Chapter 67

Katniss

"Cause lately I've been scared of even thinking about where we are." -Banks

The Doctors' decision on what to do with what's going on in my brain is medicine. More medicine. More pills to try to repair me. I'm doubtful about them working. I'm seemingly unfixable.

Peeta tells me that I'm not irreparable, that I'm going to be fine, that it'll all come to a happy end someday. But I don't know how well the medicine is going to work. I started taking it this morning. I'll take it for two months and then come back for another scan.

And maybe if I'm lucky, if some miracle takes place, I can get better. The venom pockets around my brain can shrink. My baby can be safer.

One pill when I wake up. One at noon. One in the afternoon. One before I go to sleep.

I'm thankful that this medicine is not like my medicine I took in 13. The headaches, the depression, the pain... None of that happens anymore with this medication. The only side effects that I've been having are chills and mild tremors, thankfully. Nothing so debilitating as before.

Peeta and I walk back into our house. My 4 month pregnant stomach bulges even more than before. The doctors told us that we could go home, thankfully, and now we can try to go through life as if it's normal... as if it will ever really be normal.

I take my heavy coat off and throw it over the back of a chair by the table. A cold wind blows through an open window in the kitchen. I hurry over to shut it, cursing whoever left it open during November.

I take a blanket and wrap it around myself, trying to quiet my chilled bones. I wish the blanket could magically heat itself up, supplying me with the warmth I crave. My wish doesn't come true, so I end up starting a fire in the fireplace. I plop myself down in front of it, wrapped once again in my blanket.

Suddenly, a gust of chilled air rushes in when the front door flies open. Of course, it's Haymitch."Oh my God." I groan as the cold seems to bite my skin.It takes me a moment to get past the fact that my warming house was disturbed with cold. I stand, letting the blanket fall off my shoulders, and go to greet him.He seems a little angry as I greet him with a small hug.

"What's your problem?" I ask him."Shut up. What's yours, sweetheart?" He slurs at me angrily. Of course he's drunk."Great. You're drunk." I say sarcastically."I'm sorry? I didn't quite catch what you said, sweetheart." He says, almost a little too sweetly for his drunken state."I said, my problem is that I have a drunken slug who's just burst into my house and is letting all the cold air in." I snap at him. Peeta, who's downstairs now, laughs from behind me.

"Jeez." Haymitch says."What do you want, Haymitch?" I ask."My liquor's run out. I came to check out your supply. You two don't have a very good taste, though. Doubt you have anything worth my time." He says.

I can smell the alcohol on his breath.Peeta opens a cabinet that stores only a few bottles of white liquor for this very purpose. This isn't the first time Haymitch has burst in here, drunk as a sailor, asking for alcohol.

He tosses me a bottle and I catch it. I hand it to Haymitch."There. Happy now?" I ask."Yes, thank you." He says matter-of-factly. "You're good then? You can leave?" I ask him."I think I'll stay here and enjoy my liquor with my two most favorite people." He slurs.

Great.

"Perfect." I say with dread practically dripping from my words.He stumbles over to the counter where he sets out 3 glasses.

Haymitch opens the bottle expertly and pours it in the glasses. I stand across the counter, watching in disgust.

He looks at me and slides a glass of the stuff over the counter to me.Yet more disgusted, I stare at the glass."It's for drinkin', sweetheart, not for starin' at." He informs me."Ugh. I'm pregnant, Haymitch." I tell him."Whatever. You could still have some. A little bit never hurt anyone." He says. He must be really drunk.

"Nice try, Haymitch." I say, rolling my eyes and sliding the glass over to Peeta.Haymitch then questions Peeta."Aren't you going to have any? You're not pregnant, are you?" Haymitch asks."Oh my God. No, I'm not pregnant, Haymitch." Peeta says, rolling his eyes."Then have some...?" Haymitch says as if it's a no-brainer.

"I think I'll pass, too." He says, pushing the glass away from him."Why?" Haymitch asks. He seems to be getting inexplicably angry."Never been a fan of the stuff." Peeta says simply."Not a fan? Psh! I said that too, boy, now look where I am." Haymitch says.

I can't shake the feeling that Haymitch is a ticking time bomb, ready to explode. He's going to do something or say something. He's way too drunk to censor himself. But he won't leave.

I reach across the counter to move his glass away from his reach. He doesn't need to get more drunk. He snatches my wrist quickly before I can touch it."Let me go, Haymitch." I say angrily."Don't touch my liquor." He replies."You're already drunk, Haymitch. Let it go. You don't need more!" I say.

"What's got you all worked up, sweetheart?" He asks. I can tell this alcohol is making him worse."You!" I reply."No. I don't think that's it. I think it's that baby you've got inside you." He says.I give him a look. He'd better stop.Instead of shutting up, though, he continues.

"Yeah. That's what it is! You got yourself knocked up, sweetheart. This is your fault. I always knew it. You just want an excuse to be your cold and rude self! You can't even deny it, either. This is your fault, so don't act like it isn't. You got this for yourself! Maybe you should have been more careful with what you and him did. You can't take out on me what you need take out on yourself." Haymitch slurs.

Peeta rips Haymitch's hand off of my wrist. The look on his face is so foreign. I've never seen Peeta this mad before. I have to admit, Haymitch's words stung. I know he's drunk, but... Haymitch just stares at Peeta in disbelief.

"Leave. Get out." Peeta says angrily.Haymitch doesn't do anything."Leave." Peeta repeats, getting more upset with Haymitch.

Haymitch just stares at him before grabbing another bottle of liquor and starting towards the door.On his way out, he stops to say something to me."Watch out for this one, over here. He's almost as bad as you." He says before slamming the door and walking out into the cold.

