Part 8

"I can't sleep," Arthur declared that night, "I've been sleeping for a thousand years, I've had enough sleep. I don't want to sleep anymore."

Merlin couldn't blame him. In fact, Merlin admitted to himself that he was nervous for Arthur to go to sleep. He feared he wouldn't wake again.

"You two need sleep to keep your strength," Ellie chided, "I can make you both a sleeping draught."

Arthur looked a little uneasy about the prospect of consuming something magical. Ellie sensed his apprehension. Arthur caught the look in her eye.

"I'm sorry," Arthur blurted, "it's...it's nothing against magic. It's silly of me to be hesitant of it when it saved my life so many times. I mean, when Merlin saved my life so many times."

Merlin and Arthur were gazing into each other's eyes again, and Ellie felt it was probably time for her to retire for the night and leave the two of them alone.

Merlin and Arthur sat together on the couch. Arthur looked at Merlin with an expression of sadness.

"What is it?" Merlin asked.

"It's just...Merlin, you have to know how ashamed I am."

"Ashamed?" Merlin asked, "Ashamed of what?"

"Ashamed that I was blind to your pain all those years."

"Arthur, you weren't," he assured, "You always knew when something was wrong with me. You always sensed it, even if you didn't know the reason behind it."

"I just feel so...bad," Arthur lamented, "I was such a fool. I wish I could have known. Merlin," Arthur looked into his eyes with such intensity, "I am truly sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Merlin said, "I'm sorry I never told you."

The two of them stayed up all night simply talking. They talked and talked forever it seemed like, but neither of them wanted it to end. They even talked about the difficult things; Uther's bigotry and extremism, Morgana's discovery of her magic and her tragic fall from grace.

"I think my father is largely to blame for how Morgana turned out," Arthur had said. "If he hadn't been so discriminatory of magic she would not have felt so alone and bitter."

"One of my greatest regrets is not telling her that I had magic too," Merlin admitted, "I've thought back on it so many times and I think that maybe...maybe if I had let her know that I was like her, that I understood, she wouldn't have gone down the dark path that she did."

"You couldn't have known," Arthur assured him.

"But the dragon told me she would become an evil sorceress but...at the time that he told me that she was still the Morgana that we knew. She was still my friend."

"You couldn't have believed she'd turn out like she did," Arthur reassured, "I wouldn't have believed it beforehand either."

"You may have regrets about not revealing your magic, Merlin," Arthur said solemnly, "but believe me when I say all the regret is mine. I should have been smarter, sharper. I should have been honest with myself. Sometimes I think...I think I might have suspected something about you...but I could never admit it to myself. I couldn't let myself think of what it would mean if it were true. If you truly had magic. I couldn't let anything happen to you."

Many hours later, Arthur had inquired about Merlin's travels and years he spent abroad. Merlin told him of his many adventures and people he'd met along the way. It sounded exciting but Arthur could tell there was a twinge of sadness in Merlin's tales.

"Did you enjoy those times?" Arthur asked cautiously.

"Well," Merlin began, "at times I found small bits of solace. There have been some happy times. But mostly I was just...distraught because...because you were gone."

Arthur looked very serious then. "Merlin," he said, barely a whisper, "Why...why have you lived all this time, all these years...for me? Is it because of the prophecy?" he dared to asked, hoping he suspected the answer.

Merlin looked Arthur dead in the eyes, "Of course not," he replied with such conviction.

"Then..." Arthur was trying to build up the courage to ask, "Then why did you?"

"I think..." Merlin swallowed, "I think you probably know."

Arthur inched very close to Merlin, their faces nearly touching.

"But I want to hear you say it," Arthur whispered, his breath warm on Merlin's face.

Merlin faltered. He had sworn that if and when Arthur returned he would tell him how he felt. Spending so many years apart from him was so painful that Merlin had promised himself numerous times that if he saw Arthur again, he'd tell him his feelings. But here was Arthur right in front of his face, looking like he was going to kiss him...and Merlin was hesitating. Could he really reveal his feelings to Arthur? Would he be okay with that? Did he feel the same way? He was running out time now, he realized, the moment was slipping away.

Arthur pulled back slightly, "Merlin?" he asked, "Are you...okay?"

Arthur panicked slightly. Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe Merlin was just extremely loyal. Maybe that was why he'd waited for him all these years. But, no, that couldn't be right, Arthur figured. No one would put themselves through that much pain for someone unless they were entirely in love with them. There had been times in his life with Merlin when he'd felt things he'd never felt before. Sometimes, when he'd dropped his inhibitions, he had felt that his feelings for Merlin were inexplicably romantic. It was just that Merlin was so adorable, so lovable. Arthur tried to convince himself that his crush on Merlin meant nothing, that it was just a side effect of spending so much time together. Arthur knew that some men had romantic relationships with other men, but he was a king and kings had to have a wife. His life had been laid out for him. In later years, Arthur's feelings for Merlin had evolved beyond that of a crush. It was true that Arthur loved Gwen, but his love for Merlin had always been stronger. Of course, he never truly admitted it to himself. That truth had to be kept buried deep inside him. But now maybe...maybe things could be different. Arthur felt overwhelmingly loved by Merlin's actions of waiting for him all this time. He felt sure no one else would have done that for him, but Merlin always would. And, if given the circumstance, he would have done it for Merlin too.

