Driveway

<SFTC: Driveway by Miley Cyrus (So many Miley Cyrus songs I swear)>

Chapter 26

We've been dancing for awhile now, Tanner sending glares every few minutes over to Harry. I would simply say something to get him to refocus and he would and after awhile he did forget about Harrys' watchful eye. It was at a slow song that I became uncomfortable.

"Hey, what's bothering you?" Tanner asks, his arms loosely pulling at my waist.

"I don't know, it just feels wrong dancing like nothing's wrong when Austin passed like a month ago.." I trail off, finding my voice hardening more than I expected. I don't know what I meant by it but it did make sense in a way. I mean, to be completely forgetting about Austin and going out to a club sounds horrible. "It just doesn't feel right when he isn't here and we're out having fun."

"What's the alternate? Sitting in bed moping all day?" He laughs but I push away. I take it harder than I probably should and glare at him, stepping backwards off the dancefloor. It was probably true if I was being honest, what I would be doing would probably end up being just that. But it still hurt more for some reason, I don't know.

"Oh, thanks for the compliment. Great way to comfort someone, Tanner. Yeah, I think I'm going to go," I shout over the music, backstepping towards the door. He starts advancing, hands spread out as if to show innocence but I see none set out. He's had a few drinks and I can tell he isn't himself.

His gaze hardens. "Are we really doing this again?"

"I guess we are. Don't follow me, Tanner." I say before turning on my heel and out the door, not bothering to take a second look at the bulldozer of a guard again. I just wipe my eyes with the heel of my hand and hurry out from under the landing and into the rain. I don't look around me either, just jog forward, looking for any place of sanctuary. I know I'm overreacting, that it isn't my place to go off of something like that. To think of that just makes me mad though, to be so alive when Austin isnt. To have fun at all in the midst of a death of someone so close seems wrong.

I find myself in a garage of sorts, it's more of a storage shed but it'll work for the time being. It has a small rafters area up a small flight of stairs that overlooks the downstairs, even though the only light is from the excess amount of moonlight. I climb it and slide my legs in between the railing at the edge of the rafter walkway. It's made of a wooden ledge, more man made and it makes me wonder why there'd be one with hay in it in LA. I don't linger on it long though, just assume it's for some business based there counting on the wood-shaving machines hidden in the darker corners.

A movement catches my attention, and then a shadow fills in. He comes into view a second later, his lanky outline and curls giving him out. Harry. Surprising even myself, I let out a silent breath of relief that Tanner hadn't followed. There'd probably just be more fighting and I really just wanted some space right now.

"Come here often?" His voice takes up the entire shed as he strolls in. I can see his smirk even through the dark as if it's branded to his lips.

"Shut up, Harry," I force a laugh though it comes out behind a sob. I swear I cry too much, it feels almost forced nowadays but whenever I feel even near crying, they just flow.

"What, no 'Harry you're my hero'?" He mocks a shrill voice that contrasts his deep, raspy tone so much it's funny. Why would he even be my hero as it is? The whole situation is just messed up.

"Not at the moment, no. I'm not exactly in the mood for praising anybody," I murmur as he climbs the small staircase. Of all emotions going through my head right now, I don't feel awkward or scared around Harry. I mean, it's never been awkward between us but still.

"Boyfriend problems?"

I snicker. "You should know. I'm sure you saw."

"I did, yeah. Just wondering what he did so quickly that made you so mad," He lowers himself down next to me, forearms raised to rest on the wood railing that's now over his head.

"Why do you care?" I run a hand through my hair, pulling the strands that had fallen in my face back to their original state.

"You still don't get it, do you? I still care about you, Taylor. We broke up and I get that, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you," He murmurs, his eyes twinkling in the light. Oddly enough, they still have a bright green appeal. Before I have time to react, he leans in and lightly matches his lips to mine and pulls out of it just as quick as he leaned in.

