Chapter 81

Katniss

"Your little hand's wrapped around my finger and it's so quiet in the world tonight." -Taylor Swift

The door to my hospital room opens and I have to tear my eyes from Willow to see who it is.Of course, it's Haymitch and Effie.

Effie gasps when she sees me holding the pink blanket and Peeta smiles at her.She nervously approaches us and Willow, unsure what the proper thing to do is. "Hi." I say smiling at the two figures who now stand in the room.

"So," Haymitch says. "You have a baby, and now you're all... Happy?" "You want me to be upset? Give it a few days, then get back to me and see how it looks. Look, I just had a baby. I'm holding my baby. Just give me time to be happy." I say matter-of-factly. "I was kidding." He says with a frown.

He can't keep the frown on his face as he nears to me and Peeta and the baby."You want to hold her?" Peeta asks.Haymitch looks... Happy. A way I've never quite seen before in all my years of knowing him.He's hesitant, but everyone knows he wants to.

I hand off Willow to Haymitch. When she's secure in his arms.Peeta and I watch smugly as he holds Willow in his arms. She yawns and opens her eyes briefly, but long enough to smile a baby, toothless smile at him."She already loves her Uncle Haymitch." Peeta says."Uncle Haymitch..." Haymitch repeats.

He looks so happy. "Haymitch," I say in mock disbelief. "Are you, I'm sorry, are you crying? A man like you, crying? What?" Peeta laughs and I turn my head to smile at him."Shut up and let me be happy." He grumbles, but he can't hide his smile.

"Funny, really," Effie interjects in that Capitol accent of hers. "That sounds like just what Katniss was saying a few moments ago.""Effie, you make me wish I was drunk." He retorts.

I laugh but end up wincing instead."So, how is mom?" Effie asks. "How are you feeling, Katniss?" I shrug my shoulders and lock my gaze on Haymitch holding Willow in his arms."At this point, any pain I'm in is nothing compared to how happy I am." I say.

All of a sudden, Peeta hands me a phone."You know what you need to do." He says. A sickening feeling spreads throughout my chest. I feel color drain from my face and I try to put it off."Not now, Peeta. Please?" I say.He remains unmoved.

"You need to do it now. Which one is first?" He asks."Gale."

I stare blankly at the phone in my hands."Peeta..." My excuses are already forming on my lips."Here," He says. "Let me dial it." I want to slap him silly, but I know he's right.

Effie pulls up a chair next to my bedside and Peeta holds Willow."Can you and Haymitch... Uhh..." I say to Peeta and Haymitch. "Can you go for a few minutes until this is over?" Peeta looks taken aback but plants a kiss on my forehead and puts Willow in my arms. He and Haymitch walk out without a word, leaving only Effie and I.

"I can't do this with them in the room," I say simply to her. "But I don't want to be alone." "I understand." She says. "Have I ever told you? About what happened with Gale and I? Or with my mother?" I ask her.She shakes her head, shedding a few wig sparkles onto her forehead.

"I don't even know... Gale was just mad, I guess. Just mad that I was going to have a baby with Peeta. I think he expected I would come back to him someday." I say."But not after... After what happened with your little sister." Effie finishes."Not after what happened with Prim." I repeat.

"He's okay now. I called him last night to let him know I was having her. He told me to call him when she was born. I still need to. That's what I'm doing first. Then... My mother. She hasn't spoken to me since I told her the news that I was going to have a baby." I say.Effie doesn't say anything. She just looks sad.

Eventually, Gale picks up on the other end after 6 rings."Hello?" He says, his voice groggy."Gale? It's Katniss." I say quietly.Immediately his voice perks up."Katniss? Is everything okay?" He asks."She was born this morning." I say."This morning?" He says in disbelief."Healthy and happy baby girl. She's a little smaller than average, but she's okay." I explain."Katniss... That's amazing. I'm so..." He searches for the words to say."I'm so happy for you." He settles on.

"If you want to come visit in a few weeks, when we've got everything sorted out, I would love that," I say. "You can meet Willow." "Willow. That's what Prim wanted to name her child..." Gale recognizes."Yeah." I say."Well, if Peeta doesn't mind, I'd love to." Gale says quietly."He won't mind." I say, hoping he can hear my little smile.

We say goodbye and my heart races with anxiety."Effie..." I say."Are you alright, dear?" I feel short of breath. "My mom... Hasn't talked to me in ages. I doubt she still loves me." I say hoarsely."Take my hand." She instructs.I obey her.

"Call her now. Then you'll feel better." I nod slightly and my shaky fingers dial out the digits in her phone number.

Each time I hear a ring, I hope that she picks up. I want her to pick up and tell me she loves me and she loves the baby and that everything's alright. I want her help with this.

After 8 rings, she finally answers the phone. "Hello, this is Ms. Everdeen speaking." She says. I have to take it all in for a moment, hearing the sound of her voice when she's happy, still oblivious to who's talking to her on the other end.

"Hello?" She repeats."Mom...?" I say, my voice barely audible.I hear her voice stiffen."Katniss." She says in reply.I want to stay stone cold and steady in front of her, letting her know that if she doesn't want a part in my life, I don't want a part in hers. But she's my mother.

Words begin to tumble out of my lips."Mom? I'm so scared. I'm looking down at what's in my arms and all I can think of is how scared I am. You want to know how long it's been since we've talked? 9 months." I laugh uncomfortably, then.