--

"Katniss..." Peeta starts."He doesn't know what he's saying. He's drunk, right?" I say. I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince more: Peeta or me.

"Drunk or not, what he said hurt you. I'm not stupid." He says, putting an arm around my waist."Can we just, not talk about it?" I say, rubbing my forehead with my hand."Sure." He says, "Do you want to watch TV? And what do you want for dinner?" He asks."Yes," I say to his first question, "And I don't know. Can we go visit Greasy Sae for food? She's still at the Hob these days."

"That sounds great. I don't really feel like cooking." He says."And we both know that we'd be dead if I tried to cook." I add on, smiling."Greasy Sae it is, then." He says.He glances at the clock on the wall."Oh. It's 7:00. Maybe we should go get dinner now." He says."Yeah," I say.

After we get our coats on, we head out the door. It's nearly dark already. I throw an uncomfortable glance towards Haymitch's house, which is illuminated by only a dim light inside.

"Come on," Peeta says, noticing where I'm looking. He puts his hand on my back, guiding me, "Let's go."

We get to Sae's just as she finishes serving a bowl of stew to a customer. She barely even believes that it's us. It feels like forever since we've seen her.

She's so happy to see us, she temporarily closes her kitchen so she can focus on just us.

I inform her about our marriage. Standing on her toes, she looks over the kitchen counter at my stomach."Have you gained weight or what, my dear? Nice to see some meat on those bones. Such a skinny young lady." She says.I laugh."Well, there's something else along with the marriage. I'm pregnant." I tell her.

Her mouth drops, but then it morphs into a huge smile."Oh my goodness! That's amazing. Congratulations." She says. She even comes out from around the corner to hug us.

"Got a name picked out?" She asks."I'm only 4 months along. We don't know the gender yet. I think Doctor Wilson said we'd find out when we go to get my brain scan done in January." I say, turning to Peeta to make sure I was right. He nods.

"Well, do you want a boy or a girl?" She asks."I don't know. I guess I haven't put much thought into that yet." I reply. I turn to Peeta again, "Do you want a little me or a little you?" "Definitely a little you." He replies.

Greasy Sae nods."Girls are pretty sweet." She says."God, Peeta, what if we have a daughter and she's a brat like me?" I ask, laughing."Oh my goodness. Your daughter would be the last to be a brat." Sae says.

"Not to mention that strength he or she would inherit. I mean, look at you two; all you've been through." She adds.

We continue talking about different stuff. Most of it is filling her in on the past 6 years, from me being in the Capitol to now. She got almost as choked up as I did when I got to the part about Prim dying. I could see her eyes fill with tears when I, embarrassed, told about my suicide attempt.

She was entirely supportive of us and the baby, saying she'd help us out when we needed it. I assured her that we'd probably be needing it.

It's nearly 9:00 by the time we leave Sae's and the rest of the Hob. As we walk through the darkness and chill of the night, I see Peeta throwing unsure glances at me. I don't know why. I'm fine. At least I think I am?

"What?" I ask him when we get home."What are you talking about?" He replies."What's wrong?" I return."Nothing. Why?" He asks, confused."When we were walking, you kept throwing glances at me." I say."Oh." He replies."Why? What was wrong?" I ask.

"It was nothing.""It clearly wasn't nothing, Peeta. You couldn't stop. It's okay, you can tell me." "I was just making sure you were alright. I know what Haymitch said was bad. I didn't know if you were alright." He says.

"I thought I told you I was fine." I say."You did, I-I just worry about you sometimes. More than sometimes, actually." He tells me."You worry about me? About what?" I ask."Just... Everything. I know what you're capable of doing. I know you can't handle it all alone."

I feel my cheeks getting red with anger. Why is this making me mad? He's worrying about me. He's watching out for me. Why is it rubbing me the wrong way?

"You think I can't handle it all alone?" I ask, my voice accusing."No, Katniss, you're taking this the wrong way!" He replies."No, I'm not. Everyone around me thinks that now I'm not capable of doing anything alone! You yourself were reluctant to even leave me alone down here! Everyone treats me as if I can't do anything anymore, as if the idea of me recovering and being independent again is unthinkable!" I say.

"Katniss..." He starts."No! Don't. Just don't! You don't have any faith in me, Haymitch clearly doesn't have faith in me, the doctors have zero, too. Nobody thinks I can do anything! And I'm so tired of being treated like it. You want me to recover and be normal? Start treating me like it!" I yell.

Before he can say anything back, I run upstairs, shutting myself in the bathroom. I wipe the tears on my face off, sniffling and breathing heavily.

I study my eyes in a mirror, acknowledging every detail, trying to calm myself down. It's a strategy the doctor's taught me a few years ago when I was having ongoing feelings of terrible panic for no particular reason.

For some reason, it's not working. My hands are tingling. I don't know why I'm like this. This isn't our first fight. We've had a couple, some were even worse than this. I try to take deep breaths, still looking at my eyes.

I sit down, my back against the bathtub, and do absolutely nothing. I'd rather do this than go downstairs and face the reality of what I've just done, after all.

**Hey! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I tried to make it less depressing, Katniss-wise. She's finally standing up for herself and her capability.

Anyway, today was amazing! I went to The Hunger Games Exhibition at Discovery Times Square in NYC! It was such a great experience, and some people I met on Twitter were there. I got to say hi to one of them... ❤️ anyway, it was really well done and I was in love with it! Such an amazing experience! Let me know what you thought of the exhibit if you went! xoxo, aly

PS... The picture for this chapter wouldn't work. If it doesn't show up for you, I'm sorry!!**