4. The Cloak

Arcade quickly decided that having an unrequited love was the worst.

He couldn't stop thinking about Fern. No matter if he was doing homework or preparing for school or cooking ramen for dinner, the prince's face constantly flashed through his mind, causing his heart to get all fuzzy and warm, making the tips of his fingertips tingle, showcasing a spectacle of fireworks inside his chest. Besides, Fern's smell had already taken over every piece of clothing he owned, so even if he wanted to get away from their memory, all his hoodies and shirts and jackets would make sure to bring Fern's image back to his mind.

The smell reminded him of how much he'd like to be with them, and... of how impossible it was for that to happen. His own clothes made Arcade incredibly happy and very sad at the same time, but he wasn't about to stop lending Fern his stuff. He couldn't. He wouldn't dare. Fern always looked so excited when he got to wear Arcade's clean clothes, and his face always seemed to glow when he had them on, and Arcade's entire being melted when he saw them smile... It would be cruel to take that from them.

And, truth was, he loved to see them wearing his clothes too. He liked to think that a small part of him was with Fern all the time, that Fern could feel the warmth of his hug in the fabric, that having something of Arcade's would let them hear the whispers of affection that he wanted to tell them. Plus, Fern wearing his stuff meant that Arcade wouldn't lose their smell, which was the closest he could be to them right then. He didn't want to give that up either, even if it wasn't real. Even if it was just a way to keep at bay his constant urge to hold Fern, or to muffle the voices in his mind that reminded him he wasn't going to have anything more than that: a smell, and some dumb, hopeless... impossible dreams.

Man... having an unrequited love was the worst.

But having nothing at all would be a nightmare.

So Arcade continued with the tradition, completely aware that what he was getting out of it wasn't enough, nowhere near enough, to keep his heart at ease, but forcing himself to believe it was enough just for the sake of his own sanity.

And he was doing good. He was somehow keeping everything normal between Fern and him, not giving anything away besides an occasional blush and some stutters when he was caught off guard by the prince. Arcade thought he could make it. He thought he'd managed to maintain their relationship just like it was, not ruining anything with his one-sided feelings towards his friend.

He should've seen his failure coming.

"Fern, I'm here!" Arcade said, his heart beating so hard that the other side of the forest could probably hear it. He looked around eagerly for Fern, wanting to see them as soon as possible after an entire day away from them. He didn't know how to explain it, but the sight of them kind of eased his body, like it had been waiting to relax for a long time.

Normally, his friend would greet him immediately after hearing his voice, turning to him with their eyes twinkling in excitement, approaching Arcade while their wings fluttered underneath whatever jacket he had on that day. However, when Fern walked up to Arcade that day, they seemed... off. Their ears were down, their shoulders were slightly slumped and their movements were stiffer, stripped of their usual underlying elegance. The corners of their eyes looked tired, too, giving them an overall distressed expression that they couldn't hide. Fern looked drained, and it was evident even while they tried to conceal it.

They weren't wearing Arcade's hoodie either, holding it close to his chest instead, in a way that reminded Arcade of a little kid with a teddy bear. It had been forever since the last time he saw them not wearing his stuff (apart from the few seconds it took them to change into clean clothes), and the lack of fabric all around them allowed Arcade to see their wings... floppy against their back, without the fluttering happiness that seemed to be the usual lately, and looking more withered than ever before.

The view hit Arcade like a train full of giant ice blocks, spreading cold from his chest to the tips of his fingertips, setting off hundreds of alerts inside his brain. He had seen that distraught expression before. Granted, it was only twice, and the first time he didn't even notice it that much (he was too busy ranting to them about fairy rings). But he had seen it before, and he had spent a long time paying attention to Fern now, so he easily recognized it.

Fern had had a nightmare.

"What took you so long?" they asked, their voice heavy and hoarse even when they tried to sound neutral, and their tone caused Arcade's chest to constrict a little. He had the feeling that they hadn't slept since waking up from their bad dream, whatever time it'd happened, which explained the exhaustion coating all their movements and all their words.

He wondered what kind of nightmare could leave someone so drained for hours, but he didn't dare to ask, afraid of accidentally overstepping a boundary. He simply blinked at them, wanting to ask if they were alright, if he could wrap them in his arms until they felt better, if there was anything he could do to help them. However, the second Fern noticed that he was staring at them with a worried look in his eyes, the moment he realized Arcade knew they had a rough night, they frowned in a way that very clearly stated he didn't want to talk about it.