But right now Merlin looked hesitant. What was he afraid of? Then Arthur realized: Merlin had shown his feelings for Arthur with his actions. Arthur's feelings however weren't so apparent. Merlin was unsure of Arthur's feelings. Arthur was going to have to show him.

Time was slipping away and Arthur had pulled back from Merlin a little. He'd asked Merlin if he was okay. No, Merlin thought, he was right here about to kiss him, Merlin was sure of it. But then Arthur had pulled away because of Merlin's own hesitation. Merlin cursed himself. The man he loved was about to kiss him and he was messing it all up. This is what he'd always wanted but he was freaking himself out with worry.

Arthur could see the emotions swimming in Merlin's eyes.

"Merlin," Arthur said, his voice husky, "Come here."

Merlin moved closer to Arthur, who gently placed a hand on the side of Merlin's face.

For the first time in Arthur's life he let himself be completely free.

"Merlin," he spoke with such tenderness, "I want to tell you something I never said to you before." He touched his forehead softly to Merlin's, "I love you."

Merlin cried with relief, tears of happiness streaming down his face. Arthur gently wiped them away with his calloused thumbs and they both laughed with giddiness.

"Arthur," Merlin breathed with relief, "I don't know what to say."

"Yes you do, clotpole," Arthur smiled, placing his thumb on Merlin's cute little chin.

"I love you, Arthur."

And suddenly the space between them was closed as their lips crashed together with years of built up passion. At first the kiss was urgent, as both of them had wanted this for so long. Merlin's hands were tangled in Arthur's perfect hair and Arthur's hands liberally explored Merlin's body. Then, the kiss became a bit more tender, both of them slowing down to appreciate the beauty of the moment. Arthur ran his fingers along Merlin's insane cheekbones and Merlin could scarcely believe this was really happening. Perhaps he was dreaming again. He'd certainly had dreams like this before. But, no, this was no dream because he could taste the salt of Arthur's lips and feel Arthur's gentle touch against his face.

At some point the two of them fell asleep, tangled in each other's arms.

"Guys!" Ellie shouted, making them jump awake from their slumber.

"Guys, I think I found something!" she squealed.

"Is it your inside voice?" Merlin asked groggily.

"Very funny, but this is serious, Merlin. I think I found something else about the prophecy."

Once again the three of them were in the spare room looking at notes.

"The book that the prophecy was from," she explained, "was made during a time when scribes and scholars would hide secret messages on pages. I recently came up with a potion that will reveal any hidden or invisible writing. I sensed there was something more to the prophecy."

"What did you find?" Arthur asked.

"The knight of immeasurable strength," she began, "there was hidden writing on the back of the page explaining that the knight of immeasurable strength would be an original knight of Camelot, from your time," she looked at Arthur, "one of your knights of the round table."

"But, how?" he asked.

"Well, I think it's suggesting that, even though magic can't return the dead, in this case, for this specific purpose, it can."

"Wait," Merlin said, "we're going to resurrect one of the knights?"

"There's a spell on here," Ellie explained, "it's quite complicated but I'm certain we can handle it. But it does warn that the spell can only be induced once and will not work ever again. So we have to choose wisely."

"Choose?" Arthur asked, "We have to choose which of the knights to resurrect?"

"Yes, but it also states that the knight of immeasurable strength must be one who died an untimely death. Someone who did not die of natural causes."

"That could be Elyan or Gwaine," Merlin said.

"It says we have to make the choice," Ellie stated.

"But how?" Merlin asked, pained. "Both were exceptionally strong and loyal knights."

Arthur looked pained as well. "I could never choose between any of my knights."

"I think I know who it's supposed to be," Ellie said. "Merlin, that story you told me from your original life...where you were magic, Arthur was courage..."

"Gwaine was strength," Merlin finished.

"Exactly. I think it's supposed to be Sir Gwaine."

"When did you figure all this out?" Merlin asked.

"Oh, sometime in the middle of the night," she said.

"But how did you get past us from your room to here? Shouldn't we have seen you?"

"Well, you probably would have, except the two of you were extremely busy making out on the couch," she said casually.

Arthur turned a deep shade of red akin to the color of the Pendragon banner.

"I was sleeping," Ellie explained, "but your auras began exploding so fiercely that it actually woke me up. I thought the flat might have been on fire or something, so I came out of my room and saw the two of you getting hot and heavy on the couch and well, I figured I wouldn't be able to sleep with your sexually frustrated auras exuding all over the place, so I thought I'd study the notes some more. You're welcome." She finished with a smile.

"Right, okay, so how do we do the spell?" Merlin asked her.

"Well, we're going to have to get a lot of supplies and ingredients," she explained, "and it'll take about a month to complete."