Poguelandia: Week Two

Willow's POV

"John B, truth or dare?" Sarah turns to him, waiting for his answer.

He plops down on the logs we have around our firepit, "Truth!"

"If you could go back and do anything different, what would it be?"

"Get the gold out before ward." JJ answer for my brother, twisting his body away from the ocean to see John B nodding in agreement.

"Maybe hide the cross a little better." Pope frowns to himself.

"Not sneak into Tannyhill and hold Ward at gunpoint." I chuckle when JJ squeezes my thigh, probably agreeing to my statement. 

"Not yell murderer at Ward, maybe." Kie gives a guilty look to everyone, letting her eyes linger on JJ. 

He shifts uncomfortably and pulls me into his side, I've been confused on what's going on between them, I can't help but think they argued or something. It's weird. I feel like Kie wants to say something to JJ but he's acting like he doesn't want to hear whatever she has to say.

They're just friends. They're JUST friends. Right? I'm just being crazy. Right?

"Uh," John B pauses to think of his own answer, "steal a couple bottles of rum before we jumped off the boat?"

"I would look both ways before crossing the street." Cleo eyes Sarah. "Yeah, my bad. My bad."

"Alright back to the game, Kie, truth or dare?" John B throws a woven hat towards her.

Kie grins, "Truth."

"If you could go back to your parents house right now, back to figure eight, would you?"

"Not a chance!" She exclaims as she peers over towards JJ again. This is getting really weird. "JJ, truth or dare?"

He smiles at her, "Do you even have to ask?"

She points to the cliffs that hang over the ocean, "I dare you to do the big jump."

His eye's light up, "Oh now that's my kind of dare. Let's do this!" 

I can see the excitement rolling off of him, he jumps to his feet, tearing off his shirt off in one fluid motion before bending down to kiss both mine and Emmys heads. Then he takes off running for the cliffs. 

Emmy's done nursing, so I clip my bra after everyone runs to the beach to watch him. I grab a swaddle and drape it over my shoulder to shield the sun from her face before heading down the beach where everyone is cheering JJ on. He's at the top of the highest cliff already, fear floods my system when I try to gauge the drop to the water below. If he lands wrong he will break his neck or back, or just straight up die and leave me alone to raise our daughter.

This is reckless. But I'm not going to ruin the mood and 'put JJ in time out', as Kie would say. Since every time I tell JJ to not do something, she thinks I'm controlling him. 

Whatever, I just care. 

"There's no way he's going to jump!" Cleo exclaims with a wide smile.

Pope looks at her with an amused expression, "Its highly dangerous, uh, zero reward, he's definitely doing it!"

God, JJ is sexy standing shirtless up there, those perfectly cut muscles glimmering from the sun reflecting off his sweat, that perfect smile he wears when he's excited, his wildly long hair blowing in the wind, his abs that lead to his huge... My dirty thoughts cut off when he dives head first off the cliff.

I hold my breath the entire time his body falls through the air, as soon as his head pops out of the water I breathe out in relief, ignoring Kie's not-so-subtle glances and everyone's excitement so I can settle my heartrate. Did Kie dare him to do this just to get a rise out of me? Or to make me panic so I'd pass out? Maybe she wants time alone with him? 

You're being insecure and crazy, shut up. 

"Breathe, Willow, don't stress yourself out."

I look down to see Emmy grabbing the blanket and bringing it to her mouth, "No Emmy, don't eat that." I fold the blanket over so I can see her better, "Your daddy is wild." JJ runs up and gently kisses my lips, "Babe, don't get her wet."

His wide grin brings a smile to my face, "Sorry, but did you see that? That was awesome!" He kisses me again before running off to tackle John B, all the boys start wrestling in the water so us girls sit down in the sand to watch. 

Cleo looks over at me once she's settled into her spot, "I've noticed something about you, Mama." 

"And what is that?" I tilt my head to the side, curious about what she has to say.