Not seeing Fern's smile was like losing the sun: dark, freezing and completely lifeless. Arcade did not like it. But he decided to keep his concerns quiet.

"Sorry," he finally said, not sure what he was apologizing for. He scratched his neck out of nervousness, too, just to try and keep his hands busy. "I don't... I don't think I took longer than any other day, though," he added, softly.

Fern didn't say anything for three seconds, staring at him with a shadow of surprise in the corner of their eyes before furrowing their brows a little. Then, they turned around, walked up to one of the most comfortable mossy rocks that decorated their cave, and sat down against it. Having already acquired an instinct to follow suit whenever the prince did that, Arcade put his bag on the floor and accommodated himself next to them, close enough to brush Fern's fingers with his own if he wanted to... if he could.

Fern took the hoodie even closer to his body and hugged it protectively against his chest. "It felt longer for me," they muttered, half-burying their face in the fabric. After a couple more heartbeats, he spoke again: his tone was softer, almost not meant for anyone to hear, and the words came out muffled because his mouth was pressed against the hoodie. But Arcade could hear them like his ears were tuned to nothing else but Fern's voice. "Maybe because I waited for you all day."

Arcade's breath caught in his throat, making him dizzy on the spot. 'All day'. He needed half a second to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming, that he remembered waking up that morning, that Fern had really just admitted they'd been waiting for his visit all day. The idea spread a pleasant warmth all inside his body, lighting up his skin and his chest and every corner of his heart, and it felt too real to be a dream.

Still, he turned to the prince to make sure they were actually there, just in case. And... he was. With a faint blush decorating their cheekbones and the tips of their ears, with their eyes looking anywhere but Arcade like they were embarrassed, with their arms around his hoodie like it was their lifeline. He was there. He was beautiful. And then, in a movement that seemed hesitant and determined at the same time, as if he wanted to confirm to Arcade that he was, Fern let their weight fall to the side and leaned their entire body on Arcade's shoulder.

All of his coherent thoughts disappeared.

Fern was close. Close enough for him to feel their body relaxing while pressed against his, close enough for Fern's hair to tickle his nose, close enough for their smell and their presence to overpower all his senses, to drown the world all around him until everything that mattered was Fern. Only Fern. Fern, who smelled like his blankets. Fern, who had left their mark on everything Arcade owned, including his heart. Fern, who should belong next to Arcade, with Arcade; and who wouldn't, who was just too far out of reach even while being centimeters away.

Arcade's feelings were all over the place, and his confused panic made his body stiffen as a precaution to keep him from doing something stupid. But it also came off entirely wrong to Fern themselves, because they felt how Arcade seemed to brace himself and recoil a little under their touch, how his body acted as if it didn't want them close. So the prince's aura slowly became more reserved, their movements adopted that underlying strain that brought a knot to Arcade's stomach, and they started to move away.

Move away from Arcade.

"No!" he exclaimed before he could help it, the fear of Fern misunderstanding everything winning over his ability to think.

Fern stopped in his tracks immediately, frowning, very evidently wondering what on earth was wrong with Arcade. But... he couldn't tell them anything. He didn't even know what was happening with himself, except for the fact that he was head over heels for his friend, and there was no way in hell he could tell them that. Not right then. Maybe never. Which left him with very limited options to explain why he'd shouted like that out of nowhere.

"I─I mean..." he stammered, still trying desperately to save something, whatever he could. His entire face was flushed in embarrassment, though this time Arcade didn't feel capable of paying attention to it. "You don't have to move. I don't mind if you... if you just stay─"

"You're acting weird today."

"No!" Arcade exclaimed again, his voice an octave higher than usual. Immediately after, he wished he could hit himself for doing that same thing twice. He really needed to stop saying stuff before giving himself time to think, but his brain was mushed and scared, and the words just kept pouring out his mouth in weird combinations that only made everything worse. "No, no. I'm very normal today, I promise. This is my most normal self, haha!"

Fern stared at him for what felt like an eternity, their expression so puzzled they looked like they'd never seen Arcade in their life. Finally, they left the hoodie aside, stood up, and walked out of view. Arcade didn't move. His limbs felt suddenly heavy and cold, his chest was being crushed under the weight of abrupt loneliness, the air he breathed didn't seem to have enough oxygen to keep his body functioning, and the only thought that crossed his mind continuously was 'fuck.'

