Chapter 83

Katniss

"You're weak, but you're not giving in." -Rilo Kiley

"Hello?" I say into the phone in my hand. I hold the device in my one hand, up to my hear, and Willow in the other arm."Hello. This is the Capitol Center for Broadcasting and Television! My name is Aurelia, how can I help you?" The voice says squeakily on the other end.

"I need to speak with Caesar Flickerman. Or, I don't know, one of his people." I say halfheartedly, mostly focused on the baby in my one arm. Aurelia, I guess her name is, laughs a laugh that's even more squeaky than her voice."You can't just request to speak to him! Darling, Caesar Flickerman is one of the most famous people in Panem, like Katniss or Peeta Mellark! It doesn't work like that!" She replies.

Clearly, she doesn't recognize my voice through the phone. I sigh."Katniss Mellark, huh?" I say, "Well... I am her. I'm married to Peeta. So, now can I just talk to Caesar Flickerman?"

She laughs again."How do I really know it's actually Katniss? You could be lying to me." She says."I could be lying to you. But I'm not." I say, getting upset."There's no way I can know that for sure, darling. Tough luck! Sorry!" She says. Then the other line goes dead.

"Peeta, see? I told you that would happen." I say, turning to him in exasperation. "What happened?" He asks."She told me I couldn't just 'talk to Caesar Flickerman.' And then didn't believe me when I told her who I am." I say.He presses his lips together.

"I'll call Effie. She'll make ends meet." He decides, taking the phone from me. I focus my eyes on Willow while he calls. I hear him talk and make affirmations every now and then as Effie talks to him. "Thank you, Effie." He says finally and hangs up.

"She's going to get in touch with him and she said that she'll make sure he calls us at some point today." He tells me.I nod vacantly.

"Can we run through this again?" I ask."What we're releasing?" He asks.I nod."We're releasing that she's a girl, her name, and when she was born. Nothing more if you're not comfortable with it." He says."Okay... Okay..." I say, calming myself down.

He takes his hand and tilts my chin up towards his and kisses me.I feel the same warmth from the games spread through my entire being. Everything feels okay with me in his arms and Willow in mine. This is all I need.

"It's going to be okay, remember? All you need to say is that she's a girl, her name is Willow, and that she was born on May 10th." He says."Girl. Willow. May 10th." I repeat to myself a few times.

"Did they ever tell you what time she was born at?" I ask, sudden curiosity overtaking me.He nods."Okay... tell me." I reply."1:52 AM." He says."You're kidding." I say, shock hitting my body like a fright train."Uh... I'm not kidding. What is it? What's the surprise about?" He asks, confused."Oh my God..." I say.

I lay Willow down in her carrier, where she spends most of her time if she isn't being held or sleeping in her crib. "1:52 AM. That's what you said, right?" I ask, still trying to process."Yes. That's what I said." He answers.

"That's... That's the time she was born. I remember because I didn't sleep at all that night, and when she was born, I remember telling myself I would never forget that time. 1:52 AM. That was exactly it... Exactly when Prim was born..." I explain, my voice breaking on her name."Are you serious?" Peeta asks in amazement."I'm serious..." I say.

"That has to mean something, right?" I ask, looking up suddenly."I think that it could." He says quietly. "This is so weird." I whisper under my breath.

That evening during dinner, we sit together with Willow asleep in her bouncer on the table next to us. I eat slowly, still waiting for Caesar to call in."I think he'll call soon." Peeta says, finishing his plate of food."Maybe he's going to call tomorrow. Maybe they don't have room in the broadcast tonight." I say."Katniss," He says. "This is the Capitol we're talking about. They'll make room for us. The evening news is about to start, so grab the phone and let's sit and watch."

I nod silently and grab the phone. Peeta takes Willow, who's still deep in sleep, and holds her as he sits on the couch.I join them clenching the cold, sleek phone in my hand."Relax, Katniss..." Peeta says. "Name, gender, the day she was born. That's it. That's all you need to say. If you put in on speaker, I'll talk too."

"Thank you." I whisper quietly.He takes my free hand into his and whispers mostly to the baby, "My two favorite girls..."

