71

-November 20th 1998-

    Chandler finishes his story and Ross speaks up.

Tabitha:You're right.Yours is worse.You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.

Phoebe:I don't know about that.I've got one that's worse.

Chandler:Really?.Worse than More turkey Mr.Chandler?.

Phoebe:Oh did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler?.Yes mine's worse!.

    Phoebe tells us a past life Thanksgiving story.

Ross:In this life Phoebe.

Phoebe:Oh this life!.Oh okay no Chandler's is worse.

Joey:Man it must be so cool remembering stuff like that!.I don't have any past life memories.

Phoebe:Of course you don't sweetie.You're brand new.

Rachel:I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.

Monica:Oh let's not tell this story.

All:Oh come on!.

Phoebe:Oh no I know!,I know!.It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!.

Tabitha:What?!.

Rachel:Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?!.

Joey:Hey it's not like it sounds.

Chandler:It's exactly like it sounds.

    We are all told the story and when it's finished Chandler laughs.

Chandler:"Laughing".You did look like an idiot.

Joey:Hey I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot.All right?.Remember when Ross tried to say Butternut squash?.And it came out Squatternut buash?.

Ross:Yeah that's the same.

Monica:That's it.That's my worse Thanksgiving.

Phoebe:Oh wait.That can't be the one Rachel's talking about.She didn't even know that happened.So which one was it?.

All:Which one?.

Monica:Um I-I really don't want to tell this story.

Chandler:Oh come on Monica reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about.Y'know for me anyway.And of course the Indians.

Monica:Look um of all people you do not want me to tell this story.

-Thanksgiving 1987-

   Me and Monica enters behind Ross and his friend Chandler.

Ross:All right it's cool you can stay here. My parents won't mind.

    I watch as Monica suddenly gets very happy.

Chandler:No it's not that I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.

Ross:Hey!.

    Monica leaves the kitchen and I tap Chandler's shoulder.Chandler places the plate and rag he was using down and turns around.I then grab him by the shirt.

Tabitha:I don't care who you are but you don't ever call my little sister fat!.You hear me?.

   Chandler nods and i let go of him as Ross stares at me and I leave the kitchen still furious.

-Present-

Joey:What Tabby did was badass.

    I smile at my husband but Chandler speaks up.

Chandler:"To Monica".I called you fat?!.I don't even remember that!.

Monica:Well I do.

Chandler:I am so sorry.I really am.I was an idiot back then.I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!.

Phoebe:Oh I can't believe you called her fat.

Ross:I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.

Chandler:I am really sorry.That is so terrible.I am so,so sorry.

Rachel:Actually y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.

Monica:Yes it was!.

Rachel:No it wasn't.It was actually the…

Monica:Okay now Thanksgiving's over let's get ready for Christmas.Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!.

Phoebe:Oh no I have the cutest Christmas story!.

Tabitha:We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story!.

Phoebe:Fine all right mine had a dwarf that got broke in half but y'know whatever.

    Monica and Rachel both tell us the story Rachel was talking about.

Chandler:That's why I lost my toe?!. Because I called you fat?!.

Monica:I didn't mean to cut it off.It was an accident.

Chandler:That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps A Lot?!.

Monica:I'm sorry!.It wasn't your whole toe!.

Chandler:Yeah well I miss the tip!.It's the best part.It has the nail."Leaves".

Monica:Chandler!."Follows him out".

Ross:"To Joey".Sir Limps A Lot I came up with that.

Joey:You're a dork.

Phoebe:I want to hear Tabitha's worse Thanksgiving.

Tabitha:Well uh..It was 4 years ago when Joey was ignoring me.

Joey:Yeah...Those were tough times.

*****************************************

-December 10th 1998-

    At Central Perk Me.Joey,Cassius,Chandler, Monica and Rachel are hanging out as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.

Monica:Hey Phoebe!.

Chandler:Hi Pheebs!.

Rachel:Hey Pheebs!.

Tabitha,Joey:Hey Pheebs!.

Rachel:What are you reading?.

Phoebe:Um Wethering Heights.I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.

Chandler:I didn't know you were taking a class.

Tabitha:That is so cool.

Phoebe:Yeah!.Well I really liked that Lamaze class I took!.Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something y'know a little more intellectual with a less painful final exam.

Rachel:Honey that sounds like fun.

Phoebe:Yeah!.Oh you should come with me!.Oh yeah then I'd have someone to sit with!.

Rachel:Okay.

Phoebe:Yeah!.Okay oh but are you going to have time to read it?m

Rachel:Oh I read that in high school.

Phoebe:This is going to be so much fun!. Okay sh I have to finish.

Ross Enters the Cafe looking sad.

Ross:Hi.

Joey:What's wrong buddy?.

Ross:Someone at work ate my sandwich.

Chandler:Well what did the police say?.

Ross:My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich.I can't believe someone ate it!.

Chandler:Ross it's just a sandwich!.

Ross:Just a sandwich?.Look I am 30 years old I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted!.That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life!. Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!.

Monica:Okay look I-I have enough stuff for one more sandwich I mean I was going to eat it myself but."Motions that he can have it".

Ross:"Quietly".That,that would be incredible.Thank you so much.I-I still can't believe someone ate it!.I mean look I left a note and everything.

   He shows the note to Chandler who reads it aloud.

Chandler:"Reads".Knock,knock.Who's there?.Ross Geller's lunch.Ross Geller's lunch who?.Ross Geller's lunch please don't take me.Okay?.

Tabitha:I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.

Phoebe:Okay look you wanna hold onto your food?.You gotta scare people off.I learned that living on the street.

Ross:Really?!.So what would you say Pheebs?.Stuff like uh Keep your mitts off my grub?.

Chandler:Say Ross when you picture Phoebe living on the street is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?.

Phoebe:Okay this will keep them away from your stuff.

She writes Ross a note and we read it.

All:Whoa!.Oh!.

Monica:Phoebe you are a bad ass!.

Phoebe:Someday I'll tell you about the time I stabbed the cop.

Tabitha:Phoebe?.

Phoebe:Well he stabbed me first!.