Ch. 02 - The Memories We Make

My eyes opened to the morning glow of the underground coming in from breaks in my curtains. That is to say, it didn't, because time moved strangely here, and there was no sunlight to indicate that it was morning, only my own internal clock that by some miracle was still aligned properly... or at least with everyone else, which was as proper as I could hope for around here.

The first noise out of my mouth was a low groan as I stretched my unwilling limbs. The next sound was a wistful sigh as I relaxed. My mind was tired, my body stiff, my very soul eager to do nothing other than go back to sleep. 

A day off would be nice. When was the last day I had one...? Oh, it would have been the last day that Caden had been sick. I stayed home to take care of him. So it really wasn't a day off, it was just a day in which I hadn't gone into work.

I rolled over in bed, getting tangled further somehow into my blankets as I did what I could to prolong actually getting up before El would inevitably seek me out or if not, when my responsibilities would weigh too heavily on me like a physical weight and I'd be forced to get up. But then thoughts of last night came flooding back and I couldn't help but feel dread, rather than hope like always, for our future.

How would we possibly get through this?

We could move, theoretically, but there was hardly a respectable place to move to. This was, arguably, the better part of town, if you could even call it that - as though any part of this city was better than another. I occasionally had to run errands elsewhere in the city and saw the other horrors it had to offer, and... I didn't want Caden anywhere near all of that. Even here was barely better than there. But where the hell would we go?

The only option, if we moved, was to go up.

I sat up in bed and looked across the room to Caden's bed where the boy still slept peacefully. El always said I had too good a heart to live here, that it was a curse and damn shame that I'd been born here and not up there. But of anyone... Caden deserved to be up there. He was such a sweet kid and he didn't deserve what happened to him.

I'd get him up to see the stars. He would see the world we were born into. The three of us would be a family in a beautiful home aboveground. A piece of paper would not tear my family apart. I would make sure of it.

The only question was how.

Things would be tough for a while, that was clear. But there was no point in staying here and complaining about it. It would get us nowhere. No - I needed to go out and do the best I can for my family. And to that end, the first step would be getting out of bed and-

"Maya," El called through the door accompanied with a soft knock, "are you up?"

"I am," I responded, watching as Caden rolled over in bed, disturbed slightly by our voices but not daring to stir yet. I stood and stretched my arms above my head as I crossed the room and made it to the door. I opened it and stepped through the doorway into the darkened hall.

"Good morning, sweetheart," El said warmly, already in his full uniform. "Sleep well?"

"Mm-hm," I said, my voice low and raspy. I rubbed one eye with the heel of my hand, biting back a yawn only to say, "Need something?"

"You see right through me," he chuckled, not denying my words. "Reyes is here, they need me early today to deal with a drug bust on the eastern side of the city. Could you bring Caden to the HQ today for me?"

"Yeah," I answered, stifling the yawn behind my hand, now. "Yeah. I can do that."

"Thanks, darlin'." He planted a kiss on my forehead and then took off down the hall in a brisk manner. I watched him go through bleary eyes and when he made it to the door and began sliding his feet into his boots, I called out for him to be safe and to have a good day. After a quick response of his own, he left, and all was quiet in the house once more.

"Caden," I said, leaning against the doorway and peering back into the dark room, "I know you're up. Go have your breakfast while I get ready for the day, ok?"

"I don't want to," he mumbled quietly, his voice muffled by layers and layers of blankets.

"You have to get up. I'll be heading out soon and I need to make sure I'm set up early today, so if you're not with me when I leave, you're stuck here."

"Oh. Cool. That's fine."

"It's absolutely not fine," I said sternly. "I'll drag you out of that bed if I need to. Don't let it come to that."

"I don't think you'd do it."

"Try me."

With a huff, he knew that what I said was final and so with another reluctant groan, he heaved himself up and out of bed. "I just want to sleep," he whined as he put his slippers on the wrong feet. He took a step only to realize the problem and so he stopped to fix it. "Why can't I stay here alone? All I wanna do is sleep."

"And all I want is to get your sorry ass moving. Only one of the things we want is going to happen."

"Harsh," he muttered, passing by me through the doorway.

"Don't whine," I said, ruffling his hair as he walked by. "We just have to get going."

"But why?"

"El has a big case this morning," I explained, following him to the kitchen. "So he's already hard at work. But the both of us need to work as hard as we can today."

"Why?"

"So we can afford your citizenship."

"Why?"

"So we can go upstairs."

"Why?"

"Ask that again and I'll leave you with Dennis, today."

"No, wait! I'm sorry! I don't like Dennis!"

I chuckled knowingly. "Is that right? Listen, you know which cupboard you can find breakfast in, and you know where the plates are. I just need a few minutes to get ready and then we can head out, alright?"