"Harry!" I say with as much force as I can muster. It's actually not much. Even with my force, I can't bring myself to be seriously mad at him for that. It was a soft kiss, innocent even.

"I'm sorry. What'd Tanner do?" He seems to overlook it so easily that it makes me do the same. I'm confusing myself with all he saying and everything I'm thinking. It feels like all my emotions are on edge and are about to just explode all at once.

"I don't know, I think I just overreacted. I just thought of Austin and how wrong it is to be dancing when- w-what are you-" Before I know it he leans in again, motionlessly kissing me again so gently that I barely feel it. "Stop that!"

"Sorry." he pauses for what seems to be a lifetime. "Do you hate me, Taylor?" He asks suddenly.

"What? No, are you kidding?why would i?" I stutter, meeting his eyes again. What we had was good, as much as I could explain good. All the memories we had had made a reoccurrence all at once. Instances of his flickering smile and lips come into view, everything we'd been through together as well. It all comes in too quick, too fast and before I know it I'm kissing him. And it isn't like the kisses Harry had quietly placed on my lips. I was willingly pushing on his lips, soon moving myself to straddle him with both my legs on either side of his torso. It's when Harry moves his hands from my waist to the straps of my sundress do I get snapped to reality. Tanner. I'm cheating.

I push down on his chest to pull my lips from his, suddenly disgusted with myself more than the impulse to be disgusted of what I just did.

"I'm sorry- I just cheated on Tanner. Oh my god, I just cheated. I have to go-I have to go," I repeat, pushing myself off of him and to my feet, pulling up the sundress quickly. He stays in place, hands now tucked behind his head.

"No, I'm sorry, Taylor. I'm sorry." He keeps saying as I clatter down the stairs.

"You aren't leaving?" I ask softly even though I could really care less right now. I feel like dirt. Like I'm nothing better than the guys who destroyed my heart. How Tanner, of all people, didn't deserve this from me.

"No," I hear him say but I'm already outside, already blocking him out with the sound of the rain. It bounces off the pavement it's coming so hard. I can barely hear myself think even when I'm sure it's screaming what a jerk i am.

•

I pull open the door to my apartment, finding Tanner, once again, sat in a recliner. He stands as I enter and engulfs me into a huge hug. One that I do not return or move. I don't smile or try to accept it in any form, I just readjust my chin on top of his shoulder. Numb.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to.." He murmurs against my hair but somehow I don't hear it. I just feel guilt over why he is so sincerely begging forgiveness over such a small outburst. I hold onto him for as long as I can before I decide I have to get it over with.

"Don't. Please don't apologize to me,"

"But-" he starts.

"Come here," I murmur, pulling him behind me so we sit on the bed facing eachother. "I.. I was with Harry."

He clenches his fists. "Okay? So. As much as I don't like the guy, what's the problem with talking."

I swallow. "Thats the thing. We didn't- ...we kissed, Tanner." I blurt out.

He doesn't say anything and I think that's what kills me the most. The silence. I'm just as bad as Jake and John and Sam from highschool. Tanner was the last person I wanted to hurt. The last person who would ever deserve to be hurt.

He simply stands, his hands digging into his palm and his jaw clenched so tight it looks like it hurts, and starts to walk out.

"Tanner!" I shout after him, deliberately trying to claw at his bicep without helping. He turns quickly on his way to the door, his neck vein bulging out. There's a certain madness glazed in his eyes, crazed, bizarre anger I've never seen before.

"Did you even think of me? Huh? When you were kissing him? Did you ever stop and think 'what about my boyfriend?'?" He shouts, anger driving his veins and muscles to the brink. He searches my face momentarily, agressively, even.

"That's what made me stop, Tanner!" I shout, knowing it won't mean a thing but saying it anyway.

"Oh, that's good to know," He rolls his eyes obnoxiously. With that, he turns quickly and jerks open the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To break that pricks neck, what does it look like?"

The door slams and the only thing left is the dull, numbing sensation that leaves me with only guilt to drown in and only myself to blame.