He was sure he'd messed up.

So much for wanting to keep things like they were without letting his feelings get in the way. So much for defending himself when Fern noticed something was out of the ordinary. So much for trying not to ruin everything. He had been weird, which was not what Fern needed right then, and now Fern had just stood up and walked away, leaving him alone. He was probably never going to return, or even worse, he was going to come back just to tell Arcade he should leave.

The high-pitched noise in his ears was loud enough for him to not hear Fern when they approached again. He only noticed they were back because of the fabric suddenly placed over his shoulders, with such care it restarted his brain and brought him back to reality again. Arcade blinked at the nothing in front of him, once, twice, before turning to the side, where Fern was sitting down... after putting their cloak around him, around his shoulders.

His face was probably a myriad of different questions at once, but he only could voice two words: "Your cloak?"

His hands touched the sides of it, testing the fabric, pulling it closer around himself almost unconsciously. It was soft and firm at the same time, unlike anything he'd ever touched before, yet so familiar he wanted to have it on for the rest of his days. Most importantly, it was Fern's. It was the only thing they'd brought with them after being exiled, and the only thing that protected them during the year they were alone. It was something precious to them, something they held very dearly, and... they had given it to him.

Besides, it smelled like Fern, like the forest after it rained, and it was fantastic.

Arcade felt like he was going to lose his mind.

The prince only answered with an indifferent shrug, keeping their gaze to the side as if trying to hide their eyes and most of their face from view. "You were stuttering a lot and you looked a little pale, so I thought you were cold." They frowned at themselves, then, like second-guessing their decision, and picked up the hoodie in a movement that seemed to be unconscious. "You did something like that for me, too, on the day of the storm. I thought..."

Fern trailed off when he noticed how small their voice was becoming, the slight but evident fear that was starting to grow in their tone, and gave themselves a few seconds to compose themselves. Then, they started over.

"I gave you my cloak because that's something you do for people you care about," they said, and their tone came out matter-of-factly now. Arcade felt like he couldn't breathe.

Of course, he knew that Fern didn't hate him (the prince wouldn't have allowed him to be so close for so long if they didn't want to), but they had never explicitly said otherwise, ever. It made Arcade want to scream at the sky until he ran out of breath. He wanted to ask Fern to say it again, even when it was nowhere close to what Arcade really wanted from them. He wanted Fern to repeat it once, twice, a hundred times more, always with that much conviction. But he knew that no matter how many times he heard it, it would never mean what he wanted it to mean.

He was going to lose his mind.

Fern hugged Arcade's hoodie closer to his chest, though he didn't seem to be aware that he was doing it. He risked a glance towards Arcade, too, and their eyes showed a combination of uncertainty and fear that didn't seem to coward them away. Fern was brave enough to overcome those, and Arcade loved them so much he could explode. "Didn't you give me your jacket because you cared about me as well?"

Everything inside Arcade, which seemed to have been simmering for hours, for days, for weeks, finally reached its boiling point. His chest was struck by a hot flash of something that he couldn't quite comprehend, leaving his entire body charged with electricity, his veins filled with adrenaline, his heart way too big for the many things it was trying to carry. And then, during the brief second of reasoning he got, Arcade realized that's how it felt when someone lost their mind.

"I don't only care about you, Fern!" he said. His voice was coated in a mixture of his feelings that sounded more desperate than anything else, and he could've sworn that his entire world stopped as a preamble for his next words. "I love you!"

And just like that, he made the confession of his life.

Fern didn't say anything, their body freezing in place as if someone had just turned them into stone. Everything around them became heavy, charged with a deafening silence that was destroying the last shreds of Arcade's sanity, and just for the sake of keeping himself somehow grounded, just to alleviate his overwhelming urge to say something, he kept talking, pouring everything he thought and everything he felt and everything he was out there, for the universe to see.

For Fern to see.

"I'm in love with you," Arcade clarified, just in case, the sentence echoing in his ears like the trees outside the cave were whispering it back. "And I─ I love you so much I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I think about you so much that my mind isn't even mine anymore. You've taken everything I am without even knowing it, and I... I just want you to keep it."

Arcade had thought it would be a little harder to express what he wanted to say. He thought there would be a knot in his chest that wasn't going to let him breathe, or a lump in his throat that would drown his words before he had the chance to even pronounce them. But he found that it was incredibly easy, and the more he spoke, the simpler it was for him to just... let everything out.