"Ok!"

As I returned to the bedroom to gather what I needed for the day, some rogue part of my mind began to wander, to wonder if we might have this kind of leisure by this time next month, or even next week. Or even... tomorrow. Nothing was ever guaranteed, I knew that all too well. But while I knew I needed to be realistic, I wanted little more than to just be optimistic.

Maybe a miracle would come today in the form of a shitload of money so that we wouldn't even have to worry about rent, we could just buy citizenship for Caden and myself and bypass the soldier's visa and El could move to the surface with us and...

It was far-fetched. I knew that. But it was an enticing thought all the same.

As I finished freshening up as best I could and got dressed, I considered the very real possibility that we might ever only save enough for Caden.

Me getting that visa was the surest way for me to get there; it wouldn't cost money, and it would mean that I could one day earn the same wages El did, which would be quite a boon to my family. But it would require me to be away from my family for a number of years to train and me joining the Military Police would bank on my ability to be within the top ten of my class.

It was a pipe dream for many soldiers to begin with, no less so for me, a pale and sickly rat from the underground.

No, I'd just have to use that as motivation.

It was strange to me that we hadn't considered this avenue before. If we had thought of it before Caden joined us, we could have already been up there. I suppose his hesitance in considering it - and telling me about it - was his aversion to the idea in general. He didn't like the thought of me being a soldier. I was no fool, he had told me the stories of so many would-be soldiers that died or came close to it while training, even before the gear was introduced.

Perhaps that had always been his worry. Of course, being down here for so long meant that I was malnourished, though used to it. I had muscle from doing work around the house, but they were not developed like a soldier's was nor were they used to being trained so rigorously.

I was used to the dim, artificial light of the underground city, not the bright, blinding sun. And as far as I knew, I was not victim to the bad legs that befell many people here without the proper nourishment and vitamins and such but how could I expect to perform half as well as those that grew up under the sun's life-giving glow?

Those thoughts followed me all day, even after I helped Caden get ready and led him by the hand to the Military Police HQ of this dreaded city, as we passed by one of the stairwells manned as always by a man as slouched and sickly as everyone else in this city.

No, that wasn't true. It was unfair to say that everyone was sickly and weak. There were several of the more unsavory sort that got to afford more through illegal means. Those were the rats. Not us. Not my family. Not those of us that tried to keep any sort of order in this accursed place.

Regardless, all day I could think of nothing but our uncertain futures here.

At the very least, business was good - in fact, it was better than usual - but it was hard to find solace in that when I felt that what I was doing was not enough to protect and help provide for my two boys. It was so little, what I did. Insubstantial.

I had to do more.

El deserved more help than what I was currently providing.

I had to do more.

Somehow. Right now... I felt powerless. Useless. Like I wasn't doing enough. Like I wasn't doing anything at all.

Maybe I could... become one of those rats. Turn to crime. It was effective, so it would seem. And there were far worse crimes than others. But did I want to resort to such methods?

All I knew for sure was that I would help my family by any means. I would stop at nothing. I would do anything.

It was a dangerous thought to be sure, and yet it was the surest one I could think of.

—

With no leftovers to bring home but a rather full coin purse, I closed up shop and walked to the Military Police HQ. Regardless of who brought him there today, I had already planned on bringing him home because today was a very special day.

When I was younger, I would be brought to the base daily, and as a young girl I got into quite a bit of trouble while El, Masie, Reyes, or one of the other soldiers on office duty for the day would be tasked with watching me.

At first, when I was very young, I was hesitant to be left with anyone other than him but Reyes and Masie at least were incredibly nice to me and now, they were incredibly nice to Caden and they treated us like we were their own flesh and blood.

If we were left with anyone else, they typically weren't so gracious about it; whereas Reyes and Masie had no issue watching us, for they so loved us like their own, the other soldiers would demand to be repaid with a longer break, covered by El of course, or otherwise repaid by him taking over part of a shift or a patrol.

El already had been picking up extras of everything, whenever he could, for the extra funds; to do those as well were just too much, so when I could, I watched him for the day but that did not happen often.

Regardless, just as I used to do, Caden now did.

As always, I kept to myself as I walked. Being a woman - alone - meant that I was an easy target to rob, harass, or otherwise... bother. So I walked with my hands in my pockets, keeping a firm hold on my coin purse in one pocket and the other, my dominant hand, kept in a fist, my fingers clenching and unclenching repeatedly. My knife rested as it always did in my boot on my dominant side and I walked with my eyes aimed ever forward and my pace brisk.

This knife... My knife had been gifted to me by El many years ago. I'd bothered him for ages when I was a teenager about being old enough to work but he always claimed that it was dangerous. But doing petty work like running documents from one end of the base to an office on the other side was boring and I hated it and started to grow ever more restless with each passing day.