The sudden ringing of the phone startles all three of us. Willow awakens, crying. Peeta calms her down significantly, but I'm sure they'll be able to hear her crying through the phone.

"Hello?" I say."Katniss!" Caesar exclaims. I remove the phone from my ear and press the speaker button so Peeta can hear what Caesar says and so he can help me if he needs to.

"Hi, Caesar." I say nervously. Willow continues to cry in the background, and I can see through the TV playing that Caesar's a little concerned."Everything alright there?" He asks. I let out a nervous laugh."You just startled her, Caesar. She was asleep when the phone rang." I say, diffusing the air.

"Ah! I heard you say 'she'! Am I right in guessing that it's a girl?" He asks excitedly.I let out a shaky, silent breath."Yeah, Caesar, you're right!" I say, mustering up all of my enthusiasm."How exciting! It's a girl, everyone! I had my heart set on it being a boy! I cannot believe I was wrong, Katniss." He says, laughing."That's what I thought too. Peeta thought it would be a girl. Father's intuition is always right, I guess." I say.

"Ah! So we know it's a girl, would you like to tell us her name?" He asks intently.I can't answer."Pleeeease?" Caesar asks again.But I can't answer. It's right on my lips. The words are right there, but they get jammed. My eyes widen and shoot to Peeta.

He recognizes the situation almost immediately and covers for me."Caesar?" He asks, making sure he's still on the line."Everything alright there, Peeta? Is Katniss okay?" Caesar asks."Yeah! She's okay. She just had to take the baby away so she would stop crying." Peeta lies."Oh, okay! Well, my boy, you can tell us her name. Right?" Caesar asks Peeta."Yes, of course. Her name is Willow Primrose Mellark. She was born on May 10th." He informs briefly.

"Willow Primrose! Primrose... Like Katniss's sister?" Caesar questions."Exactly." Peeta replies."How sweet! I'm a bit late, but please relay my condolences, and everyone's condolences here in the Capitol, about her sister to Katniss." Caesar says sadly."I definitely will." Peeta says quickly, trying to get off of the topic as soon as he can.

"Well, thank you both for letting us know about your baby! God knows you two drove us all mad with the lack of information about your lives since the war!" Caesar says. I listen intently for Peeta's apology to Caesar for the lack of information, but he says nothing of the like. "You're welcome. Thank you for having us on. Goodnight everybody." Peeta says and then hangs up without another word.

He doesn't look at me. He passes Willow over to me and stands up, heading to the kitchen.Holding the baby, I stand up too. I watch silently as he opens a cupboard and grabs a glass slowly. He's acting weird. This isn't like him...

I move slowly and cautiously, heading upstairs to put Willow where she's safe. Just in case something's going to happen. Placing her in her crib, I tell her that everything's okay."You can sleep, baby. It's late for you." I say, stroking her back a little.

A crash comes from downstairs. My heart leaps into my throat and I bolt out of Willow's room, down the hallway upstairs, and then hurry as fast as I can down the stairs.

I don't see Peeta. I hurry into the kitchen and I find Peeta, crouched on the floor, head in his hands and his elbows on his knees. The shattered fragments of the glass of water he was holding lay scattered around him."Peeta..." I say quietly.He breathes heavily through his teeth, his jaw clenched.

"Peeta? Peeta, look at me." I say, my heart rate speeding up. When he doesn't look at me, I crouch down next to him."Are you okay? Peeta? Peeta. Please look at me. You're scaring me." I say. Tears form in my eyes and I press my forehead against his.

"I don't know what's going on with you, Peeta. But maybe it's like what happens to me sometimes. I need you to look at me. Please, Peeta." I beg.He separates his head from mine and stares into my eyes. His blue eyes are blue and wide with fear.

"It's not real, Peeta. It's not real. Your name is Peeta Mellark. Your home is right here in district 12, where you are right now. You're married to me, I'm Katniss, and you have a little baby girl named Willow who was born only a month ago." I explain to him.

Tears run down his face and I lock him in my arms, safe in my embrace, until he finally comes to. "That's it, Peeta. You're okay. We're okay." I say, my voice taking on that shaky quality it gets when I'm about to cry."I'm... I..." He starts to speak."Give it a little time. It'll come to you, I promise." I say gently, remembering the first couple of times I had a flashback.