"You're happier," She smiles at me, "you still have moments that are tough, but this week hasn't been quite as bad as last week." 

Kie chuckles, "Last week was a shitshow, I think you passed out like 50 times."

"I'm trying to control my thoughts and not stress so much." I ignore Kie's comment, "I guess I'm starting to realize that Rafe probably won't be able to find me here, at least I'm being hopeful that he can't. And I try not to let myself look at the water too long so I don't mistake things for boats."

Cleo nods, "You're doing a good job, Mama."

"It's good you're chilling out," Kie leans back on her hands, her eyes set on the boys though I have a feeling her focus is on my fiancé, "JJ needs a break from the crazy." 

Sarah and Cleo both look at me with concerned expressions while I stare at Kie, confusion is all I feel right now. I don't understand why she has been picking on me all summer. Ever since the night at the Wreck when I showed up drunk with Sarah, Topper and Rafe, she's been different towards me. It really fucking sucks because she used to be one of the only people I could go to for anything and know I wouldn't be judged.

Now I feel like that's all she does; judge me, hate on me, make a fool out of me. 

Nothing I do is good enough, everything I do is a problem. Her constant digs that I'm controlling JJ because he has to follow me around and take care of me, it hurts, she's supposed to be my friend but now it's starting to feel like she's JJs friend that doesn't like me. That sounds pathetic, because maybe I'm reading into this wrong, maybe I did something and she's just mad at me, she's never liked JJ more than a friend, so I'm just being desperate. 

Not everyone wants JJ, I try to remind myself, but I don't believe myself. 

God, I'm starting to annoy myself with this repetitive loop of thoughts, its the same worries nagging at my insecurities and fears. I'm driving myself insane thinking the same things over and over again. I need to stop, I need a break from it all, I'm so tired of it. 

"Willow..." 

My skin starts to feel hot under the sun so I quietly get up with Emmy and head towards the cave, stumbling a little from being so weak, JJ comes up behind me and grabs my waist, guiding me to the circle of logs, "Lets get you hydrated." 

"I could go for a fresh drink right about now." I gratefully take the coconut from him and drink down the contents, watching him lay Emmy down on banana leaves to roll around and play with unopened coconuts. 

I notice Kie watching us before turning to join Sarah and Cleo's conversation, causing a sinking feeling to overcome me. I really hope this isn't what I think it could be. Stop. 

"Week two of paradise baby," JJ kisses my forehead, "still love it here?"

I force a smile, "Of course I do." 

He jumps up when Emmy starts to cry, "Hey, little Princess." He fly's her like an airplane while he walks over and sits down next to me, "Blow bubbles." He blows his lips and laughs when she copies him, "So smart, Emmy, so smart." 

"She got her mama's smarts." I tease, "Right Emmy?" She squeals in excitement, making us laugh, "Happy girl." 

"Hey, I'm smart," JJ playfully argues, "she got an even mix from us both on smarts, looks and all the other stuff that makes her who she is." 

I kiss his shoulder, "I know, I'm just joking."

We both look over when Pope walks in and sits down, "Do you think my parents miss me?"

"Of course they do. You'll see them again, Popey."

He buries his face in his hands, "They're going to hate me."

"No, they won't man, you got stranded on an island, it's not your fault." JJ reassures him, "We can all vouch for you."

"I miss them." Pope looks up, quickly wiping the tear that slips down his cheek.

"They miss you too." I give him a sympathetic smile before he gets up and lays down on his sandy bed. 

"Do you want to put your feet in the water little Princess?" JJ asks Emmy, she babbles in baby talk, making him believe she said yes.

I chuckle and follow them to the water. 

Emmy squeals when JJ dips her feet in the water, a happy smile on her face, I sit down in the sand and watch them play. I really got lucky, JJ is the best dad and fiancé, I couldn't ask for a more supportive person than him. I feel guilty that he has to focus on me so much, but I know he wouldn't want it any other way. 