One day finally, he had given in and the knife he always kept with him became mine. It wasn't that he let me work right then and there, no; he taught me to defend myself first, and only when he thought I was prepared did he allow me to. So although I'd been granted another job through the MP's, it was something, and I was proud of it. And so I had remained, and still do.

For many years now, this knife has served me well. Never had I needed to hurt someone with it, not really, save for perhaps a scratch here or there when someone got too close. At first I had been hesitant in using it, but all it took was one of my very first customers to try to see down my shirt during the transaction that taught me to rely on my instincts first and worry about the repercussions after.

Besides its qualities as a defensive weapon, perhaps my favorite part of having it was just that it was given to me from El.

It had a function of course and as such it was useful, but none of that compared to the fact that it was mine, and growing up as we had, I hadn't been able to receive too many gifts at all from him. We'd never had the spare money to indulge in that sort of thing. But when he'd given it to me, before he taught me to use it he had shown me the handle and how he had carved his initials into it. E.I.

He'd helped me carve my own initials into it, just under his own, showing that it was now mine and mine alone.

I realized I had gotten lost in my thoughts somehow, but I wasn't so lost in my thoughts that I did not have my wits about me. But as it was, I got to the base and walked through the same doors that I had been traversing since I was five years old. I was greeted by the same soldier manning the desk and I greeted her as I always did. And just as I always did, I walked right past the desk and down towards the first hall of offices.

"With Reyes," the soldier called out, and despite the fact that I knew, I thanked her anyway and went on my way.

I knew Caden was bothering Reyes, a soldier who was a few years El's senior and was like an uncle to me, because I'd stopped by during my break and got to have lunch with those two and El. The case had gone off well and had only taken a few hours and thankfully, all had been well. But I also knew that El was working a bit late today.

He did not care that today was special, it did not matter to him. But it was unfortunate for him because Caden and I did, and I would do all that I could to make it special for him.

"Afternoon, old man," I greeted as I entered Reyes' office. He rolled his eyes and did not choose to dignify my words with a response. So I smiled at him to let him know I was only joking - which he already knew - and looked to Caden. "Ready to go?"

"Yep," Caden said, standing from his spot drawing on a piece of paper. He stood and presented it to Reyes and from what I could tell it was a drawing of him and a few of the other soldiers in their uniforms.

"Thanks, kiddo," Reyes said, accepting it. "Will you be assisting me tomorrow as well?"

"Only if you let me snoop through your filing cabinet," Caden answered cheekily.

"I'll think about it," Reyes replied with a chuckle. "Now get going, you two. I need to catch up on these reports."

"He didn't slow you down too much, did he?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Reyes said as Caden approached me for a hug. I reached down to hug him back yet kept my eyes on Reyes as he answered. "Just been a tiring day."

"Tuckered out from your mission this morning?"

"Exactly. I'm getting too old to be running around taking criminals down."

"Uh huh."

"I mean it!"

"Sure."

He waved me off with a laugh. "Get out of here, the both of you."

"See you tomorrow," Caden and I said together before leaving the base, hand in hand, in the direction not of home, but towards the closest street of shops. When we left, I looked down at the boy, still smiling, yet slowly piecing together that we weren't headed right home.

"Did you have a good day?"

"Mm-hm," he answered happily. "I got to help Reyes with reports and with cleaning his desk and a little boy and his parents came in so I got to play with him for a little bit, too!"

"Glad you had fun," I said, ignoring for now the implications of his words. Goodness, at least El hadn't been around at that point, else we'd have another mouth to feed, I'm sure.

"What about you?"

"My day was good," I answered. "Made lots of sales, made lots of money."

"Enough to buy citizenship?"

"No, not yet," I said. "Especially not with where we're going now."

"Where are we going? This isn't the way home."

"That's right," I assured him. "Do you remember what today is?"

"Um... the day you said we had to run errands?"

"Yes," I said slowly, prompting him to think further back. "What kind of errands? Do you remember?"

"Uh. It's my birthday?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Not quite. Your birthday was a few weeks ago, remember?"

"Oh, right. Your birthday has already passed too..."

"Mm-hm. So who does that leave?"

"El!" He beamed up at me, his smile growing when he saw me nod and smile down at him in turn. "What are we getting him?"

"I'll be making us a big dinner with only the freshest ingredients," I answered. "El loves a good beef stew, so hopefully we can find what we need for that. We'll also need to pick out a present for him. Any ideas?"

"Have you gotten him something already?"

"A new work shirt or two," I said.

"I wanna get him something he can bring with him everywhere," Caden mused. "Like, at work and stuff."