"I'm here... When you're ready." I say.And then I wait.

After a half hour of sitting on the kitchen floor, both of our backs pressed against the counter and my arm around him, he sighs shakily."I'm... I'm sorry." He says. "You don't need to be sorry for anything. None of that was your fault, Peeta." I tell him."Yes, it was." He replies coldly.

"How was it your fault?" I ask.He's silent."Exactly. It wasn't your fault." I tell him."I'm supposed to be your rock. This isn't supposed to happen to me. " He says. I can feel his guilt practically dripping off of every word.

"Stop it, Peeta... Stop saying that. You're my rock, yeah, but you can't do this to yourself." I say.

And it hits me. While I'm trying to explain it to Peeta, it comes into my view, full-force. I feel gutted.

All of these years, Peeta and I have lived in the dark about one thing. We've only seen half of the picture. Wait... It's not 'we'. It's just me. I've been missing half of the picture. Peeta has known it this whole time. About his flashbacks. About his nightmares. About his daily struggle of getting out of bed, which isn't much different than mine.

All of these years, I've been selfish. I've been only thinking of myself. But why didn't he tell me? Because he's Peeta. He didn't want me to worry about him. He didn't want to add that to all of my stressors.

I clutch his shoulders."Look at me." I order sternly.He looks at me, his eyes full of tears and guilt, like a child who's done wrong and is being reprimanded."I'm going to ask you something. And you're going to tell me the truth."

I can practically feel his rapid heartbeat as if it was my own."This has happened before, hasn't it? And I never notice." I ask. He drops our eye contact and his gaze falls to the glass on the floor a few feet away from him."Peeta," I beg sadly. "It's true, isn't it?" He nods, nearly imperceptibly.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry, Peeta. I'm so sorry." I say over and over again, as if the sheer repetition of the words will make them more effective than they're already failing to be."I'm so sorry." I say, tilting his chin up and kissing him square on the mouth.

"I can fix this, Peeta. I can be better for you. I can be your rock. I can do it. You just need to tell me. You need to wake me up if you have a nightmare. You need help, babe. Just the same way I need it." I tell him quietly."It's embarassing. I don't want to bother you." He says."Am I bothering you? When I drop the conversation or when I cry at the slightest mistake or when you find me screaming on the floor with vomit all around me at 3AM? Is that a bother to you?" I ask intently."No!" He replies. "It's not a bother. At all. Because I love you."

"Okay, so then what's the difference between you doing it for me and me doing it for you? There isn't. Me helping you through a flashback or a nightmare is nothing compared to what you do for me. So let me do it. Let me help you."

He nods, still not looking at me, and a few tears roll down his cheeks."Let's get you up to bed." I say, helping him up."Are you cut?" I ask, examining the hand that must've been responsible for the crash I heard upstairs.

He purses his lips and I practically have to drag him into the bathroom, where I sit him down and clean off his little cuts from where the glass nicked him.After I put a little bandage over them, I help him up again and he sighs."You're right," He says.I feel triumphant at first... Until he finishes the sentence."You never got the healing trait from your mother." He finishes.

"Oh, shut up!" I say, hitting his chest jokingly.He lets out a tired laugh, and his exhaustion is more evident to me than before."I'll be lucky if I don't have to carry you up the stairs." I comment as we climb them slowly.He has his eyes closed almost entirely, but he manages a little smile.

As we lay in bed together, I rest my head on his chest. "It takes it out of you, doesn't it?" I say in reference to his flashback.He grunts a little in reply."Sleep now. And if anything happens tonight, wake me up." I insist.

"Okay. I promise." He says sleepily."Good. I love you." I say, putting my hand on top of his.

He says something along the lines of "I love you, too" but we're both too tired to really comprehend it.

** first A/N in a while, but I thought it would be necessary considering:1. this chapter took twice as long as it usually does to be uploaded

2. MOCKINGJAY PART 2!!!!!

First, I'm super sorry about the extra wait for this chapter. I had no idea where to go with it and last week I only had a few words down.

Second... MJP2!!!???!!! OH MY GOD. My life is officially over... It was SO SO SO GOOD.

Anyways, enjoy! -Aly**