Screwing Solace

Published April 29th, 2020

"Screwing Solace"

How To Write a Popular Solangelo Fanfic

~~~

In honor of quarantine, I've decided to offer you all some free advice to get the creative juices flowing.

Today I'm going to tell you all how to write a Solangelo fanfic that is guaranteed to become popular. No one asked for this when I asked what topic you all wanted me to give advice on, so that's exactly why I'm writing this. I am obviously the most qualified person to tell you how to write a successful Solangelo fanfic, even though I hated the ship with a burning passion during its first year of existence and couldn't even look at fanart of it without burning my eyes.

~Step One: Pick a very original and unique title.

Here's a list of original and unique titles you may choose from. If you don't choose one of these titles, then you might as well give up writing because you'll never be successful:

-Darkness and Light

-The Infirmary

-Sun and Shadow

-Something along the lines of “You Are My Sunshine”

-Angel and Demon (or something similar to this that also makes no sense)

-Operation Solangelo

-Doctor's Orders

-Day and Night

-Three Days

-Solangelo

If it's not exactly like those, then you've failed your first step at writing fanfiction and you might as well give up, you freaking cheerio.

~Step Two: Create a Cover

You all know the drill!

You have to use fanart by CherryAndSisters because they are the ONLY artist that accurately captures the ESSENCE of Solangelic.

Make sure the cover already has, like, some funny text on it so you can draw readers in with humor.

if your cover isn't this EXACT cover, then you might else will listen to Trump's advice and inject disinfectant into your lungs because something is definitely wrong.

~Step Three: Pick a plot.

Now that you have your title, it's time for you to pick your plot. Yay! You'll need a plot that will really develop the relationship dynamic between Nico and Will. A strong relationship will take a VERY long time to develop. Here's your plot options:

-Three Days fanfic

Three days is the perfect amount of time to develop a strong, meaningful, lasting relationship between two characters that just started interacting with each other. Besides, we all know that whatever relationship that YOU have was probably developed in the same amount of time, and you and your middle school sweetheart are surely going to be happily married with 2.5 kids in ten years.

Write what you know. Trust me, I know.

Besides, if you pick anything else, then you're screwed. You failed. You might as well run into California and scream, "mAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN"

Or comment, "sOLANGELO IS CANON" on this book.

Either of those will get you shot.

(Except the California one. They'll just protest against you with their vagina hats because they believe in gun control lol)

On to step four! YAY! :D

~Step Five: Characters

It's time to start planning the characters that will define your story! After all, you can't have a good Solangelo fanfic without your relatable edgy characters. Here's the list of characters that you can include in your fanfic:

-Emo Nico

-will.i.am. soulless

-Jealous!Jason

-Percy "Not your type?" Jackson

-Mention Lou Ellen and Cecil, but only once because if you mention them more then Loucil will plague your fanfic, and you don't want that.

*Bonus points if you make Cecil is asexual for extra measure.

*If he's not ace, then make sure he's a girl.

If you don't follow all these steps, then you'll lose the small number of readers that decided to stick around after wattpad began monetizing terrible books-- I mean works of literature. Honestly, how could you compete with Anna Todd's After, which in itself deserves the Nobel Prize for Literature, the Pulitzer Prize, the National Jewish Book Award, and the Newbery Medal.

But if you follow these simple steps, you'll get all that and more.

~Step Six: Pick a setting for the first chapter.

This is one of the most important steps to writing in general. Your first setting is like the breakfast for your book. For a Solangelo fanfiction, the first setting must be in the infirmary, because if it's not then there's no way for the reader to tell it's a Solangelo fanfic. Nope. It's simply not possible. Your readers are not smart enough to tell what ship a fanfic is going to be about, so you must baby them by making the first setting the infirmary to make sure they know it's a Solangelo book and not a Brason book or a Chironysus book.

Do NOT for the love of gAeA include Mr. D or Chiron. If you do then Chironysus will take over your fanfic and no one will read your book because that's weird.

unless you're into that kind of stuff. if so, carry on.

~Step sev3n: Begin your plot.

Your plot must begin with the first day. What happens on the first day? Making out, of course! They only just met, so you have to make sure the relationship is healthy by having intense and very heated make out scenes.

What's that you say? Will needs to heal Nico? Pfft, who do you think I am, a Cheeto Puff? Everyone knows that Will's kisses heals Nico! I mean, dUh.

~Step eight: Edgy McEdgeFace

Nico isn't Nico unless he hates the entire freaking universe 24/7. Isn't that right, entire freaking universe?

Entire Freaking Universe: NO.

(shhh the entire freaking universe doesn't know what it's talking about)

Don't forget dramatic angsty Tartarus flashbacks that does not follow canon at all!

*Bonus points if the thought of Will is the only one that saves Nico down there.

~Step Nein: Camp Hitler

It's not a proper Solangelo fanfic unless the whole camp is homophobic. After all, it's 2020, and what screams progression like discrimination!

But you also have to make sure the whole camp ships Solangelo because what uncultured swine doesn't ship Solangelo hahahhahahHAHAHAHHAHA

HA

((pls end my suffering))

If you don't do this, then you might as well call yourself Logan Paul because you just ruined your entire fanfic career.

~Step 10: you leik sUnny D more than oCeAn sPrAy?¿?¿°?

What's a fanfic without a little unneeded drama?

A good fanfic? Well, yeaaahh, but I'm not here to teach you how to write a good fanfic (that was a few chapters ago, silly!), I'm here to teach you how to write a pOpUlAr SOLANGELIC fanfic!

You gotta make sure that Percy suddenly goes gay for Nico as soon as he finds out that Will likes him. Because in what universe would Percy be happy for Nico? Not in the popular Solangelo fanfic universe. Duh.

And to spice things up even further, make sure that Jason breaks up with Piper just so he can try to get with Nico. Now death boi has to choose between Ocean Spray, ded spooperman, and a large Sunny D. wHo WILL he cHoOse?¿?

Duh! Disinfectant injectio--uh, I mean, will.i.aM. solace!

"But Chilea" you may ask, "what about Percy and Annabeth and Piper and Jason?"

There is an easy solution to that problem, my soon-to-be New York Times Bestselling Author. What do you think it is? I'll give you six seconds to pause the reading to figure it out

6

5

4

2

1

Pipabeth and Jercy, duh! What? You thought that it was gonna be Percabeth and Jiper? Nah, honey, the option for ANY hetero relationships flew out the window as soon as you decided to write a fanfic about a gay couple. Because no one can be straight when the book is about an LBGTQIA+ couple. In fact, straight people don't exist.

If they think that they do, then they're confused.

~Steps 11: what in Nico's underwear happens next?¿?

Well, I think we all know the answer to that one. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

*Bonus points for terribly written smut that was obviously written by an inexperienced 12-year-old

**Extra brownie points if the words "shaft", "member", and "sword" are used

There you have it! Oh, what is it? Netflix isn't pestering you to make a movie out of your fanfic? Well that's because this website is shit and the pjo fandom moved on to bigger and better places like Tumblr and AO3.

I hope this advice helps!

What kind of fanfics do you need advice on?

Au revoir!

-The Author

(A/N) Oof how long has it been? Two years?

Sorry, no fanfic of the chapter. This website is shit. But I still inspire you all to write unique fanfics! Especially during this time when everyone is stuck at home with nothing to do.

Love y'all!

~Chilea