"And now? I'm looking down at this little human being that's laying in my arms, just barely awake and staring up at me with crystal blue eyes, sort of like Peeta's, and brown hair just like dad's and all I can think about is how scared I am. This little person needs me to be there for it and I don't know if I can be there for it when I can hardly even be there for myself. I wasn't ready for this, mom. I wasn't planning on this happening. But there's a little baby in my arms now who depends on me every second of every damned day, who'll have cameras on them since we set foot out of this hospital and I don't know what to do and I... I miss you."

I feel like I've just vomited out every single thought that's crossed through my head since I've woken up.I wait for a response for what seems like hours. There is none for almost 2 minutes. Only dead silence."Mom?" I ask sadly."I..." She says.

And then I hear a click as she ends the phone call.

--

"Okay, Mrs. Mellark," Doctor Lucia says, checking a clipboard. "Looks like you're ready to go. Mom and baby are healthy at this point, you've got your prescription filled for your medicine, and the legal forms have all been dealt with." I nod."Congratulations, Katniss," She says, smiling. "We're all very proud of you, here. You've been through a lot these past months. We understand and we commend you. Must be that fighting spirit of yours. If she's lucky, maybe little Willow will have that gene passed on to her."

I smile slightly at her and she returns the gesture before leaving the room.

Peeta and I walk out to the waiting room with Willow in her specifically black and white carrier so our privacy isn't invaded. She's wrapped in a white blanket with a white little hat so that if anyone catches a glimpse of her, the gender will be indecipherable.

"What happened with Gale and your mother?" He asks as we walk."Gale was happy for us. I invited him out here in a couple of weeks... Is that okay? I figured he'd want to meet the baby, but if you're not okay... With it... Uh..." I start to ramble and Peeta stops me.

"Katniss, it's fine. He's your old best friend, I get it. I don't have a problem with it anymore. We're married, and it's not like he's going to take you from me. We have a baby." He says with a smile."Good." I say while exhaling.

I look down at Willow, who sleeps soundly in her little carrier, and can't help but think of what Prim would say if she were here right now.

While Peeta talks to the receptionist about when my next psych consult appointment will be, Effie briefs me on the situation outside.

"I won't lie to you, Katniss," She says, her accent quite noticeable. "There is a large amount of cameras out there and a large amount of people. I specifically requested a car with blacked out windows for us all for privacy measures. I, of course, am no longer wearing pink."

Peeta comes over to join the conversation as Effie continues."You don't need to, but I would recommend answering a few questions. You need to say nothing about the baby specifically, which is what they'll ask about. Do what makes you comfortable, but throw them a bone." She says.

I nod again, my stomach twisting into knots. "You ready?" Peeta asks, putting his arm around me."No, but I'll never be ready." I reply.He smiles at me and takes the carrier that holds Willow. I crouch down and pull Willow from the carrier and hold her in my arms.

"So, Will, this is going to be your first time with the cameras. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you. They're going to be so interested in you, so just smile and wave. They love that." I joke. "Good advice." Peeta whispers in my ear.

"Katniss, Peeta, it's time. Off we go! The car is right out there, but there are also paparazzi, so..." Effie informs.I nod and take Peeta's hand into my free one. Then, Effie pushes open the door and we walk out into the spring air.

It all happens in slow motion, almost. Cameras flash wildly as people erupt into shouts. Some people throw up their left hands in a 3-finger salute and my stomach churns. I focus on smiling and looking happy for the cameras.Peeta gives my hand a squeeze as I search through the crowd to get a look at who's here. It's a huge number of people. More than I'm able to count, really. The crowd is going crazy from seeing us and the baby, so crazy that people are getting knocked over.

A small girl in a blue dress gets thrown to the ground by the two people behind her, who want to get as close to us as possible. I quickly hand Willow off to Peeta and I rush over to her.

Yep, my impulsiveness gets the best of me once again and I find myself helping her up off of the ground."Are you okay, sweetie?" I ask. The girl looks nervous and upset but she nods.A woman pushes through the crowd and wraps me in a sudden hug."Thank you!" She yells. "You helped my daughter. Thank you!"

"It's not a problem, reall--" A hand grasps at my shirt from my side and I see it belongs to a man with a small camera in his hand. Suddenly another grabs me and then another. Everyone around me starts to reach for me, until finally, a hand pulls me back. "Let's get you out of here." Haymitch says, leading me into the car.

Peeta sits inside with Willow, who's awake and crying. He looks worried as he tries to quiet her. She won't stop. My heart pounds in my chest and when I hold my hand out to stroke her little arm, it shakes violently."Katniss," Peeta says. "It's alright. Babies cry."I swallow hard and nod. Peeta passes Willow over to me and I hold her close to me. She continues to cry.

"Shh..." I shush her gently."It's alright, Willow. Mommy and Daddy have got you, now. It's okay." I repeat this over and over again and eventually, she places her thumb inside of her mouth, quieting herself. She dozes back off to sleep and I sigh.

The car comes to a steady stop and Peeta pushes open the door. He gets out first and I hear shouts and see the flashes of cameras.I follow him out and walk up the little set of concrete stairs up to our door, trying to shield Willow.

Peeta follows me, then, and we turn around to face the cameras. I look down at my baby and then to my husband and then out at the people. I smile. I wave a little bit. Then, I grasp Peeta's hand and we turn back to face the door. Almost ceremoniously, he opens the door and I go inside first. He follows behind me and shuts the door firmly. It's quiet, now.

"This is it, Peeta. It's not just you and me anymore. In a few years, it won't just be mine and your footsteps. We'll have another set of feet running around here." I say, somewhat dazed.

"Welcome to your new life, 'Mom.' Here's where it all changes." He replies.