Or maybe he would.. stop. 

Emmy is perfect, everything about her is adorable and makes me happy. She really did change JJ and I, we're not who we were at the beginning of the summer. The maturity I see in JJ now makes me proud, I have no doubts about him wanting to be a dad. His entire world revolves around that beautiful little girl. 

"You okay?" Sarah sits down next to me.

I smile, "Yeah, I'm just appreciating the moment."

She shifts her gaze to JJ and Emmy, "I've never seen him so happy before."

"Me either, I worry about how it'll be if we get rescued and go home." I look over at her, "Do you?"

"I'm terrified of my dad and Rafe, but it would be nice to go home and shower." 

I laugh, "A shower would be nice. I'm running out of travel soaps since everyone is making me share." 

"You can't be the only clean one." She lightly pushes me over, "So, um, did you notice Kie being weird today? Like extra bitchy towards you and eyeing JJ like she has some secret to tell?"

"Yeah I noticed," I glance over my shoulder, seeing Kie talking to Pope near the basket weaving area, "I have no idea why she's being odd. I don't know if I did something wrong and she's holding a grudge or if there's something bothering her about JJ. It's confusing."

"I'm thinking it has to do with JJ, because she's always watching him and trying to talk to him, but he brushes her off when you're around."

I furrow my brows, "What do you mean when I'm around?"

She looks conflicted about what she's going to say, "I've noticed she pounces as soon as he's away from you. Like if you go take a nap with Emmy which is often, Kie will find JJ and they will go hang out. But if you and Emmy are awake, then you're obviously his top priority so he doesn't pay attention to anyone else." 

"Huh," I look over at JJ, watching him pepper kisses all over Emmy's face, "I didn't know they did that."

"Do you want me to keep an eye on Emmy for a bit so you and JJ can take sometime for yourselves?" Sarah breaks the silence we fell into, "You haven't been spending much time alone, maybe that'll be good for the both of you."

