Part XIII

Kai

To be honest, I didn't know why I was so dreading the day I would tell Taemin about Kyungsoo and I. That in itself was probably a sign of a toxic part of our strange relationship, but I think I preferred to ignore it until I really couldn't anymore. I guess I couldn't anymore.

"Like who?" I was pretty sure I had frozen in place the moment the sound of his voice hit my ears. "Jongin likes someone?"

I turned around and spoke before anyone else could. "Hyung, I didn't think you could make it today," I said. 

"I didn't think I'd be able to, but some of my plans fell through," he replied, eyeing me suspiciously. "Did you not want me to come?"

"No, no, no it's not that at all." I shook my head somewhat frantically, probably giving away my guiltiness in the process. "Just...wasn't expecting it." I knew this wasn't a conversation fit for an audience, so I was just about to get and pull him to the side. However, right as I was about to push myself up, I saw Kyungsoo walking toward us. "Fuck me," I grumbled as I sank back down, laying my face in my hand.

Sehun noticed him too, and laughed and started shaking his head. "This is one hell of a day," he said, clapping his hands together.

"Sorry I'm late, but in my defense, I was waiting for the cookies, so hopefully they taste good enough to make up for it," Kyungsoo said, stopping once he was closer to where we were sitting. When he looked up and saw how quiet we were, the small smile on his face began to fall. "W-What's wrong? Did I miss something important?" he asked, his eyes starting to blink rapidly. 

"You have no idea," Sehun replied kind of under his breath, but thankfully, Xiumin kicked him to get him to stop talking. 

"H-Here, I'll take these," Baekhyun said suddenly, standing up and taking the small plate of cookies out of Kyungsoo's hands. "Thanks for bringing them. They look good. I'm sure Luhan will like them." 

The expression on Kyungsoo's face became more concerned despite Baekhyun's poor attempt at a change of subject, and his eyes were mostly on me now. I knew he might get the wrong idea, but at that point, there was no way I could go on with our relationship without talking to Taemin. So, sighing heavily in dread, I stood up and walked over to Taemin before grabbing his wrist and pulling off toward the concession stand.

I didn't look back at Kyungsoo.

Once I thought we were far enough away but still in their lines of vision, I let go of Taemin. "What the hell was that about?" he asked. "And since when do you guys hang out with Park Chanyeol?"

"Since him and Baekhyun started dating," I answered, making his eyes go wide.

"Woah, I didn't see that coming," he said. He didn't seem too bothered by it, but that was only because he didn't have any history with Baekhyun.

"Speaking of dating...hyung, there's something I should tell you," I said next, knowing it was better to just rip the bandaid off quickly. Maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I could have sworn I saw a small glimmer of hope in his eyes. Part of me hated that I had to put it out. "I'm seeing someone."

He seemed to let go of a breath right after the words came out. "I figured as much. You've been acting kind of distant with me lately," he replied in a quieter voice, barely able to meet my eyes. "It's Kyungsoo, isn't it?"

I nodded my head.

He tried to put on a smile, but it didn't stay for long. "Can I just ask one question?"

Another nod.

"Why him?" Admittedly, I was little taken aback and upset by his question at first. "I mean, you told me one of the reasons you couldn't date me was because of my status and my parents. It's not like it's any different with him. So, what does he have that I don't?"

"Hyung, it's not about comparisons," I answered. "It's not about anything superficial like that. I don't know what it is about him. I-I don't think I completely understand it either or know if I ever will. All I know is that we met by accident and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since. And I know that seems like a really weak explanation, especially after never clearly turning you down and just giving you excuses. I really am sorry for that, but that's the only thing I can be sorry for."

He nodded his head slowly and dropped his eyes down to the ground.

"And it's not like I never had feelings for you at all because I did," I added after a minute or so of silence. "I mean, you were my first everything pretty much and I definitely don't regret any time I spent with you or liking you. I just think my feelings for you scared me and everything about our circumstances scared me to the point that I convinced myself it would never work no matter how strongly we felt about each other."

"It could have...it still could." His voice was almost a whisper at the end, but it didn't seem like even he believed the words he was speaking. Abruptly, he shook his head and forced a smile onto his face. "I'm happy for you. I value our relationship, however it's defined, and I'd rather have you in my life as just a friend than not at all."

"We can be friends with a really intense history," I said with a small smile of my own, earning a laugh from him. After just looking at me for a few moments, he moved closer and hugged me. I was taken by surprise but returned his hug anyway. 