"Something small enough to fit in a pocket, you mean?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright," I said, thinking it over. "We can work with that."

"Oh," Caden said suddenly. "I drew this today!" He excitedly reached into his vest pocket and pulled a single folded piece of paper out. He unfolded it quickly and he presented it to me proudly. It was a drawing done in charcoal and ink of... our family.

"Aw, Cay," I cooed, "is that us?"

"It is!" And then he proceeded to point to each of the three figures as though I needed help figuring out who was who. The one in the jacket with the wide smile could only have been El, the one with the hair longer than the others and in a dress was me, and the smallest one, held by me, was Caden, of course.

"Why am I in a dress? I don't own one."

"Yeah, but... I don't know. My mom had one and she wore it on special occasions."

I crouched down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You're cute, Caden."

"Am not!"

"Come on," I said, taking him by the hand again. "I think I've got just the thing for us to find."

—

In the end, I found most of what I needed for the meal tonight, including even the beef which was an incredible surprise to be sure - perhaps it was that good luck I'd been wanting. I wasn't expecting it, but it was certainly a welcome blessing from whichever one of the three goddesses decided to grant it.

But we also visited a small jewelry stand. The way that the picture Caden had drawn had been folded had formed creases almost framing the three of our faces and so, with his permission, we cut that folded panel out and found what looked like a locket that was wide enough to hold it.

It was circular, and at one point was rusted but had been shined up to a beautiful silver. A small glass panel had been restored over it and a strange looking piece of... art, shall we say, was kept inside with lots of little lines and dashes and arrows but we covered that right up. A small latch kept it closed and it had a chain to hook to his belt to keep it from getting lost.

I'd seen it a few weeks ago but had no use for such a thing. When asked, the merchant said they had no idea who had made it nor of its original purpose but we had certainly found a new one for it. It'd been found in an old box down here alongside a host of other strange looking items, and I took it to mean that an old deranged artisan had died and left his weird projects behind. It was the only thing that made sense.

Regardless, with a bit of manipulation the picture sat snugly inside the locket and Caden was very excited to give it to El. With that, the meal, and the shirts of the finest quality to be found down here, we figured we had everything we needed and so we headed home.

But of course, it wasn't that simple. Nothing would ever be so simple as to just go as planned, now would it? And especially not in a place like this. Caden had been carrying the bag with the gifts, and I was carrying that with the ingredients in it. We were chatting happily and I was holding his free hand to keep him close, and that's when it happened.

 We were nearing our neighborhood and as I had said, what was arguably the "nice" part of the city (if of course you could humor yourself to even consider one part better than the other), but just as we made to turn a corner, I was knocked down by what felt like a wall barreling at me, taking the corner far too fast. I was knocked right to my ass with a grunt and it was all I could do to let go of Caden's hand to ensure he didn't fall over with me, though he did call my name fearfully.

"Excuse you," I barked out, "watch where you're going, huh? I've got a kid with me."

All I got in response was a glare from the man who knocked me over, and the look of him alone shocked me more than getting knocked over in the first place. That one knocked me down? He was tiny! He was barely taller than I was - attributed only because of this damned city not providing me the nutrients required to grow taller and I'm sure some genetics had a hand in it, being a woman and all - and he didn't look particularly well-built, either. And... he dressed like a doof! Who the hell wears their collar popped up like that?!

The jackass clicked his god damned tongue at me as though that was a normal thing to do!

"Hey, asshole," I said sharply, in turn making him narrow his eyes at me. Oh, how very intimidating! "You're a grown adult, learn to fix your collar. And while you're at it, learn some manners!"

"Maya," Caden said quietly, touching my shoulder. "Can we go?"

"You almost knocked a kid over," I said to the man. "You should be apologizing right now."

I waited for a response and took more of his appearance in. His glare was chilling but none too intimidating. I stood, ensuring that my own glare remained fixed on his own the entire time. He was a lean man and had piercing eyes that might have been blue if I looked closer but from a few feet away and in this lighting, they looked gray and that was all I cared to know. His hair was parted off the center of his head, and was as dark as a night sky (or so I could only guess, for I'd never seen one), and tucked under one arm was a large bundle wrapped in cloth. 

I peered at it curiously. What the hell was under there?

I was still waiting for a reply when his apparent partner in crime turned the corner as well, making a racket of metallic clanking and jostling. The man only broke his glare on me to glance at his partner. In stark contrast to his cohort, this man was tall, had dull blond hair, and much lighter eyes that were definitely blue.

"Levi," the newcomer said, clearly out of breath and clinging to a larger bundle of... something, likely the same something that this Levi was holding. That's what was making the racket, then. "Come on! We haven't lost them yet!"