"That'd be nice, thank you." I let her side hug me before she gets up and walks over to JJ, his face lights up after she tells him the plan. 

~~~~~

My body leans into JJs side while I watch the sunset in the distance, "How do you feel about your dad leaving Outer Banks for good?"

He sighs, his gaze on the horizon as well, "I was mad for a little bit, but now, I guess I don't care anymore."

I pinch my lips together, turning to see his saddened expression, "Or maybe you do care but you're used to the disappointment of him taking off on you." 

He turns, meeting my eye, "Maybe."

"I know a little bit about that feeling," I tell him, "I never came first for my dad, so I got used to being disappointed by his actions in moments I needed him the most. I know my situation is way different than yours, but I do relate when it comes to the emotions that rise while loving someone who doesn't seem to love you back, or at least prioritize you."

He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer, "Its really shitty that we both know what that feels like, but at least we have each other." 

"Hey, um," I nervously play with my fingers in my lap, "you and Kie have been hanging out alone a lot, I've noticed y'all are getting closer."

"Yeah, we've gone to gather berries and other supplies a few times together, but we were paired up. Pope made that rule where no one goes off alone, remember? So I wouldn't say we're like running off to hang out without you."

"No, I know," I quickly tell him, "I wasn't saying it like that, I--"

"It sounded like you were implying something." He shifts so he can see me better, his defensive tone makes my stomach clench, "We're just friends, Willow."

"I know, Jay. I never said you were more than friends." I lower my voice, "I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad, Princess, I just don't want you to make things awkward in the group by accusing us of shit we aren't doing. Kie and I are close friends, you know that, I'm allowed to be close to other people. We already had to deal with you being weird towards our friendship after the Bahamas, lets not go back to that drama."

"You can have friends. I'm.. I'm sorry I caused drama between y'all," My insecurities are screaming at me to fix the mood so he doesn't think I'm being crazy, "I was just happy you're getting close with her, babe, I know things have been rocky with her and I but it's good to see y'all getting along so well, for the sake of the group anyways." 

"What else are we gonna do before we have to go back?" He changes the subject, making me question things even more. 

I look out over the water, the last of the sun dipping behind the horizon, "What do you want to do?"

"You." He smirks when I give him a look, "Oh come on, it's been so long baby." He leans down and kisses down my neck, my teeth sink into my lip to keep it from quivering because him thinking about sex right after talking about Kie makes me feel incredibly insecure, "I need you."

"We could go to the pond, skinny dip and maybe fool around while we're at it." I force a laugh when he immediately pulls me to the tree line to walk inland. 

I need him too. I want to remind him of what I can offer, distract him from possibly wanting other things since we haven't had sex in so long. I know my bodies changed since I had Emmy but I can still please him. I'm skinny but I'm not perfect anymore, at least he hasn't been saying it as often so I know he probably see's my flaws. Like my stretch marks from pregnancy, my tits aren't as perky, my stomach isn't flat since I'm so bloated. I'm different now, especially my mind, while Kiara walks around in a bikini everyday with her flawless body and sane brain. 

Am I still the only girl he sees and wants?

The lingering stares between Kie and JJ, that bothers me. The uncomfortable moments I catch them in when I walk up to them talking, that bothers me. The constant comments from Kie that make me feel like she wants everyone to see how unstable I am or how bad I am for JJ, that bothers me. All the times JJ doesn't defend me and just follows me when I get quiet or upset and walk away, that bothers me. Granted he does try to make me feel better, telling me all the right things, all the things I want to hear, but it's still hurts that he doesn't put Kie in her place when she comes between our relationship, so that bothers me. It all bothers me. 

Don't think like this. 

It doesn't take long for us to reach the calm pond, we shed our clothes and swim out to the middle where the water comes up to our shoulders. 

"You're so beautiful," JJ murmurs in my ear, his teeth grazing my neck when he dips his head, "the moonlight makes you look stunning." 

"Thank you." I breathlessly say, my body aching for him as his dick rubs along my thighs, "Please, Jay."

He needs to be inside of me, then he will be reminded that I can give him what he needs. I can satisfy him enough to make him want to stay with me. 

"Do you need me Princess?" He teases, "You need more?"

"Yes." I whimper.

Our eyes lock, the quiet night surrounding us, the moon shining across our wet skin. 

I grind against him, earning a throaty moan, while running my hands through his hair. His hands roam my body while I connect my mouth to his neck, sucking at the delicate skin. I can taste salt and coconut on him, somehow the mixture tastes amazing to me, making me crave him even more.

I need him to crave me. 

JJ rolls his eyes back when he slips inside of me, "Fuck, baby, it's been way too long." He draws out each stroke, making me earn every inch of him, "You take me so well."

I moan while circling my hips down onto him, making him bottom out and brush against my g-spot, "OH~"

"Fucking noises you make drive me crazy," He quickens his pace, "keep doing that."

See, he loves sex more than anything, now he'll think of me again, not someone else.

"OH JAY." I arch my back, my tits in his face as water ripples around our bodies. 

"Take it, baby, be a good girl and take it." He slams up into me again and again. 

I gasp when his thumb finds my clit, rubbing harsh circles into the sensitive skin, edging me closer to my release. "I'm already.... close."

"Me too baby." He moans. 

Our bodies move in sync when we tense together, my head thrown back, euphoria taking over my body, plunging me into pleasure. I relax in his embrace after he pulls out and releases into the water, our breath heavy in each others ears. 

"That felt amazing." I breathe out.

"Couldn't agree more, Princess." He smiles and kisses my lips, "I love you."

"I love you too, Jay." 

I really really do. 

~~~~~

JJs POV

After our fun in the water, Willow and I walked back to join everyone for the night, sitting down on the logs in the cave to eat dinner, while Willow sits in the sand in front of me, leaning against me for support. I smile when she picks Emmy up and kisses her forehead, we all stay quiet and listen to her softly sing to her while she nurses. 

