Chapter 110

Peeta

"Some call love a curse, some call love a thief, But she's my home, and she's as much apart for this broken heart. But see, broken bones always seem to mend." -Angus and Julia Stone

The baby is whisked away before I know what's going on. A team of doctors and nurses push towards Katniss, moving me away from my wife's bedside. She hardly moves and her eyes are squeezed shut. They begin to work on her. Someone tends to beginning her recovery from the baby's birth. Another checks her vitals. Others discuss how to help her, because she's clearly still awake.

They turn to their usual ways. They insert a quick needle into her arm and I watch, my heart racing, as her body relaxes. Her eyes remain closed, but relax into looking peaceful and asleep.

The doctors must forget I'm still there because I'm stunned into silence. My son was just born. My wife was just sedated. My son was just born. I have a son. I finally break my own silence."Where's the baby?" I ask.A nurse turns to me, surprised, and escorts me out.

She speaks quietly to me in the hallway. "Your baby was taken up to the NICU. It's the normal protocol for babies that are born premature. They're going to be running some tests on him, seeing how his lungs and heart and liver fare, and then they'll let you know. I'm going to show you to the waiting room where you can wait for your wife's recovery," she says.

"Is he going to be okay?" I ask her."Your baby is in good hands, I promise. Please, just come with me," she says. I do as I'm told. She leads me out to the waiting room.

"Somebody will be out to update you if there's anything you should know about," she smiles.I just nod.

After an hour of sitting in silence, nobody comes out. I try to calm myself down by thinking that no news is good news. No news is good news.

--Katniss

I am numb. The world is dark.

I hear the sharp, piercing cry of a baby. It's lungs sound strong and capable of letting out an enormous amount of sound. Is it my baby? I can't tell. The blackness of my surroundings consumes me.

Somehow through the darkness I see shadows. They move around me constantly, and while I can see movement, I don't see exactly what they're doing. Suddenly they're gone, as if they all ran away, seeking shelter from something.

Immediately I hear the sound of cracking. It feels like the walls of darkness are crumbling around me. I try to latch onto something, but everything slips through my fingers like air. I stumble through the pitch blackness numbly. Suddenly, the walls around me shatter. Blinding light bursts into my vision and I squeeze my eyes shut. I feel like I'm free falling, all the way down from space.

I try to open my eyes as I fall, but the light is too bright. I squeeze them shut again and wait for something to happen.

Soon, I realize I've stopped my rapid descent to the ground. I open my eyes and find not a blinding light, but the scenery of a riverbank. I'm seated by the edge of the river, not falling. I'm momentarily glad that I never felt the impact of my body hitting the ground.

However I do feel someone approaching me from behind. I turn my head quickly to see my little sister walking slowly towards me. So it's one of these dreams.

My sister hasn't come to me in years. This must be something special.

"Katniss," she says as if nothing has happened. "What are you doing here?" In true Katniss-fashion, I respond, "I could ask you the same thing."

She lets out a little laugh, but when she sits down next to me, her expression turns placid."I'm here because you're here," she says."Why am I here?" I ask."I don't know. But it must be important," Prim says.

"My baby," I say, suddenly remembering."He's okay," she says. "He is?" I ask frantically. "How do you know? Are you telling the truth? Are you serious? Or are you just telling me what I want to hear?"

"He's going to be okay, I mean," she says."What?" I ask, my heart beating as fast as it possibly could. "What's wrong with him? What's happening to him?"

"I can't tell you. But he's going to be okay soon. I can see it. He's going to be just fine, Katniss," she says, trying to reassure me.

I immediately break down. I don't know how to face this situation. I don't know how to keep going."Katniss?" Prim asks."Where did I go wrong? I did this to him. I did this to my baby," I say over and over again, sobbing. My face contorts.

"Katniss, no," Prim says. "You did everything just right. There's no way you could have controlled anything that happened to you. You did your best!" "But I hurt him! I hurt him already, and that's what I always do. I can't get through anything without hurting someone," I cry. I hurt my own baby.

Prim grabs my arm firmly. "Katniss, listen to me," she says sternly. I look up at her slowly."Your baby is fine, okay? He will be fine. He isn't in any life threatening danger," she says.

"Promise me that, then," I tell her."I promise," she says. "I'd never let anything happen to my new nephew. You know I'm always there watching over him and Willow."

After a moment, I regain myself and put on a strong face. I will tough this out for my baby. For my son.

"And dad... He loves you. I don't know why it's always me who's sent to you. But dad loves you. He's here with me and we're both so happy. We're both so proud, too," she says.

"I want to be with you guys," I turn to her. "No, Katniss. You don't want to be with us. You want to be with Peeta. You love him more than anything else in the world. And your daughter. You love her too much to be here with us. You can't come be with us yet," she says."Peeta, Willow... They would be fine without me," I say. The shame of what I just said will hit later, but right now I only feel the longing to be with my sister and my father.

"Katniss, it's not just Peeta and Willow anymore. You have a tiny little baby who was just born 3 weeks early. You have a little boy who only knows the hospital wires and cords and machines that surround him. He doesn't know you or his father or his big sister. He has never felt that love. He needs you now, more than ever. You can't come here. Not yet," Prim lectures me.