By them, I'm sure he meant the Military Police and if not for the whirring of gear I could hear approaching, I'd have grabbed them myself. But I was still too concerned with trying to guess at what they could possibly be stealing to even think of holding them here.

"Be more careful," the man named Levi finally said, his voice a sharp hiss. Only then did he start to run again, joined by his partner who offered a quiet and hurried "excuse us" as he went by. I grabbed Caden and held him close until they were out of sight. Only when the Military Police flew by overhead did I tug on Caden's hand to continue towards home.

—

Caden ran into the kitchen in a panic, looking like he was about ready to explode or even piss himself if he wasn't careful. I turned from what I was doing - which was preparing the ingredients for our meal - to look at him when he called my name. "What's wrong?"

"El's coming up the path," he cried. "He's almost here!"

"Shit," was the only word I could think to say as I glanced around at our meager display of decorations.

It wasn't much, only stuff we had made with items around the house. Some old twine and some rough letters in paper Caden had cut out made a banner saying Happy Birthday across the doorway into the kitchen, which would likely be the first thing he saw. I'd taken some of the thread from our sewing kit - for who really had the money to buy new clothes for themselves - and braided them to make simple tassels to hand from the banner just to add some more color to it but that was all.

We'd wanted to make more but I hadn't expected him to be home this early! Aside from the freshly cleaned and pressed tablecloth and the banner we'd made, the house looked completely normal, so very unbecoming of such a special day.

"This will have to do," I muttered, wiping my hands dry on the apron I was wearing and ushering Caden from the kitchen. "Go sit," I told him, and he took off at a dash to get there, "and try to act natural, if you can."

Feeling more than a bit rushed and certainly frazzled, I returned to the kitchen to continue what I was doing. But even as I continued to prepare the vegetables, my hands were slow and unfocused as most of my attention was centered on listening for the sound of the door opening.

I then heard the distinct sound of the key undoing the lock and at last, the knob turned and the door opened. In stepped El who didn't even look up from the piece of paper in his hands, likely part of a report he had to complete or review, as he locked the door behind him.

"Welcome home," I called, looking over my shoulder at him.

"Good to be back," he responded simply, his mouth just trained to say that upon returning home. He held the paper in one hand while the other undid the laces of his boots. He pulled them off and then got to work taking his jacket off when he realized something was off. El looked up, his eyes finding Caden immediately.

And in a completely unnatural way for him, Caden was sitting up straight, like a polite young man. God, he was sitting like a distinguished gentleman. Didn't he know how to act natural? 

"Hi!"

"Hi," El said unsurely. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" And as I waited for his answer I left the kitchen again, coming to a stop only to lean against the doorway with my arms crossed over my chest. "Nothing happened."

"Then why does Caden look like he broke something and is waiting to tell me about it?"

I smirked, looking to Caden to see if he would defend himself. And he did. "I didn't break anything!"

"Then why are you..."

El trailed off when finally he looked around. His eyes soon found the banner and then the small pile of gifts for him sitting on the table just in front of Caden. Recognition flooded his system and he smiled bashfully. "Ah. Is that what day it is?"

"Same day as every year," I said to him, amusement lacing my tone. "Happy birthday, El."

"Happy birthday," Caden cheered happily.

"Thanks, you two," El said with an embarrassed smile.

"Did you forget about your own birthday?"

"Maybe," El said in response to Caden's question. "But look at you two, so thoughtful. Oh, what's that smell?"

"I managed to scrounge together what I needed for your favorite," I told him, and at the brilliant smile he sent me, my heart swelled. Goodness, it was rare that he was so happy like this. There was just so much joy in his eyes that it seemed to hide all his exhaustion, his stress, and his worries.

If even just for that small miracle, for him to forget what was constantly on his mind... I was grateful. Incredibly so.

The soldier with a golden heart deserved to be spoiled sometimes. For all he did for us, his family, and after all that had happened to him in his life, well... It was just a wonderful thing to see him so happy and so relaxed.

...and then Caden started to sing the song we had practiced earlier and I laughed. "Not yet," I said to him. "Why don't you let El go freshen up and you can help me finish up in here?"

—

The lights were dim as our little party began to wear down. We were sitting around the kitchen table, the pile of dirty dishes to one side with El's presents in front of him and a candle lit in the center, illuminating the small room as best it could.

Caden was in my lap, leaning back against my chest as he did all he could to fight off his exhaustion. But as it was, if I looked, I was sure that his eyes would be drooping with weariness and that he would nod off if he faltered in his vigilance for even a moment.

It was late, later than we would normally let him stay up, but tonight was special and he told us that he didn't want to miss anything today - even the boring adult conversations we were sure to have. And have them we did. After we ate and then gave him his presents, which he loved by the way, we resorted to talking about how we were doing and swapping stories from today.

