Chapter 32 - Love

She wasn't quite sure how to start, and the first few words came out slowly.

"Kate and I got ready to go and I had a couple shots and I called you and I was sipping a glass of wine. I have exams early this next week so I was taking it easy, I wasn't trying to get really fucked up.

She took a deep breath in. "We headed to the party about half an hour later, it took Kate forever to get ready. And then we got separated and I had another beer. Then I ran into my ex and he started talking to me."

"He talked to you?" Slash noticed Jen was looking more and more distraught, so he gently hugged her, hoping to calm her down. She just nodded.

"He talked to me and then I told him I needed to go find Kate, so I tried to ditch him but he wouldn't really let me, and then I had another beer. I didn't actually drink that much at all, but I blacked out. He had to have put something in my drink."

She let out a shaky breath, she couldn't believe this had happened, she should have stood up for herself more and actually gotten away from him.

"It's okay, it's okay." Slash soothingly stroked her hair. "You don't have to write out the full story, you can stop at any time okay? I l-" He immediately cut himself off out of habit.

After a few minutes of sitting in silence she was able to continue. "I just remember going into his room and then full on passing out. And then the next morning I woke up..."

Her lower lip quivered as tears came to her eyes, the feeling of that panic when she woke up was a lot to handle and came back strong every time. 

"I was so scared because at first I couldn't remember where I was, but then I realized I was in his room and I started panicking. And I couldn't find my underwear or my shorts. And everything hurt, like my fucking vagina hurt and that's when I knew that he had to have raped me."

"Oh my gosh, baby I'm so so sorry." Slash felt his heart drop. How could this have happened to such a perfect girl? How could someone be so cruel and selfish to do this to her? He felt anger rising within him, but he tried to push it down, now was not the time to be upset.

"I think the thing that hurts is like, it is a guy that I knew, I fucking dated him for god sakes! I trusted him, I can't believe he would do something like this. It was also planned. Like it didn't just happen! It didn't just happen, it wasn't an accident, he did it on purpose and he put something in my drink."

Jen sniffled and swiped at her eyes. Thank god she was here with Slash, he just made her feel so safe.

"That morning I just panicked and freaked out and I ran from Sigma all the way to the front of the school and just sat there and I had to call you because I knew it would calm me down. Thanks for rushing and coming as fast as you could."

Slash hugged her closer, "I'm so glad I came to help you, really. I was sure it was serious but I had no idea it was going to be that awful. You are so strong Jen, really."

She set down the pen, snuggling up to Slash's chest as he wrapped his arms around her again, finally feeling the strength to talk about this part.

"I don't feel very strong. I feel like I'm at fault for even talking to Joey in the first place. I know that sounds ridiculous but I can't help feeling like it is my fault." She sniffled again.

Slash gently lifted her chin up. "Listen to me. I promise, you are not at fault at all. You're a college student and you went to a party, and you didn't even drink that much. I mean five drinks is nothing compared to what me and the guys would do back in the day! Plus, even if you were blacked out, it's not your fault. He chose to do it."

"Thank you Slash. I know in my mind that it is no one's fault but his but I just feel all naive and stupid for even talking to him at all. I should have just left and ran the other direction as soon as I saw him."

"Hey hey, baby, it is not your fault, you didn't know that his intentions were going to be so bad. You didn't do anything wrong." He gently lifted her chin up with his finger and kissed her.

"So what do you want to do? Do you want to report it and fight it, or do you want to just forget it ever happened?"

Jen shook her head. "I don't know. I could report it to the school but this kind of thing happens all the time at frats. I doubt they'd care."

"You could go straight to the police and then maybe there is a better chance of something happening?" 

"Maybe, although there's no guarantee they'll even do anything. I want to fight it, I just don't even know the process that you have to go through to do that, and it's not like I have any money for a lawyer even if I did make it that far. I feel like I'm stuck." 

"Well I would help you pay baby, we could get you the best lawyers, anything you need."

"I would really appreciate that. I don't know what I want to do yet, let me think on it a little more." 

Slash gave her another hug. "I support you in whatever you decide to do and I'm glad you told me what happened. I feel like I can understand you better knowing this you know?"

"Yeah. Thanks Slashy. You're the best for listening." Jen blushed a little. 

She already felt like there was a weight lifted off her chest. 

"You're welcome. Of course. I'm always here to listen, because I-"

"You what?"

Slash took a deep breath. The air was tense as silence settled over them. Saying that he loved her out loud made it real, and he was terrified to get hurt again.

His eyes met her big, wide green ones. He was sure she could hear his heart it was beating so quickly. He was sick of holding it back, for almost a week now he had been biting his tongue in order to stop himself from saying that he loved her and he couldn't do it any longer.

He placed his hands on her waist, the room was dead silent except for their breathing, it was now or never.

"I love you babygirl."

Jen's face broke into a huge smile, she had been secretly hoping he was going to say it. She leaned in to kiss him passionately, wrapping her arms around his neck in joy.

Slash felt himself relax. He finally felt relief as she pulled away from him, pressed her forehead against his and whispered, "I love you too, Slash."