I lean down and bury my face in her hair and press kisses to her neck, but I'm mostly concealing my tears. I don't know why being a dad has made me so damn emotional, or maybe its the island. But I cry so easily now, when Willow sings or Emmy does something cute, I can't keep my shit together. I love this new chapter in my life, I love the responsibilities of being a parent, I love being engaged to my beautiful Princess, I love the family type of relationship I have with our friends. I couldn't be happier. 

But watching Willow do anything motherly, that makes me the happiest man alive. She's perfect, perfect for me, perfect for our daughter. I love everything about her. 

When I think back on my actions over the summer, like how I put my hands on her and said horrible things to her, I physically feel like throwing up. I actually did get sick a few times during the two months I stayed away. I mean just the thought of Willow being in pain because of me makes me angry, and the the fact that she was pregnant when I abused her, the fact that I put her in the hospital.. Fuck. I hate what I did. I let myself fall into my mind, thinking I'd be like my dad, which made me do exactly what I was worried I'd do. 

I still feel like what I did doesn't deserve to be forgiven, but for some reason Willow did forgive me, she still loves me even though I went against her trust and broke my promises to her. I mean she has stood by me through some rough shit over our entire lives, that alone shows just how much she cares about me. I honestly don't understand what she see's in me, but I'm not complaining that she chose me to spend the rest of her life with.

Eventually everyone headed off to bed after we ate, which left Willow, Emmy and I to cuddle alone in the cave. I can't help but admire Willow. I sit back and watch her talk to Emmy while changing her into warmer clothes for the cool night. I don't know how she does everything so effortlessly when it comes to being a parent, but I'm proud of her for it, she really is a natural at it. Like the way she easily swaddles Emmy, something I still struggle doing, and how she knows what Emmy needs just by listening to her cries or noises. I can get it right most of the time, but Willow always knows exactly what she needs and just handles things so well. 

She shifts her gaze from Emmy to me, "What?"

I reach out and caress her face, "You're beautiful. And I love watching you be a mom."

"Thank you," She smiles and leans into my hand, "I love watching you be a dad."

"There's nothing I want more than what we have, Willow. There's no doubts. You and Emmy, that's all I need."

"I know, babe, you tell me this everyday." She pulls my hand from her face and kisses my palm, her own hand is shaky when she lets me go, and I can see the slight shift in her mood, like she doesn't quite believe me, "You and Emmy are all I need too."

"I'll keep telling you everyday. I made you think I didn't want you and I hurt you instead of being the man I promised I would be, and that's not okay because it was far from the truth. I know it feels like a lifetime ago when all that happened, but it still bothers me. And the fact that I.. that I forgot y'all at that church that night... I'm sorry Willow, I really am."

"I know you regret doing what you did, but I don't expect you to make up for it everyday." She picks Emmy up and kisses her nose and then turns her to look at me, "We love you daddy."

I smile and lean forward to press a light kiss to Emmy's forehead, "And I love my girls."

"Its night night time, Emmy Jade." Willow coos, a soft smile rests on my lips while my girls snuggle into our leaf bed.

I lay down on my side, facing Willow, carefully rubbing Emmy's belly while she dozes off between us. It's crazy how one little girl can turn her father's life into her own. I would do anything for her; I'd die for her, kill for her, lie for her. Anything she needs I'll do for her, because she deserves the world.

She is my world, and so is her beautiful Mama. 

My Princesses. 

-

I just want to add a note so y'all can understand Willow's internal dialogue better. 

I'm purposely making her thoughts come off as repetitive since she has mental health problems, so it might be a little redundant to read at times but it's how she thinks. And she's going to obsess over the same issues that are weighing her down because of her insecurities, which means we will get a lot of back and forth emotions that contradict prior thoughts, one minute she will be happy with how things are and think her relationships are perfect and the next minute she will forget what's good in her life and be upset.