Caden didn't add much to the conversation but it was absolutely adorable in the way that he was trying so damn hard to stay awake for it. He was just so insistent on making sure he didn't miss anything. He yawned, and I suppressed the urge to smile but I did meet El's eyes over his head only to find that he was smiling fondly at the boy.

"You were saying something about a robbery?"

"Oh, yes," El said. I linked my finger together over Caden's stomach and he melted into my embrace, shifting in my arms to tuck his head under my chin. "It was a long day. Of course, I knew that from the get-go."

"Right," I mused, "with that bust this morning."

"Thankfully that went without a hitch," he said, "but the day went downhill from there. Someone broke into the warehouse out back and stole gear, or maybe a delivery, I don't know. We didn't get the details yet."

"Gear? Your 3DMG?"

"Mm-hm."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I'm not sure what the soldiers on guard-duty or delivery duty were doing or what happened to them but two full sets of gear and enough gas canisters to last half a year were stolen so we were all sent out to go look for any sign of where they could have gone, but it was useless. There was no evidence and they were long gone by the time we even started looking."

I shook my head with disbelief. "Wow."

He looked at me, seemingly thinking about something. A thoughtful sort of noise escaped his lips then and he smiled warmly. "You'd like it, you know."

"What?"

"Using the gear. Flying. I think... being a soldier would be good for you."

"Flying, huh," I said quietly, considering it before a smile bloomed on my face. "Think I'd look good in green?"

"I think it'd suit you," El said, likely imagining it. "But of course, if you could just earn the jacket and skip the dangerous training stuff, I'd like that a lot more."

I shrugged. "It can't be that bad."

"If you get the commandant I had," he considered, "maybe he'd go a little easier on you."

"Like getting a family discount? I'd get preferential treatment just because of you?"

"Yeah," he said with a laugh, "something like that!"

"Sounds like you're fond of him, anyway."

"He was a hard-ass," El said, "but he needed to be. He's incredible at what he does. I'd like to talk to him again."

"Is there anyone else you'd like to see when we get up there?"

"Oh, sure," El considered. "Lots. Been a while since I've seen some of my family and friends of course, but I've never actually met my hero."

"Your hero?"

"I've always idolized my superiors," El told me. "The way they can so calmly look at even the worst situation and decide what to do, what is best for the citizens and for the soldiers. And the way that they would take most of the responsibility of the situation on their own shoulders, and the blame if something went wrong... You need to have a lot of pride in your own skills and honor and respect and things to that effect to be in a position like that."

"And do it well," I added. "I'm sure there are some shitty superiors."

"Of course," El said, a short nod letting me know silently that he had suffered through many of them himself. "But to even be recommended for a promotion like that..."

I could tell through his tone alone, wistful as it was, that he hoped to someday experience it for himself.

"I think you can do it," I said. "You put all of yourself and nearly all your time into your regiment already. I think you're well on your way."

"No," he said, shaking his head, "I don't think so. I don't have the mind for tactics and things like that."

"So, this hero of yours," I prompted. "A strong leader?"

"One of the strongest," he said. "Darius Zackley, he... he is the head of the entire military. To be tasked with so much, it's... it's incredible, really. I saw him once. Couldn't meet him but he used to attend the graduation ceremonies for the cadets and he was there for mine."

"Must have been strange seeing the man who makes all the big decisions for not just you, but all your comrades," I said. "Even your commander."

"True," El said. "He does his job gracefully, though. Not a misstep anywhere."

"Well," I said softly, smiling at him, "if it makes you feel any better, I've already met my hero."

That seemed to catch El off-guard, if the way his eyes widened and his eyebrows rose were any indication. "Hm? Who do you mean?"

"You, El," I said with a laugh.

"Oh," he responded, all his bashfulness coming out. His cheeks flushed and he scratched the back of his neck embarrassedly. "Ah, well..." He cleared his throat, mustering up a smile. "You'll make me cry, saying stuff like that."

And actually... he looked like he would cry, especially when he looked back down to his presents, and then back to Caden, and then to me.

"You two kids... I couldn't ask for a better family and I..."

"Don't cry," I said even as tears brimmed in my own eyes.

"We should, uh," he trailed off to clear his throat again. "We should wrap up before Caden falls asleep on you, right?"

"I won't," Caden's said, though in complete contradiction to his words, his voice, weak and tired and low, barely reached my ears.

I looked down at the boy fondly, willing myself not to cry. I hadn't expected my words to affect him in such a way, but I was glad for it. The man deserved the world and if I could only repay some of the kindness he had granted me, I would. Besides, the words were true. I'd always looked up to him, always loved him like my real father. He was my hero.

"I'm not sleepy," Caden went on to say.

