperfect though the conditions were, there was a freedom there, and a sense of security in what I felt for him. Up here, though I'd told him I wanted to wait until we reached the surface, had been riddled with things getting in the way.

Expeditions, training, trying to kill Erwin, losing Farlan and Isabel and dealing with that grief, even now...

Moments like this were few and far between. If this moment was the one that catapulted us into something real, something tangible, then so be it. It was a beautiful night. Cold, but I was warmed by Levi; wonderfully starry, catching in his eyes in the most beautiful way.

In a word... It was perfect.

Just like the first time we...

I smiled. "Shall I show you one of them?"

I snaked one arm over his shoulder to settle on the back of his neck, keeping him close. My hold on him was not firm, nor completely steadfast; it was soft, offering him every opportunity to pull away if he so wanted. My other hand stayed pressed to his chest, and far within, I could feel the strength of his pounding heartbeat.

His hands resettled now against my waist, tentative and nearly hovering, as though unsure that I would like it. But when I smiled and leaned in, my eyes meeting his and for all the proximity and intimacy not daring to draw away, he met my gaze and his palms found more purchase against the fabric of my uniform shirt. With it so thin, it felt more like he was holding me directly, with his hands making contact with my skin.

His palms were warm, incredibly so, but not in an overbearing way, but an incredibly comforting way. This was not a warmth that would burn, and I very much doubted that it could. It would only soothe and comfort me. It was the warmth of familiarity, of safety; the roaring of a fire in a hearth, not the awful flames of a wildfire.

I glanced down at my lips. How someone so rough, so tough, so strong, could have such delicate features was beyond me. His feline eyes, usually so sharp, softened as they regarded me now; his nose tapered off to a fine point but this close, I could see its rounded edges; his lips, uttering so often coarse words with rough undertones, looked soft, incredibly so... and I wondered what it might be like to have them against my own once more.

My brain released control of my body so that my heart could take over, but if Levi did the same I could not tell. He did not draw closer. He did not pull away, but he did not come any closer. He was waiting for me, through and through, just as I had asked for all that time ago.

Goodness, what had I done in this life of mine to deserve such tender treatment?

Regardless, it was made clear that if we were to kiss, I had to be the one to initiate it... but I was perfectly fine with that.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head just so, then at long last, closed the distance between us. He met me with the same level of softness, the same level of care. My heart skipped a beat or two or three and there was a fluttery sort of feeling in my chest, a lightness that came only from being so close to him, and I drew away after a beat when my smile grew too big to kiss him properly.

I didn't go far. I opened my eyes and found myself struck by how vulnerable he looked with his eyes closed, the pinch in his brow lessened, his tongue poking out to lick his bottom lip as though to savor my taste. He looked so pretty in this light. I'd thought it before, and I certainly thought it now; the ghostly blue light of the moon suited him.

He opened his eyes, and they found my lips first. Without even thinking, he brought one hand up, tucking it beneath my chin, his thumb grazing rather absentmindedly across my bottom lip. When my smile grew, he finally seemed to notice that my eyes were open, and that flustered him when those gorgeous eyes of blue met mine.

"Cute," I said quietly.

"It didn't work," he muttered, not enjoying being flustered like this, clearly.

"What didn't work?"

"This," he said, and I would have been worried if he didn't continue right away, as though knowing how I would take it. "You said it'd help you shut up, but it didn't work."

"Oh," I said, laughing quietly with relief. "It worked while it was happening, didn't it?"

"I suppose."

"So?"

At that, my clear prompt, he leaned in, taking the initiative to catch my lips in another kiss. I couldn't describe the feeling even if I tried. My body felt light, weightless, as though I might float away without him anchoring me here. And yet I was also acutely aware of where I was and who I was with and exactly what I was doing; I could feel every vein in my body and the blood being pumped within them, quickening as my heart rate increased.

He was warm, so warm. Despite the chill, despite the bitter air, I felt comfortable and safe and warm, if only because of his arms around me. I felt as though nothing could harm me, if only because of how secure his hold on me was. I felt loved... if only because of the tenderness with which he held me.

Nothing could reach us, not here. He wouldn't allow it, and neither would I. Nothing could hurt me, and nothing could disturb him, and nothing would ruin this. Nothing could ruin us.

We'd waited this long, how could we allow anything like that to happen?

Goddesses... he was perfect. And he was mine.

This kiss was so soft, so loving. It was strange and a bit timid, a bit sloppy and messy, but that was only because we were so new to this. Experimentally, I waded out deeper into these feelings, reaching out with my tongue. Unsure of what else to do with it, I swiped it across his bottom lip, and surprised, he drew back only a fraction of an inch, even less than that. He was startled, but not for long, and he met the kiss again, his tongue finding mine.

We loved each other for so long, to finally give into it, despite the feeling that this could, of course, go wrong. Life was that cruel, wasn't it? We'd both gone through so much, but chose this for ourselves. Love wasn't something you chose, but letting yourself feel it and give into it was very much something you did choose, and we had, and now... I was done waiting, and with the way he surged forward, walking me backwards, I knew without a doubt that he was done, too.

I now felt exactly why people said love was worth it. Hearing El's story as a child, in how he lost Ellie and yet still had enough love left in his heart to take me, a child, into his family to love me as his own flesh and blood, and then later doing the same for Caden, I wondered how after so much loss he had been able to still love others. After losing the love of your life, how do you move on from that?

But this feeling, in feeling that I could go anywhere blind if it were him to lead me... in feeling that he would protect me from whatever or whoever might try to harm me... in trusting him wholly and completely to hold within his hands my heart...