"I love the way your eyes sparkle when you smile," he said, locking eyes with Fern because he needed them to know he meant it. The prince, surprisingly, didn't look away under the intensity of his gaze. "I love your hair, even when you don't, because it's soft and it's beautiful and it's yours. I love the way you move, so graceful and elegant all the time. I love that you're brave, that you're strong, that you listen to me and my crazy ideas, and I can't believe I was lucky enough to meet someone as incredible as you."

Fern was clinging to Arcade's hoodie like they didn't have anything else on earth to keep them grounded, and they were so still that Arcade wasn't sure if they were still breathing. But they were most definitely listening, with their ears perked up to pay close attention, with their eyes fixed on Arcade's face and Arcade's mouth and Arcade's movements, and they looked so focused on him that Arcade thought it was heaven. He wanted nothing more than to take their hand, kiss their knuckles, make his fingers relax. But he wasn't finished yet.

"I love the way you smell because it's like the first flowers of spring after a harsh winter. I love how you look when you wear my clothes because it feels like you're my home. And I love you." Arcade paused, his hands unconsciously fidgeting with the hem of Fern's cloak, feeling the fabric barely stretch under his grasp, tugging it closer to him. "I love you, Fern. I love you so much I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. And I want─" His voice dropped an octave, becoming quiet and a little embarrassed, but firmer than ever before. "I want you to be mine... instead of just looking like you could."

There were thousands of other things Arcade would love to say, but he didn't want to overwhelm Fern by reciting a library to him. His confession had been pretty unexpected and out of the blue, after all, so it was already a lot for Fern to process. Besides, he thought that the gist of what he wanted to say was pretty much clear: he loved Fern as he'd never loved anyone before, and his feelings were driving him insane. He had revealed it to the clouds up in the sky, to the universe outside his dorm, to the prince that lived in his dreams and in the smell of his clothes.

So now the world knew it. Fern knew it.

And... they weren't saying anything about it.

Without Arcade's words to fill the air around them, the cave suddenly shattered under the pressure of silence. The roof seemed to break entirely above them, rocks falling and burying them both in seconds. The cloak around his shoulders stopped feeling light and comfortable, like a warm hug, and acquired a weight that pushed Arcade downwards, like submerging him underwater.

He felt like he couldn't breathe.

Fern wasn't saying anything. Fern was barely moving, blinking at him for what felt like years, like centuries, with a hurricane of feelings in their eyes that made their expression almost unrecognizable. Not knowing what the prince thought of his confession was terrifying, and his chest was so constricted that his heart was struggling to beat properly, and every passing second without an answer made Arcade feel like he'd messed up. Terribly. Forever. With no turning back.

He wondered if Fern would get mad at him even more if he reached out to take one of their hands, or to cup their face, or to pull them closer to him. At least for a while. At least for enough time for Arcade to stare at them until the image of their face never faded from his mind, until the memory of their touch stayed on his skin forever, because if Fern decided that was just too much for them, if Fern pushed Arcade away after that day... he wanted to have something to remember them by. He wanted to have everything, one last time.

However, before he could have enough time to gather the courage and actually do it, and after an eternity of waiting for Fern to say something, they finally, finally spoke. "Arcade," they said. Just one word that made him brace himself for whatever was coming up next. His breath caught in his throat, too, but when he noticed that Fern's tone was soft and amused, that the corners of their lips were slightly tilted upwards, he realized he could never be ready for anything when the prince's smile was right there. "You like the way I smell?"

Fern was definitely going to be the death of him.

Arcade's face blushed in embarrassment immediately, and he stumbled over his own words for half a second while he struggled to compose himself. "Hey, that's not─! I just... I meant... God, is that seriously what you get from all that?" he asked, feeling his cheeks so hot he wished he could stand up, run away, get his head inside the water of the creek and never go back to the surface again.

Man, it was weird, wasn't it? Liking how one's friends smelled?

He was panicking inside, ready to profusely apologize, when Fern... laughed, genuine and hearty and beautiful. The sound seemed to create the universe again, giving it meaning like never before, making Arcade forget all of his worries and focus on Fern instead. They were stunning. They were amazing. And... they weren't pushing Arcade away. They weren't acting like their entire reality had collapsed under the weight of his confession, and that realization was like a wave of relief crashing against his body.