"I don't believe that," I said through a chuckle. "Not even for a minute."

"I'll start washing these," El said, reaching for the dirty dishes leftover from dinner.

"No," I said immediately, "don't. I'll do it. If you want to get Caden ready for bed, I'll clear everything away."

"Are you sure?"

"Maya," Caden whined, "you always tuck me in."

"And tonight will be no different," I assured him. "It'll only be a few minutes."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

El stood and I eased Caden off my lap and to his feet on the floor. He took El's hand in one of his while the other busied itself rubbing against his eye. While they headed towards his bedroom I got started on the dishes and cleared everything away just as I said I would. It didn't take long, and when everything was clean I made my way to Caden's room.

By then, Caden was in pajamas and El was sitting cross-legged on one end of the bed while Caden sat up against his pillows, the blanket pooling in his lap. "If it's a story you want," El said, "I'll tell the best one I've got."

El didn't even need to start the story or say even one word for me to know which one he was going to tell. Caden smiled eagerly as he settled in for the story. All his attention was on El, and he didn't notice me lean against the doorframe to listen in. And with his back turned to me, El hadn't either.

"Once upon a time," El began after clearing his throat, "there lived a young boy. He thought he had it all: a loving family, complete with two healthy parents and three little sisters and a dog; lots of friends, a big house, and all the toys he could ever want. He was never left wanting for anything and he was healthy and strong."

I could tell this story myself, if I wanted to, that's how often El had told it to me as a child. But as the years went on it gradually changed, with more parts being added on as our lives went on together. I wondered how it might end tonight.

"The boy grew into a young man who had no idea what he wanted to do with himself. No jobs interested him. He did not want to be a farmer like his grandfather nor a cobbler like his father. Thinking that it would give his life meaning, he joined the military. He worked very hard in his training and did very well there. He ended up third among his graduating class and was granted the option of joining the Military Police, which he did."

"You're in the Military Police, too," Caden noted, and I'd have laughed if not for me trying to remain quiet. His sleep-addled brain just hadn't put it together yet. I wondered how long it would take him.

"That's right," El responded. Then he continued. "He was a good soldier, and eventually he was assigned to work in the underground city. At first, he hated it, because it was dark and dirty and it seemed like crime was everywhere. That hatred of the underground - of his new job, his superiors who made the decision to send him down there - didn't go away, not for a long time. Even in just his first week he was doing work he hadn't ever thought of doing: breaking up drug deals, searching for suspected gang activity, and ones far worse than that."

"A job is a job," Caden muttered sleepily. At least it proved he was listening intently, as much as he could when fighting off sleep at the same time so diligently.

I wondered for a moment how difficult it must have been for El to adjust to living here. I'd always lived here, as far as I knew. But for him to grow up seeing the sun and trees and weather... to be trapped here must have been awful. And to be the reason he was stuck here instead of asking to be reassigned after working off his rookie years was a strange thing to consider.

I felt awful for it, but it ultimately had been his decision and I was happy he hadn't given up on me, on the hope that we could be a family up there. And with Caden, too.

"Right," El said with a laugh, "but the man thought he'd be doing noble work for the king and helping people, not living where the sun never shone."

"What did he do?"

"He kept doing his job," El answered. "There was nothing else to be done. Well, after a few years of service, he was used to it and grew to love the comrades he lived and worked with. He grew to love one more than all the others, though, and his life changed for the better."

"Did he meet a girl?"

"Mm-hm."

"Ew."

"He'd never fallen in love before," El continued wistfully. "But she was incredible. She was one of the soldiers from his graduating class but he'd never really talked to her before, not until they were forced to work together. He fell in love, and he fell hard."

"What was her name?"

"Ellie," El answered softly.

I smiled. Elwin and Ellie, El and El. Their portrait still sat in the living room. If it was accurate, she had been a gorgeous woman. And if his words were true... she'd had a wonderful heart.

"The two were deeply, madly in love," El continued on. "But it wasn't to last. She got sick, and her health declined quickly. The medicine available here was not enough. They sent for more, but even that did not help. She was sent for treatment up top, but... she did not make it. After only two years of service... she died. Two years of service and only precious days before the man was planning on proposing to her."

It wasn't lost on me that it was easier for him to talk about now. When I was younger the story would typically be full of pauses where he needed to gather his thoughts, to remove himself from the dark spots of his memories.

"To marry her?"

"That's right."

My eyes closed unwillingly as my heart felt a twinge of pain, fast yet lingering. It was a sad story, and to know that he had dealt with it alone for so long...

Whether fictional or otherwise, in even his own story true love never seemed to last.

"Was he ok?"