He decided to leave after that and as bad as I felt, I respected his decision. It was going to take a lot more than words to console his feelings and I knew it was best to let him cope on his own. 

As much as I trusted my words and feelings for Kyungsoo, I felt a small piece of my heart break as I watched Taemin walk away, a piece I knew would never be able to get back.

When I got back and sat down again, I could feel everyone looking at me. "I don't want to talk about it right now, so you can stop staring at me," I said without turning my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them all look away. 

It took Kyungsoo a little longer, though.

Kyungsoo

Baekhyun told me not to worry about it, that they had a long and complicated past that had little to do with me. I believed him and I trusted Kai to not cheat and to at least tell me if he was having doubts about us. It still hurt seeing them together, though. It hurt knowing that there was someone out there who knew Kai better than I did, someone who had loved Kai before I did, someone he liked before me.

I went back home with Baekhyun and Chanyeol after Luhan's game ended, deciding to drown myself in homework to distract myself from all of the thoughts going on inside my head. I didn't hear from Kai again until later that night when he called right as I was about to wash up.

"Hello?" I carefully said. 

"Hey. It's me," he said. "You got a minute?"

"I do."

"Okay, I'm outside."

He waited a moment before hanging up, at which point I set my phone down on my desk. I let out a brief exhale before standing up and grabbing a light jacket. I tried to be as quiet as I could as I went downstairs and outside, seeing him standing outside of the front gate. I carefully closed the door behind me and walked down there, opening the gate to join him on the other side.

"Hi," Kai said with a meek smile and his hands in his pocket. 

"Hi," I replied, trying not to let my voice crack.

"I'm sorry I didn't call earlier or anything. I just...I needed some time to get all of my shit together," he said

I shook my head a little and said, "It's okay. I get it." I think he could tell I was partially lying because after gazing at me for a moment, he stepped forward held my hands. That one simple gesture somehow triggered all of my defensive walls to come down. "I know it sounds stupid and childish, but I just...I want you to like me as much as you like him, maybe even more. I want to be someone you can confide in a-and trust and I want to give you a hug if you need or want one. I know it's a stupid thing to want because I'm not Taemin and I never will be, but it'd be nice if I at least felt like I could compete with him, you know?"

Tears were nearly falling out of my eyes at this point and I could feel a big lump of emotions in my throat. Kai didn't say anything for a while, which honestly scared me. Maybe talking to Taemin made him realize he wasn't ready to date or that he wanted to give Taemin a chance after all. Maybe this was the end of it all.

"You're right, you're not Taemin," he started, now looking into my eyes again. "But I wouldn't want you to be him or anyone else besides yourself because I like you. If I started liking you because you reminded me of him then I should have dated Taemin when I had the chance. I started liking you for you, though, because no matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking about the kid who claimed he just needed some air the night he ran into me, the kid who instead of just telling me he made the cupcakes at the party decided to bake me some and bring them to my fucking house." 

I let out a small laugh in the form of a scoff, feeling a tear tickle my skin as it slid down my cheek. He gave me a soft smile and let go of one of my hands, gently wiping it away his thumb. "What Taemin and I have or had or however I should put it, is weird and kind of complicated, and I'd be lying if I said I don't regret not trying to be serious with him," he went on. "But I can't do anything about it now and I don't really want to. I scared myself into not doing anything about my feelings for him before and I don't want to make that same mistake with you just because your brother hates me and your parents probably will, too. I really fucking like you and I don't want to mess things up with you, even though I probably already did by staying quiet for too long."

I smiled at him and then leaned forward to kiss him. He looked a little surprised after I pulled back. "You didn't mess anything up," I said softly, letting a natural smile take over my face. He instantly smiled back at me and planted one more kiss on my lips before pulling me into a hug. 

"You don't need to complete with anyone," he said as I took in his warmth and his familiar scent. "There's no competition when it comes to how I feel about you." I smiled again and hugged him tighter. 

I felt a lot better after that, but I knew his history with Taemin would always linger around us, especially if they still decided to be friends. But that was something I had to learn to accept if I wanted to be with Kai, I guess; Taemin would always be his first.

A/N

I think this will be the last full KaiSoo chapter because obviously, this is a BaekYeol story and not a KaiSoo one. I just wanted to set a good foundation for the "sequel" to this story that I will be working on next. From here on, though, mostly everything will be focused around Baekhyun and Chanyeol :)