Arcade had told them he loved them, and Fern was still laughing with genuine happiness right next to him. Fern was still next to him.

"If you like the way I smell," the prince said, his voice bubbly and cheerful, the subtlest of smiles decorating his face, "then that means I'm not that weird, after all," he added, looking into Arcade's eyes as if waiting for something. However, Arcade could barely react, he could barely think of anything different than Fern being the most precious thing ever, and the confusion must've been evident in his expression because Fern scoffed halfheartedly, placing his hand on Arcade's knee. The touch only made his brain short-circuit even more. "Hey, can't you really guess why I love your stuff so much?"

"Ugh, give me a break," he complained, covering his face with both his hands, partly to hide the blush and partly to give himself some seconds away from Fern's dreamy expression. It was driving him crazy and not giving him space to form coherent thoughts.

But Fern only gave him one second before grabbing his wrists and pulling his hands back down, uncovering his face enough to look him in the eye, their gaze twinkling like dozens of stars calling his name. Arcade wanted to follow them to the end of the world. His skin was tingling everywhere Fern touched him, and their fingers soft and warm like they were holding something valuable, and their grip firm and determined like they were a man on a mission.

They were suddenly close to each other, too; so close that Arcade could count all of Fern's freckles until the end of the world, see the slight blush high on their cheeks, notice how their eyes flickered down to stare at his mouth. And then, in a swift yet smooth movement, the prince leaned even closer to Arcade and placed their lips right on the corner of his mouth, staying there for what felt like forever. The touch was shy, but not hesitant; soft, but incredibly powerful; warm and steady and real, and as huge as the entire earth beneath their feet.

Arcade wasn't so sure anymore if it was a dream or not, but he decided he didn't care as long as he could stay there, with Fern kissing him, for the rest of eternity.

The prince pulled back a few centimeters, looking up into Arcade's eyes again. Their fingers tightened a little around his wrists, betraying their nervousness, but the confidence in his gaze didn't waver once. "If you hadn't let me wear your clothes, I don't know what I would've done," he whispered, loud enough for only Arcade to hear, like it was a secret. "If you hadn't let me keep your clothes, I would've lost my mind over how much I wanted to be close to you. Having your things was like having a little piece of you, and that was... comforting, to say the least, for someone who was being driven crazy by their feelings. It was comforting to me, because─"

Fern's voice wavered slightly, as if they had problems expressing their feelings, and they frowned like recriminating themselves for it. Their wings fluttered anxiously behind them and their voice dropped an octave, but his tone was so sincere and powerful that it could've been the only truth that really mattered. Like what they were about to say was the one axis that kept the entire world moving.

"Because I've decided that want to live in a universe I share with you ." Fern's grip around his wrists got as firm as their gaze, screaming at him that they were serious, and Arcade was so trapped in their eyes he didn't think he'd ever be able to look away. "Because I fell in love with you, too, Arcade."

Arcade stayed silent, staring at Fern like they were the eighth wonder of the world. His mind was having problems actually processing that the prince not only didn't reject his own feelings, but also confessed back. It meant that Arcade's love wasn't unrequited. It meant that he could hold Fern close, pepper their face with kisses, bury his face in the crook of their neck and whisper sweet nothings to their ear for the rest of their days. And the prospect of sharing his world with Fern, as the prince had said, made his chest feel fuzzy and light, like hundreds of butterflies playing among the clouds.

"So... you don't hate me?" Arcade ended up asking anyway, just because his brain wanted to be absolutely sure it wasn't a very, very vivid dream. Fern scoffed in response, letting go of Arcade's hands with an offended expression on their face that was obviously fake.

"Do I have to kiss you again to make it clear?" they asked, trying very hard for their tone to sound exasperated and frowning to make his act more believable. However, the smile on their lips was impossible to hide completely, and their eyes did nothing but shine with affection while they accommodated their cloak around Arcade again, to keep it from falling off. They didn't get their hands off his shoulders afterwards, as if just wanting to keep touching him.

"Well, I mean," Arcade answered, looking into Fern's eyes with utter adoration, wondering how on earth he got so lucky, smiling the biggest he'd ever smiled in his entire life. He took Fern's chin with one of his hands carefully, softly, to pull him closer to him, and Fern responded by intertwining their hands behind Arcade's neck to have him even closer. When he spoke again, their lips were barely a breath apart, and he didn't think he'd ever felt so incredibly happy before. "Reminders are always nice."