"No," El said honestly. "It took him a long time to get better from it. He felt broken, see. That's what a broken heart can do. His coworkers didn't know how to help. It wasn't as easy as just getting over her, it wasn't a breakup. There was a hole in his heart and life that they - and he - feared would never get fixed."

"Does this story have a happy ending? It seems awfully sad right now," Caden said, frowning.

"I hope it does," El said with a laugh, and I nearly called him out for saying it.

This story - this family's story - would have a happy ending. I swore it.

It was such a common thing for people down here to die, and typically by pretty miserable means, but that did not mean he could joke about it, if not just in front of Caden, then certainly not in front of me.

"Here's where the story turns," El said. "One day, many months later, he was at work, as usual. That day changed his life forever. When he first began his job, he was routinely sent to the orphanages of the city and he saw how each one was unsuited to care for children. The kids were abused and malnourished, underfed and overworked. So when an old lady came in with her granddaughter begging for help because she could no longer care for her... he offered to take her in. He kind of just blurted it out. When he said it, he wasn't quite sure why he did it."

"Didn't he want to?"

"He wasn't sure. He nearly regretted saying it, at first. He didn't see himself fit to be a father, even an adopted one. He could hardly take care of himself but when the little girl looked up at him with so much hope in her eyes... his panic subsided and he didn't know it then, but it was fate taking over, making sure he made the right decision. What he needed was a family. That was what the girl offered. The hole in his heart finally started to mend, from that day on."

My heart swelled with happiness and love and a million other emotions yet tears brimmed in my eyes too. My vision blurred and I brought one hand up to gently wipe the tears away, but it was a fruitless venture, for more formed in their absence right away.

"He watched as the girl grew up. He thought his family was complete and really, he was proud of it. Why wouldn't he be? He had somehow raised a strong, smart, clever, wonderful young woman by himself. The hole in his heart felt complete, but it wasn't, not completely. On another fateful day, a young boy was brought in. He had green eyes and the scruffiest hair he'd ever seen, and his family could no longer care for him. So, once more, fate took over and the man took him into his family."

In his sleepy state, Caden did not realize that the subject of the story was not him. He simply blinked slowly, waiting for El to continue.

"The boy brought more happiness into his life than he thought possible, after that girl brought a lifetime of happiness to him. His heart truly felt complete after that, now that he could rest easy knowing that the Ikeda name would live on through his two adopted children."

"Wait," Caden said, fighting to keep his eyes open. "Ikeda is our last name."

"Hm, is it?"

"That story was about us, wasn't it?"

"It was. Now head to bed, buddy. Thank you for the presents, I had a great birthday. I love you, kiddo."

"No, no, wait," Caden protested. "Where's Maya? She always says goodnight to me!"

He made to sit up but El pressed a hand to his shoulder to keep him in place. He then looked over his shoulder, smiling over at me. How the hell had he known that I was here? Well, since I was caught anyway, I made my way over and sat down next to El on the bed.

"Did you enjoy the story?"

"Mm-hm," Caden said. "Was that your first time hearing it, too?"

"In a way," I said with a nod. "Just know that whatever happens, we both love you a lot. You bring so much more happiness than you'll ever know. Got that?"

"Got it," Caden said with a smile.

"Good. Now, to bed with you." El and I both got off the bed, tucked him in on each side, and simultaneously leaned in to kiss his cheeks. Caden laughed lightly, a twinkling little sound that had me smiling as I drew away. When the two of us started walking away, Caden watched us go. "Stop fighting the sleep, Cay. We're all heading to bed, so you won't miss a thing."

"Wait," he said once more, and both of us stopped to hear him out. "Maya, you're the best sister ever, and El, you're the best dad!"

"Oh no, not again," El said quietly, and immediately I knew that he was close to crying again.

"Thank you, Cay," I said. "You're the best little brother and speaking for El, the best son. Ok? Don't ever forget that."

"I won't," he said, his voice soft as sleep began to take over. He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes and I think that he might have fallen asleep right away for as peaceful as he looked. I glanced at El, only to find that he was already looking at me, his eyes glassy.

He seemed to come to some sort of conclusion because he nodded resolutely. "Whatever happens," El repeated. "I'm so grateful to have you two in my life." His breath caught in his throat, or perhaps a sob he tried to suppress, but I took him into my arms for a hug. "I'm so happy I made the right decision that day."

"Me too," I said quietly, knowing he was referring to that very day that we met... on which he unofficially adopted me.

Unofficially adopted, yet as part of his family as if I really was born with his last name. Endlessly grateful didn't start to describe it, all that I felt for him. I didn't really know how else to articulate it. 

All I really knew was that our future was uncertain.

Even within the uncertainty, one thing was certain with stunning clarity: I would do all in my power to protect these two.

That was all that mattered.