This was worth it. With only what, three kisses now? I felt it. I understood. And the rapid beating of his heart made it evident that he felt it, and he understood, as well.

To be held like this was indescribable.

To be kissed like this was incredible.

To be loved like this...

No matter what happened to me tonight, or tomorrow, or even a year from now, I didn't really care. How could I? All that mattered was right here, and right now, with him. We both had so much surging through our minds and our hearts, and our bodies were doing all that they could to keep up, to act on everything at once.

Hands searching, breaths intermingling, lips meeting, hearts connecting. So much was happening, and yet, it was simple. It was easy to follow. It was a million different feelings all at once being conveyed only through a kiss, a caress, an embrace.

Levi continued to walk me backwards towards the door leading back downstairs into the base, likely with the intent to pin me against it, but he was too excited, and much too fast, and I ended up bumping my head into the door with the force of it.

It reverberated with a loud thud against the wood and though it didn't hurt, it did make me laugh with the sheer stupidity of it all and I couldn't help but interrupt the kiss with my laughter. At the sound, he drew away, and I took the chance to bring one of my hands to the back of my head to cradle it. I kept one hand pressed to his chest, and laughed more at the sound of his confused face and as his tongue stayed stupidly poked out as he tried figuring out what the hell had happened.

He brought his tongue back into his mouth and again, I was hit with a fit of giggles because honestly, how stupid were we? We were adults bumbling around like young kids just having their first kisses. We were stumbling around each other like baby animals just discovering their legs and how to use them. And with the sheer silliness of it all, silliness that was so uniquely unlike Levi, and based on what had happened, and how carried away we had been, and because of how happy I was, it turned into a laughing fit.

"Oh, shit," I managed to say between laughs, laughing more at the confused face he was now making. "It was my head," I started to explain.

"What? Amaya, what happened?"

"When you went to pin me to the door," I said, doing what I could to pull myself together, "you pushed me too quickly, and I hit my head on it." His eyebrows pinched together and he looked nearly apologetic, and maybe he would have been, if he wasn't so confused by my laughter. "It didn't hurt, don't worry," I continued. "It was just funny, and your face was so cute, and..." I laughed some more before sobering up enough to wink at him. "Getting a bit excited there, Levi?"

He let himself - by some grace of the goddesses, surely - smile. Actually, it was more likely that it was the grace of the goddesses that I was here to see his smile, and that he allowed me to be present for it, more so than the act of him smiling in the first place.

The sight of it, of something not a smirk and not a sneer, but a smile, small but true, stole my breath away. It had the laughter dying in my throat, only to be replaced by a warm smile as I looked at it, then into his eyes, dedicating the sight of him like this to memory.

It was rare that he smiled. That last time he did must have been when... when we shared our first kiss? Before that, it was when the four of us - Levi, myself, Farlan, and Isabel - were on the roof and he assured us that he would trust in Farlan's plan, and in our capabilities. It hadn't worked out as we had planned, but he had smiled, and it had been a beautiful moment.

Levi lifted my chin with his index finger and tried kissing me again, but I was struck with another wave of gentle laughter and he huffed against me, and I accidentally bit his lip through it all. "Ah, I'm sorry," I said, doing all that I could to make it audible through my laughs. "I hate giggling fits, I'm sorry!"

All efforts to stop laughing were for naught as I doubled over seeing Levi dumbly feeling his lip with one finger to ensure no blood had been drawn. He looked down at me, watching me incredulously as I gripped my stomach. Goodness, it was starting to hurt. If I didn't stop laughing soon, I might keel over.

At the sight of me, he chuckled, but covered his mouth quickly. When I began to lose my balance from being doubled over, he reached out to grab me, to keep me steady and keep me from tumbling to the stone, he realized too late that there was now nothing keeping him from openly laughing.

And... he did.

His arms were around me, holding me firmly against him but right now, I didn't care if we both fell to the stone. He was... He had... He was laughing.

I looked up at him, smiling with pure joy and elation and lightness, so much lightness in my heart. His laugh was wonderful, scratchy with how little he did it. He'd chuckle, sure, but it wasn't this. Not an open laugh. This was new, it was wonderful, and... it had my heart skipping more than a beat or two.

And then he realized he did it, and his cheeks flushed faster than I thought possible. He looked away, clearly embarrassed, but I reached up and cupped his cheek with one hand and guided him to look back at me. I got my feet underneath me and gently pushed against him so we were both standing. He reluctantly let me up, and met my eyes, and I noted when his eyes glanced down to watch as my smile grew.

"Was that your natural laugh?" He nodded, diverting his gaze, and I hummed lightly, thoughtfully. "You've a beautiful laugh, Levi," I said gently. "You should do it more."

Goodness. Who am I, so lucky to be the person - the only person - that he opened up to like this?

I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek. I let my eyes close and I took it all in, enjoying just holding him and being held. When my lips left his cheek, I set my chin to his shoulder, letting him cool down for a moment and breathe. "Are you sure you're alright? You didn't hit your head too hard? Because you're acting like it," he finally said when at last he relaxed.

I opened my eyes just to roll them, then lifted my head from his shoulder so I could pull away and see him clearly. "You're such an asshole," I said. "But I'm fine. It just surprised me, that's all."

"You're a piece of work."

"Maybe," I said, "but you love me anyway. Right?"

"Whatever you say, brat."

I shook my head, my countenance filled with nothing but affection and fondness for him. "From now on," I said with a smile that now turned sly, "perhaps let me take the lead. How does that sound?"

With the way he clicked his tongue and muttered something under his breath, I figured he agreed, especially with the way that he pulled me a little closer, hiding his face from my view. This man... he provided so much warmth even on one of the coldest nights of winter. He was something else.