"If I can't be with you, I want to wake up," I tell her desperately."I can't control that, Katniss," Prim says. "The sedatives do."

Neither of us say anything after that. I want to try and hug her, but I know that if I reach for her, her grasp will feel like nothing. If I put out my hand to touch hers, it would go right through as if she's made of nothingness. So I don't do it.

I don't know how long we sit in silence for. Maybe it's 24 hours, maybe it's 24 minutes. But suddenly this world and reality begin to mix together. They create a bizarre mixture. I still can feel my sister's presence next to me by the riverbank, but I'm also met with the sound of a heart monitor beeping rapidly. I feel a sweaty hand in mine, but I can also still hear the calm river flowing.

I am stuck this way for what seems like an eternity. I'm in between reality and my own mind, a place I can be found often.

--

When I finally, fully wake up, Peeta snores slightly, his head resting on the side of my hospital bed. I don't feel any immediate pain, which surprises me.

His hand is still in mine, unmoved from when I was being played tug-of-war with by my own mind.I squeeze his hand to wake him up."Katniss?" He asks immediately, sitting up quickly.I just stare at him."Are you okay?" He asks nervously."I think so," I reply, my voice raw and hoarse.

"Where's my son? Where's our baby?" I ask."Oh, Katniss," he says, almost pitifully. "He's in the NICU. They're trying to figure out if he's okay or not."

"There's something wrong. I know it. She told me," I tell him. Of course, he doesn't know who 'she' is, and immediately becomes quizzical."Who said that?" He asks."Prim," I reply."Katniss, it was just your head. You're hopped up on all sorts of meds right now. You were sedated. Who knows what could have induced it," Peeta says.

I want to get irritated with him and defend myself, but I'm brought back to all the times I almost lost him.

His heart stopped in the middle of the Quarter Quell. I shudder at the thought of what the Game Makers must have been doing. One of them must have told another to get a cannon ready for him, because they knew he was as good as dead. I remember pleading for someone to help him, even though Finnick already was. I cried so hard I almost felt sick. Add in the struggle of dehydration to all of it, and you could understand how I felt.

"It was real," I tell him. "I'm telling you, Peeta, it was real." "Okay, Katniss," he says. I can tell he's unconvinced."When can I see him?" I ask."I don't know," Peeta says. "They haven't told me anything about him."

--

The next day, they finally decide I can get out of bed. A nurse wheels me down the hall as Peeta walks next to me, my hand in his.

Once we reach the NICU, the nurse stops. She walks away for a moment and comes back with two thin pink hospital gowns. She hands one to Peeta and then comes to the front of my wheelchair. She puts mine on my body for me.

"Are you ready?" She asks, smiling.I just nod, my heart beating fast.

"Okay, here we go," she says. As we approach the doors into the NICU, they open for us. I'm immediately surrounded by babies born prematurely, babies born with defects, and babies who are simply not healthy enough to leave.

She wheels me through the large room. There are a couple of rows of what look like incubators, keeping the babies sterile and keeping them warm. "Which one is he?" I ask anxiously."He's the one at the very end," She says, pushing me slowly."Is he okay?" I ask."I think he's going to be just fine. They need to keep him here for another day or two, just to see if he's ready to go home," the nurse replies.

"That's so long," I say quietly."Well, you also need to recover. So I think you'll be busy with your own situation as well," she tells me."What recovery? I'm fine. I'm alive," I say."Mrs. Mellark, life is about more than just breathing. We need to make sure you're as healthy as possible," she replies.

I sigh. "As long as you're not going to make me stay long," I say.I have decided, quite recently, to do everything the doctors tell me to do, no matter how trivial. Doing something as small as making sure I shower every day could be the difference between being there to see my kids grow up and dying. I want to be there for them. I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to be better than my mother was to Prim and I, and I can't do that if I'm dead.

It feels like an eternity passes before the nurse finally stops in front of the last incubator of sorts."Here we are," she says happily. I sit up a little taller in my wheelchair, ignoring the pain it causes me. Unfortunately, my small stature and lack of height has put me at a disadvantage. I'm too short to see.

"I can't see him," I tell the nurse. "I'm too short." My hormones are running wild, and the next thing you know, my face is dripping in tears.Peeta crouches down so we're at the same level. He brushes his thumb gently under my eyes to wipe away the tears. "Katniss, shh..." He says gently. "I can help you."

He looks at the nurse for a moment. It's like they have a silent conversation with only their eyes. Soon I realize that they actually are speaking, just too quietly for me to hear.The nurse looks unsure of whatever they're talking about, but eventually she must give in.She stands to the side, silent, as Peeta turns to me.

He holds out his hands to me and I grab them. But before I know what's happening, he's pulling me out of my wheelchair. I let out a sharp cry of pain, but Peeta doesn't stop pulling. It takes me a long time to stand up; the pain in my midsection is incredible. Peeta holds me up as I cry.

There he is, my son. Little Rye, the miracle baby. He has already gone through so much, and he's not even a full day old. His skin is flush and pink, his eyes closed. He sleeps peacefully, which is all I want for him. Peace.

**hey guys! I am SO sorry this took over a month to publish! I'm going to try to update more soon. I am so so so so so sorry. I know this was a long time coming and you guys waited forever! Thank you for your patience! Hope you enjoyed!

-aly***